you have me curious about this tale.

8662030
I'm sincerely glad man I'll start write next chapter today After School so stay tuned

Count me interested. Let's see how far you can go.

8664912
Second chapter should come out today with the promised 5K Word and... Is that a challenge?

8664934
Maybe~

8664966
Well then, challenge accepted

iIs because he was mutated like that? They don't have any emotions nor desire than? Well at least I can say I didn't kill him, he was already dead I felt a surge of power though. Had I just absorbed his strenght?

ils?
strenght

Becker talked again."Wonderful, wonderful 000 the princess will be pleased and i will be recognized for my genius hihihihihihihihi. Now then sleep." I heard a click and the characteristic sound of gas then blackness.

I

Great work

The story feels like it's jumping around and skipping some steps.
Having an awkwardly introduced scene abruptly change to a series of erratic events makes this first chapter a bit rough to read.
It's definitely not a bad chapter, but these odd occurrences are a detriment to gaining a foothold of the story's mood.
I shall keep reading in curiosity.

8739009
Oh yeah I know this chapter was my first try at writing I hope I have improved my writing for the next chapters. Let me know!

Did you mean to reference ENTRY NUMBER SEVENTEEN from undertale?

This first chapter... is really not giving me high hopes for the rest of the fic.

Kinda fast paced but otherwise good! I love how this is one of the only Prototype Crossovers that were made recently!

Not exactly the greatest start here. Kind of a exposition dump at the very start with rather poor sentence structure. A lot of this information we don't really need to know, so it just feels like one of those "I'm ___ so there" moments. And it honestly really bugs me whenever part of the character's introduction is "I'm a brony" whenever the topic of MLP isn't even close to brought up. Once again, refer to the second sentence.

the way you started the story it reminded me of a Chess Game of The Gods story rather than a full fledged Displaced story.

So we have an exposition dump, awful characterization (especially Celestia), random anthro, and the writing quality is rather off to put it lightly. This story is in desperate need of a proofreader.

9485890
And if you read the description you would have noticed that I'm actually rewriting it exactly because of that. I'm still learning how to write so I may have done some very stupid things in my writings up until now. Unfortunately, my PC is broken and I'm waiting for a new one to come but I already finished the rewrite of the first chapter and started the second when the PC died. Don't worry I'm already aware of the flaws of this story just look at all the other critiques comments under my chapters XD

Let me say that this chapter is so much easier to read now. Well done!

Once again back at it with a re-read to see what’s new.

9553671
Seeing that you like it I have in store a completely rewritten chapter for this story. I'm very far behind due to my PC dying but the first one is completed and I would like an opinion of someone XD would you like to read it?

hi Firefoxino

Dark, darker, yet darker,

Was that undertake reference really necessary or even intentional at all?

9947663
It was my first story in my early days after a full playthrough of undertale... Of course it was! XD

Dark, darker, yet darker,

An undertale reference.......now I can't stop seeing the main protagonist is another version of gaster....