Pinkie Pie Tries Advertising

by DmitriTheWriter

Cut To Commercials

Business was failing. Okay, that wasn't entirely true, but business at Sugarcube Corner had stagnated in recent weeks. In order to drum up business, the Cakes needed to try something drastic. In his office, Mr. Cake picked up his phone and began to dial the number of the one pony that could help him.

Pinkie Pie was pulling chocolate chip cookies from her oven when suddenly, in the front room, she heard the phone ring. After placing the cookies on the stove to cool, she skipped happily towards her phone and picked up the receiver.

"Hello," she called.

"Hi, Pinkie. It's me," Mr. Cake said.

"Mr. Cake, what is it? Do you need me to be your foalsitter tonight?" Pinkie asked.

"N-no, this is a bit different," Mr. Cake said.

Pinkie gasped. "Did something happen to Sugarcube Corner?"

"Kinda. It's stagnating right now. Profits haven't really gone up in weeks. In fact, they've kinda gone down,"

Pinkie took a throw pillow from her couch and screamed into it.

"It's okay though," Mr. Cake said. "What we need is our own local commercials. We have the filming equipment and the air time, we just need you to star in our commercials,"

"You want me to star in your commercials?! I'll do it!" Pinkie said.

"That's amazing, Pinkie. Meet us down at Sugarcube Corner at 2:00 PM," Mr. Cake said.

Pinkie Pie skipped down to Sugarcube Corner at 1:30 PM, and leaped ecstatically in front of the front door until Mr. Cake came down with the filming equipment and unlocked the door. Pinkie Pie jumped around inside the bakery until everything was set up.

"Alright, Pinkie, are you ready?" Mr. Cake asked.

"I was born ready," Pinkie replied.

"Okay, 3, 2, 1, and action!"

"Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie! Do you ever say to yourself 'Aargh, my tummy's rumbling, and I don't know what to do about it.'? Well we have the solution for you. Come on down to-"

Pinkie Pie was interrupted by an upright creature wearing a blue polo shirt and khakis and sporting a beard, with a voice to rival Princess Luna's in volume. "HI, BILLY MAYS HERE TO SELL YOU ON THE POWER OF OXI-CLEAN! IT GETS THE TOUGH STAINS OUT!"

"Hey, this is my commercial!" Pinkie shouted at the man.

"WATCH THIS!" Billy grabbed Pinkie in a choke hold and held a spray bottle of Oxi-Clean and a rag in his other hand. He sprayed the detergent onto Pinkie and wiped it off, revealing complete whiteness where it had been. "OXI-CLEAN IS STRONG ENOUGH TO WIPE THE COLOR OFF OF PONIES COMPETELY! NOW THAT'S PRETTY IMPRESSIVE!"

"Cut, cut!" Mr. Cake said. When he said that, Billy Mays vanished, and Pinkie's color returned. "Let's try this again,"

"Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie! Do you ever say to yourself 'Aargh, my tummy's rumbling, and I don't know what to do about it.'? Well we have the solution for you! Come on down to-"

Pinkie was shoved aside by another human, this one wearing a blue trench coat and sporting a bowl cut. He was wearing a weird crescent shaped thing on his arm. "Outta my way. Time for the real star of the show to shine."

"Hey! Stop interrupting my commercials!" Pinkie was getting annoyed.

"Hi, Seto Kaiba, president of KaibaCorp, here to tell you about the newest KaibaCorp Duel Disk System. This new Duel Disk System allows you to duel your friends like never before. I defeated Yugi Muto with this technology, and now so can you,"

Pinkie Pie tried shoving Kaiba away from the camera so she could have more screen time. As she did, that same booming voice interrupted again. "YOU THINK YOU CAN STEAL MY COMMERCIALS?!"

"Beat it, old man!" Kaiba said. Billy Mays tackled Seto Kaiba, and the two wrestled on the ground. At that moment, a portal opened up and a floating hayburger began to steal the show.

"Wait, I'm on the air? Uhh...HEY THERE, VIEWERS! Come on down to your local hayburger joint and buy some burgers! Do it or else!"

Pinkie pushed the floating hayburger away from the camera. "NO! NO! NO! THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY COMMERCIAL, AND MINE ALONE!"

Suddenly, ninjas burst out of the wall and attacked everyone.

"Gah, ninjas?! Why are there ninjas here?!" Kaiba was very confused.

Billy Mays tried to put on a fighting stance, but he was overwhelmed by the sheer number of ninjas. The floating hayburger was busting out some awesome kung fu moves, despite being a burger, but he too was getting overwhelmed.

Kaiba put placed a card face-up on the Duel Disk System he was wearing. "I summon the Blue-Eyes White Dragon!" Behind Kaiba, a light shined, and from that light, a white dragon with blue eyes arose and roared to the skies.

"Blue-Eyes, White Lightning Attack!" Kaiba said. The dragon opened its maw, and sure enough white lightning came forth and incinerated all of the ninjas.

"This is my commercial now, you hear me?!" Kaiba shouted.

"No, it's mine!" Pinkie shouted as she blasted Kaiba with her party cannon. Kaiba fell backwards onto his back, with confetti surrounding him. Blue-Eyes opened his maw and prepared to blast Pinkie, but then it was sprayed with Oxi-Clean by Billy Mays and instantly dissolved.

"Aah, impossible," Kaiba said.

"THAT'S THE POWER OF OXI-CLEAN!" Billy Mays shouted.

Billy Mays, Seto Kaiba, and the floating hayburger got into a massive brawl behind Pinkie. Pinkie cleared her throat and finished her commercial.

"You ever feel your tummy saying 'Gosh, I wish I had something to eat right now.' or you just want to get away from everything for a little while?" Pinkie glanced back at the brawl, with the hayburger using Billy Mays' Oxi-Clean against him. "Well come on down to Sugarcube Corner! We have everything! Cakes! Pies! Cakes! Cookies! Cakes! No actual sugar cubes, though. We don't get those until next week. Regardless, come down to Sugarcube Corner to satisfy your needs right now!"

"And cut!" Mr. Cake stopped the tape. "Well, we caught a lot of things I'd rather we didn't, but I'll go see if the network will accept this tape as is,"

That very night, thousands of ponies tuned in to see the Element of Laughter break the universe while she tried to advertise. They found it absolutely hilarious, so much so that it didn't stay a local commercial for very long. Soon it was broadcast all over Equestria, and by the second night of airing all four alicorn princesses had seen the commercial. Ponies flocked to Ponyville just to go to Sugarcube Corner, and Mr. and Mrs. Cake considered their commercial a success.

Comments

[FiMFanatic]

Not a bad story. It may not be perfect in every sense of the word, but it was flat out freaking adorkable! I really didn't expect Billy Mays of all people to wind up in this story, that was just so random and hilarious.

HI, BILLY MAYS HERE AND I WANT TO TELL YOU THAT THIS STORY IS A CLASSIC IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD. TRY OXI-CLEAN WHILE READING THIS TO ENHANCE THIS LITERARY EXPERIENCE. READ NOW, AND WE'LL DOUBLE YOUR ORDER OF OXI-CLEAN ON THIS VERY PAGE! SO, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? GIVE THIS TALE A READ AND ORDER NOW!!!

Great job!