Civilisation by the numbers: a step by step guide
Everypony deserved more of Sundance than he had to give. This caused a wellspring of guilt to manifest within him, and he felt no small amount of shame for how he'd handled this morning. His wards deserved better—he wished that he'd handled it differently somehow—and he feared that he might seem dismissive or even neglectful of the new residents, the changelings. There was no time to take for himself so that he might sort out these issues, no. He had to check in on Puddle Jumper, the teacher sent by Twilight Velvet, who was expected to arrive in the fall, when the traditional school year started.
And then there was Litany. He had only a basic understanding of who she was, but no clue as to why she was here. Why would Princess Luna send her? He didn't know, and couldn't ask, because Litany was sound asleep. She was a night owl, which was funny, because a lot of the barony's owls were quite active during the day. Only some of the owls were actual night owls. Owls of all different shapes and sizes, from teeny-tiny burrowing owls to colossal hooters that ruled the roost.
His wards had been shuffled off on Corduroy. A great many things were shuffled off on Corduroy, Sundance realised. But just when they probably needed him most, he'd abandoned them, and now the guilt for doing so gnawed at his insides. They were strangers here, in a strange place, and he was the only adult in which they had any sort of trust—and he could not help but feel that he'd betrayed that. A conversation was in order, followed by a sincere and heartfelt apology.
How did Princess Celestia deal with a backlog?
Frustrated and ashamed, Sundance pushed open the door to the dining hall…
The door to the dining hall was pushed open and beyond the door quite a scene awaited Sundance. He entered, got out from the entranceway because lingering there would be rude, and then just stood there to take everything in. Puddle Jumper was in the corner, surrounded by little ones and old ones alike. The pegasus was prematurely aged, and his condition was quite visible. His hide, once a shade of sky, was now dappled with greyish white spots. As for his mane and tail, both were white, and peppered with strands of iron grey. Whatever colour they might have once been was unknown to Sundance. Stress and fear had done this.
As for Sundance's own stresses and fears, they seemed unfounded.
Hollyhock, Gerard, and Gisela all spoke together in hushed whispers. Whatever they said, Sundance could not make out. Pluck seemed to be having a conversation with Puddle Jumper, and the others gathered around listened with focused intent. Amber Dawn was showing something to Silent Thunder, and it appeared to be one of her colouring books. Lemon Grass sat with Tarantula and Flax; whatever it was that they did together was unknown.
The kids were fine. Of course they were. Sundance, in his rush to be the best pony that he could be, had somehow forgotten that the foursome were exceptional in every conceivable way, and they were fine. All was good. They didn't need his protection, because they had each other. Feathers ruffled, ears pricked, his neck bent low, Sundance could not help but feel more than a little stupid. He'd felt a bit too important, a bit too necessary—and now he'd learned a valuable lesson, one that he took to heart.
"—and as the saying goes, civilisation is what you make of it. See, that's the joke. Because civilisation is something that you create. One stone piled atop another. More than that, civilisation is a series of social contracts… metaphorical stones stacked on one another."
Puddle Jumper exuded educated sophistication, but not in a snobby, smug, or arrogant way. The greying pegasus was warm, bright, and funny. Those gathered around him, both young and old, hung from his every word. Sundance only half listened, but paid more attention to the interactions, the expressions, and the connections between each individual that formed a whole. The teacher was teaching, and seemed happy enough—if just a little stoned. Just how much of the calming tea had Corduroy given him? And how strong was it? Corduroy knew best, and Sundance trusted her judgement.
"We're making a civilisation here," Pluck said to Puddle Jumper.
"But what sort?" the erudite pegasus replied. "What sort of civilisation do you want here? Tell me, colt… what dreams do you have for the future? What great hopes do you have? And more importantly, what are you willing to sacrifice so that these hopes and dreams might happen? What are you willing to give?"
"Well… I dunno."
"See, that's the thing, my boy. Some ponies, they live their lives in service to a cause. Something that they believe in. Some give their fortune, while others give their lives. We're all trying to shape our civilisation into what we believe it should be. Some of us have a common goal, while others strive to subvert the hopes and dreams of others. On occasion, we ponies unite for a common cause, and we can do extraordinary things. At other times though, our divisions prove too much to bear and we become estranged from one another. Tragic times, those."
Sundance thought of the Separatists, and the terrible war waged on this very land.
"But we all want different things," Pluck said. "How can anything get done at all?"
"That's the hallmark of civilisation right there," Puddle Jumper said to the curious one-eyed colt. "We agree to aid others with their causes in exchange for help with our own. Mutualism. We help one another with shared causes, even ones that we ourselves might not have too much interest in, because in the long run, shared cooperation benefits us all. In my opinion, this is why Princess Celestia takes a hooves-off approach to governance. She wants us to be civilised. We might not always do a spectacular job of it, but I think we're learning. At least, I sure hope we are. This is why a study of history is so vital… so we can learn from the mistakes already made, those made by others, and we can choose to do better."
"Yeah, but we don't always agree what those mistakes are, or even how to fix them."
"Which is why we cultivate debate and rhetoric. Which is what I'll be teaching you."
"School was always so boring before," Pluck remarked. "This sounds better."
"I'll do my best, I promise."
Sundance, mindful of his hooves, crept forward, with caution and quiet, and then he sat down. Ears pricked and standing tall, he tried to hear what was said by Hollyhock, and couldn't. For the first time, he noticed that Bonk and Runt were missing. Well, not missing. Probably outside, maybe working. No sign of Wort, either. If Runt and Bonk were off with Granny… he shuddered involuntarily without knowing why.
It was right about now when the trouble started, by Flax of all creatures, who turned to Hollyhock, looked up at her, and said, "I gotta go potty."
Not yet realising the trouble about to happen, Hollyhock replied, "Baby, do you need to go potty?" Which was the standard stock response made when a foal had just asked to go potty. Why this happened to be remained a mystery, one studied and contemplated by scholars, sages, and occasionally, when he was bored, Discord.
The trouble, which lurked, was set free by Flax, who said, "Yeah, I gots the turd-tingles in my tushy."
Sundance almost swallowed his own tongue.
Hollyhock inhaled. Her nostrils went wide when she exhaled. When she inhaled a second time, her sides expanded greatly. In and out she breathed, the quiet calm before the storm. Neck prickling, Sundance could sense the storm coming, but there was nothing he could do. His pegasus nature did not allow for these sorts of storms to be managed—but his instincts told him to run. Or fly. Yes, an expedient exit was in order. Yet, he was rooted to the spot and was rendered immobile by some terrible force of magic.
Then came the thunder.
"WHICH ONE OF YOU DID THIS?"
Hollyhock's head swiveled around, and she aimed her eyes like twin cannons. Unfortunately, her targeting system locked on to Pluck, whose panic caused him to freeze in place. After the thunder, a terrible silence descended upon the scene, a dreadful cancer that malignantly threatened to consume all sound. Completely thunderstruck, Flax covered her mouth with both of her front hooves, and then went perfectly still.
"YOU."
Pluck immediately went on the defensive. "What makes you think I did it?"
Lip curled back into a maternal snarl, Hollyhock turned the full force of her gaze upon the one-eyed colt. "You did this. You did this." She gestured in Silent Thunder's general direction and said, "He's mute. So he couldn't." Then, she pointed at Gerard. "He has manners. Incredible manners. So he didn't do it." After she made her point, she flung her hoof forward and aimed it right at Pluck, who cowered. "So by process of elimination, you did this!"
"That's a matter of opinion—"
"You did this to your baby sister! You called her your sister! As her big brother, you're supposed to protect her from the ugly things of the world… including you, yourself!"
"Well I—"
"There are no excuses for what you've done," Hollyhock snapped.
"Well, I could think of a few excuses if you give me a minute—"
"No." She shook her extended hoof in Pluck's direction, which caused his head to bob with each thrust she made, as if compelled by some invisible, unseen force. "No, there are no excuses. You be a shining example for your baby sister… or else!"
"Or else what?" the plucky colt dared to ask.
"Or you'll find out what," was Hollyhock's sneering, domineering reply.
Properly cowed, Pluck almost changed species to something a bit more bovine. "Yes Ma'am."
"That's right. Now come over here."
"Why? Am I going to be punished?"
"No." She lowered her hoof and for the first time, Sundance could breathe again. "So I can hug you. That's how things work around here. After you get in trouble, you get hugged so that you know that I love you."
"But we just met—"
"That doesn't matter."
"I sorta think it does—"
"I said that it doesn't. Now get over here!" With her hot temper on full display, Hollyhock stabbed her hoof into the floorboards with a nearly deafening thump. "Set a good example for Flax! Gerard, take Flax to the potty. Check for spiders. There probably won't be any, but it is a good habit to have. Always check for loo-spiders."
"I don't got turd-tingles no more," Flax announced. "Now I have piss-shivers."
Reaching up to rub her temple, Hollyhock's expression turned deadpan. "Pluck… what am I going to do with you?"
"Um… are you asking me for advice?"
"I don't wanna meet the loo-spiders," Flax said as she retreated into Gerard's embrace.
"It will be okay, Flax. We all have to learn to live with loo-spiders. Thankfully, I think spider season is over." She turned her heated gaze on Sundance. "Our baron took action and protected us rather than just wait around and hope that the problem would solve itself. That was good of him. He did right by us."
Hollyhock's opinion was duly noted by Sundance, who had nothing to say about the subject.
A steaming cup of tea sat before Sundance, who hunched over the table so that he might inhale the heady perfume that wafted from the cup. Puddle Jumper did much the same, though being hunched over somehow made him appear to be far older, more ancient somehow. The soft sounds of conversation in the dining hall caused Sundance's ears to prick and rotate about, but he did his utmost to remain focused upon Puddle Jumper.
"I expected you in the fall," Sundance said to his greying counterpart.
"That was the plan, yes." Thin eyebrows angled downwards and soft wrinkled furrows formed just below Puddle Jumper's maneline. "I had a job. Tutoring. Doing that thing I do. Worked with a family to prepare their foals so that they could apply to a private academy come fall. But the husband and one of the wives lost their jobs…"
Unable to help himself, Sundance seized upon this detail: "A herd family?"
"Yes." There was a slight nod from Puddle Jumper. "Some call it city survival. A means to get ahead. This family was nice… one stallion, three mares, a shared common goal to get ahead. Two worked to provide, and two stayed at home to care for the foals. Clever mares. They ran a daycare from their apartment to make a few bits on the side. They were doing great, I guess… but the factory laid off a bunch of workers due to automation improvements. And then, I was let go… because of course I was. And then I had no hope to make rent. Rather than fret and fuss about it, and add even more grey hairs to my fading hide, I left.
"It was very liberating, just leaving the way I did. I have to say, it might very well have been the most freeing moment of my life. There was a moment when I concluded that I might never pay rent again… that I would never find myself in this situation ever again… and it was a relief. It was just what I needed, actually. Seemed terrible at the time, but after the fact, I think it was good for me. The caged bird was set free."
Unable to think of anything else, Sundance thought of Twilight's vision.
"It can't last, you know," Puddle Jumper said. "Factory productivity is higher than it's ever been. Automation allows for the creation of goods at an unbelievable rate. There's a factory that can produce a thousand tins of soup in an hour when running at peak efficiency. It truly is an amazing time to be alive… but I have to wonder… who buys all of these goods when everypony is out of work?"
Thoughtful, still silent, Sundance considered the question.
"We can't survive this. My gut tells me that. Unless something else comes along that changes how we're employed and what we do for a living. Equestria's industrialisation had been a wonder… a miracle. But we rushed ahead without being prepared for whatever came next. Now we face the consequences of our actions. Cheap consumer goods abound… the shelves are chock full of them… and so few are buying because nopony can afford it."
Though he still had nothing to say, Sundance nodded.
"We're victims of the Cycle." Puddle Jumper pressed his front hooves together. "That's what I call it, anyhow. Some monster comes along and knocks down part of the city. Or we have an invasion. We get yet another Manehattan Event that leaves most of the city in ruins. And when we rebuild, we focus solely on getting the most possible gains in the shortest possible time so that we might get ahead just a little before the next attack. We do nothing to plan for the future… just our immediate survival. When a factory gets destroyed, or blown to smithereens, we take everything that we've learned from the previous iteration of the factory and use that to make the next one better. While these near-ceaseless attacks have made us innovative, they've also made us short-sighted, I fear."
"But we can say that the adversity is good for us," Sundance said, breaking his silence at last. "I think that, perhaps, as a society, we just need time to catch our breath and assess the situation."
"Maybe." There was a shrug from Puddle Jumper. "In the meantime, I am grateful for what you've done here. Sure, it's like travelling back in time… but I have a house now. And what a house it is. Sure, there's no running water, and no electricity, but I can live with that. My apartment… let me tell you about my apartment. It was just a little over one yard wide, and it was three yards long from front door to window. And that was it. We had a communal bathroom on the floor, which I should mention was in a state of severe disrepair most of the time. Oh… and the radiator, it didn't work most of the time. The boiler in the basement was always breaking, or threatening to explode. The whole alicorn-forsaken city is a pressure cooker that just stews us into our softest states. Breaks us down bit by bit. That's what the adversity does to us."
Unable to disagree, Sundance nodded.
"But listen to me go on," Puddle Jumper mused aloud. "Mrs. Velvet has secured a therapist for me in Canterlot. You've given me a place to stay and meaningful employment. I've never cared about money, if I may be honest. It's always been a means to an end. I don't think I'll miss it. There's no corner cafes or teahouses, and I know that I'll miss those, but I'll survive somehow. And I have promising students, young and old alike. I think that I'll do good things here."
"Do well, and as we grow, I'll make you my, uh, um, Minister of Education?"
Upon hearing this, Puddle Jumper's eyes narrowed. "That's not something to joke about."
"Oh, I'm being serious. Everypony and everyone that joins me now, when everything is at its hardest, they will reap whatever rewards I have to offer. When things get better, and things will get better, those who help me get to that point will be rewarded. It's not much, but it's all I have to give."
"I have a lot of ideas about education and how we should go about it," Puddle Jumper remarked whilst he gave Sundance an apprehensive stare.
"How'd you like to put those ideas into practice and see how they do?" asked Sundance.
From Puddle Jumper, there was only silence.
"Princess Twilight has a plan," Sundance said to the pegasus across the table. "If you'll give me a chance, I'd love to tell you all about it. Beyond that, I wish to make you a part of it. We're going to do big things here. Impossibly big things. There's going to be some forward thinking. None of us will be alive to see the end result, but it is our job to lay out a foundation. This might just be the most important job that anypony has ever done, and I can't do it alone. Twilight has a vision… and it is my job to make it real. But I need helpmates. So… you… being a teacher is a short-term means to an end. We need a teacher. But long term, I need a pony I can trust to lay down an educational foundation here.
"I don't want to repeat the mistakes that we've made in the city. So I need somepony that thinks differently. Somepony willing to take chances and try new things. I need a forward thinker. So what do you say… shall we work together and see how this goes?"
"I'd like that," Puddle Jumper replied. "So, tell me more about Princess Twilight's plan…"
- Colossal hooters.
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So many hooters they could open a whole chain of restaurants.
Jeeze, Sundance's speech at the end. It's so succinct that you could almost close out the story on it. I mean, I hope that you don't, but damn. "We are here, and what we do will echo through the future. Join us." That's got to be the ur-example of an invitation.
sometimes i wish government would understand things like a good feudal lord would
they exist to serve us the masses
10138449
Yes, they've got great hooters... but what about tits and boobies?
10138459
There's an old saying that the difference between heaven and hell is not in the style of government, but in who's in charge.
10138480
Well with how cold it gets there in the winter I would expect that blue boobies would be found.
Also they would have rodents that are adapted to the cold so tufted tit mice perhaps?
Are they any relation to Octavia's pair of great tits? Or perhaps Vinyl's phenomenal blue boobies?
10138459
Yeah ? Try to sell that idea to anyone nowadays. The first mention of something like "sacrifice yourself to others", or even worse, the demoniac "trust your leader" and you´ll see how fast that boat will sink.
Churchill would be expelled from power in a matter of weeks, nowadays.
Clouds?
Ah, Sundance. Accidentally setting an example.
10138710
Yes, one might say that the clouds rolled in.
humongous hungolomghononoloughongous
10138710
I can't believe that someone noticed that detail. Mind blown.
10138750
Trees, I notice. Forests, not so much.
If you wait about two generations of owl, you'll end up with a Hootin' Granny.
10138847
I think you mean Hootin' Nanny.
10138860
Clarification, if anyone is confused: in some regional dialects - or families that picked up the mannerism - a grandmother is called ‘nana’ or ‘nannie’. In other dialects, that word refers to hired childcare.
The first time I heard it I couldn’t make heads nor tails of what my friend was saying, because he was using the terms interchangeably...
It was HILARIOUS watching Hollyhock totally own Pluck.
I am VERY curious to see what the future will bring now with all these new citizens coming in! Right now I feel like we're laying down a foundation and only getting a glimpse of what is ahead
*snicker* He continues to live up to his name.
Puddle Jumper's old apartment reminds me of Judy Hopps apartment in Zootopia.