Computer Science major with not enough time on my hands
After Starlight Glimmer changed the past to get revenge, Twilight got stuck in the timeline with the war against King Sombra. That was 5 years ago. In the time since, Twilight has given up on trying to return to her timeline and is doing her best to protect this one.
With Ponyville holding out as the last stronghold against Sombra's unstoppable march of destruction, Twilight fears that Sombra may have a plan that could crush them once and for all.
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Tracking Beacon activated. Let's see where this series goes.
Wow, this has been a pretty intense intro. I like that! The atmosphere is really good and so are the emotions there. There were some grammar issues from time to time, but nothing that would stop me from reading.
Looking forward to the next chapter!
8646746
I'm glad you liked it! Grammar really isn't my strong suit, I'm a much better story teller than writer. If there were any major mistakes that you wanted to point out, feel free. I always like receiving good criticism.
Chapter 1 is just waiting on approval from the proofreader, and chapter 2 is under construction as we speak! Hopefully I can get them both up by the time school kicks in.
8648310
Well, the only issues I noticed was the use of numerals and some direct speech issues. There were also some occasional problems with possessive nouns, but most of them were correct, so I assume that was probably just a matter of overlooking them at times.
The trouble with numerals (15, 2, 42) is that they look differently than normal letters, thus they subconsciously attract the reader's attention. But you don't want the reader to look at some numbers, you want them to pay full attention to the plot. (Also, their use is considered to be incorrect in beletry.) That's why you should write numbers using words, not numerals. Exceptions to this rule are years (in 1621) and some codes and names (DJ Pon3).
Direct speech is far trickier, but once you get the hang of it, it is really easy
Due to this, as well as the rules being different nearly in every language, getting it right on the first try is almost impossible. The basics that you should know are these:
When there is a speaking action present in the dialogue tag (said, stated, replied, asked, commented, yelled etc.), the tag starts with lowercase letter (Except when starting with a proper name or I). However, direct speech in such case cannot end with a period. A comma has to be in its place. (Question and exclamation marks, as well as ellipses, are alright too.)
So, this sentence:
should look like this:
On the other hand, when the tag contains a non-speaking action (nodded, blushed, sighed etc.), the tag has to start with an uppercase letter and the direct speech cannot end with a comma. Period or other punctuation mark has to be there. If you want to read more about the rules and peculiarities of dialogue, this is probably the best guide.
Despite the length of my comment about the errors, know that those issues are still minor compared to what one can encounter in other stories. The flow of the story and the tale it tells were still pretty good
I simply went into a lecture mode... 
Sounds very good!
8648370
Thank you for taking the time to reply like that! I'll definitely go through the chapter today and fix those issues.
8648598
Glad I could help!
You are welcome
This is good, very descriptive and action filled. The mystery really drew me in and left me wanting answers. Keep up the great work!
This is really good hope to see more
8711238
That might be sooner than you think!
Hmm things are extremely grim in this story with its near villain victory but still it is always darkest before the dawn.
Though I must wonder where is Luna or nightmare moon? Perhaps not returned yet from the moon yet? Because I can't picture even if Luna was still Nightmare Moon I can't imagine she would stand for Sombra's sort of evil and I sort of imagine she's be infuriated that she didn't get a chance to defeat her sister and take her 'rightful place'.
8713352
Because the mane 6 were not together when Luna returned in this timeline, Celestia had to send her back to the moon.
8713361
Hmm, I can't imagine it would hold her back for nearly as long given the elements were used the last time to imprison her and without twilight and company the elements seemed to be rather rather out of commission with only 5 of them even having a physical presence at all.
Still good to know, though it likely would have been darkly amusing for Sombra to seemly completely win only to have Nightmare Moon get him.
It should be interesting to see how Twilight finally defeats him and throw down his empire of darkness and despair.
It begins...
Very nice continuation
I like the bits of lore and explanation we receive there, as well as some course for the future.
Also, really touching parts with Fluttershy and more of Mr. Cake!
8716221
If you liked the bit with Fluttershy, then just wait till I get around to writing the war stories I have planned! The rest of the mane 6 (aside from dear flutters) and a few more will get one. Using these for more lore and backstories that don't fit well into the story proper.
8717212
Oh, lovely! Looking forward to those, then!
Zander! This story is amazing I loved every moment, Good Job!
8741880
Oh, I'm just getting warmed up!
8741904
Can't wait for more!
Hi Zendar!
This is “21% cooler” from equestria daily.
This is really good and I can’t wait for the next chapters
8814988
Thanks! Working on the next chapter now, actually. I hope to finish it and give it to ponies to proofread by the end of the month.
To Be Continued...
8936011
Touché
Oh, a cliffhanger... of course
Really nice retrospective as well as more about Twilight’s resistence. Good chapter 
A bit hard to read through, but I’m sure it’ll iron out over time. Hopefully this updates...