My Little Hetalia: Axis is Magic

Hi. I'm Potion Note. this is the story about the day that some of the guys from one of my favorite animes of all time fell into my world. EEK!! sorry, I'm a huge Hetalia fanfilly (BTW, rated Teen for mild language)

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Riften Guard

Riften Guard #1 · Nov 22nd, 2012 · · ·

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Thorlol

Thorlol #2 · Nov 22nd, 2012 · · ·

*Sighs* Not another My Little X, Y is Magic. And about an obscure anime at that.

Your OC is quite bland. There's no real characterization. All we know is that she likes this anime and she's friends with the mane six (as usual with these types of OCs)

he was mostly white, with a short yellow mane. he had green-blue eyes, and a ship for his cutie mark. this was Sealand, my crush.

Why don't you capitalize the first letter in those sentences?

And that goes on for the rest of the fic. Seriously? Do you not know how to capitalize words?

I'm around 11, and she's, like, 20 somethin'.

Type out the words. Is it really that hard? To type out eleven and twenty. Same goes for the rest of the fic. Remove all the numbers and type them out as words you lazy ass.

second fastest flier in all of Equestria.

I flew off as fast as I could, but Sealand, in this form, was a pegasus, so he caught up pretty easily.

Umm... contradictory much.

"hi I'm Sealand!" he said while we were flying.

Capitalize the first word in quotations.

"hi I'm Sealand!" he said while we were flying.
"name's Potion Note, pleasure to meetcha, but I really have to go!" I said to him, still blushing. I shot upwards at a perfect 90 degree angle, heading for RD's place. I got there, and shot through her floor. "Dash Dash Dash!!!" I screamed.
"what what what?!" she screamed back, flying in.
"Sea...Sea..." I panted.
"what is it, pipsqueak?" she asked. she calls me pipsqueak because I'm around 11, and she's, like, 20 somethin'.
"Sealand...here..."

Just saying but double space your paragraphs. It currently looks a bit too much Wall O Text.

that was when America crashed into Dash's living room

"Sealand and Spain are here

Shouldn't it be America, not Spain.

I headed for the stream, and conjured up a bucket to carry the water (they don't call me Potion for nothing)

Pegasus. Magic...
If you say she's an Alicorn I will kill you right now.

she was singing the healing song from Tangled

How do ponies know about Tangled?

(can anyone figure out that reference?).

Flat. Out. Remove. This.

"Big Mac! what're ya doin'?!" Applebloom squeaked. they were both blushing like crazy. we stopped nudging when they were about 2 feet apart, and since Applebloom apparently didn't know better, she made the first move. by that, I mean she gave him a peck on the lips. then she galloped off, giggling like a madmare. she probably wanted to tell Scootaloo and Sweetie that she had just kissed a colt. I chuckled.

OK. So Big Mac believes that your OC is telling the truth, fictional characters are falling out of the sky, then nudges his little sister to kiss this strange colt?
Hahahahahahhahah.
NO.