Page generated in 0.026 seconds
Total duration
1,004 users online
1,299,749 hits today, 2,167,270 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Nice I hope he can save Discord at some point.
8754328
You really like Discord eh?
8754503
I think this version deserves it.
8754550
Why do you think so? He's so different from the others?
8754554
.....HE'S HELPING FROM THE BEGINNING.
power
don't call me surely, but seriously erase it it just makes the sentence clunky.
erase the “go”
parried
She shouldn't have explained this to him, it should have been much more subtle like what if she just ripped her own heart out without explanation screamed “die” and as she transformed describe her screams as beastly and rage filled as describe her almost like you would describe a berserker and cut the clunky exposition.
turned back to paws
bipedal
parry
to somehow throw me into the air
embedded
onto
onto
erase the “into the”
fly
That entire sentence is kinda messed up I'd suggest changing it to “ The kick had enough force to send her flying,and to sever her from her pinned paw.
into
It's a bit clunky I’d suggest “from her burning paws.
to
uncontrollably
there's too ment “then”s.
grow
“growing” doesn't sound quite right I’d suggest “expanding”
thing
restricted to inside
“more and more” just doesn't sound right there, I’d suggest “ the gravity was increasing and time was running out”
killed
that just doesn't sound right I suggest “ the ruins began to glow becoming brighter by the second”
runes
I’d get rid of the “weakest” part he doesnt know its the weakest yet.
positioned
to
energy
was starting to slowly expand
erase the “a” and the “with me now”
erase the “a”
the flowers part is awkwardly put I’d try “flowers that looked like they were made of crystals.”
perfectly
a waterfall
the part about the lake is kinda weirdly put I’d try “ and at the center formed a lake.
also does this mean that there's different crystal hearts certain magical charged areas because that would be interesting especially if DR wolf is right about what they're made of
actually if the video is right I see an interesting spike origin in this fic.
its
I’d replace “gigantic amount of” with “extreme damage”
“to” instead of “at”
completed
erase the “now”
HE did... unless his name is him in which case this is now a crossover with the powerpuff girls.
to hell
also how do you get that affect?
I”d clean up that sentence a bit by changing it to “and a creature made from mismatched animal parts entered.”
gives
them
Ok I have some problems with this I think the ambrosia should only make him resistant to magic and allow him to regenerate like derpy while letting him more easily damaged others with it. That way there is a way for extremely skilled and powerful mortals to hurt him, otherwise it just seems like you made an already overpowered character immune to anything that isn't a god and that seems like it could ruin most of the tension in the story.
drew a
has
That is in theory
erase the “in order”
to gain
allys
transferred
a Mammoth
describe
“interrogates” seem like the wrong word there I think you mean “debriefings”
erase the “right”
designs
created an intricate
I assume you mean she didn't wear any shoes.
8754576
Search for Zalgo text generator.
That was Celestia's line. She know that that attack was the weakest XD
Don't worry my character isn't an op one from the start, yes ambrosia make him immune to normal damages but remember that ambrosia can be given to normal ponies by celestial entities. Let's just say that Celestia's sun will be a big nuisance for him. And also there are already characters that can channel the ambrosia to attack even if they are mortals
8754668
Thanks, though what do you think about the DR. wolf theory video I think it makes sense and could be an interesting plotpoint.
8755431
I don't think that was a common dragon that generated the crystal heart, after all dragons are greedy not lovely. In regard of my fic, it could be a plot point or it could not be. You already know what you have to do to found it out~~
8755788
The dragon doesn't have to be “lovely” his heart would just need to be a great magical conductor and who knows maybe the heart would broadcast any emotion but the ponies who originally found it experimented with it to make it a love amplifier. Though this mixed wit my “Writing ideas for spike” blog post would make something pretty interesting. I’m talking about number two the gem specific dragons.
8754558
Oh well Then you will be surprised from other charachters beheaviour ehehe~
8755903
Still can he be saved?
8756328
Who knows? Wait. Me! Muahahaha
You will need to stick with me for a bit longer to find out!~~~
8756392
.....
8756404
Yah I'm evil I know XD
8760703
Nope more like trust me(your mother did). Windy trusted him and he asked Derpy to trust him in turn. Sorry if you understood it wrong I will fix that.
8760719
MAGIC BONERS EVERYWHERE!
8760892
No, the wording is quite clear.
It speaks of destroying. As in, erasing the mind and creating a shell of flesh guided by whatever primitive and non sentient instincts that would remain.....
The person that inhabited the now remaining shell would be dead.
Cant wait for the next chapter
8767719
It should be online before the end of the week if school is okay with it that is
8767915
i cant wait
8770052
YEEEES SOMEONE NOTICE IT! THANK YOU SIR!