Hmm

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Hmm to you too sir, interested in our assortment of chapters?

8693896
Indeed I am

8693898
I'm very pleased to know that support me with a like if you like the story :D
And feel free to offer suggestions and/or tips

" You know, I never saw before a mare more beautiful then you, I would have told you about my feelings one day, but I was scared. Scared of your possible rejection, but now... Please Sunset... it doesn't matter if you hate me, but please, come back... I-I-I LOVE YOU! " The voice. No, Phil said. Sunset was crying now and a happy smile was on her face.

never before have I saw a mare
than

Suddenly the rain stopped, a single ray of light pierced the heavy cloud, and Sunset moved. It was a little movement, then her entire body was coated of tendrils. After that, the tendrils retired inside her body, leaving her with no more wounds. She was changed too, gone was her muzzle, at its place was now a tiny nose, a pink skin with no fur, on her chest a pair of big breasts sprouted forth. Her eyes became red with a black sclera, like mine, her hoofs were gone too, they changed into feet, a pair of leather boots were covering them, even her tail was no more. She became a human.

hooves
I get what you were going for but I’d suggest she shift back the tail and/or ears when she's around ponies.

"What happened exactly? I don't remember having feet." She giggled.

how would she know what feet are, if anything I’d expect her to call them paws.

"Thank you Sunny, and you in return will teach me magic, ok?" She nodded and I shocked her hand, then she yanked my arm and kissed me again.

shook

"Very well." I responded, the guard saluted and left. I was again in my rooms, waiting for the airship, it will take me to the position of Omega squad. The only way to go there is flying. I stood up and made my way outside, after three ramps of stairs I finally arrived to the skydock. The royal skydock was massive, it could offer landing for dozens of heavy carrier airship. My flying transport was the Crystalline, an ex scout class airship, used now by me for personal transportation. Armed with 25X15 thaumic cannons, enough to damage a little fregate but completely useless against the heavy ones. It's beautiful lavander and prismarine colours were shining against the pomeridian sun.

erase the “again”
flying
lavender

"Very well, let's go. You know where to go." I ordered. Our destination was the floating fortress 'Olympus'. An enourmos fortress heavily fortified, its wall are strong enough to withstand thaumic explosion of the 4 th and 5 th grade. The fortress is guarded by sixty thousands guards, all trained at the best of our abilities. Olympus is the final retreating zone if everything fail, it's also the only thing that can contain the Omega squad.

enormous
heavily
walls
withstand a thaumic

After twenty minutes of travel, I could see the Olympus, it's sheer size always amazed me, its five sides were covered in thaumic cannons, the metallic coloured walls were divided in squares, each of fifteen meters of diamaters. The fortress was pentagonal shaped, with the upper region guarded by an immense number of guards and cannons, in the center was positionated the headquarters. From afar it could seem that the HQ was defenseless, but an invisible shield alimented by the engine was all around it. In the lower part of the fortress, the skydock could be seen, it was hosting twelve heavy carrier airship, the dock was put under the main fortress, the engine were also there, two hundred class Faust engines, capables of lifting the impressive fortress. Olympus was built on levels, I only knew of the 4 th and 5 th . They were used as barracks and prisons, and as the living quarters of Omega. Olympus floated at 2500 meters of altitude, it was 300 meters tall and with a square area of six hundred thousands meters. This humongous fortress, with its one hundred and eighty million cubic meters, weigthed 811'260'000 tons. Imponent was a weak word for this fortress.

it's
erase the “of”
in diameter
capable
erase the first and
weighed
Impotent

"Welcome aboard the olympus." Colonel Hawker Hurricane said greeting me while I was exiting the Crystalline, a pegasus stallion with a light brown coat, a white mane cut short and with deep purple eyes, a long scar run through his face, from above his right eye, all down to the chin. He wore the standard high officer uniform of the Neverdawn. A beige dress with tons of medals attached to it, the sleeves were decorated with golden strings. The button were made of pure gold, on its hand he wore a pair of white gloves, his cutie mark was printed on them, a triple circle, black on the outside white in the inside with a red dot, a pair of golden wings sprouted from the circle, just as it was flying.

Colonel
his

"It's a pleasure to encounter you again Colonnel." I said. "How is you daughter? She was promoted to the rank of captain last time I checked."

Colonel

"Aathurnas! Come here this istant!" I ordered. The dragon exited a pile of gold and quickly made his way towards me. He then bowed and spoked.

instant

"Wooo ok, ok I'm good. Sorry Sunny, didn't mean to scare you so much. Ok now seriously, I see that you improved, very good, now ehm... You nedd to learn how to consume something."

need

"Not bad" Was her comment. I was staring at her with wide eyes imitating a goldfish. "What? We unicorns can and must eat meat to sustain our magic, just never before I ate something raw. Or alive, it wasn't bad you know? You think is the virus that make me so calm?"

i just never before ate something raw before, Or alive, it wasn't bad you know?
it’s
that’s making

She shocked her head and said. "Nope, I'm fine. I'm not even hungry." Then she tried to take a log from the ground with her telekinesis, only for the log to be crushed into a tiny ball of wood. She left the log go, frightened.

shook
let

"What-what happened? I didn't use so much force, it was just a normal telekinesis. Wait a moment." She sat down with her legs crossed and closed her eyes. After ten minutes of... meditading i suppouse, she opened her eyes and gave me an incredoulus look. "No way. No fucking way! This is wonderfoul, Phil! The virus, the virus modified my magic core somehow, my canals too. I can now produce and canalize one hundred times my normal! This is awesome! OhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygosh" She started to jump in circles repeating 'ohmygosh' before I grabbed her and planted a kiss on her. She went still for a moment but then she calmed herself.

meditating I suppose
incredulous

"Metal controls metals, how they act, it can even animate them. The Ice can controll temperature and create weapons mad of ice, it can also create golems. The Light one is a tricky one, it can bend photons creating an invisibility around the user or use them to burn through the enemies. The Electricity can control and manipulate electromagnetic fields, making it a real powerful weapon if used correctly. Fire, Water, Earth and Air are self explanatory they control that element. Darkness can bend the shadow and use them as weapons. Fear can plunge the enemies into their worst nightmare, only a strong mind can survive the assault of a trained Fear user. Necromancy can resurrect the dead, also lich are common for this path. Death, one could think that is the same as Necromancy, but it's wrong the Death path can comunicate with the spirits, allowing them to pass in the afterlife, the one that are user of the Death path are ageless, they also can kill with a single touch." She explained.

control
made
liches
communicate
the users of the death path are ageless,

"Yeah I'm okay don't worry. Just startled is all." I said. " What happened? " I searched through my cells and discovered that Fluttershy copied my basilisk's gene. Gaining it's paralizing ability. " Strange though, I didn't gained that, most peculiar. Maybe they can absorb more traits when they are in the pods? Or when they are growing in general? I will do more test later, for now let's focus on Sunny's lessons. " And with that thought I faced Sunset and spoked "Alright let's start!"

paralyzing
gaine
I both agree with this and don't, I've always seen the virus as being very random and personalized, so if two infected absorb the same DNA they might gain similar powers but not identical ones like mercers Thermal Vision verses Heller's Hunting ability.Though it should be noted that infected can steal each others special traits by absorbing them like heller did with the biobombers ability. I’ll come up with a list of specific traits or abilities, I think the main six should have later.

The buzzing sound was stronger and stronger, until a swarm of insect like ponies flow through the air towards us. " Changelings! " They were without clothes, but they were armed with lances and bows, most of them were just skin... chitin and bones... I think they had bones. Anyway they charged us with their lances forward, there was only forty or so o them and I wasn't a bit intimidate, those crude weapon had no chance against my skin.

“grew” instead of “was”
of

"How do you know my name?" She asked. I then canalized my interior Bill Cipher and responded.

channelled

"Don't worry I'll find it, see ya there!" And said that I spinted away from them. I used my radar and pinpointed a large amount of changelings all in the same spot. I followed the signal until I arrived at the feet of a mountain. The mountain was filled with holes, from them a multitude of chitin like wall could be seen. I used my radar again and I noticed that the majority of the changelings were deep into the ground. I made my way to the entrance, I continued my descend into the moist and silent tunnel, there were no torches in the tunnels.

“as” instead of “that”
Foot of the Mountain
walls
descent

" Maybe the changelings have night vision? " I thought, I hadn't the time to think anything more because I was finally arrived in the what I thought was the main chamber. A gigantic room with the ceiling barely visible, in the room were around thirty changelings. " Strange, I thought there were more of them. With being insect and all, no matter I can just ask Chrysalis. . I walked towards the group of changelings, they noticed me and scattered screaming and pleading to not kill them. I was ready to shout at them to shut up, but Chrysalis beated me.

erase the “was”
with them being
but Chrysalis beated me to it

" Damn you Celestia! You ruined this peoples. " I thought angrily then I asked her. "Why? Why she cursed you?"

these people
Why’d

"Why? You see, I wasn't always this way, my past name was Amore. I was the alicorn of the love. When Celestia started her mad plan of an utopia I offered volontaire to her experiment. I did it because I had faith in her. How foolish of me." Her voice was filled with sadness and rage, she continued nonetheless. "When I first started to change, I didn't think I would become a changeling. First were my eyes to change, then my wings and finally my body and mind. With each change, Celestia hated me more and more, she never showed it, but I could sense it. After ten years, after so many experiment, she deemed me unworthy of the power of the love. She stripped me of my magic, leaving me with an insatiable hunger for Love. She then cursed me and threw me out of Canterlot. After some time, my first children were born. At first I was so scared, heh, I wasn't excpeting to lay eggs you know? But I loved the anyway, they lived for almost a century before dying of old age. This was five hundred years ago, after them they started to die faster and faster, until now."

volunteered
first to change were my eyes,
experiments
expecting
them

"Chrysalis, you fon't know what you are talking about. Sunset was fortunate, normally my virus kill or transform people into monster! You can't except me to use it on them! This is madness!"

don’t
you're
expect

"Chrysalis, you know what you are asking me right?" I continued. "If I consume you, I will take your memories too. Is really what you want, think carefully Chrysalis, I will infect your subjects, but I will also make you a propel funeral if this is what you want."

is this really
“give” instead of “make”

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I think I should start to pay you. You are too useful thanks
Also all fixed, I added some more sentences to the story, and the fortress was imposing not impotent

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don't thank me citizen thank OCD.
also
here's my list of possible powers for the main six.

Fluttershy- animal control (less like mind control and more like she’d release calming pheromones near animals that make them more peaceful.), animal communication, and you already gave her the stair so maybe give her a healing ability without the need to transform the person being healed.

Applejack- she should definitely have more strength than usual(even for the evolved), possible plant manipulation, and maybe she could have a pack leader style ability except she'd have one permanent companion, named Winona.

Rarity- I think she should have some type of organic crystal ability, possibly to make armor and or arrows from gems created from her body’s carbon that mixed with a modified tendril arm could make a pretty good bow and arrow. A classy weapon for a classy fighter. Alternatively she could just incorporate already existing gems into her body to both make herself tougher and add a certain flair to her self.

Rainbow Dash- Definitely something flight based, I’d go with making her wings/feathers extendable and have each feather be strong enough to act like a shield or cutting weapon if she decides to start launching individual feathers.

Pinky Pie- is pinky pie, I can't think of anything because she can already do anything without blacklight .

Twilight- She’ll almost certainly have something related to knowledge gathering, like the ability to extract details from people just by shaking their hand without consuming them like Rogue from the X men or possibly she’d be able to absorb magic from attacks and redirect it.

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Thanks for your advice I already wanted to give Fluttershy animal control and paralyzing gaze, I already thought to give AJ extreme strength and a better armor, raimbow dash will be the best of the best on the air of course and for rarity, pinkie and twilight I won't say anything, it's a surprise~~~

Oh my God Celestia is here kill her kill her!

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Yesssssss~~~~

and here i was thinking little cadence may have been the embodiment of amore's magic and that curse could end with their reunion. my idea went right out the window rather quick. the romance seemed rushed, not even two days and the express their love. felt unnatural. something to keep in mind on any later stories you make. a slower burn may make it more natural feel. or i think so anyway. regardless i'm still keeping this tracked a am enjoying it.

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Thanks for your suggestion.
The romance is a bit rushed because
1) my virus make the people infected more sociable this in order to create a stable society with other evolved.
2) I hate when the romance thing get dragged out for 55 thousands episodes, and this is what I would have done. And Sunset is my favourite character so yeah I did it XD
In all seriousness though I needed the characters to focus on the more pressing thing in Equestria.
I will take your advice in heart when I'll start my next story (another crossover, I won't tell you with who but you will like it ;) )

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Thanks man

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i accept your reasoning, it is sound a fair and besides my its just my preference anyway and i'm not the one writing this. :P

CHRYSIIIIII!! NOOOOOOOOOOO! This actually made me cry damn it! and I loved every second of it.

"Oh I know lots of things." My voice got down of two octave. "Lots of things." I returned my voice to normal and continued. "Anyway what do you want? And how do you know me? Why you call me Hunter?"

Hi bill!

Dude, seriously go through these and re-write and edit them okay?

Okay. Good. Nice. Awesome. Great. Swell. Requiring praise. Amazing. Cool. Lit. Bahdum tsssssss.

"Oh I know lots of things." My voice got down of two octave. "Lots of things." I returned my voice to normal and continued. "Anyway what do you want? And how do you know me? Why you call me Hunter?"

"I approached her pod and touched it with my hand. "No, it will be painless, don't worry. Goodbye Chrysalis, I know you only for three hours, but I will be honored to be considered your friend." I said.

You know that's actually some pretty good lore, Chrysi being Amore. Sad as it is.