Ranger
Chapter 195: Betrayal
By Wanderer D
"Is there a reason you're wearing your combat armor, Jane?"
Jane played with the fidget cube on the table, pausing only to look down at the alien alloy armor protecting her when Luna brought it up. "I don't know what to say. I feel better right now, wearing it." She picked up the small cube and and threw it across the room to land on a small box with other toys.
Luna nodded, taking a deep breath and setting up her pad as she took a sit across from her. "Do you think you can tell me about what happened to you during the last mission?"
Jane looked away and rubbed her arms. "I don't want to." She really didn't. She wanted to take a bath and scrub herself until it was all gone.
Luna sighed. "I understand, and maybe it will take time for you to talk about it. How about we talk about losing Sunset then, do you think—"
"I feel dirty," Jane blubbered out, leaning back in the sofa as far as she could, just so she could pull her legs close to her chest. She held them in place with her arms wrapped around them. It seemed less bad.
She realized she had her feet on the cushion and shot a look at Luna, but the counselor simply nodded.
"Dirty?" Luna prodded gently
"Y-yeah."
"You seem clean, your hair looks freshly washed, and your uniform under the armor seems recently ironed." Luna gave her an apologetic look. "I know that's not what you mean, but maybe you could tell me more?"
"I-I know." For a second, she could even smell her shampoo and the warm water had felt nice. Half the time. "I took two showers already, but I still feel like… like that stuff… the blood. It was slimy and.. disgusting. It's like it's still on me!"
Luna leaned back, eyes worried.
"It's still lapping at my skin, and snaking under my clothes and—" She bit her lip, her teeth digging painfully into the soft flesh. "I still feel it."
Jane slowly forced herself to relax. "I scrubbed until my skin was red. But… the soap doesn't work. I tried." She rested her head on her knees, shivering at the memory of invisible, bloody fingers traced circles around her belly, caressed her breasts. "I can still feel it."
"If you need a bit of time to—"
"I'll be fine!" Jane interrupted, smiling up at Luna, who didn't seem convinced. "It's stupid. Just some stupid PTSD. Others have gone through worse, right? They've gotten better. I know it's in my head, doc."
"It's not stupid," Luna said gently. "Can you… do you really feel like talking about it?"
'Would it be that bad?' Jane gulped. Would it really be that bad? To tell her? She was a professional… maybe she could prescribe her something, help make it go away.
She remained quiet for several minutes, but Luna did not interrupt her at all. She did something outside of Jane's line of sight, but she remained quiet, waiting patiently across from her.
"I-I was in the kitchen." She finally relented. It was funny how that start made the whole thing sound mundane. She continued, "Part of the mission was to retrieve some weapons hidden in the mansion's cellar by the crew that had brought in the food. Everything was fine at the beginning... I found the weapons, confirmed their state, loaded them, positioned them somewhere closer to reach, and then I joined Laetitia on the line.
"Until Central gave the signal, we were going to pretend to be… to be cooks." Jane smiled. "I never really cooked anything that wasn't field rations, you know?" Who needed to cook while dodging plasma bolts, after all? "But, I guess that my knife skills were convincing enough. Comes from murdering aliens, right? It's all in the wrist."
Luna didn't join her nervous laughter—not that Jane actually expected her to do so. Damn civilians. So she continued with the story. "It was fun, the mission was infiltration and capture, we weren't supposed to fight off a large group of enemies this time. But…" Jane's voice cracked a little and she quieted down.
Luna finally stood up and went to sit next to her. Thankfully, she didn't touch her, or try to hug her. She just sat there, calmly and composed, with enough space between them so that Jane didn't feel pressured when she did not want to be touched.
"I didn't realize things were wrong at first," Jane said, her voice lowering. 'I sound pathetic.' "I was just doing as I was told… Laetitia really knows how to cook, you know? Heh. Didn't even cry with the onions, Templars must-they must go through—" she felt herself choking and stopped, taking a few deep breaths. "Yeah. Those Templars have some intense training… can't even cry with onions."
Luna stood up while Jane stared blankly at the wall. 'Onions. Really?' She looked up when Luna approached with a glass of water, taking it carefully and drinking it all. She hadn't realized she was so thirsty.
It took some time before she found the will to continue. "Then I... " Jane took a deep breath, running her fingers through her hair. "I felt it. It was like the wind was licking my skin, burning it. It felt good. I felt-I felt myself get—"
She sniffled. 'Strong. She's not judging you, but you can't cry. You're not ten.' She shook her head, licking her lips and wincing when her tongue touched the tender area she had bitten earlier. "It's like mud."
It took a moment for Luna to ask. "Mud?"
Jane nodded. "Blood Magic. It's warm a-and cold. And it slithers around and—" She clenched her fists, closing her eyes. "And i-inside. I tried to control myself. I know I could have. I let it happen… somehow.
"It was stupid. It was all in my head. I-I kept chopping stuff up, but I could smell everyone now, including the two cooks who had just had sex with each other earlier that day. Everything became enhanced and overwhelming. And I couldn't do anything to stop it."
Jane felt a shiver run down her spine, an icy grasp in her stomach, but she did not want to stop now. If she stopped now she'd never say it. Too soon? Too late? Fuck it all to hell if she was going to bottle that shit inside.
It was very hard to say, however. "I was… I couldn't—it felt like I was feeling good, but my mind-I was screaming inside my head to stop. I could feel it-like something was t-touching me just right and there was nothing there!"
She felt her eyes grow wet and faced Luna, who nodded, not betraying her thoughts.
"It felt so good!" Jane sobbed. "And I wanted to throw up a-and scream! But I just couldn't risk the mission! I-I fucking came in the kitchen, in front of everyone there and—"
She held herself tight, her fingernails scratching the hard armor around her arms.
She could feel more sobs trying to explode out, shaking her body with how powerful they were.
'No. No! I control my body! She wouldn't allow herself that weakness. She would never lose control again. She bit her lips again and could feel her teeth breaking through the skin as she fought the emotional outbursts.
She could taste her blood, she could feel the tears, but she needed to continue. "I ran to the bathroom. I tried to wash my face and my hands. I can't believe I—in front of strangers… and Laetitia!"
"It's not your fault," Luna said gently. "You were being controlled." She glanced down at her pad. "You've been mind-controlled by Sectoids before—"
"It's not the same!" Jane snapped, looking up at the counselor. 'How can I even explain it to you?'
She shook her head. "You can fight those! Even if they make you do horrible things, like shooting your friends, you can fight! You can force your arm to aim off. The compulsion to shoot is stronger, but you have some control!
"You can feel your will, pushing back, you can struggle… but you don't feel good when sectoids control you! It's not sexual! Being mind-controlled by sectoids is disgusting. It doesn't make you feel like you want to taste everyone in the room, lick their sweat of their skin, give them pleasure as you kill them and suck their blood!" Jane cried.
"It doesn't make you act like a slut-demon!" Jane growled. "I can fight sectoids! Sectoids are easy! They are the enemy! I've become stronger, I can kick them out of my mind! But—"
Jane shook her head, just then realizing she had jumped up and marched across the room. She hadn't even noticed with how angry she was.
"But?" Luna asked, her voice small.
Jane turned away. She couldn't look at Luna while saying this. "This… thing. It wasn't an alien, Luna," Jane whispered. "This was done to me... by my best friend."
Her body trembled, out of control. She clasped and unclasped her hands and was about to bolt when she felt the warm, fuzzy blanket come around her shoulders.
She grabbed it tight, pulling it around herself and half-turned, to see Luna standing there encouragingly, with a small, comforting smile on her face. The counselor raised an eyebrow as if asking permission, and it took a moment for Jane to understand.
Jane nodded. Just a little, then rested her head on Luna's shoulder as the latter embraced her and held her close.
"It was Sunset." Jane hissed, sobbing into Luna's hair. "It was Sunset. My best friend, Luna. She did this." She heard her voice losing strength. "She did this to me."
o.0.o End Chapter 195 o.0.o
Violation.
Pure, deep, multi-leveled violation.
Somehow, I doubt that human!Luna has the necessary background to handle this. While I doubt an actual kestra'chern is going to just come wandering up the gangplank, they could at least find someone with an understanding of magical traumas.
Magical compulsions work because they feel so good, or because defying them is agony. Such matters are called mind-rape for a very good reason. Frankly, in many worlds, use of this sort of magic would have earned Sunset a slow death, if she was lucky.
Y'know for some reason I never properly connected 'blood magic' and 'vampire sex offenders' together until this chapter.
Damn.
Until now I was imagining Blood magic being like the Dragon Age variant where the hazard is the temptation of power by sacrificing the lives of others. What we've got here is a mixture of vampire mythology plus Blood-bending from Avatar: TLA.
Horror hunger PLUS power temptation, how do you resist that?
This is dark. I'm trying to type more, but I can't find the words.
Dark. Yet Sunset had no Control over herself.
9314875
Bull i bet she did, if she had no control at all. She wouldn't looked anguish seeing her father figure.
What Sunset did was out of her own free will, she choose to follow this path and choose to keep going till it backfired big time like a alcoholic who keeps denying he or she has a problem till it's too late.
The blood magic was her alcohol, and Jane was the DWI Disaster that followed.
9314907
Yeah, but that's what i mean, she Lost Control. Not outside, but Inside.
Man, the fallout from that mission is possibly setting an XCOM record for how fucked up it's leaving everyone compared to the number of casualties they didn't actually have.
9315074
I know right? No one actually died but it seems like the resistance could fall apart right then and there.
9314940
doesn;t make her any less Guilty.
Sunset if she saved will have to deal with what she done and how she betrayed someone who trusted her.
After raping her in a manner.
9315091
Yeah but unwilling
I won't blame her for saying this, not at all. She went through a lot of mental trauma and shock, so she needs an outlet. In time though, she'll need to really sort her feelings for there to be any chance that things will be even a semblance of what they used to be.
9315074
Yup. No physical damage, but the amount of mental damage it gave everyone is so great that someone might as well have died.
Well, yes and no. But, just try and rationalize trauma away...
9314778
Wow, unexpected Valdemar reference. My sister was just reading Magic's Price over Thanksgiving, and my username actually comes from a Tayledras OC I created years and years ago. I've heard rumors that Mercedes Lackey will be/has done some of the writing for City of Titans, too, since it's a spiritual successor to City of Heroes, which she played, and she was a big voice in the SaveCOH campaign.
9315264
Oh, I have indeed read all of the things. And this does bear a certain degree of resemblance to that mess with Falconsbane.
I feel that if anyone is going to put those anti-magic bullets in Sunset it's going to be Jane... And it's going to kill her, even if she doesn't die in the act, I'm not sure she could live with herself afterwards.
Vengeance on that level tastes like ash.
While Sunset wasn't in control at the time, I do think this will still be something that will be hanging over both of them for quite some time to come ...
seat
Those need to be 'tracing' and 'caressing' respectively
9314778
Valdemar reference for the win. I haven't thought of that series in years. Thanks for the good flashback.
9315347
You're welcome!
9314778 Now I want to re-read the Black Griffon
9315380
The author knows what I'm talking about? wonderful! Then yes, Jane needs to talk to a kestra'chern, or whatever the Equestrian equivalent is. This isn't just a psychological trauma, psychology isn't going to be enough to help her.
9315383
9315349
The kestra'chern, Trained in physiotherapy / psychological therapy / and sexual healing.
They're going to need two Lunas for this one. One for expertise, the other for handling the victim. And even then, even in the best-case scenario where Jane can somehow moves past this and they purify Sunset, I don't know if Jane will ever forgive the woman who did this to her.
Granted, in that scenario, I don't know if Sunset will ever forgive herself.
9315415
*Blinks* yes, I know what a kestra'chern is, I brought them up. Wrong number?
Damn. Betrayal like this cuts deep, and the wound lasts forever. It might mend, but the scar will always be there, and their relationship will never be the same even when Sunset comes back
Oh, Jane, sweety. What did that to you? That wasn't your best friend. That was the monster she feared she would become so badly that she made "erase your friggin soul" bullets to destroy.
If nothing else, keep that in mind. The thing that hurt you like this? Your best friend left you the means to annihilate it so utterly that even the memory of it will fade to nothingness in short order.
You now have to decide, do you love Sunset enough to try to save her after this, or do you hate what she has become so badly, that you will use the gift she left you do put her down like the rabid dog she has become? Both are understandable and acceptable answers at this point. And truly, the choice might need to be yours, or at least your teams.
9315311
Actually from what I understand of the 'black bullets' is that you don't even regard the victim as ever having been alive afterwards.
Don't know if that would make the vengeance worse or not afterwards.
9315421
Just putting the info out there for all the other readers.
Flesh wounds are easy to mend, but mental wounds never close, you can only lessen them with time.
9315415
"as she took a sit across from her"
"as she took a seat across from her"?
"there, calmly and composed, with"
"there, calm and composed, with"?
Looks at warning tags again to see if 'sex' has suddenly appeared. It has not.
(Still a good story, just VERY surprised and a little concerned at this point. Not that it'll go bad, no, this is good stuff, other reasons.)
-GM, master of [BOX]
I guess that is the same as doing something under the influence of drugs etc...
To be fair, if Sunset is coherent enough to make soul destroying bullets, than she know it eoukd happen eventually.