Canterlot Animal Control

by Lingo

Chapter 7: Born Unlucky

On one hand, I feel like I should have noticed something strange or sensed the danger before I was hit with whatever spell or drug they used to knock me out.

I am starting to feel tingles in the bottom of my hooves, which is a welcomed improvement over not being able to feel anything or move my body at all.

On the other hand, how was I supposed to be prepared to be kidnapped by changelings in the doorway to my own place?

Well, kidnapped is probably the wrong word for it. Hostage, maybe? The situation feels odd because I am still very much in my own place. In fact, by the look of the rubble against the wall, I'd hazard that they cleared out the wrecked room in my building for me.

That piece of bent metal over there, for example, looks like it might have once been desk-shaped before the ceiling collapsed on it.

The tingling in my hooves has now stretched itself up my legs towards shoulders, I can flex a little but it's very numb.

The ceiling, from what I can see without turning my head, has been patched over with some kind of green substance.

Besides that, I only have one other piece of evidence that points to changeling. The smell.

The ichor, slime, whatever they use has a distinctive odor. I've only had the displeasure of getting a whiff once, during their whole city-smashing invasion thing.

As my faculties return to me, my increasing movement prompts noises from behind me. The occasional clip of a hoof or buzz of a wing itch past my ears.

Not to be rude, but these bugs have to be desperate or stupid. I'm not exactly full of affection and love for other ponies right now, I don't have a dating life currently. I don't have much money, even. I can't think of a single good reason that I'd be targeted.

Well, unless they can feed off the care I show for my animals.

Broadening my theories, they may be keeping me here so a changeling could infiltrate the palace in disguise. It seems likely, given my recent trips up the hill.

But if that was the case, why wasn't I unconscious in one of their goop pods or something?

Something wasn't adding up. Thankfully, I had enough muscle reflex to sit up and turn around on my cot, which seems to have been moved in here from my sleeping office.

I'm greeted by the glowing blue eyes of several changeling, fanning out in a line on either side of a much... much larger figure.

Caustic green eyes pierce through the darkness. The cat-like slits analyze me unblinking.

They're deeply unsettling, I feel like they're trying to probe my thoughts through my gaze. But I stare back, doing my best to halt my own blinking.

Having never interacted directly with changelings before, I have no idea what body language to look for. I'm going into this blind and I hate it.

Should I bow, show deference to the obvious predator in the room? Or should I hold my ground, bidding for a strange kind of respect.

My eyes started to burn, I couldn't stop myself from blinking involuntarily to ease them.

In that split second falter, the queen leapt out from the shadows and stopped her face inches from my own.

I sucked in, quietly gasping, but did not flinch. Celestia, how I wanted to flinch.

We held that position for several terrifying seconds.

Finally, the moment broke. It seemed like the room remembered to breathe. Her eyes dimmed and lost their glow, her features softened imperceptibly, and she withdrew her face from the close proximity.

I did my best to control my breathing, but the fur on the back of my neck refused to settle down. My shoulders itched and my legs begged to fidget.

She stood up to her full height, practically towering over me. She was a stark contrast to Princess Celestia. Cold, calculating, imposing.

But.. I couldn't help but feel like it was manufactured. As pulse-pounding as that moment felt, there was no fire in her eyes, no passion.

Was she… was she putting on an act? I mean, they are changeling, they're probably masters at this kind of manipulation.

The feeling put me at ease, to a degree. I decided to play along, keeping the facade of a petrified mare. For one reason or another, the changing queen had my full attention.

"Hello, my little pony,” she greeted. Her voice was a stunning dulcet of tones, as if she had two sets of vocal chords strumming at the same time at slightly different pitch. Though she used Princess Celestia’s signature greeting, it felt anything but friendly or inviting.

I wracked my brain for her name, but came up blank. I had to address her as something, as asking her would likely not elicit a good reaction. The theatrics, the stage presence, it all spoke of someone who was used to being known widely.

“Good day, Miss Changeling Queen.” I ventured, scanning her face for signs of any faux pas. An eyebrow twitched and one of the drones glanced up at her warily.

She took it in stride, thankfully. “I see that my reputation precedes me, even as your memory fails you. I am Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings! You may bow before me in reverence or in fear, I don’t have a preference.” She purred venomously, her sharp teeth glowing in the dim light.

Dim light that I now notice isn't from the sunlight outside, rather, from my old lantern that was stuck to the ceiling haphazardly. Pieces start to fall in place in my head, but I can’t figure a clear picture of why she’s here yet. The use of an abandoned room and salvaging my own old light source screams a lack of planning.

There was very little preparation, no secure location or secret lair, they nabbed me while I was in the presence of a royal guard. It’s like the queen is making it up as she goes, using whatever resource she happens to come across and seizing even the less ideal opportunities that arise.

Arrogance, or desperation? They were defeated, after all.

“I apologize. I would, Queen Chrysalis, but my legs are still too numb to hold my weight.”

With an indignant huff she flicks her horn, unsettling green magic ebbs away from me like a siphon. I felt muscle control quickly return to me, and I wasted no time in using it to slip into a low bow once off my cot.

Instead of rising out of the bow, I transitioned back to sitting on the cot as smoothly as I could, trying not to relay my fear to the queen. Appeased by the show of deference, she begins doing the most stereotypical villain thing I can imagine. She starts monologuing.

Her voice is captivating and her eyes want to draw me into them, but I find myself nearly tuning her out. My mind is still racing about her reasons for being here. As she retells of the wedding invasion from her own twisted perspective, I put my mind to breaking down her character. What are her goals?

Well the changelings are certainly insect-like creatures, and they seem to have a hive-like mentality. One queen and all are under her. Whether or not she has any actual control over them is moot. That and their use of slime reminds me of honey bees.

If that’s a fair comparison, she may have similar instinctive goals. Grow the hive, make more drones, expand their territory, consume food, repeat.

Given that changelings can disguise as basically anything, as far as I know, they should be able to do all of that without revealing their existence to the world.

Drastic actions, like invading a city during the wedding of royalty, speak of troubles meeting her core goals. Famine, maybe? If her people were starving, she'd be driven to find a way to sate them. Feeding off of the princess of love, her husband, and an entire city of ponies would certainly be an appealing outcome.

Which would mean that the invasion wasn't meant maliciously, it was out of necessity. Fear may be a tactic she utilizes often, but it's more a means to an end. It works.

If I'm right, she's more morally grey than evil, and I don't have anything to fear from her. But that's a big gamble. And how is capturing me helping to accomplish her goals? I need more information.

I tune back in to her rant and wait for her to finish. The tirade didn't leave her winded, or at least she didn't show it.

"And so that brings me to you." She says, standing up to her full height again. "We've been watching you, listening, learning."

Taking long languid steps, the monarch begins to circle me.

"We know who you are. We know what you do. And we know about your secret little life behind it all. You're quite clever, my little pony, I must admit.

“You are either expertly fooling your Princess Celestia, or working for her. My sources tell me that you've been undertaking some shady business as of late."

"Was it Discord?" She almost stumbled as I asked bluntly.

"What? That heel? Preposterous! Even had I trusted a single word that came from his mouth, I'd never…"

I raised a single eyebrow, meeting her eyes. She squinted at me, annoyed, but yet she then huffed and relented.

"Yes yes fine, Discord found me and told me about your little deal with him. And with the cat-beast. I looked into you on a whim, and your trips to the palace further piqued my interest."

Her calculated and controlled demeanor returned. "While his ability to locate me is troublesome, he may have told the truth about you. You are quite odd, and you don't taste just right."

Well that wasn't something I was expecting to hear. I don't… taste right?

I must look queasy, because she waves away my concerns with a hoof.

"Nothing like that, I assure you. We feed off emotions, as you may know. They have tastes and textures."

"And I taste strange?"

She pursed her lips, continuing carefully. "Yes and no. You have pony emotions, certainly, but they taste different. It's subtle."

She dismisses the conversation with a turn of her head as she resumes her slow laps around me. And yet the atmosphere is completely different from when we began. I am not afraid, and she's putting much less effort into intimidation.

"Regardless, you may be of some use to me if I can trust you. Tell me…" She came to a stop facing me head-on, not quite at her full height anymore. "...what is the nature of your visits to the palace?"

"Animal Control. They seem to have a situation with opossums, I was hired to assist."

Her expression hardens, "That may be true, but that does not explain your appointment with Celestia herself. Explain."

Ah. Right. That happened. Literally right before I got here. Almost forgot that.

"That… was actually in regards to a job she wanted me to do for her."

Queen Chrysalis's expression did not change, I assumed I was to continue until she's satisfied with my answer.

"The phoenix nesting season is happening soon. She wants me to take a solo expedition to their nesting grounds and oversee the duration. I would be studying them as well as offering support if possible."

The Queen's eyes seem to glaze over slightly as she lost interest.

"How droll. So she knows nothing of your recent dealings with the less desirables of society?"

"I have not told her anything, you have my word."

For the first time Chrysalis looks apprehensive, nervous even. She glances around warily, then raises one of her hole-filled legs to her face. I almost gasped as a circular section of her leg faded to a blue-ish green color.

Then the spot seemed to shift and separate itself from her. It all makes sense now. Out of the previously hidden hole in her leg comes a chameleon, lazily latching onto her horn as she puts her leg down. It must have disguised itself as her leg, sitting snugly in the little crevice. It was fascinating.

Chrysalis transfers the critter to her hoof and hesitantly holds it out to me.

I take it gently and it wastes no time to crawl into my mane and hug the base of my horn. I tense my neck muscles, coping with the extra weight on my head.

Chrysalis watches for a moment, then nods as some of the tension flows out of her. That seems like genuine concern, a deviant behavior for a creature outside of her hive group.

"That is… mine. I found it and it is mine. You will protect it."

It all makes so much sense now. She's not up to anything nefarious, at least in regards to me. Astoundingly, she's just another pet owner on the wrong side of the law.

How in the world did I get into all this?

I realize I'd been silent for a moment too long, she's regarding me evasively.

"I accept this responsibility, but with some conditions."

Indignantly, she responds "Conditions? You make demands of a queen?? How dare you!"

"Discord paid." I deliver simply. She glares silently. "It was in his own special way, but he paid. Ahuizotl paid as well, in a similar fashion. There are conditions to my services."

She growls but does not argue further. A glance at the denizen of my mane softens her mood. "Name them."

Why can't I ever just ask for more time to think about this, come up with a solid agreement? I got to draft an actual contract with Ahuizotl, but I've been forced to think on the fly with Discord and now Chrysalis.

Not having these agreements in writing irks me on a deep level, but I do my best to ignore the feeling.

"First, you leave my facility, animals, and I out of any future plans or actions."

Her head dips slightly, as if she's cowed by my demand. She glances up to the previously ruined ceiling and winces.

While I could claim one of her changelings did it, I've never been one for lying.

"That wasn't one of yours, it is an old building and like that before…" That slime seems to be holding pretty well so far. I wonder if any of her drones has experience as a construction worker.

"Second. You have to come and visit regularly, or else I'll be forced to give him up for adoption, probably in Manehattan."

She looks like she wants to argue, but bites her tongue and nods solemnly.

"And third, when you do visit or you need to discuss something, please be civil. I'm not your enemy, and I don't like being drugged or poisoned or whatever you did."

I thought it was reasonable, but the look on her face communicates that she feels otherwise. A third nod is sent my way.

I reach out a hoof for her to shake, already making up a route to the nearest pet store in my head. I can't for the life of me remember what chameleons eat.

"Then do we have a deal?"

She glares at my hoof as if it will burst into flames at any moment. She hesitantly extends her own and we shake on it, thankfully no flames erupt from the contact.

A few minutes later, we stand in comfortable silence as her changelings clear the rubble blocking the doorway.

One of them not working starts to chitter and pester her, nudging and tugging at the Queen's leg.

She issues some terse words in a language I am not familiar with, but it is undeterred.

With a roll of her eyes, she clears her throat to gain my attention.

"This one wishes to thank you for your compliment. It worked very hard on its disguise and it… appreciated your appreciation."

I choked my head to the side quizzically. Disguise? Compliment?

The drone itself spoke up toward me, gaining an ireful glance by the queen. "Did you mean what you said? That I was a beautiful specimen?" It's voice was similar to Chrysalis's, having that otherworldly quality but lacking the dulcet tones.

I nodded mutely. Was it disguised as the stick bug? That's frightfully clever, being hidden in plain sight taken to a whole new level.

"What is it you called me?"

"Oh uh.. a phasmid. That's the official term."

"I like that! Phasmid." It turns to its queen excitedly. "Can that be my name? I want to be called Phasmid."

"A name? But you have a name. It's a perfectly good name!" she argues, exasperated.

Oh my Celestia, they sounded like a mother arguing with her child. Maybe they are more like bees than I thought.

I leave them to their idle bickering, my mind elsewhere.

Another deal struck, another mile deeper into this rabbit hole I've stumbled into. So far I've encountered the White Rabbit, the Cheshire cat, and now the Queen of Hearts.

I just hope whoever comes next at least waits until I'm back from my phoenix expedition to make an appearance.

Author's Note:

Hello,

Despite everything, this is still bug.

Here to bring you another chapter about a poor minimum wage worker who's thrust into doing things well above their pay grade for reasons they don't understand.

She's doing her best, and I'm proud of her for it.

I am also doing my best, and I hope to keep translating this story from head to paper in a regular rhythm.

As always, please attach any questions with a donation of love, in cash, and I'll try to get back to you within a few business years.

Good news to round this out, I didn't make any more cookies but I have some leftover from Turkeyday! They're not too stale yet, probably.

Comments

[Iron Comet]

Nothing better than the love of a pet.

[SigmasonicX]

Nice chapter! Forming a legion of supervillain pets.

[A.P.O.N.I.]

Another deal struck, another mile deeper into this rabbit hole I've stumbled into. So far I've encountered the White Rabbit, the Cheshire cat, and now the Queen of Hearts.

That's a neat analogy.