“Open,” I told the guards as we reached the door to the cellblock of the dungeons, “Remain here.”
Swift nodded and moved to wait as I entered, allowing the heavy door to close behind me. Heading down the stairs, I followed the corridor along the cells.
For once, the cells were full.
I could feel their eyes on me as I moved to the next door, unlocking it with a magic spell and then entering, closing it behind me again.
This chamber were smaller, split in two by heavy bars of iron and steel, heavily enchanted. The other side was a simple cell. Not much in it.
A cot to sleep on. What passed for washroom facilities. And that was pretty much it.
A thin wooden tray was sitting on the floor, a bowl half full of porridge sitting on it and a cup of water, also untouched.
The only one inside was Fizzlepop Berrytwist. Or as she apparently liked to be called, Commander Tempest.
She was wearing an antimagic ring around the base of her ruined horn. It was locked in place with a metal band going around her head.
She glowered at me when I entered but didn’t say anything.
Setting the tray I had been carrying down, I let the door close behind me with a heavy thunk, the cell and outer area only lit by a pair of magic crystals on the wall.
“...Yeah, this week didn’t go as either of us had planned, did it?” I finally asked after a long moment before I held one of the bowls up with my hoof.
Tempest didn’t move, she just looked at me.
Now without her armour, I could see her scars. Along her flanks and back. One right across where her cutiemark would have been normally.
Her flank was otherwise empty.
That said more about her than anything else.
Shrugging my wings, I put it back down before I picked up my own bowl with my hoof, eating it earth pony style, “Oh well, let me know if you change your mind. Know who I am?”
Silence.
“Blank Page,” I told her, “I’m sure I told you before, but it was a bit of a busy moment. I also know why you are in Canterlot.”
“Why are you here? To gloat?”
“Partly,” I admitted, “You did ruin my Luna's wedding after all. But also to call you an idiot.”
“What!?”
I shrugged my wings and ate some of the chili, “Just telling it like I see it. Did you really think the Storm King could heal your horn?”
“With the powers of the alicorns, he cou-”
“Did you think to ask?” I interrupted her.
Commander Tempest blinked at me when I spoke up before she sneered, “Nopony can heal a broken horn.”
I shifted and then nodded, “...Yeah, you’re probably right. I talked to the doctors about it, they said mostly the same. But if somepony could, it would be one of the princesses. But if even they can’t, what makes you think he would be able to?”
“With the power of the alicorns, he would be able to heal it. He told me so.”
I shook my head, “And you believed him? I suppose I can’t blame you, you were what? Fourteen? Fifteen? When you joined his forces?”
She stared at me, “...How can you possibly know that?”
“Sorry, I missed part of my introduction,” I told her, “Blank Page, Alicorn of Stories,” before I smiled, “What, did you think there was nothing special about alicorns? That Celestia moved the sun with her telekinesis? That Cadence is just a really good shipper? Alicorns aren’t just some sort of super unicorn.”
Tempest stared at me for a long moment, “I…” she said before she trailed off.
“Of course, there isn’t an alicorn of healing,” I said with a shrug of my wings, “So it might actually be impossible for any pony to heal your horn. But why would the Storm King be able to use our magic better than we could? To keep the dreams of ponies safe? To guide the moon and sun?”
Tempest looked away.
anther great chapter. but it does seem to end a bit abruptly.
So she is a blank flank.... nice. cant wait to see what her cutie mark will be in this story.
Loooool
And quite frankly? The Storm King's own plan was just as stupid. He was apparently unaware that the sun and moon are on manual override, which is yet another factor in the conjecture that he's from another dimension.
Small
Too small for my liking. When we are in the depts of plot we need THICC juice filled chapters! I must feel the smug that is page! I must bathe in the minds of the queen of lies! I need it on my soul!!
Normally I like the shorter chapters, but this is too short. This isn't a cliffhanger, this is in the middle of a conversation. I don't feel any stakes, and I don't feel any built up tension.
9921090
Probably making soda of some kind, if her actual name is anything to by.
9921107
Yes but that brings other points
Page should bring up risks of the manual solar system
He should also ask how it became this way because it couldn't be right that from the beginning for many reasons
The control can also be stored in many ways
If it's because of magic or tree/tree of harmony trying to "help", it's a clear example of unnecessary magic in places that should have been left alone
Okay, seriously? Don't release chapters like this. This is just amateurish and FAR too short, for anyone's liking in a Prose story. I'm talking in an echo chamber, I know, but seriously, this wasn't a cliffhanger, it's an unfinished product. I'm sure we can all wait a couple days for you to clean up chapters before release, because otherwise? This is basically table scraps, and it's not due to the quality.
9921154
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If an item like Grogars Bell can turn random fillies into alicorns I wouldn't say that there are no ways to repair broken horns or lost limbs.
Page isn't omniscient :P
9921199
He doesn't know about Grogar
If I remember correctly he is the strongest being in mlp that didn't really appear(Discord) but is still considered as the strongest
If his bell can easily suck off the chaos from Discord, power up others and create alicorns how strong is it?
He is also the oldest being we know
9921187
It's consistent with the writing of the past three Page-verse stories. Speaking of which, by those metrics, we have ~12-13k words before this installment wraps up. I do not foresee all of the introduced plot points being wrapped up by the end.
9921090
9921154
As 9921192 so helpfully linked from Derpibooru, the general consensus is to use her G1 cutie mark. Because Fizzlepop Berrytwist is a G1 character who received all the Grimdark that the Smooze lost.
9921221
Wait really? XD
I just wanted to show examples of her cutie mark, but okay, also didn't know she was from G1
Is there a wiki page of her from G1?
9921187
You must be new here because this is what people who've been reading this series from the first story are used to.
9921235
I don't know, is there a wiki for G1? I'd Google it but you're the one who's curious.
9921120
9921110
I agree
I am sort of used to the length of these chapters ONLY because I am invested with the story.
While the original story and its sequel had at LEAST 1000 words per chapter; the subsequent stories dipped to below 1000 to 900 words.
I UNDERSTAND that real life might be making this an issue.
We all only have so much time to do our HOBBIES and this is a hobby
I love this work; i'm invested in this story, but like this dude said this chapter just sort of ended in the middle of a scene.
I think we would ALL understand that if you, the author, just took a few days to type out a single chapter than these half chapters.
THOUGH i will say that THIS chapter does seem especially short.
Usually your shorter chapters DO have a beginning and end scene.
In summary:
Blank Page:
9921187
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You haven't been here awhile huh?
So, knowing Page, is there gonna be a 3 way between him, Luna and Tempest in the future?
It was in that moment that Fizzlepop knew she just knew to that this stallion was meant to not only be her ward, so much more, a companion and lover-
“Cadence! What are you doing over there?”
“Shipping Shiny, let me work.”
Man, you really point out how much of a moron Tempest is for blindly following some power-hungry charlatan.
Hmm... Ending was a little abrupt rather than a cliffhanger. Felt like the rest of the scene got cut off.
9921425
What is Sunset? Chopped Limburger? Fizzlepop did have a sad backstory though.
9921591
Shit, I meant to include Sunny. Gotta stop
posting stoned comments. So I meant a foursome with him, Sunny, Luna and Tempest
... okay, I know you tend to leave your chapters short, but this one seemed to cut off just a bit too suddenly. Is it because you're trying to keep them within a certain word count?
Yep... Tempest is a idiot. With all the suffering, destruction and death she caused she deservs nothing than what she did to others. Wonder what Blank Page will do to her... Attempt on the life on all Alicorns (attempted murder probably and most definitivly actual murder in the name of fullfilling the Storm King orders.) Ruin Lunas wedding. What is a event she will never forget (imortality can be a bitch). Ordering the ruthless attack of Canterlot for selfish reason. Definitivly slavery witch normaly includes but is not limited to horrific work conditions, mental and physical torture / breaking & rape. Personaly i think a public execution is to good for her. But if its comes to it i hope she get read all her crimes before the population. We dont wannt any sympathy for all the warcrimes she commited. But for reasons of fairplay or simply not loweing onesself to her level... Dont Dream torture her... Even she should have time to rest to have a clear mind to face all her crimes and suffer. I recommend reading her crimes on a daily basis and let her think about her actions in a Isolation cell.
She was also desperate
9921192
Cute. Murderer, slave making, nation destruction and many more by a scared but cute desperate pony... Its like with all villaints. In the end of the day we wanne see 'Darth Vader style redemption' to feel better about ourselfs. But after everything caused, is it fair for all victims? Cant see how some ripping apart of familie and loved ones can be overlooked. I love to read 'reformation of the bad guy' storys as mutch as the next guy BUT i hope this time she gets what she deserved for everything she did...
Please give me a replay if you wannt to disike this comment! I like to see the situation from your view points readers if Fimfiction. Storys like ' An affliction of a heart' , 'My secret life as an evil insect overlord' , 'Crossing the Trixie Bridge' , 'To be a Changeling' , 'Five score: a new hive' , 'The dusk guard saga' , i could go on and on for all the mindblowing storys on Fimfiction in my Archiv of mindblowing storys. Often the most evil thing can be understand, partaly forgiven BUT sometimes getting to see the really evil ones kick the bucket for there actions is what ones read and love. Ever played 'Starwars of the old Republic'? To see a story from both sides... Magnificent storytelling.
9921416
PRICELESS!!!
9921199
Really depending on the AU. Take 'Undertale' for a exampel
9921425
Just... No...
9921433
Please... No...
9921517
Active Ignorance is more accurate. She propably keeps herself busy or ignores everything around so she can life with herself.
---
I think i need a cuddlebug chapter to get over this chapter comment section. Celestia and Chrysalis would be a nice ship as well
I think i go re-read ' The boopening ' to get myself the hugs to get out of the 'bad vibes'
9921946
Yeah... Nooo... Just dont... ... Pretty please
9921983
...I don't get it, don't wha.... don't tell you got your mind in the gutter because of my comment
I meant that she was so desperate that even the hint of hope for the restoration of her horn was enough for her to take a massive leap of faith (even though she probably knew that he was most likely lying)
9921980
I think you need to toughen up or find a different place to cry
9922317
We need a bigger selection of pony smileys
9923057
*Looks at the Ivory one*
THE WUBS, WOMAN! THAT THING THAT MAKES THE KOKORO GO ALL DOKI DOKI ON MARES, STALLIONS AND EVERYTHING INBETWEEN!
9921187
You must be new here; nothing wrong with that. Just, if you recall from earlier stories (or even this story), this is how chapters have always been formatted and released. If you don’t like the drip feed, I would just wait awhile then read it in chunks.
9874446
I want the War Prince thing to happen. That guy who is continuously pulling for solutions with minimal violence is declared war leader. Not entirely inappropriate, but ironic all the same.
Hiver, get on that!
9921946
And desperation can lead to idiotic actions that you can't back out of, unfortunately......
9921252
9921349
9921416
9923672
In regards to my earlier comment...no, I'm not "new here", and patronizingly saying that doesn't help. I've been following these stories live for the past 3 stories now, and I think it's just reached its breaking point. There's ending early, and that's fine. But ending things in the middle of a conversation, a thought, an ending that makes you wonder, "where's the rest of this?", and not "I can't wait for more!", leaves...a whole lot to be desired. I get visceral defenses to a favorite author, trust me, I get it, but if you disagree it's your place to state something as such and leave it, not patronize someone for voicing something you disagree with. There's quite a few people who here basically echo my sentiment; all I want is for the author to write to the quality we've seen in the past, and not just, leave a scene dangling just because that's where they thought they'd end for the day, instead of making a logical end to a chapter and either closing out a scene proper, or leaving a cliffhanger. It was not my intent to act so condescending, as this is a hobby, as others have stated, it's just kind of...disappointing to see quality like this in something I've come to dearly enjoy. Regardless, asking "are you new here?" will only achieve in annoying somebody, and that in no way helps support a point, or a defense of the author.
9923798
Dude, chill.
I hardly see how anything said to you was any less annoying than what you said, so it’s not as though any of us has a moral high ground. Really the issue comes from a disagreement in preference in style.
When you say the way the chapter ended wasn’t a cliffhanger you were right; it was a complete chapter with a sold ending. There was no cut in dialogue, that conversation was over. Whatever happens next will be the next part of the story.
If you don’t like that, you don’t have to be here. Hiver has made his stance on such matter pretty clear in the past, so I don’t really understand who not-terribly-constructive criticism is for.
9923672
I'm here from the second story and i think so too. So being a new reader have nothing to do with this. Chapters ARE getting shorter and shorter (not big issue for me, get used for it long time ago), but ending of some of them is too abrupt.
"Hi I'm alternate Blank Page here to say that y'all fucked up, Ok bye now!"
9924526
Bruh
Truth smarts. Fact really are the most literal punches one can not ignore and not pay for it in one way or another...
Huh... I get both ways of Tempest as unexpected as one thing it is.
AUTSCH
As much as I love these stories, the short chapters getting cut off mid-scene are really getting on my n--
Tempest is either literally retarded in her knowledge and common sense, probably hold at that level to make her more useful, or she is deliberately ignorant.
I have a stort mention that.
Has it perks to write a story after everything is sad and done by Canon.
Ever noticed that all bad guys Blank Page helped are female? If the Storm King would be female instead of male... Tsundere red alert