A seemingly regular human was turned into a Nightmare from the game Heroes of Might & Magic 5, and then transported to Equestria at the time of Nightmare Moon's return. Soon, he finds himself in the whirlwind of unexpected events.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Thanks for the chapter ^_^.
Going by the current pace, this first story will end up with twice the chapters (at least) compare to the old one. Though I admit the plot is more sensible and does not feel rush compare to the old one.
At the risk of repeating everything I've said in the past, I'd like to repeat everything I've said in the past. :)
Character development, power increases, world building, etc, are all quite solid. Luna's musing on whether or not simply returning to the moon would be preferable was particularly on point, and I can see how she's reaching the conclusions she is. She is paranoid, but it isn't paranoia if someone really is out to get you. Solid work, looking forward to seeing the plot really move forward. If I have a critique, it's that this section of the story feels like it's dragging on a bit. Not to the point of being utterly dull, but picking up the pace a hair might not go amiss. Obviously, just my 2 bits on the subject, and overall it's still very solid.
9771712
That's what I discovered when I finally compared the rewrite to the original. As of now, I've written more than twice as much for the first act of the story. And I've already written more than half of the total wordcount of the original. I'm adding new subplots and taking my time now, so yeah, I bet there would be at least two times the chapters and possibly three times the wordcount. That's not really bad, though – it will certainly make a nice story.
9771750
Don't worry, the story won't drag on for too long. The conspirators are on their way to do something.
more character development before shit hits the fan is always welcomed in my book
9771814
So let me get straight andromelis is need unifed a demon tribe to become one nation now what princess reaction if that happen
Hmm... Interesting take on the history but, what will happen to the archdemons? Will they simply not exist?
Also not to say that the picture bin the fix is bad, and it might just be me, but this pic looks better, I post both for comparison.
mobygames.com/images/promo/original/1503998813-259363286.jpg
images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/741259c9-3c34-4eae-b137-5df787a4c49e/d7lmqaz-f5648475-8303-4048-b246-d012061e1942.png/v1/fill/w_1230,h_649,q_70,strp/pit_lord_by_huussii_d7lmqaz-pre.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9MTA4MCIsInBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcLzc0MTI1OWM5LTNjMzQtNGVhZS1iMTM3LTVkZjc4N2E0YzQ5ZVwvZDdsbXFhei1mNTY0ODQ3NS04MzAzLTQwNDgtYjI0Ni1kMDEyMDYxZTE5NDIucG5nIiwid2lkdGgiOiI8PTIwNDUifV1dLCJhdWQiOlsidXJuOnNlcnZpY2U6aW1hZ2Uub3BlcmF0aW9ucyJdfQ.fF9FXykpjGHMuSYvMut4W63o3IL6Pt0rca2YjlkvXxA
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I picked the first one because it's official artwork. I'm not sure about the second one.
"Couldn't be faked" my ass. Any emotion can be faked; that's just how I see it though.
He is correct, demons are rarely, if ever considered to be good.
What will the price be?
Once again, Equestria fucks over an entire race/kingdom. Hey, that's sounds similar to what they did to Haven in one of my stories. Racist assholes
Okay, having read the original story, I know their some similarities between both stories, but the one mystery that wasn't clearly answered in the original was, who was the pony tribe responsible for sealed away the ancestors of the demons - I mean, not one of the three pony tribes, but which family lineage from the pony race was responsible for sealing them away. The original story had its own interesting flair and mysteries, but there were too many questions tossed and shown that made giving a clearer picture more and more difficult, this remake - so far - is making the picture somewhat clear yet also at the same time keeping the right amount of mystique to keep my interest flowing.
Always been a fan of this story - the remake and original - so keep up the awesome work, and await for the coming chapters.
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One of the biggest facts - for both fan stories and the show - is how they treat interactions with other races and same-race interactions. I mean sure the ponies, griffons, and other races will in-fight with one another, but any interactions with other races is an absolute no-no, so before Twilight's school became a thing, I've always noticed how little the interaction with inter-species there were, sure there are a few fan stories that show some interaction between other races, but the biggest and common trope is the aggressive and unfriendly nature between other races/nations.
Seeing stories that involve the unity of various races, the challenges they have to face, and their downfall, has always been a trope that rarely portrayed - especially properly and as interesting before. Its easy to have different nations to fight one another, but another thing to have two individuals/groups of different perspectives and interests to interact and work together. This is why crossover stories have always been my favorite in this site.
Sounds about right. Even now Ponys are very xenophobe and some probably greedy... The story sound legit to me. Alone this organisation in Canterlot to fall would be worth them free.
By the way this chapter really fit with darker sountracks... I listen to this as example:
9988097
Ever played Bayonetta? Demons look evil BUT angels are evil...