• Published 26th Feb 2018
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Blazing a Trail to the Past. - Daylight_Dreamer



After a freak accident, I wound up in equestria with a Jeep. Offroading where nobodys driven before. Or am I?

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59- Trying to acknowledge my fans.

I settled into the chair in the back corner of the V.I.P. section. Lyra and Bon Bon were still along so they pulled chairs to the edge of the section to block the part left open by the tables.

I was about to pull the joint out of my pocket when a cigar-sized blunt hovered in front of my face. I looked over to Slag to see his horn glowing, but he didn't turn away from the ponies asking when they got to talk to me.

I took the blunt and was going ask for a light when the end magically fired up.

"I forget how convenient it is smoking with Slag," I joked as I passed to Gilda.

"Yea, we unicorns can do a lot with our magic," Lyra said, "I'd love to show you some time." She bit her lip so hard I thought she was going to bleed.

I felt the second vibration in my shirt pocket. "Twenty-five minutes," I said to myself.

Then I felt a vibration in my pants pocket. "What the fuck!?" I said out loud fumbling to take my phone out with my hooves. I was getting a call, the caller ID just read 'unknown number'. I fumbled around trying to answer it, but my hooves were useless on the touchscreen.

"What is it, Dweeb?" Gilda asked,

"It looks like I just missed a phone call," I said, "but I'm a dimension away from the nearest cell tower."

"Missed a what now?" Gilda asked, "Do you want to go to the clock-tower?"

"No," I said, "for now let's just say what just happened should be impossible."

"I see," Gilda said, "I want to know all about it later. For now, let's try to enjoy the evening."

"Agreed," I said trying to forget what had just happened.

I had a voicemail, but I had a feeling trying to check it would only result in a 'roaming' message and I was ill-equipped to find out for the next twenty minutes as of the vibration in my shirt pocket. It wasn't going to do me any good to fret, but I couldn't stop thinking about it.

"Hey, snap out of it," Bon Bon said, "it's you're hit,"

I stuffed my phone back in my pocket and took a good rip off the blunt.

"Take it easy there, wild stallion," Gilda said, "That stuff is potent."

"I know what I'm doing," I took another hit before passing to Gilda.

"Well I hope you're right, Dweeb," She warned, "I'm not carrying you home from here again."

"I'll carry him to my place!" Lyra blurted, "you can take Bon Bon!"

Gilda and Bon Bon both glared at her.

"Sorry!" Lyra said, "that was too far. I've had too much smoke with my drink. I should go!"

Without further warning, Lyra bolted into the crowd.

"Lyra!" Bon Bon shouted and chased after her mare friend.

"That was weird," Gilda said, "what's gotten into her?"

It crossed my mind that Gilda likely had no clue why Lyra was so interested in me. To be honest, I was only assuming the extent of it, but I was right.

"She kinda wants me, for my hands," I said, "in a biblical way."

"Will you please use words I know?" Gilda asked.

"Sorry," I apologized, "I forget Equestria doesn't have a bible. It's a religious book on Earth that contains a lot of references to sex."

"So she wants you to cheat on me?" Gilda showed her understanding and irritation at the thought.

"I don't think so," I said, "that's why she ran off. She stopped trying as soon as she knew you were in the picture. Now she wants what she knows she can't have. I have a feeling offering to trade for Bon-Bon wasn't entirely a joke, but she realized how terrible it sounded even as one."

"You wouldn't go for that would you?" Gilda asked.

"No," I said flatly, "I'm genuinely not interested in sex unless the one I love is involved. That's you. I can't say I like the idea of you going off and sleeping with Bon Bon either."

"Good," Gilda said, "but just to be clear. Is it the 'me with Bon Bon' part, or the 'doing it without you' part that would bother you."

I didn't want to answer that. I don't see a problem if we're doing it together. I had no idea what she would say if I said it out loud.

"It's fine, Dweeb," I forgot she could read me, "it's not cheating if we're both involved." she laughed, "I was hoping you agreed. Just one thing. No stallions. That includes you."

"So I finally have a giant schlong," I laughed, "and I don't get to use it."

I had been joking, but it seemed to make her think, "I guess if you don't mind that I won't touch it. We can try it with a mare, but still no outside stallions."

"I couldn't agree with that one more," I said, "I'm not into guys."

"I guess Lyra missed out," Gilda said, "We could have made it an all-night party."

"I fucking love you," I laughed.

"I fucking love you too, Dweeb," Gilda laughed as well.

"There any of that blunt left?" Slag asked turning around to join us, "or do I need to light up another?"

I held up what was left but it was barely a nub. He retrieved a saddle bag from under his seat and pulled out a tin with at least five more cigar sized blunts in it.

"You really came to party," I said.

"I never come to the club unprepared," he said, "I also have condoms if you need one." He winked.

"I don't think so," my watch vibrated and I pulled it out to look because I had lost track, "Shit, I only have five minutes left. Do I want to change here?"

"With how nice these fans have been waiting in line to see your friends while you get high," Slag said, "I think you owe them a show."

"You're not wrong," I said, "let's do it."

"Alright!" Slag said, "I didn't think you would agree. Let's plan it out while we can."

I don't know what he meant by 'plan it out'. When the time came he just announced it and asked ponies to make room next to the table so more ponies could see. It was anticlimactic if you ask me. I just kinda stretched out and stood up. The ponies loved it though.

The human suit appeared immediately followed by the pony suit returning to its pocket dimension, right when I started changing. There was just one problem and it was small.

The pony suit did have shoes, so that was part of the package. but my pony shoes only covered the bottom of my back hooves and didn't require socks. So that's where my human shoes showed up. Below my feet, with the socks just sticking out the top. It's a good thing I had been sitting down or they would have knocked me over. Or worse, appeared inside my feet.

Who knows? They also could have appeared on my feet correctly. I wasn't sure if I wanted to test that.

"If I can get just one more moment," I said, "I'll be ready to take some time to talk to a few ponies." I felt bad with how long I had made them wait, and how little I socialized at the party, but I wasn't about to go barefoot so ponies could get their autographs five minutes faster.

I sat back down and started lacing up. I had just tied both shoes back on when my phone started going off again.

I was ready now. With lightning speed, I pulled my phone out and swiped to answer. Once again it only read, 'unknown number'.

"Hello!" I said, "Who is this?"

The silence was only broken by static for a moment before a fuzzy female voice could be heard, "Daylight,-static-Harvest Moon-static-Sweet Harvest. She's in danger if her-static-find her."

"What?" I asked, "Who is this?"

"Please," The voice pleaded, "I don't know how long I can-static-going. I can't trust my own family. You have to help my daughter or her..." The call dropped.

Everypony was staring at me. I was confused until I remembered ponies don't have phones.

After all. If they did, I wouldn't have been totally freaked out at that moment.

"Were you just talking to your phone?" Gilda asked.

"That's the main point of a phone," I said, "but it takes two to work. As well as a special tower."

"So it's like a magic communicator?" Gilda asked.

"You're pretty smart," I said, "did I ever say that? I don't think there's much I can do now. I'm going to have to talk to Spitfire tomorrow." I dug in my pocket until I found the Sharpie marker I normally kept in my jeep, "Right now, It's about time I stop ignoring my fans. Who wants an autograph?"

I tried to stay in the moment taking time to share a few words with every pony that approached, and sign whatever they put in front of me, right up until Berry Punch asked me to sign... herself... just a few inches behind her cutie mark.

Nervously, I looked over to Gilda.

"I'm watching," Gilda smiled handing out the parchment she had just signed, "go for it."

Berry Punch squeed and turned around. She lifted her tail and gave Gilda and I both the full XXX show. I made a bit of a show myself resting my left hand on her haunches to 'steady myself' and leaning in as I signed. Everypony seemed to cheer at this. Gilda clearly approved.

The meet and greet went past midnight. The line didn't stop but my marker had long dried up and the inkwells had run out. We decided it was about time to find some food since we hadn't had a proper meal since breakfast.

"So what are we going to eat?" I asked Gilda once we were out of the club, "The shops are all closed. Do we have anything I can cook for us?"

"I don't know," she said, "We'll just have to look when we get home."

"Gilda! Jerry!" Bon Bon shouted at us from a block away. We stopped and waited for her to run up to us. She seemed really apprehensive as she stopped and cleared her throat, "Would you be willing to come back to our place and talk to Lyra? She has it in her head that you're mad at her," she pointed a hoof at me, "and she thinks you down right want to kill her." She pointed to Gilda, "she won't even come out of the bedroom."

We just looked at each other not sure what to think.

"I know you've had a long day already. I doubt you've even had a chance to eat since the snacks at the party," Bon Bon said, "What if I made you some grilled cheese sandwiches? I have some leftover tomato soup to go with them."

"Deal!" we said in unison.

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