• Member Since 15th Feb, 2018
  • offline last seen Yesterday

lynnpone


Just your local British pegasister.

T
Source

When Rainbow Dash and her partner, Soarin' have a foal on the way, Rainbow decides that it would be good to tell her parents, (Bowhothoof and Windy Whistles) inditing a letter to them. What could possibly go wrong?


Cover art by https://pimpartist101.deviantart.com/art/Forgive-Me-Rainbow-Dash-561694067


All song references so far:

* Bazzi- Mine https://youtu.be/Gc71AmT_b2k

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 13 )

making Rainbow moan, especially when she felt his tongue brush against her teeth. Memories of last week flooding into her mind.Slightly gasping for air, Soarin' broke the kiss, a trail of saliva between the two composing once they broke apart.

Mmmmmmhmmm~~~
That's some good shit right there!!~~ Mhm!!!~~😏😏😏😏💦💦💦😤😤💦😤💦😤💦😤


AHEM!!! Sorry...hehehe..:twilightblush: What I meant to say is, I can't wait for more!:twilightsmile:

8739180
Glad to see you can't wait for more chapters. :twilightsheepish:

awesome story, please dont leave dead! :twilightsmile:

Nice story, but i think some od the description is a bit much.

'Ocular recievers' 'obnubilated her face'
Some of this feels as if you just used put in any other synonym that sounded more complicted.
Its up to you, but try add some more simple, longer description rather than short, specific language. Its a fanfic - and it frels as if that high level vocabulary doesnt belong in the stories context

It's a nice idea but like SuperWabbit said, the use of complicated vocabulary is a bit excessive. It doesn't fit the tone of the story and sounds too formal, making it more of a Shakesphere-esque piece from the past rather than a cute story. I'd tone down the vocabulary if I were you and switch to more unique but simple and understandable words for those who don't know the meaning of such and have to look it up every two seconds.

8740364
Thanks for the feedback, as for my next chapter, I will definitely keep it more simple and sweet but still make the readers understand what I'm going on about. :twilightsheepish:

8740436
The same as what I said for SuperWabbit. Reading over my fanfiction, I realized I went over the top with the story. It seems rushed and if I just copied and pasted words from a bible. However, for the next chapter, I will definitely tone it down. Keeping it simple, short and of course, cute. Hope you can stay for the next chapters! :raritywink:

Nice start. I think I'm going to see where this goes.

This is a great start to one of my favorite 'ships'; please continue. I can only imagine what Dashie's mom and dad are going to say when they hear Dash is pregnant as well as telling them that she and Soarin are getting married. A+ for this first installment.

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