Canterlot Animal Control

by Lingo

Chapter 6: Sisyphus Trips

I lived in apprehension for about a week before the repercussions of Discord’s latest actions reared their head. And in normal Discord fashion, they came on the wings of something completely unrelated.

I was scrubbing pig footprints off of the wall, already drafting my reprimand to the owner’s careless disuse of the doormat, when I was interrupted again by the gruff clearing of a throat. How these guards kept managing to sneak up on me was an enigma.

We traded words and letters and they left, leaving me with a letter stamped with the seal of the Princess Diarch of the Sun. I had just been officially invited to have tea with Princess Celestia.

While it was technically an invitation and not a summons, you would be hard pressed to find any single pony in Equestria who would decline it. I didn’t even consider turning it down, despite not being much of a tea drinker, and immediately sent my RSVP back with the guard who delivered it.

I had a date with royalty for the coming afternoon. With my morning duties, I should have just enough time to get a shower before leaving to attend.

---

I really should know better than to schedule things that closely, leaving no leeway time.

I finished my morning chores a bit faster than usual, but discovered upon turning on the shower that I had forgotten to pay my water bill. Luckily, the back animal yard had a small pond. I may not have been able to use soap, but I did my best to scrub off the surface dirt. I combed my mane as it dried while walking toward the palace. I just hoped the Princess wouldn’t get close enough to smell me…

---

Once again, I find myself in the palace and uncomfortable in more ways than one. The sitting room I was directed to was everything you'd expect from royalty: shiny tea set atop of crystal table, immaculately clean and nearly dust-free room, velvety carpet.

The arrangement of the furniture, the color of the walls, the entire disposition of the room was designed to put its occupants at ease. It was a room made to enjoy tea.

Naturally, the entire atmosphere set me on edge. It was all so manufactured, unnatural, bright. Hopefully this "tea" was just to discuss my recent interaction with the lunar diarch, or maybe talk about the tiger incident?

Had Fluttershy snitched on me to the Princess?

No, she wasn't the type. I'm actually unsure she'd be able to talk to the Princess without fainting.

Then again, there was that… stare… she gave me. Even thinking about it sends chills down my spine. My still slightly damp tail swishes anxiously against the back of my chair.

Without warning, an aid sweeps into the room and announces the arrival of Princess Celestia, then buggers off the moment she's through the door.

I stood respectfully and gave a bow as she entered, not raising my gaze until I heard her snicker at me.

My head shoots up, catching her stifling her mirth behind a hoof.

"You bow to me, and yet had the nerve to stand eye-to-eye with my sister?" She asks, eyes twinkling.

I stammer and fumble my words. I hadn't even considered bowing to Princess Luna when she confronted me. Had I offended her??

The princess waves away my worrying thoughts with a hoof, smiling gracefully down at me.

"Think nothing of it, my little pony. It was a special circumstance, from what I've heard."

She does not take a seat, instead gesturing for me to follow her across the room. She fiddles with a candle sconce on the wall and a hidden doorway opens.

Uncaring of the dumbstruck look on my face, she disappears through it. I hastily give chase. A short ways down a narrow passage she opens another door, leading us into a vastly different tea room.

This one is covered in darker shades, warmer and cozier. The furniture is old wood, warping from age but in a way that made them look fascinatingly alien. The carpet is plush and comfortable under-hoof.

We take seats on either side of a small table, on which sits a beat up old teapot. It looks like something my grandmother would use, or her grandmother.

The seats are worn in from use, perfectly giving way for maximum comfort than new furniture just can't match.

"Sorry about the change…" She breaks me from my thoughts. "... I had a feeling this would be more comfortable for us, and it's been ages since I've been able to use the Sunset Room."

Now that she mentions it, I do see several sun and sunset motifs around the room, on decorations or furniture. The colors of the room lend to this as well, the colors of the day tampered by the encroaching horizon, not too bright but not too dark.

"Thank you, Princess, this does feel much better."

She smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes. She's looking at me, but also not. It's like she is looking past me.

Like a hummingbird, the shadow behind her eyes is gone in an instant and the ever present mischievous twinkle is restored.

"Do you drink tea, Miss Keen Eye?"

I shake my head. "No, your majesty, I never got into it much. But please, feel free to make some for yourself."

She needed no further invitation, setting the bottom of the pot alight with magic and heating the insides. Hot leaf water.

We made small talk, as ponies do. It was ok, I would say. We didn't know each other personally, so it was mostly recent news and the goings on of the palace.

After she'd had a few sips, the teacup came down and she cleared her throat.

"Now, you've probably been wondering why I invited you here, hmm?" At my affirming nod, she continued.

"As much as I do enjoy tea with a perfect stranger, I will admit there is some business for us to discuss."

Finally, the meat of the issue. I kept my features measured and schooled, giving away nothing beyond my poker face.

My control, however, was tested as she withdrew two folders from under the table, taking a moment to flip through their contents.

"These are your college records, and these are your jobs as reported on your taxes over the last few years." She said, holding each folder at a time. "I see that you did your final paper on phoenix, can you tell me about that?"

My unease was drowning in a sea of perplexion and curiosity. The words came smoothly, for once, I found it easy to recite bits of my presentation that I had memorized when presenting the paper.

Princess Celestia nodded and 'hmm'ed, raising an occasional question but mostly playing rather part of interested party, her eyes were focused on mine and her posture was leaning forward.

When I had finished with my best summary of the paper, she gave me a little clap and praised my work. I'm ashamed to say I blushed a little, I rarely got to flex my research muscles anymore and I was really proud of my paper.

"Well done, Miss Keen. I remember when you first presented your paper, and it's good to hear that your knowledge has not diminished since then."

"I.. beg pardon. You were there?"

She grinned widely, winking. "Indeed I was! I like to sit in on numerous presentations for students in my school, in disguise of course. It helps me keep a feel for who to watch as they go into the world and how my school is doing."

She continues.

"I recall attending yours because of the topic, which I too share a fascination with. As you may know, I have a phoenix companion in the palace here, Philomena. I've also spearheaded many movements and laws in order to protect them."

They were endangered, despite their near immortal lifespans and ability to combustibly reincarnate. When killed by an outside force or if their ashes are tampered with, it can prevent them from coming back.

"Your paper was splendid, very detailed. How did you do your research?"

I rubbed my leg nervously, avoiding her gaze. I hadn't exactly been very safe when doing my research, breaking more than one rule when going about it. Given that it was HER school, I was hesitant to reveal that.

Being so long lived must have given her incredible powers of reasoning and deduction. Either that or I really looked guilty of something sitting there.

"Ah, I see. How unfortunate."

Her voice is full of disappointment. Was she going to revoke my diploma for this?? Could she do that?? I'm certain that I am far from the first student to break the rules at that school, especially for the final paper. I didn't even say anything yet!

"It's quite apparent, you plagiarized existing texts to make your paper, disguising it as your own work."

The accusation struck me in my pride, the resulting sparks starting a fire in my chest. I jumped up, outraged, and stomped my hoof down.

"I did NOT steal ANYTHING!" I declared, nearly shouting. I'd go down in a blaze rather than take a fall for something as dishonest and despicable as plagiarism.

"I missed other classes, nearly failing a few of them, for almost two months as I hitchhiked out to the edge of the dragon lands and observed them in person. I risked my tail, avoiding adolescent dragons and trying not to get burned by the very phoenix I was studying as they tried to drive me off. Every bit of my research was earned with each burn and aching hoof."

I was digging myself a hole and filling it with water, we were told putting oneself in life-threatening situations was grounds for punishment or expulsion.

"I didn't tell anyone I was there." Rule broken.

"I went alone!" Another rule broken.

"I was in constant danger for weeks." At this rate I might get a record in the college's hall of infamy.

"I wrote every word. Plagiarism is for those not brave enough to take the risk."

I was panting as I ended my fiery defense, fully expecting the princess to be full of anger.

Instead, I'm met with a cool smile, almost hidden behind a teacup, and a knowing glint in her eyes.

It dawned on me right then that she had played me, played my pride like a fiddle. She pushed the right button, knowing the answer, but needing me to admit it directly.

I couldn't believe I'd fallen for it so easily. To my credit, thousands of years of experience has likely given her mastery over games such as this.

I made a note to myself about this Princess, to never be in opposition of her in a battle of wits. By comparison to her, I would be unarmed.

This must be what some of the animals felt like when I got the better of them.

When it was clear that I was finished, she set down her tea and lightly clapped her hooves together.

"That is exactly what I was hoping to hear!"

I stood there dumbfounded.

"Thank you, Miss Keen, for confirming my thoughts for me. Please sit down, be at ease. You are in no trouble."

I held her eye, never breaking contact as I slowly sat down. The easy smile never left her face.

"To get to the point, Miss Keen, I did invite you here for a reason other than tea. I have a job offer for you."

---

Have you ever laid in your bed and just stared up at your ceiling for a short eon? They're such odd things, when you think about them. Ceilings. Roofs. Always right above your head when you're indoors, but folks rarely pay them any mind. Unless there's art or a fancy chandelier or something, there's no good reason to look at the ceiling normally.

Speaking of, being "indoors" is treated synonymously with "having a roof over your head", despite them being very different concepts.

Being indoors implies there is a door separating you from the rest of the world, accompanied by walls. No mention of a roof. I imagine, in ancient times, it would refer to being outside the walls of a primitive community, open to attack by predators.

Having a roof implies protection from the elements: shade from the sun, protection from the rain, and so forth. I suppose it can also imply the presence of walls as well, but pavilions exist!

These are things you might think about when staring at your ceiling. However, as I stare at the ceiling now, all I can think of is how it never changes. Barring a catastrophic event or some home remodeling, the ceiling is always there doing its infinite duty.

I remember when my life was more like a ceiling. It was predictable. It was unsurprising. Flat and unchanging.

Turbulence is now the flavor of my life, so it seems. I can't even return to my home in peace after my talk with the princess without something throwing another wrench onto the growing pile.

It was late after our chat was finished. I was being escorted back home by two Day Guards, their last duties before the shift changes at sunset.

I remember stopping for a moment at a tree just up the block from me. A bit of movement caught my eye, a branch moving unnaturally.

Upon closer inspection, it was a little critter masquerading as a twig. As I prodded it, it stood up and started to wiggle and dance. Its body was intriguing, made to look exactly like a jutting part of the branch.

"Is everything alright, miss?" One of my escorts inquired.

"Phasmatidae." I replied. His bewildered look at the dancing critter prompted me to clarify. "Phasmid. Stick bug."

"How did you know that?"

"Beginner Entomology class in college."

Sufficient explanation given, he lost interest and turned away. I gave the insect a nod, called it a beautiful specimen, and continued home.

Once through the door, I found the guards collapsing as I turned to bid them goodnight. They were unconscious before they hit the ground.

I didn't even have a moment to consider how odd that was, didn't get to panic. Feelings of serene calm and sleepy ease washed over me, drowning out the voice in my head yelling that fainting wasn't normal behavior.

My vision started to get fuzzy and blurry around the edges, and the street outside my door seemed to tilt dangerously to the left. My last thought before my eyes closed for me was that I should probably tie down my wagon so it doesn't roll down the now sloped street.

Author's Note:

Hello,

Yes this is bug.

I warned you not to get spoiled, and yet here I am putting out another short chapter within a few months.

Worry not, I hope to have the next chapter out sometime in the next few months.

Please attach any questions with a donation of love, in cash, and I'll try to get back to you within a few business years.

No offer of cookies today, I'm fresh out.

Comments

[SigmasonicX]

This was a nice moment between Celestia and Keen Eye, and the subtle hints about the nature of the room (well aside from the name) are a cool detail.

And as for the ending, so much for things going well for Keen, lol.