Rainbow Dash thought it was over. Her limbs were burning, the straps keeping her pinned down tight, her cyan fur ruined by the stench of her own blood spilt by Pinkie's hand. She closed her eyes and waited for the last strike that would end her life. But then, there was a banging on the door...
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You bucking monster. You just had to bring Colgate into this, didn't you!
Colgate was best pony
interesting but I think things were played down a bit too easy but other than that it's a great alternative to the original bit.
how did you get this thing published without the GORE label?
1069320
I did put the gore label on when I was finishing editing it. Oh well, I'll try and get it up, sorry about that :)
1069036
The style I like to write with is fast-paced. Sorry if you didn't like it that way, but I hope it was still enjoyable for you. I'll keep it in mind to slow it down a bit next time. :)
OMG NOT DERPY!!!!NO!!!But at least Rainbow Dash is okay.......R.I.P.
1073132
When it came to that part of the story, I thought of the first few ponies that came out of m head. Sorry if you liked Derpy.
the security around the hospital sucks.....the POLICE IN THE WHOLE FUCKING PONY WORLD SUCKS!
1115992
Haha! Yeah, it's so true. Because Equestria is full if butterflies and rainbows, where everypony is friends. Why would the police be so talented in a world of sugarplums and buttercups? Man, I need to get off the acid...
I only have one with the hospital scene. WHY DIDN'T RARITY OF TWILIGHT USE THEIR MAGIC!
Otherwise, great story.
1445562
Why? Well...um...uh...LOOK! RAINBOW DASH!
*Runs off*
WHERE WAS CELISTIA DURING ALL OF THIS seriously theres trolling then theres being the wost ruler in the history of equstria and i know thats probably spelled wrong
It's spelt 'Celestia' not 'Celistia' but oh well...
And that part about the worst ruler in Equestria...LOLZ!
lol, the end is weird but i like your writing-style!! :D
Thanks man! Glad you liked and favourited it! Yeah, a lot of people complain that my writing style is too fast-paced but compliment the fact that it is a good style of writing ; very descriptive.
Thankyou!
YESYESYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS HOW CUPCAKES SHOULD HAVE ENDED IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1068659
No, Rainbow Dash am best pony
wallchan.com/images/sandbox/30861-rainbow-dash-katana-my-little-pony-weapon-sword-blood.png
really are u bucking kidding me applejack would have reported her since she has a close bond with rd or at least kill her and couldent
and 
use there magic to stop pinkie surprise suprise
I think they shouldn't be friends anymore
rainb
w :this is highly out of place well said my 
friend
and Trixie 
and colgate
but this is so good r.i.p derpy :
This was great, EXCEPT for AJ not reporting Pinkie. She's a mass-murdering insane cannibal and Applejack lets her go free as long as she doesn't do it again?! What in the name of Celestia's almighty flank is going on?
Other than that, FANTASTIC JOB!
Sequel?
As little sense as it makes to me, Pinkie going free would make a good plot line for a sequel.
1980957
This started off with more dislikes because people hate Alternate Endings not written by the author. However, I came to realize the majority of them who disliked at the start hadn't actually read the story. But thanks everyone who has supported this! Who knows? If I find the time, I may write a sequel to this. But please check out the start of my new series of stories! The story is called 'Equestria Olympics' and the whole series has a short but effective title:
"Long Forgotten People".
WOW LOVE IT SO MUCH
cupcakes the bane of my existence we meet again. the thing about these stories is they are normally revenge fics and i do not like revenge fics i like the stories where pinkie who did all this was actually her evil alter ego PINKAMENA!
so is this a redemption fic? i like to know before i decide to downvote this thing or not. yeah its a revenge fic ugh applejack is my favorite character she still is. but this fanfic makes me hate her.
sorry for the double post but...i now really dislike applejack and the rest of the girls. i dont like anyone who does that to pinkie oh and applejack will be the first on my list to die.
i still love you AJ i just hate you in this story i hate
in this as well.
2170104
I read the story 'Cupcakes' and was really sad at the ending because Rainbow Dash is my favourite character, so I decided to write an Alternate Ending to cheer myself up. Please note that this was the first MLP:FIM fic that I ever wrote, so yeah, some things are rusty but I did try and put effort in. The only other instance of fanfiction I have been involved with in is Regular Show, in which I wrote a three-part story that I never finished...
2170144
If you want a more light-hearted story, read my other fic 'Equestria Olympics'. It was released before the airing of S3E12, 'Games Ponies Play'.
2170770
I will check it out it actually sounds cool. i know the feeling i hated cupcakes since i love pinkie it just angered me deeply. i am really sorry you had to stumble upon that trash. it didn't change your feelings on pinkie by any chance? what it did for me was go with the fandom belief of her having two personalities. i loved the cupcakes chronicles because it was about redemption and moving on. i would recommend that alternate ending to cupcakes.
At least this had a happier story then the original Cupcakes,which is why I like this one more
Me before reading:
Pffft... it cant be that bad
After reading:
Ok, i dont needed to sleep this week anyway
2838148
Thanks for the reply, it's the first funny one I've seen in a while!
2838148 u should have read the original! it much less scary! I Pinkiemenia Diane Pie Promise
!
bwahahaha!
2170751 she is mine too!
1858980 yes! where rainbow dosent die! my avatar is based off of G3 Sunnydays (my fav pony at the time! hence my username!) and FIM Rainbowdash! (the best pony!)
I still like FIM sunny days i just wanted her to have wings!
2861523 Yeah, and maybe i´ll play amnesia while listening to Rainbow Factory
...
(Sorry for my english, im Mexican
)
2861941
haha ur english is better than mine! and im amarican
2861941 haha! yep sounds legit
While reading this my brother was watching read it and weep. So I look up for a minute to stop thinking about this for a second,and I almost screamed.
What about telling the princess about it?
3064380
LOL, i would scream too.
Aww.. Fluttershy is so sweet...... HOW THE HECK DID PINKIE KILL ALL THOSE PONIES AND TWILIGHT PROMISED NOT TOO TELL THE POLICE?!
Ok, this was going fine up until the confrontation with Pinkie in the hospital room.
For starters, all 5 of the ponies know it's Pinkie at this point, none of them stop her from entering the room and persisting on trying to kill Dash. Pinkie also manages to cut Applejack, jump top of her, and make her taste her own blood and make a few comments. Twilight, Rarity, you two have magic you know, you could, oh I don't know, use it.
Twilight, she just pounced Applejack, and mutilated Dash, and you're going to tell her to gtfo. Wat?
Also where the hell are the doctors are nurses? Didn't Rainbow just get put under with some chloroform? And isn't Rainbow attached to monitors, that you know, alert doctors if a patient's heart rate is above normal, among other things? And how the heck has no one else in the hospital heard any of this commotion?
Still? Not pinning her down or anything? Ok.
Twilight, Rarity, you two have magic you know, you could, oh maybe... Use it?
Really? She just gets away? No one stops her? She isn't stopped by any other patients, nurses, doctors, or even guards? Or does she really vanish?
Wait, everypony just forgets about the fact that a large number of ponies were murdered, and Pinkie gets away with it, and then she comes back? I don't know those two sentences collide with each other. But all she is punished with is a beating from Applejack. Then promises to not do it again and Apple promises to not tell the police? Applejack, she has killed tons of ponies', fed said ponies hearts to you, tried to kill Rainbow Dash, tried to kill you, and could have killed Fluttershy, and you're just letting her off with a slap on the wrist?
Wow, two weeks and you've healed up enough to be let out of the hospital after having large portions of flesh cut off, along with wings and have white hot nails hammered into your forelegs. That's some fine ass medical care. And they were even able to refasten Rainbow Dash's cutie marks back on after they've been sitting in a basement full of blood and corpsesfor at least two days? It must take awhile for pony flesh to start decomposing and contract possible infections. Ok I can see the repairing spell shpeel happening in the world of Equestria but Rainbow is able to just use her wings in just two weeks after they've been severed and reattached? That's some damn good medical, why do we not have that?
No shit. Aren't hospitals supposed to check that their patients are both physically and mentally able to leave?
Ok so let me get all this all sorted out.
-Pinkie swings patient room door open.
-No one hears it.
-No one is also nearby the newest patient who is as far as we can tell in critical condition.
-Also the nurses and doctors that came in to check or her and give her chloroform are nowhere to be seen.
-No one stop Pinkie from pouncing Applejack nor does anything in response.
-Applejack manages to kick Pinkie twice.
-Pinkie is able to through a scalpel, a very small, very light, mostly handle, knife at Rainbow Dash.
-Neither Twilight and Rarity do nothing to stop anything but yell.
-Pinkie is able to just leave without a fight.
-No doctors or nurses notice Rainbow's bps (beats per second) go up and fail to hear anything that is going on in room 23.
-Rainbow is pretty much fully healed up with fully functional wings after only two weeks.
-Ponies literally just forget about a mass murder that happened in town and do not question who done'd it.
-Pinkie gets away with it.
-Pinkie comes back? (I don't know those sentences still conflict.)
-Applejack only beats the crap out of Pinkie and then doesn't tell the police she did it.
-Everybody, including the serial killer all live happily ever after.
Other then all that it was K. Not bad but defiantly needs work. I would point out any of the grammatical I saw but I think I've ranted enough. Thumbs up, might read again.
3264448
You sound just like CinemaSins. Thanks for feedback, enjoyed laughing at the mistakes I made.
3271126
You're welcome, I kind of felt like I was being a little harsh after I posted the comment but I'm glad you saw it as constructive criticism. I can't remember what CinemaSins is, is it the YouTube channel that does 'Everything wrong with (Insert name) in (Insert time frame)'? Anyways it's also good that you're laughing at your mistakes rather then focusing just on them, which I kind of did when I was criticizing it.
It needs more action. Use the personalities of the ponies to make it better, otherwise its gonna be out of context and character. Dash is tough and wouldn't say 'No! get away from!' she sounded like Rarity when another pony gets dirt near her.
You need to improve your writing work. Plan it before you make the book, if that helps.
Overall, it was not a bad story. And another thing, joints can't be re-attached after 2 weeks of decomposing, let alone, they would be in bad condition after both were cut off with a hacksaw. That goes the same for a cutie mark. 2 weeks of decomposition in a basement in a bucket with other flesh and body parts would be the same result. maybe do your research a bit more?
3328022
Well, Rainbow Dash has just been through a traumatic experience. Why wouldn't she be afraid? Plus, she wasn't exactly the bravest Pegasus in the original fic, and I quote, 'Pinkie? I...I want to go home...'
This was my first story, so of course it wasn't perfect.
I know the part about decomposing flesh, but it's fiction so not everything has to be real. Plus, it's Equestria, there are highly powered magical unicorns that can find a spell for this sort of thing.
Otherwise, thanks for feedback!
I knew Derpy Colgate and Trixie would be targets. Trixies head can be seen amongst Pinkies victims in the more comedy themed vid and there's the story of Muffins where Pinkie decides to kill Derpy so really nopony was safe.
3272505 You, You are CinemaSins, you have to be, I mean. . . IDEA! Gotta go, will ask CinemaSins to go make some Everthing wrong with ... in ..., BUT with Fanfics. (I'm a genius I know). Well, hate to cut it short, but gotta go, bye
6760482 i agree
3330808
My only problem was Pinkie wasn’t punished. Everything else is good.
I like to think
That the pinkie that commits stabby stabby is actually a clone from the mirror pool and the real pinkie is still to this day stuck in a closet with a bucket of fish to eat.