Stallions are weak, soft, sensitive, and need a mare to take care of them. Everypony knows that. Well, except this one Stallion, but he’s insane, so he needs help anyway, right? (RGRE one shot extended into a half-proper story. Idk)
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berth
Everfree
Finished the first chapter and then seconds later it’s updated!
I somewhat feel story for this guy. He has everything under control hopefully he can get that dreadful bunny taken care of. Now how will he handle these girls as they all go crazy?
That would be my response to Mr. Jack Marley and your future looks grim as you now have sexiest mares seemingly in love with you. May we have a moment of silence for this man.
Something tells me this is going to end in booze, blood, and a shitload of fighting....... I like it.
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Much appreciated
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Agreed, I was hoping for a little more... IDK, realism of some sort.
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While I'm sure your rant is unappreciated, the author rushing straight into "let's make a harem" by chapter 2 is pretty disappointing.
I want to yell Gary-Stu, but I remembered this is a comedy. Yet it feels more like a parody than anything else. Anyways can't wait to see how this plays out.
Jack you basterd you stole my dream!
It was awesome up to the point they decided to start a harem. I honestly thought Twilight came up with an ingenious plan to catch him. Not think with her loins.
This was the point it all went south for me.
Still, it is the final portion of the chapter, only. It can be saved.
Here's hoping that the harem plan is actually a deception that they intended him to eavesdrop on and it's going to comically fall flat because they're still assuming Jack has cultural knowledge that he lacks.
Otherwise, I'm out with an "And it showed such promise too."
I'm just glad that I waited until chapter 2 to read this or I'd have upvoted prematurely.
...I laughed for a solid five minutes whilst reading.
s2.quickmeme.com/img/05/05c8fd05e13f4d7ca70a9abb24556e110989dbe2f5ba8a62d9e124ef6ff4f89a.jpg
Can't wait to see what happens next. More violence hopefully.
I wish I could add likes to this story equal to the amount of times I laughed
Hopefully in the end everybody gets *a happy ending*
Why can't I unsee guys design and character coming from the world of ed edd n eddy
Did anyone else imagine him having Jack Septiceye's voice?
Is drunk, SHET!!!
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Well if it isn't the Catholic Church and whats this no little timmy glued to your crotch, progress
8839149
How much "peril" is he in?
Please tell me that Twilight and the others were bluffing! I have seen far too stories share the same grisly fate. PLEASE DONT LET THE STORY SUFFER DEATH BY SNU SNU! Other than that love the story so far. The main character is a barrel of laughs!
Lemme go ahead and give you a thumbs up.
You and me both man, you and me both.....
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I don't know man. This sounds like an epic fantasy about a brave group of heroes trying to save a poor, defenseless maiden from the clutches of evil. What about that doesn't warrant an adventure tag?
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... How dare you put that idea in my head. Now I can't get it out.
“ The Fock just happened? ”
I'm wondering that too.
This took a turn, this took a horrifying turn
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Not really what I going for. I’m planning more of a “back your horny-horse butt out of this house, back to your own, and go fuck yourself!”
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Give it a chance man! You won’t regret it!
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Not what I’m doing
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Again, I must stress that he’s going to react to it like any adult human when told to fuck a horse. Not fuckin’ happenin’. I suppose unrealistic (slightly) on the show’s part, but everything else is going according to plan
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I'm certainly waiting to see what happens... it's just that, given how much fanfiction I've read over the last decade and a half, I've gotten a pretty good sense of what's coming up based on existing chapters... if nothing else, in a vague, general "how much am I going to enjoy this author's style?" sense.
If you found me maybe 10 years ago, I'd have loved what I'm sensing from this. Now, it just comes across as foreshadowing something that's going to be stale at best, cliché at worst, and a waste of the potential the concept had.
Even if you manage to make it good, the shallowness of character in having a bunch of characters having that kind of infatuation will just come across as "How much better could this have been if the author didn't have to compensate for that albatross around the story's neck?"
That's why I said I hope it's a deception. I was giving you a way to "Psyche! Gotcha, readers!" your way out of a decision that I'm not sure I've ever seen help a story. (Unless it's intended primarily as softcore porn that can be legally sold to teenage males, like so much modern rom-com anime.)
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I acknowledge and respect your opinion. Thanks for the legit criticism.
This was pretty funny!
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Sure as hell looks like that's what you're doing...
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Dude, I have no shame. If I was going to make a harem, I would label it as such
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Well... the first chapter was good enough for me not to dismiss this story due to chapter 2, so I look forward see if you turn this into a successful rollercoaster ride or a firey crash.
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Odd, but something tells me this isn't the harem cliche it's presenting itself as, at least not right away. If anything, the main 6 seem to be comedic relief from an otherwise edgy character. Still seems kinda Gary Stu but not to the point of no return and if anything, he seems to have a different sort of challenge that, while at the expense of the main 6's character integrity, he can't immediately trump and has actually made worse by being combative and antagonistic.
There is actually a chance for character growth here if I'm reading the situation correctly. That said, I'll be a bit disappointed if he ever actually falls for them.
You walk a razors edge on more than one level but I hope you have the ability to write yourself a crazy comedic epic.
Can't wait to see what the insane asylum will deal with him, I find it odd that the Mane Six would ever be interested in him in the first place.
I've not read the story yet, and will probably wait until I've seen how people react to the next few chapters, but I can't help but think this song is relevant in some way.
Ponyville Hospital needs to prepare six beds.
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My question is why does this turn you off to the story? After all, this story is set in the world where all the stallions are apparently soyboys (even clop-fic stud Big Macintosh). So it would only make sense that the OC is able to do all this. Plus the mane six acting like horny school girls for a stallion that doesn't need a mare and has an independent, don't take shit from nobody attitude is exactly what normal girls want. The fact he doesn't need them turns them on more because he is a "special case" so to speak. Plus this is A comedy, we're not supposed to take it seriously.
Loving this story
Reminds me of my friend John Kennedy, a total a hole, and he'll of a lot of fun to hang with...
But what he says about women, could not be printed here, not without causing someone to go blind...
This idea is terrible. I have no idea if the story you've attached to it is any good, but since my time is limited and I have the ability to infer, I'm not going to waste the motion needed to determine that. Congrats on the feature, btw.
The logic and storyline are all over the place, half of what is being said doesn't make any sense, it is chaos. You are probably one of the few authors that I have ever seen pull this off and succeed! I am interested to see how this continues
8840478
Someone finally gets my writing! (Yay)