The Little Curiosities

by Comma Typer

Dining Etiquette

For some, proper dining etiquette is to be observed at all costs. Rules for such basic decency include but are not limited to: waiting until the food has been served to everyone before touching your utensils, taking a bite of your food before adding a dash of salt or pepper, and only talking when your mouth is free from food. Needless to say, eating without utensils is given a big fat no.

For others, especially those who are not named Rarity, “Etiquette, schmetiquette! I’ve got no hands!”

And Pinkie smashes her face right into her café’s dinner, eating as a customer and not as a waitress, eating primarily as a dear friend of Rarity.

But not as somepony with basic decency.

“Pinkie,” Rarity starts with a tone holding back disgust, “just because you are a pony doesn’t mean you should act like one!”

The hungry mare looks up, muzzle covered in her waffles’ syrup and whipped cream. “Don’t normal ponies just eat grass from the ground, anyway?”

“We are not talking about the old horses of yore.” To accentuate the point, Rarity levitates her fork, wiping it clean with tissue. “We are talking about cultured, sophisticated, genteel Equestrians! They are a civilization of advanced creatures who have gone beyond rummaging for food and dining straight from their hands—er, hooves!”

“What about potato chips?”

“Darling, have you seen me eat potato chips with my bare hands?” Floating her fork into a thin slice of waffle, Rarity then takes a bite out of it, closing her mouth before discreetly swallowing the morsel. “Being a pony is no excuse for being an animal.”

“Well, there’s your problem!”—and Pinkie flicks Rarity by the horn.

“Ow!” Rubbing her irritated horn, “Why would you ever do that?!”

“You can hold forks and knives with your unicorn magic!” Pinkie replies, still all cheerful. “I’ve seen Fluttershy use her feathers like fingers for her spoons and forks. Rainbow Dash, uh, she just eats straight outta’ the plate, so that doesn’t count… but we Earth Ponies? It’s just hoof and mouth. Not that I’m complaining! Who needs the middlemen?”—and smashes herself into some more waffles.

And Rarity gulps, averting her eyes from the catastrophe across the table. “I, for one, can at least back myself up with a family who can follow proper etiquette in such fantastical times!”

---

Horror, etched into Rarity’s face as she stares at her family, revulsion seeping through her twitching eyes.

“F-Father,” she mutters, “M-Mother... wh-what crime are you committing this very instant?”

Hondo Flanks levitates a piece of cake and stuffs it into his already dirty muzzle. “Certainly’s a crime! Managed to snag the whole cake for five bits; what a bargain! And all ya’ gotta do is hop over to the Ponyville bakery!”

“They’re quite generous with us new ponies,” adds Cookie Crumbles before slicing out some cake, then gobbling it up with only her magic, knife and fork untouched.

It leaves Rarity stuttering, at a lack of words. “But we’re unicorns! We’re dignified, distinguished creatures! We’re not supposed to be eating like literal horses!”

“I’m a literal horse!” says Sweetie.

“That gives you no right to—Sweetie, why are you eating ice cream with a knife?! And no spoon?!”

And the teenager puts the knife back on the table, levitating a sliced scoop of ice-cold goodness right before her eyes. “It’s fewer dishes to wash, right?”

Comments

[Venerable Ro]

Ah, classic marshmelodrama.

Poor Rarity.

[Greenhorn]

And the teenager puts the knife back on the table, levitating a sliced scoop of ice-cold goodness right before her eyes. “It’s fewer dishes to wash, right?”

Come to think about it, why not just fashion your magic shield into a spoon/fork shape instead? Even fewer things to wash afterward.

[Ninjadeadbeard]

RIP Rarity's composure.

[redandready45]

10864430

"Marshemelodrama"

XD!