The End?
I do not own the story ‘Cupcakes’. The rightful owner of it is Sergeant Sprinkles.
“PINKIE, PLEASE NO!” Rainbow Dash shouted out as the knife cut off her right cutie mark, blood dripping from the wound. Pinkie Pie took the piece of flesh and put it on the tray. That grin, that horrible grin was plastered on her face as Rainbow’s shouts for help grew louder and louder. Pinkie continued to pick up a rather large butcher’s cleaver, and made her way over to Dash.
“I think I’m gonna wing it, don’t you think?” Pinkie said calmly. Rainbow only had a moment to hesitate before the blade slammed down inches from her right wing.
“Dash, you have to stay still, or I’ll keep missing!” And she slammed the blade down once more, penetrating her wing’s joint. The scream Rainbow Dash gave out was blood-curling, loud enough to chill bone. The blade came down more, tearing her wing away from her body more and more, until it finally came off. Pinkie continued to the other wing, but this time not being able to go through her flesh.
“Hmm…I guess I forgot to sharpen it.” She said, throwing it away behind her. She went back over to the table and picked up a hacksaw. The sight of it made Rainbow’s pupils dilate and her tears stream faster.
“Do you know why they call it a hacksaw, Dash? It doesn’t hack, that's what I was doing with the knife. It's a saw, I don't get it!” Without hesitation, the hacksaw came down, the machinery easily cutting through her bone. Blood sprayed on the walls as Rainbow Dash’s second wing was cut off and ripped from the joint.
“HELP! SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME! OH GOD HELP ME!” Rainbow screamed helplessly. Pinkie began to giggle.
“Oh silly Dash, no-one can hear you down here! So why bother?” Pinkie’s face turned to the hot well of molten metal. Two screws and a tong lay beside it. Rainbow knew what was about to happen, and she struggled to break free. But she couldn’t. Every time she tried, it was no use. She was stuck. She sobbed harder and harder, her struggles getting faster and faster.
“DEAR GODESS, SOMEONE HELP ME!” She shrieked one more time. Pinkie brought the screws over to her, and began to hammer them in to her limbs…
OUTSIDE…
Applejack was wondering around looking for Rainbow Dash.
“Hey Twilight, have you seen Rainbow Dash, she said she’d be at Pinkie’s bakery doing something with her, but she’s not there! Do you know where she is?”
“No, sorry Applejack, but I haven’t seen her either. Didn’t she say she’d be at your farm soon?” Twilight asked.
“Yeah, she did, but I can’t find her! Oh well, I guess we ain’t farmin’ no apples today without that rain…”
Suddenly a noise made both Applejack and Twilight’s ears prick. It was faint, but loud enough to hear. “DEAR GODESS SOMEONE HELP ME!” Both of them instantly knew who it was, and said the same thing at the same time.
“RAINBOW DASH!”
Back in the basement…
The screws had been nailed in, as blood seeped through the tiny pours in which they left. Rainbow knew she was finished. There was no use struggling, she was done for. Her last moments would be spent in this bloody basement. She would die at Pinkie’s hand. The very thought gripped her body. She was hyperventilating now, the adrenaline from the needle keeping her awake. Pinkie returned over to her with two metal cables. She attached them to the screws nailed into her limbs.
“Pinkie?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Yes Dash?” She replied.
“I…I want to go home.” She said.
“Yeah, I can see you wanting to do that. You can’t back off now, you need to rise up and face the challenges ahead.” And Pinkie made her way over to a power box with a lever on it. The sight of it chilled Dash’s blood. She was going to electrocute her. She closed her eyes as tightly as she could and waited for the shock to come Pinkie was inches away from the lever, her hoof ready to push it. As her hoof reached for the lever, there was a sudden banging on the door.
“Rainbow Dash?!” shouted a familiar voice. “You in there?” Rainbow suddenly knew who it was. It was Applejack, banging on the door to try and get in. Pinkie was caught by surprise about this, and turned to Rainbow Dash.
“Oh well, I guess the cupcakes can wait. See ya Dash!” she said cheerfully, and sprinted through and exit door next to the switch. The door suddenly burst into shracknel as Applejack’s kick hit the door. Applejack and Twilight ran into the basement and turned the lights on. The sight of blood and corpse pieces everywhere shocked them both. The stench of rotting flesh shrivelled their nostrils. They saw Rainbow Dash still chained to the table, her beautiful cyan fur ruined with her own blood. Twilight ran over to her, worried sick.
“Rainbow Dash!” she screamed. Applejack also ran over, looking at her ruined body. “Who did this to you?” Applejack demanded. Rainbow was on the verge of fainting from the shock she had experienced, as Twilight could see. The adrenaline effect was wearing off, and she wouldn’t be awake much longer. She whispered one sentence.
“She…she did it…” And she fainted.
1 Hour Later…
The ambulances and police had arrived at the scene. Ponies had gathered everywhere, hearing of the shocking news. Fluttershy and Rarity had showed up, hearing of the news of Rainbow Dash’s attack. Twilight was crying uncontrollably, with Applejack trying to calm her down.
“Applejack?” whispered Twilight, “Who would do this? Why would anyone want to hurt her?” Applejack sighed.
“I don’t know. But whoever did it is gonna get a right poundin’!” Rarity and Fluttershy came over to the other two ponies feeling exactly the same way. The paramedics came out of the building with Rainbow Dash’s body on a stretcher. All the ponies were shocked by the sight of her mangled body, some even vomited. Her body was then taken to a hospital nearby where they tried to save her.
The bakery wasn’t approached again that day. No-one went near it, no-one even looked at it. And the same thing plagued everyone’s minds.
“Who did this?”
The Next Day…
Pinkie Pie woke up with a yawn, her eyes still grey from little rest. Her mind had completely forgotten about the horrible events that had occurred yesterday, so wasn’t very awkward. After breakfast, she walked outside to meet up with Twilight. As she got to her house, she looked inside the house to see her telling Spike the whole story.
“…And by the time I got there, her body was covered in blood, but she whispered something when Applejack asked her who did it…” She stopped for a second, looking worried.
“What?” Spike urged her, “What did she say?” Twilight’s lip trembled, her eyes beginning to water.
“She said...she said…’She did it.’” She broke down, her face streaming with tears. Spike put an arm on her shoulder and sat next to her.
“Do you have any idea who could have done this?” he asked. Twilight shook her head. Neither of them had noticed Pinkie standing outside listening. Suddenly the events of the previous day came flooding back into her head. She remembered something that she said to Rainbow Dash. ‘Oh well, I guess the Cupcakes can wait!’ She hadn’t finished the cupcakes. And for Pinkie, nothing went unfinished.
She had to finish them.
In the hospital…
“Is she going to be alright nurse?” said Fluttershy.
“It’s too early to tell. But at the moment, she’s stable. We’ll have to find out tomorrow.” Said the Nurse.
“Girls, be quiet!” ushered Rarity, “She’s waking up!” Rainbow’s vision was blurry at first, but soon she began to recognise the faces of her friends. As her vision grew clearer, she began to recognise the room she was in, the hospital room she was previously in when she broke her wing a few months earlier. Her vision was now fully clear.
“Rainbow Dash! You’re alright!” said Applejack happily as she hugged her. Rainbow Dash couldn’t believe it, she was alive. Her face began to smile for the first time in a while.
“I’m…I’m alive!” she said with joy, the other ponies relieved.
“We thought we’d lost you!” said Twilight.
“But thank Celestia that you’re alive!” Rarity said happily.
“But Rainbow?” asked Fluttershy, “Do you know what happened to you?” Rainbow’s memory was blurred, but she did remember some of what had happened.
“I…I remember being in the basement of the Bakery…” she started. “I…was strapped to a table. But that wasn’t the worst. I remember being tortured…” All the ponies gasped, including the nurse.
“Tortured? Oh, you poor thing!” the nurse exclaimed.
“Who tortured you?” asked Applejack. Rainbow was trying hard to think, everyone could see it. As Rainbow Dash thought harder, more of the memories came flooding back, the screws, the hacksaw, the cleaver, the scalpel, her flesh being cut off, her wings hacked off from her body, the hot screws being hammered into her arms...It was frightening to her. Soon she remembered everything, and went very pale.
“Rainbow Dash?” asked Twilight. “Are you okay?” Rainbow began to shiver, her pulse began to go up. The nurse began to look worried. Her heartbeat scanner measured her pulse, 89bpm, 98, 107, 114, it got higher and higher.
“Quick, get some doctors in here!” the nurse shouted. But suddenly, Rainbow shouted out one word.
“PINKIE!”
Her face was running with sweat, her pupils dilating. The doctors rushed in just in time with chlorophorm and a towel. They dabbed some on a towel and covered her mouth with it. Her breathing suddenly got slower and slower, her pace returning to normal. She fell asleep quickly, her pace now returning to 80bpm. But now the truth was clear. Everyone knew who had done this horrible deed to her.
Pinkie. She had done it.
Everyone couldn’t believe it. Pinkie? Someone as sweet and innocent as Pinkie had horribly mutilated Rainbow Dash?” It felt weird just thinking about it, how their friend had performed this terrible deed.
“Pinkie did it?” Rarity stuttered.
“I don’t believe it.” Twilight said.
“How could the little vermin hurt one of my friends?” stomped Applejack.
“Oh no…” said Fluttershy looking out the window. “It’s her!” she squeaked. All the ponies ran to the window. Pinkie was walking up to the hospital with a mad grin on her face. Her right eye was twitching like mad. Why was she here? Could she be apologising? Or could she be here to finish off her grizzly task?
“I’d like to see my friend, Rainbow Dash?” said Pinkie. The doctor rifled through his forms.
“Yes, third floor, room 23.” Pinkie thanked him and made her way to the elevator. She went up to the third floor and to Room 23. There was a knock on the door.
“Hello? Anybody there?” she asked. Everyone froze, their eyes fixed on the wooden door. They all knew who it was, and they were all mad with her.
“Pinkie?!” Applejack shouted. “Why in tarnation would you do that? WHY DID YOU TRY TO KILL RAINBOW DASH?!” Pinkie merely giggled at her words.
“Oh, silly Applejack. We were just having fun!” It was Twilight’s turn to yell.
“Having fun? YOU CUT OFF HER WINGS AND CUTIE MARK! YOU…YOU MONSTER!” Once again, Pinkie merely giggled.
“Twilight, I was baking, and I needed the Special Ingredient!” All their ears perked up.
“What special ingredient?” asked Rarity.
“The special ingredient was me!” said Rainbow Dash, now awake from the chlorophorm effects. All the ponies gasped in horror.
“Rainbow Dash was the special ingredient?!” Applejack yelled. “You cannibal! You dirty cannibal!” Pinkie giggled once again, it now getting on everyone’s nerves.
“Now Applejack, you know I need ingredients to bake. I’ve been doing this to ponies for ages now! Remember all those times when there were reports of ponies going missing? Well, that was me! I’ve been trying to find the right essence that lives in every pony, but nothing has seemed to work. But Rainbow Dash however, her essence has been the best I’ve found so far. But because of your little interruption, I need to finish the baking now!” Rainbow Dash froze solid. She would have to re-live the horrors she had recently had. She began to cry, softly at first, but was now beginning to cry harder. Fluttershy came at her side and embraced her, calming her down.
“Don’t worry Dash, we won’t let her get to you.” The door suddenly swung open, hitting the wall with a loud bang. Pinkie stood in the doorframe, that awful smile plastered on her face.
“Hi Dash!” she said. “Want to make some cupcakes?”
“NO!” Dash screamed, “GET AWAY FROM ME!” Pinkie laughed, revealing the scalpel she had used to cut her cutie mark off the previous day.
“Now Dash, I need to finish the recipe, you don’t want my customers to go hungry now, do you?” Applejack and Twlght stepped forward boldly.
“If you want her, you’re gonna have to get through me!” shouted Twilight.
“And me!” shouted Applejack. Pinkie smiled that psychopathic smile.
“Well, I guess some APPLE essence could be good for the cupcakes!” Pinkie lashed for Applejack with the scalpel in her hand. She slashed her cheek with a smooth cut, forcing Applejack to the ground. She put her hoof to her cheek. Blood. Now she was mad. Pinkie tasted the blood on her scalpel, making Fluttershy vomit uncontrollably.
“Mmm! Apples!” she said happily. “Go on Applejack, have a taste!” She once again lunged for Applejack, pinning her to the wall. She shoved the scalpel into her mouth, forcing her to lick the blood off it. Applejack spat at pinkie’s face, thus forcing the scalpel out, but cutting her lip. Pinkie gave her a harsh look.
“Hmph! If you didn’t want it, you could’ve said no!” Applejack turned round and kicked Pinkie square in the face, forcing her to tumble back.
“How dare you shove that thing into my mouth!” Applejack yelled with her bloody lip.
“Clear off Pinkie!” Twilight yelled. “I’m not friends with anyone who wants to kill someone for the sake of treats!” Pinkie’s smile faded away.
“Come on guys, all I need is Rainbow Dash’s essence, and then I’ll go away!” The others still didn’t know what this ‘essence’ was. Was it a soul? Or was it their blood? They dreaded to think.
“I still don’t get what this ‘essence’ you’re talking about is Pinkie.” Rainbow said, confused and dazed. Pinkie Pie’s smile re-appeared to the annoyance of the others.
“Oh, you silly filly! You already know what your essence is Dash!” Rainbow Dash was confused now, not knowing at all what it was. Suddenly it all made sense. She now knew perfectly what the essence was. It was…her heart.
“Oh no…” she said, a look of shock on her face. The others turned to her.
“Dash, do you know what this ‘essence’ is?” Twilight asked. Rainbow nodded shakily.
“Yes…I do. It’s…it’s…my…heart!” She said the last word with a whisper, but it was loud enough for all her friends to hear. They all looked at Pinkie, vengeance stuck to their faces.
“Her heart? That’s what you want?” Applejack demanded.
“Yes, that’s right!” Pinkie replied confidently. “Anyway, how long do you think I’ve been doing this? All those cupcakes you’ve eaten in the past, they all had a ponies heart in it! There’s Derpy, Trixie, Colgate, the list goes on!” Everyone gagged and made an ‘Ugh!’ noise. The news they’d just heard was horrible. It was horrible to them…but Pinkie didn’t seem to care?
“You murderous vermin!” Applejack yelled, dealing another kick to Pinkie’s face. Her nose started to bleed again, but she didn’t seem to mind. She just got up and stared the other ponies in the face.
“Guys, just let me finish the job, okay? It’ll be quick, I promise!”
“NO!” Rainbow yelled at her. “I WON’T LET YOU DO THIS! GET AWAY FROM ME!” Her pulse was getting higher again; Fluttershy was trying desperately to calm her down. Pinkie sighed and faced them all.
“Oh well, have it your way then. If I can’t do this the easy way, I’ll have to do it the hard way.” She took the scalpel in her hoof and took aim, and threw it. IT headed straight for Dash’s heart, with such precision. Fluttershy, wanting to defend her friend, did the first thing that came to her mind.
Dash tightened her eyes shut and waited for the final blow.
But it didn’t come.
All that was heard was some quiet whimpering on the floor. Everyone looked down to see what had happened. Fluttershy had leapt in front of the blade and took a wound to the gut. It wasn’t serious, but it was certainly bleeding. Pinkie began bouncing up and down with joy.
“Yay! Forget Dash’s essence, some of Shy’s essence is sure to finish my cupcakes! She took the scalpel out of Fluttershy’s gut and headed for the door.
“You won’t get away with this!” Applejack threatened.
“But I already have!” Pinkie replied. And she was gone. Everyone’s attention now turned to the injured yellow Pegasus, still on the floor. Twilight helped her up and attempted to patch the wound as best she could. It wasn’t easy though. Rainbow found the strength to put a hoof on her shoulder.
“Thank you Fluttershy…” Rainbow said softly. For the first time in a while, Fluttershy smiled.
“It’s better one of us is only hurt, not one of us is killed.” She replied. And for the first time in a while too, Dash also smiled.
Two Weeks Later...
The events from the past two weeks were barely remembered by other ponies. However, like she said, Pinkie had gotten away with what she did. However, after a serious beating from Applejack, she had promised not to do it again, and Applejack promised not to tell the police who did it, but if she did this again, she would tell them.
As for Rainbow Dash, after her friends did a sweep of the basement in which the torture had taken place, they managed to find her severed flesh and wings. Returning to the hospital with them, the Cutie Mark fleshes were easily treated and sewn back on. The wings however, having being severely damaged by the hacksaw, were beyond the hospital’s repair. However, after some serious searching by Spike, Twilight found a repairing spell (Surprise, surprise!) and fixed the broken pieces of the wing’s bones, thus meaning they could be reattached to her body.
After some operating and health check-ups, Rainbow Dash was released from the hospital. Although she was better and well-rested, she was still told to take it easy for a few days. She smiled as she flew gently up to the clouds. The freedom of being able to fly again gave a tingle down her body. She liked it, a lot.
However, her torture and horrible experiences would stay in her mind for good. But with time, and support from her friends, her dark moments would be pushed to the back of her mind, never to be thought of again.
The End
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You bucking monster. You just had to bring Colgate into this, didn't you!
Colgate was best pony
interesting but I think things were played down a bit too easy but other than that it's a great alternative to the original bit.
how did you get this thing published without the GORE label?
1069320
I did put the gore label on when I was finishing editing it. Oh well, I'll try and get it up, sorry about that :)
1069036
The style I like to write with is fast-paced. Sorry if you didn't like it that way, but I hope it was still enjoyable for you. I'll keep it in mind to slow it down a bit next time. :)
OMG NOT DERPY!!!!NO!!!But at least Rainbow Dash is okay.......R.I.P.
1073132
When it came to that part of the story, I thought of the first few ponies that came out of m head. Sorry if you liked Derpy.
the security around the hospital sucks.....the POLICE IN THE WHOLE FUCKING PONY WORLD SUCKS!
1115992
Haha! Yeah, it's so true. Because Equestria is full if butterflies and rainbows, where everypony is friends. Why would the police be so talented in a world of sugarplums and buttercups? Man, I need to get off the acid...
I only have one with the hospital scene. WHY DIDN'T RARITY OF TWILIGHT USE THEIR MAGIC!
Otherwise, great story.
1445562
Why? Well...um...uh...LOOK! RAINBOW DASH!
*Runs off*
WHERE WAS CELISTIA DURING ALL OF THIS seriously theres trolling then theres being the wost ruler in the history of equstria and i know thats probably spelled wrong
It's spelt 'Celestia' not 'Celistia' but oh well...
And that part about the worst ruler in Equestria...LOLZ!
lol, the end is weird but i like your writing-style!! :D
Thanks man! Glad you liked and favourited it! Yeah, a lot of people complain that my writing style is too fast-paced but compliment the fact that it is a good style of writing ; very descriptive.
Thankyou!
YESYESYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS HOW CUPCAKES SHOULD HAVE ENDED IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1068659
No, Rainbow Dash am best pony
wallchan.com/images/sandbox/30861-rainbow-dash-katana-my-little-pony-weapon-sword-blood.png
really are u bucking kidding me applejack would have reported her since she has a close bond with rd or at least kill her and couldent
and 
use there magic to stop pinkie surprise suprise
I think they shouldn't be friends anymore
rainb
w :this is highly out of place well said my 
friend
and Trixie 
and colgate
but this is so good r.i.p derpy :
This was great, EXCEPT for AJ not reporting Pinkie. She's a mass-murdering insane cannibal and Applejack lets her go free as long as she doesn't do it again?! What in the name of Celestia's almighty flank is going on?
Other than that, FANTASTIC JOB!
Sequel?
As little sense as it makes to me, Pinkie going free would make a good plot line for a sequel.
1980957
This started off with more dislikes because people hate Alternate Endings not written by the author. However, I came to realize the majority of them who disliked at the start hadn't actually read the story. But thanks everyone who has supported this! Who knows? If I find the time, I may write a sequel to this. But please check out the start of my new series of stories! The story is called 'Equestria Olympics' and the whole series has a short but effective title:
"Long Forgotten People".
WOW LOVE IT SO MUCH
cupcakes the bane of my existence we meet again. the thing about these stories is they are normally revenge fics and i do not like revenge fics i like the stories where pinkie who did all this was actually her evil alter ego PINKAMENA!
so is this a redemption fic? i like to know before i decide to downvote this thing or not. yeah its a revenge fic ugh applejack is my favorite character she still is. but this fanfic makes me hate her.
sorry for the double post but...i now really dislike applejack and the rest of the girls. i dont like anyone who does that to pinkie oh and applejack will be the first on my list to die.
i still love you AJ i just hate you in this story i hate
in this as well.
2170104
I read the story 'Cupcakes' and was really sad at the ending because Rainbow Dash is my favourite character, so I decided to write an Alternate Ending to cheer myself up. Please note that this was the first MLP:FIM fic that I ever wrote, so yeah, some things are rusty but I did try and put effort in. The only other instance of fanfiction I have been involved with in is Regular Show, in which I wrote a three-part story that I never finished...
2170144
If you want a more light-hearted story, read my other fic 'Equestria Olympics'. It was released before the airing of S3E12, 'Games Ponies Play'.
2170770
I will check it out it actually sounds cool. i know the feeling i hated cupcakes since i love pinkie it just angered me deeply. i am really sorry you had to stumble upon that trash. it didn't change your feelings on pinkie by any chance? what it did for me was go with the fandom belief of her having two personalities. i loved the cupcakes chronicles because it was about redemption and moving on. i would recommend that alternate ending to cupcakes.
At least this had a happier story then the original Cupcakes,which is why I like this one more
Me before reading:
Pffft... it cant be that bad
After reading:
Ok, i dont needed to sleep this week anyway
2838148
Thanks for the reply, it's the first funny one I've seen in a while!
2838148 u should have read the original! it much less scary! I Pinkiemenia Diane Pie Promise
!
bwahahaha!
2170751 she is mine too!
1858980 yes! where rainbow dosent die! my avatar is based off of G3 Sunnydays (my fav pony at the time! hence my username!) and FIM Rainbowdash! (the best pony!)
I still like FIM sunny days i just wanted her to have wings!
2861523 Yeah, and maybe i´ll play amnesia while listening to Rainbow Factory
...
(Sorry for my english, im Mexican
)
2861941
haha ur english is better than mine! and im amarican
2861941 haha! yep sounds legit
While reading this my brother was watching read it and weep. So I look up for a minute to stop thinking about this for a second,and I almost screamed.
What about telling the princess about it?
3064380
LOL, i would scream too.
Aww.. Fluttershy is so sweet...... HOW THE HECK DID PINKIE KILL ALL THOSE PONIES AND TWILIGHT PROMISED NOT TOO TELL THE POLICE?!
Ok, this was going fine up until the confrontation with Pinkie in the hospital room.
For starters, all 5 of the ponies know it's Pinkie at this point, none of them stop her from entering the room and persisting on trying to kill Dash. Pinkie also manages to cut Applejack, jump top of her, and make her taste her own blood and make a few comments. Twilight, Rarity, you two have magic you know, you could, oh I don't know, use it.
Twilight, she just pounced Applejack, and mutilated Dash, and you're going to tell her to gtfo. Wat?
Also where the hell are the doctors are nurses? Didn't Rainbow just get put under with some chloroform? And isn't Rainbow attached to monitors, that you know, alert doctors if a patient's heart rate is above normal, among other things? And how the heck has no one else in the hospital heard any of this commotion?
Still? Not pinning her down or anything? Ok.
Twilight, Rarity, you two have magic you know, you could, oh maybe... Use it?
Really? She just gets away? No one stops her? She isn't stopped by any other patients, nurses, doctors, or even guards? Or does she really vanish?
Wait, everypony just forgets about the fact that a large number of ponies were murdered, and Pinkie gets away with it, and then she comes back? I don't know those two sentences collide with each other. But all she is punished with is a beating from Applejack. Then promises to not do it again and Apple promises to not tell the police? Applejack, she has killed tons of ponies', fed said ponies hearts to you, tried to kill Rainbow Dash, tried to kill you, and could have killed Fluttershy, and you're just letting her off with a slap on the wrist?
Wow, two weeks and you've healed up enough to be let out of the hospital after having large portions of flesh cut off, along with wings and have white hot nails hammered into your forelegs. That's some fine ass medical care. And they were even able to refasten Rainbow Dash's cutie marks back on after they've been sitting in a basement full of blood and corpsesfor at least two days? It must take awhile for pony flesh to start decomposing and contract possible infections. Ok I can see the repairing spell shpeel happening in the world of Equestria but Rainbow is able to just use her wings in just two weeks after they've been severed and reattached? That's some damn good medical, why do we not have that?
No shit. Aren't hospitals supposed to check that their patients are both physically and mentally able to leave?
Ok so let me get all this all sorted out.
-Pinkie swings patient room door open.
-No one hears it.
-No one is also nearby the newest patient who is as far as we can tell in critical condition.
-Also the nurses and doctors that came in to check or her and give her chloroform are nowhere to be seen.
-No one stop Pinkie from pouncing Applejack nor does anything in response.
-Applejack manages to kick Pinkie twice.
-Pinkie is able to through a scalpel, a very small, very light, mostly handle, knife at Rainbow Dash.
-Neither Twilight and Rarity do nothing to stop anything but yell.
-Pinkie is able to just leave without a fight.
-No doctors or nurses notice Rainbow's bps (beats per second) go up and fail to hear anything that is going on in room 23.
-Rainbow is pretty much fully healed up with fully functional wings after only two weeks.
-Ponies literally just forget about a mass murder that happened in town and do not question who done'd it.
-Pinkie gets away with it.
-Pinkie comes back? (I don't know those sentences still conflict.)
-Applejack only beats the crap out of Pinkie and then doesn't tell the police she did it.
-Everybody, including the serial killer all live happily ever after.
Other then all that it was K. Not bad but defiantly needs work. I would point out any of the grammatical I saw but I think I've ranted enough. Thumbs up, might read again.
3264448
You sound just like CinemaSins. Thanks for feedback, enjoyed laughing at the mistakes I made.
3271126
You're welcome, I kind of felt like I was being a little harsh after I posted the comment but I'm glad you saw it as constructive criticism. I can't remember what CinemaSins is, is it the YouTube channel that does 'Everything wrong with (Insert name) in (Insert time frame)'? Anyways it's also good that you're laughing at your mistakes rather then focusing just on them, which I kind of did when I was criticizing it.
It needs more action. Use the personalities of the ponies to make it better, otherwise its gonna be out of context and character. Dash is tough and wouldn't say 'No! get away from!' she sounded like Rarity when another pony gets dirt near her.
You need to improve your writing work. Plan it before you make the book, if that helps.
Overall, it was not a bad story. And another thing, joints can't be re-attached after 2 weeks of decomposing, let alone, they would be in bad condition after both were cut off with a hacksaw. That goes the same for a cutie mark. 2 weeks of decomposition in a basement in a bucket with other flesh and body parts would be the same result. maybe do your research a bit more?
3328022
Well, Rainbow Dash has just been through a traumatic experience. Why wouldn't she be afraid? Plus, she wasn't exactly the bravest Pegasus in the original fic, and I quote, 'Pinkie? I...I want to go home...'
This was my first story, so of course it wasn't perfect.
I know the part about decomposing flesh, but it's fiction so not everything has to be real. Plus, it's Equestria, there are highly powered magical unicorns that can find a spell for this sort of thing.
Otherwise, thanks for feedback!
I knew Derpy Colgate and Trixie would be targets. Trixies head can be seen amongst Pinkies victims in the more comedy themed vid and there's the story of Muffins where Pinkie decides to kill Derpy so really nopony was safe.
3272505 You, You are CinemaSins, you have to be, I mean. . . IDEA! Gotta go, will ask CinemaSins to go make some Everthing wrong with ... in ..., BUT with Fanfics. (I'm a genius I know). Well, hate to cut it short, but gotta go, bye
6760482 i agree
3330808
My only problem was Pinkie wasn’t punished. Everything else is good.
I like to think
That the pinkie that commits stabby stabby is actually a clone from the mirror pool and the real pinkie is still to this day stuck in a closet with a bucket of fish to eat.