- Member Since 6th Jan, 2013
- offline last seen 34 minutes ago
Jamin P Rose
I write fetish clopfics and other things. Commissions: Not Open, working on existing commissions.
Jamin P Rose
Joined 6th Jan, 2013 ·
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- LinuxPony · 2k words · 58 10 · 1.8k views
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nice story and in parts cute, i really liked it
9642890
Thanks, I'm glad you liked it.
This needs a sequel...
Velvet finds out, the dream becomes real
9642943
Hmm... Now that's an idea.
Perhaps at some point.
Is the mare in the picture really what Littlepip's mother looks like?
I wonder how Kkat feels about her character being used to write smut like this.
I know I would be honoured.
9643123
As best as I can find, it is. There's no description of her other than her cutie mark of, a glass of hard apple cider
9643533
I suspect she doesn't care, but like all of us, accepts the golden rule
I'm not the biggest fan of Fallout Equestria, but I left that aside for my reading (and put on some NV exploration music). You really need to try and spice up your prose a bit. Right now, your writing here is pretty clinical and dispassionate, lacking any sort of flair or pizzazz. There was a hint of something interesting in that opening paragraph, but it amounted to little more than "the bombs fell and this was what it was like". You need more descriptors, more fluff, more... well, stuff. There's a kernel of something really hot here, but unfortunately, as it stands you haven't turned up the heat to make it pop.
A bit of time and effort, though, and I'm sure you could make it so. Don't stop writing. Start reading, if you haven't already. Really dig into literature and other fanfic and it'll rub off on you.
This was a nice read.
10658762
I'm glad you liked it. I left her age ambiguous in part because the original Fallout Equestria left it that way, but it is implied that she's an adult.
10658864
We are, there have been a few other stories I've seen that hace been. Fallout Equestria: The Rape Verse and Best of Friends, Worst of Places are two such stories that I've read.
10658912
I would certainly read it if you do.