- Member Since 8th Feb, 2018
- offline last seen February 16th
riicky83
Sunset Shimmer is my dream girl.
riicky83
Joined 8th Feb, 2018 ·
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Alright, so, if I read things correctly, the protagonist is a completely overpowered hybrid cyborg rapist?
8739793
That's the conclusion I reached as well, and I suspect many others will follow suit. As for the story, it's everything a fic shouldn't be and based on the last one he submitted, I think the author's taking the piss.
Why is Sunset suddenly okay with the guy who stalked her, raped her, threatened to castrate her, sealed away her magic for his selfish gains and forced her to become his slave? Unless she's seriously wrong in the head or he brainwashed her, I don't follow this logic.
At least you tried to address the issue of Emberwing being totally overpowered. Limits and flaws are important for a character, they are a large part of what makes them relatable. That's why the first chapter was so problematic: He was invulnerable, and he immedately shut down her magic too, rendering him more or less invincible. It remains to be seen if these limits will play a part in the narrative going forward. There is such a thing as an Informed Flaw, meaning a flaw that has no bearing on the story and could be removed without changing anything.
Think of it this way: If a character is established as being afraid of heights, not confronting them with heights at some point makes the flaw superfluous. If Emberwing's magic is limited and he can't use the I-Win-Button against Unicorns at range, then it should come into play at some point. It doesn't have to be right now, but it should be at a time when it has some impact.
8742033
To be honest I'm trying to work out something.
I kinda want an alternate personality created from her upbringing which suppressed her true personality, I'm thinking of the person being born from a corrupt Elieirx and without knowing when he raped her he was weakening the grip the alt had on Sunset by draining the corrupt Elieirx from her which caused her real personality to come to the surface during her ordeal and being scared as the real personality is new to any experience.
8743508
That's an interesting idea, though of course it doesn't change the fact that he did rape her and threatened to mutilate her, without any knowledge any of what you describe would happen. Not saying you can't write that. Just keep in mind—and let the characters keep in mind—that he's a violent rapist. Even if Sunset ends up not minding that he did it to her, she should (unless she's got faulty memory) remember he didn't do it out of any desire to help her, he did it because he wanted to. And he might do it again, to the next girl who annoys him.
8744312
I did kinda have that in mind with my guy when I get to his backstory as this story is set in a world where hybrids we heavily shunned until Celestia eventually was able to pass a law to stop the ponies from being purists, however, during his colthood, Emberwing was subdued to a fair bit of abuse from the other ponies so he does have some issues, some of which i'm still working on.
Why does this story have so many dislikes? I mean, it can't be that bad, right? ...Right?
8759491
You just need to read the first comment to understand.
8763833
The first chapter made it look like he was op but he had to rely on catching Sunset by surprise and getting his magic restraint on her.
As for the mechanical arm, how many ponies outside of most Earth ponies can compare their strength to a mechanical arms strength?.
I have actually done what I can to make him more toned down and tried to balance him out.
It's a good thing you showed Emberwing isn't as invincible as he at first seemed. Now, it's still a little strange how little came of him, well, raping a girl, but I'm guessing that will come into play at a later time, if/when more characters learn of what he's done.
nice work on all chapters.
Im glad you decided not to abandone your older stories.
9493391
Well, the only story that has been abandoned is the "My life in Equestria" due to half of the negative comments in it.
I was gonna do one for my "Fun in stopping time" but I couldn't figure what I wanted to do, I might have to think on that one to see how it's next chapter will turn out.
nice work.
got it in my top 5 with symbiotic relationship and me and my dolls on my profile those are the ones I would liked updated more.
nice work.
nice work.
K, got potential, just need to steer that ratings into the green
it was ok
nice work
Great story keep it up
nice work.
Great chapter pls keep it updated
Great chapter can't wait for the next chapter of the prisoner
nice work