• Member Since 10th May, 2018
  • offline last seen October 12th

DmitriTheWriter


Come in, and experience a world of bewilderment!

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Twilight Sparkle gets framed for a crime, and is hauled off to the Ponyville Town Jail to await trial. As she has never been convicted of a crime before, she's never had need for a defense attorney. There is somepony willing to help her, however. And who better to represent Princess Twilight Sparkle in court than The Great And Powerful Trixie, Attorney At Law? This will end poorly...

Edited/proofread/co-authored by HMXTaylorLee

EDIT: Featured from 5/18/19 to 5/19/19

EDIT 2: Now with a TvTropes page!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 36 )

Consider my interest piqued.

A lot of nonsense, but a very enjoyable read.

Reminds me of Turnabout Storm, but with loads more ham. I'm honestly surprised that Trixie has the credentials to even be a prosecutor in the first place.

I'm actually writing a fic where Twilight is charged with treason for what she did during the Season 4 finale (i.e. give magic to Tirek). How does that sound?

Oh hell fucking yes.

EDIT: I think I have an ulcer from laughing too hard. Bravo.

The shady green pony's horn began to glow, and in a split second, the Manehattan skyline disappeared in a flash of light.

Oh, good grief...it was Brainiac!!!

On another note, I haven't seen this many "Objection!"s in a court room since this...

Apophis doesn't seem to be any better a lawyer than Trixie is, and clearly twice as crooked.

So...considering that Trixie indicates she's gone up against him in court before, and we know she hasn't won a case in months...that doesn't say much about Trixie's skills for this job, does it? :trollestia:

“But we didn’t even get to hear their closing arguments,” Rainbow Dash pointed out. “And the little evidence we saw seemed kind of sketchy-”

It amuses me that Rainbow Dash is the one who thinks to voice this concern. :rainbowlaugh:

"Yes, just a minute, Your Honor," Trixie cleared her throat. "The prosecution says that Twilight Sparkle is guilty as charged. But what exactly is guilt? For that matter, what is innocence? The great and powerful defense is of the firm belief that terms such as guilt and innocence are nothing but social constructs and thus cannot be reasonably used in a professional setting such as this courtroom..."

Comedy gold. Welcome to my all-time faves list lmao.

... :rainbowhuh: :derpyderp2: :rainbowderp: ...
What did I just read? :facehoof:
To be honest I enjoyed the insanity of it and was expecting Discord much sooner. The whole thing did a great job making me as confused as Twilight was the entire time.
Also loved the Hitchhikers Guide references.

Wow, someone who is actually familiar with Discordianism. Color me impressed!
(Malaclypse gave it away)

There aren't many stories I give a like to... but then, there aren't many ridiculous enough to get me laughing out loud, either.

Twilight's facial expression is absolutely perfect. It's disdain, sadness, irritation, and disbelief that her counsel is so inept, as is the rest of the trial.

I love your additions since I last saw it. Trixie's cross examinations are so woeful.

Thanks for letting me work with you!

30 points from Gryffindor

This felt quite a lot like the trial from Alice in Wonderland

"Mr. Apophis, all lawyers are at least somewhat evil. What exactly is the point of this outburst?" the judge said.

And bloodsucking and moneysucking cretins.

9628839
Funny thing is, she doesn't. :rainbowlaugh:

Twilight grabbed Trixie's business card and turned it around to face her. "Trixie, there's not even an Equestrian Bar Association logo on your business card! You're not licensed to practice law!"

“In the case of Twilight Sparkle vs. the ponies of Equestria, the defendant is charged with grand theft against the City of Manehattan,” the judge said.

Should be “Equestria (the moving party/prosecution/plaintiff) vs Princess Twilight Sparkle (the accused/defendant/non-moving party)”

"Dammit!" Apophis exclaimed. "You were supposed to stay in your disguises for the entire trial!"

Your Honor, I move for mistrial on the grounds of the prosecutor forging witnesses and creating testimony. I would also like for his conduct to be brought before the Equestrian Bar.

Now let me ask you another question, Mr. Blueblood. Do you know the circumference of a waffle?”

Objection, irrelevant.

Note, I am not a lawyer, but I do watch a few on YT, namely Leonard French and Legal Eagle.

"I will do no such thing," Rainbow Dash the witness answered.

"Alright, fair enough. At least you’re honest about it," the judge said. "You may begin with your testimony."

"I saw everything, Your Honor!" Rainbow Dash the witness blurted immediately. "I saw Twilight casting the spell to shrink the city of Manehattan as she did it! Her mane was all frazzled and her eyes looked wild, and she was laughing like a madmare! I begged for her to stop, but she wouldn't listen to me! I tried..." Rainbow Dash the witness suddenly broke down sobbing, holding her head in her hooves.

OBJECTION!!! THIS IS RAINBOW FACTORY DASH!!! CONFIRMED FUCKTARD AND INSANE PONY!!! HER WORDS ARE MEANINGLESS DUE TO THE FACT SHE'D SAY ANYTHING TO GET RID OF HER ENEMIES!!! AND FOR PINKIE THAT IS PINKAMENA DIANE PIE, THE SECOND CONFIRMED FUCKTARD AND INSANE PONY!!! I WOULD LIKE TO CALL ADAM CONOVER TO THE STANDS!!!

I actually love Rainbow Factory Dash just trying to be an attorney... Pinkamena's a fucktard though, change my mind.

Apophis dejectedly discarded his lunch under his desk. “Just as well, the evidence I have against the defendant will make everypony in the courtroom sick to their stomachs!” he levitated his new piece of evidence in front of him. "Here, we see Exhibit A. Now as you can see here, Your Honor, this is the city of Manehattan, shrunk and contained like a ship in a bottle, and right over here, near the Manehattan Harbor,” he pointed to the dockyard, now only about three inches long, and the miniscule stain of ketchup near it. “Oh, what have we here? A signature, spelling out the letters ‘T.S.’! Initials for ‘Twilight Sparkle’ perhaps? Your Honor and the good ponies of the jury, understand that this evidence against the defendant that I now hold is irrefutable!”

OBJECTION!!! YOU DID IT YOU SLIMY PIECE OF SHIT!!! I CAN TELL BY THE KETCHUP!!! YOU ALSO PLANTED FAKE EVIDENCE!!! I ALSO HAVE RECORDS THAT YOUR BROTHER IS STEFANO VALENTINI!!! COMPLETE PSYCHOPATH AND MADMAN!!! HOW DO WE KNOW YOU'RE NOT A FUCKTARD TO HUH APOPHIS?!?!?! HUH?!?!?!

9632798
The legal system in Equestria clearly is not where it needs to be.

I will take the blame on the out of order plaintiff and defendant one though. That was my flub, sorry!

9632743
I actually didn't know that. Thanks, it's fixed now. :twilightsmile:


9632759
Yeah, the Equestrian Bar is going to have a field day with Apophis' malpractices. :rainbowlaugh:

GREATER POOP: Are you really serious or what?
MAL-2: Sometimes I take humor seriously. Sometimes I take seriousness humorously. Either way it is irrelevant.

GP: Maybe you are just crazy.
M2: Indeed! But do not reject these teaching as false because I am crazy. The reason that I am crazy is because they are true.

GP: Is Eris true?
M2: Everything is true.
GP: Even false things?
M2: Even false things are true.
GP: How can that be?
M2: I don't know man, I didn't do it.

Clearly, no better witness could ever be. Or no better bee could ever witness. I get those confused.

Hail Discordia! All hail Eris!



fnord

It was a beautiful day in Ponyville, as it always seemed to be. You never hear of any rainy days in Ponyville, do you?

Actually...
Remember the sleepover?
- regards. MB

Thank you for making my cry.

With laughter! :rainbowlaugh:

"Well, turns out stage magic isn't quite as popular as it was when I started out, so I had to start thinking about alternate career paths. Being a stage magician involved misleading a large audience and making ponies see things that aren't there, so I figured working in a courtroom would be a natural fit for me," Trixie explained.

66.media.tumblr.com/03abd275372700f80bd9930f948486bf/tumblr_nluzbcn0Ew1rcr9s0o1_1280.jpg

Hi there. My name is CaptainPinkiePie and I made this TvTropes page just for you:

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/FanFic/NoOrderInTheCourt

9703454
AAAAAAAAAAA

Oh my gosh, thank you so much! I browse TvTropes on a regular basis (in fact, it, along with this fandom, was what inspired/enabled me to write in the first place), so seeing something that I wrote on TvTropes makes me feel like I've really made it as a writer. Though I suppose some of the credit should be given to HMXTaylorLee, since, after all, they did help me write the thing. If you need any help with confirmation of tropes or something like that, just let me know.

Also, I'm a bit surprised that Trixie came off as Crazy Awesome, considering I tried to write her as incompetent when it comes to lawyering. But it's a pleasant surprise, and it definitely makes sense. :rainbowlaugh:

AAAAAAAAAAA

9703973
My pleasure. Although it was your friend that introduced me to this story and convinced me it was Troperrific enough to get its own page. And boy howdy, it did not disappoint! And it was hilarious too! :rainbowlaugh:

9705531
I'm guessing you mean Leondude. If so, I will have to thank him at some point. I'm glad you enjoyed it. :twilightsmile:

9705540
Yes, it is and your welcome.

9705593
Probably your way of atoning for your days as an unabashed self-promoter that got banned from TvTropes.

9705597
That's one reason. Another reason is I like helping out friends.

9703973
Funny enough, I browse TvTropes on a regular basis as well and it helped me get into the fandom (as well as improve my writing style).

I object only to the fact that Death didn't speak in all caps LIKE THIS, and wasn't secretly ghost-written by Terry Pratchet.

Everything else was solid gold all the way through!

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