• Member Since 6th Sep, 2014
  • offline last seen Jun 6th, 2023

TheMultiBrony21


Hi, I love making fan-fics, listening to good music, and Derpy Hooves.

Comments ( 24 )

This will hopefully be better than the first. The reason for the first being so bad was because it's harder for me to write stories about medieval knights than ww2 soldiers or modern day humans.

The premise sounds good, but you should change the main character's name. It just sounds to generic for my tastes.

Comment posted by TheMultiBrony21 deleted Feb 22nd, 2018

8750832
Changed the name from John Smith to Daniel Roebuck.

For anyone wondering, the reason Roebuck is so accepting of his new life has to do with Hans Fischer's experiment and will be revealed in full detail later on in the story.

8760939
True. But there is more to Hans then meets the eye. :raritywink:

Why does this story have so many dislikes? I mean, it can't be that bad, right? ...Right?

9005351
Well I'm guessing it's just a bunch of haters. Because so far, no one has explained the issues this story has.

P.s. I plan on deleting this and it's predecessor. And just stick with modern-day style human in Equestria stories since they are easier to write.

9120295
No.

I haven't even seen the Terminator movies.

9120582
To each their own.

As I said in reply to your comment on the other fanfic, I'm going to cancel and delete these stories once I get a computer so I can work on another HiE fic.

9120599
Agreed.

They were hard to make, considering I wrote them using a cellphone.

The reason I'm deleting them is because nota only are they extremely disliked, I actually see why they're disliked.

Don't worry, though. You'll have plenty of time before I remove them.

Comment posted by Solo Wing of The Abyss deleted Nov 26th, 2019

As the ramp lowered, machine guns opened fire on the soldiers. Bodies were ripped apart, some beyond recognition.

"Mommy!" a soldier cries as he tries to reattach his legs.

The surviving soldiers charge for the cliffs, once they get to the cliffs they climb up and descend into the enemy trenches.

Damn dude. Do you think you can put some more detail in this kind of shit? And not just trying to milk the shock factor? I mean there are entire TEXTBOOKS on this and all you could do was squeeze in a couple of sentences?

"Wow, that's horrible!" Red Rose exclaimed.

Well that's certainly a way to react to such a thing. No shock or anything, just "huh that sucks."

This chapter was pointless.

After completing training he and his friends were shipped out to take part in the Bloodiest battle of World War 2.

This video got removed; dead link.

Oh, and they had this strange Emblem on their uniforms.

You know, you could have just had the character describe the symbol instead of being lazy and linking a picture from a call of duty wiki.

"Want us to attack them? I'm asking you, by the way, Daniel." A guard said.

Who the fuck is this guy taking orders from? The alien or his princess?

a Creature is approaching our camp. It appears to be a ruler of some kind.

How the hell does he know what the leader of ponies looks like?

He and Celestia discussed about where the murderers would strike next, when all of a sudden.

"All of a sudden" is a retarded transition. In fact this entire sentence is retarded. Try this:

He and Celestia had a discussion about where the murderers would strike next, when they were interrupted by one of Fischer's soldiers.

This starts out with flashbacks... You've been warned.

Enough of the fucking flashbacks dude. This one was well enough deserved but shit, find a more creative way to introduce a concept into the story.

Red Rose smiles. "No, I jus- wait.. You really think I'm beautiful?" She asks.

This is bullshit. This man is from a time of massive intolerance. The fact that he just jumps to the idea of finding ponies attractive means that he had some kind of prior attractiveness to horses. Making him a nasty horsefucker.

Well this chapter was better than the rest but it's not hard to improve on garbage. Let's see if you've got the skills to pay the bills in the clop department...

I'm in heat and I really need to mate.

Heat is a cheap device to use to initiate clop.

Now stop bucking and start fucking soldier!

Bad pony. Ponies aren't supposed to use filthy words like 'fuck'.

"Rose... Huh... I think I'm gonna... Shoot my "1911" off any minute!"

:facehoof:

"Do it inside me! I want your entire magazine inside my foxhole soldier boy!!!"

Please never write anything like this ever again.


Alright so I'm all done with this shite. Overall I guess it could have been worse. At least it was an original idea, and it was at least a little bit entertaining. I'd read a sequel if one was made.

One last thing: Can you explain to me why the hell this is in the humanxroyalty group? Celestia is in it but that's fucking it.

"<Sir, you're sure he's alive? So far all we have found are corpses.>" Schultz said as he examined the remains of the bomber.

Is he from Hogan’s Hero’s.

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