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Prologue: From the Eyes of a Filly1,657 words
Chapter 12,811 words
Chapter 22,589 words

Prologue: From the Eyes of a Filly

It was a warm Autumn evening in Ponyville. On a normal night like this, the sound of little fillies and colts playing in the streets would have filled the air. This night was not normal though. There were no colts playing in the stream; no fillies laughing with each other. The only sound that came from the town was that of hurried galloping, as ponies quickly made their way into Town Hall. It was a combination of urgency and secrecy that could mean only bad things to come. One of the last in the streets were a mare and stallion quickly leaving an uncharacteristically quiet Sugar Cube Corner. Inside the normally boisterous store, the Cake twins were confined to their room. Her mother's parting words echoed through Pumpkin Cakes mind.

“Now dearies, I need you to stay in your room. Your father and I have something very important to do, and you have to stay here. Can you promise me that you'll behave?” There was such a tone of desperation in her mother's voice that she promised without realizing how strange it was for both her parents to leave without taking them along. The Cakes had left nearly 15 minutes ago, and the two foals had yet to move. Finally, Pound Cake broke the silence.

“Where do you think they went?” The young colt flapped his wings nervously, causing enough wind to blow his sister’s hair slightly. “And why did they look so sad. Did somepony die?”

“Nopony died.” Pumpkin stated, without even knowing if it was right. Though she was only older by 2 minutes, she took the role of older sibling very seriously; and this meant making her brother feel safe. “They probably just had to deliver a cake to somepony!”

“Then why did both of them go? They’ve never left us alone before. What if-” Pound Cake started, but Pumpkin interrupted him.

“I don’t know. But I’m sure that we will be ok.” Even trying her best to sound comforting, the words held no conviction. She didn’t know if everything was going to be ok. They were still just foals and now were on their own. Their room, which had always felt so large, began to shrink. Pumpkin began to channel magic into her horn without thinking, building up the best defense the little filly could; yet no threat came for her to challenge.

There was no clock in the foals’ room, giving them no way to gauge how long their parents had been gone. After a while, Pumpkin began to read one of her books. Even the fantastic tales of Clover the Clever couldn’t give her the escape she needed. Her mind continued to try and understand the situation at hoof. Pound started to get restless and began flying laps around the room. When that didn’t help with the stress, he began to do some tricks. He started with some corkscrews and flips, then began introducing dives with last minute pull-ups. After only a few minutes his usual enjoyment from flying faded, and he too continued to worry about his parents.

Time continued on for a small eternity before they finally heard the bell downstairs; somepony had entered the store. Was it their parents, finally returned from their dark errand? Or something else, something dangerous. The twins looked at each other and nodded. Without saying a word they both knew what the other was thinking. If their door opened, they would need to attack. Pumpkin began sending power to her horn, Pound lowered himself to a good launch position. The handle on their door began to turn, and as it was pushed open they launched.

Mr. Cake entered his foals room just be hit with a small magical burst that felt like an aggressive poke. He then had to catch the small colt that was speed toward him at the speed of a fast walk. Having foiled their strategic defensive strategy, he looked down into their faces. He felt bad at how scared they must have been but it was necessary; he didn’t want his children to know what was to come. With his wife unable to speak through the silent tears falling, he knew it was his job to talk to the children.

“Pound? Pumpkin? I need you to listen very carefully. We are going to go outside and Princess Twilight is going to take you and the other foals to the Everfree Forest.” At this statement, the twins gasped. They had always been told to stay away from the forest, but there was no time to give the explanation they needed. “You both need to stay with her and she will keep you safe. Your mother and I will be coming later tonight. We are going to find you and everything will be ok.”

Mr. Cake found his eyes starting to tear up; the weight of what tonight could bring dragging his normally high spirit down. He had to keep going though; he had too much to say to the foals that brought light to his life, and if he started to cry now he wouldn’t have enough time.

“You both need to promise me that no matter what happens - and no matter what you hear - that you do not leave the princess. Tonight might get scary, but I know you two are strong. So stay strong for me, and promise to not leave the princess.”

The twins paused. If they were scared of what was bothering their parents before, now they were terrified. They had never seen their father this upset, nor their mother unable to speak. As Pumpkin met her father’s eyes, she saw the start of tears forming. She silently nodded her head and saw her brother nod as well. Without another word her father picked them both up and gave them a hug. It was this hug that caused the tears to fall.

Mr. Cake held onto his children with all his might. He had one last thing to say, but his voice would not comply. He mustered his voice together and whispered to them “I love you both, more than words can ever say.”

With that, he released his hold on the foals and lead them out of Sugar Cube Corner. As was planned, Princess Twilight stood in the center of town and all the fillies and colts gathered around her. There was an unnatural silence to all this, not even broken by the children. After waiting for the preplanned 20 minutes, Twilight began to lead them all out of the town. The march was kept at a quick pace and in a short time they reached the edge of the forest and continued inside. As they were lead farther into the Everfree Forest, the sun began to set beside them. Day turned into dusk, and dusk turned into night. Still, the foals were lead farther and farther into the forest.

Without warning, the night sky was split open by a deafening explosion. The princess looked back to town, a face of somber understanding spreading.

“We need to run now! Everypony run as fast as you can to the ruins of the Castle of the Two Sisters!” The foals just stood there, not understanding what was going on. “Now!”

With that, the well-kept group shattered into organized chaos. The previous silence that hung over them like a spell was broken as they all began to scream. Everypony began running farther into the forest, towards the fabled castle; everypony except Pumpkin Cake. She ran in the opposite direction, fearing that something had happened to her parents in that explosion. She briefly heard a cry from her brother, telling her to come back, but Pumpkin just put her head down and pumped her legs for all they’re worth. Within 10 minutes she broke through the edge of the forest, and the sight before her broke the young filly’s heart.

Ponyville was on fire. She could hear the screams for the town as ponies were running to get away. She saw ponies she had known her whole life running with fear in their eyes. Farther into town, she could see shapes chasing after them. They were ponies wearing pure black armor. Where the mane and tail should have been sprouted uniform black tufts. Around each foreleg were rings of spikes. All this chilled Pumpkin to her core, but what pierced her soul were the eyes. Where the eyes should have been sat slits in the armor that glowed a sickly green. Those eyes showed no mercy as the chased down and attacked the fleeing citizens of Ponyville.

Of the ponies fleeing, she saw two that made her spirits rise slightly; it was her parents, both of them, running as fast as they could. Her father looked behind him, and she saw that they were running from one of the armored ponies. As they reached the edge of town, her father stopped and turned around to face the attacker. Pumpkin saw her mother stop and yell back, but her father seemed to urge her on. As the attacker fell on her father, her mother turned and ran. What Pumpkin saw in that next minute would stay with her the rest of her life.

Her father turned on his forelegs to buck the attacker in the face. His kick landed with an echoing ring, but the pony kept charging. With a swing of the armored leg, her father’s front leg was hit causing him to stumble. A scream of her name calling out through the night. Her mother picked her up roughly, never stopping in her dash to the tree line. As Pumpkin looked back she saw a final blow of the spikes that made contact with the back of her father’s head. The stallion that raised her, that tickled her when she was grumpy, that praised her with each progression in her magic, her own father, fell in a heap.

Author's Note:

This prologue was unbelievably hard to write. The original plan was to have Pumpkin in a classroom, giving a small intro to some later plot points and introducing the OC that is going to appear in the next chapter. But it didn't match the tone I wanted to establish for the rest of the story. So I burned it with fire and vengeance, and this beauty was born from the ashes. While the story will not focus anymore on the Cakes, I knew that there would be an emotional attachment to them that I could use to solidify the gravity of the situation.

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Blaster M

Blaster M #1 · Dec 10th, 2017 · · ·

Tracking Beacon activated. Let's see where this series goes.

EverfreePony

EverfreePony #2 · Jan 3rd, 2018 · · ·

Wow, this has been a pretty intense intro. I like that! The atmosphere is really good and so are the emotions there. There were some grammar issues from time to time, but nothing that would stop me from reading.
Looking forward to the next chapter!

Midnight Coder

Midnight Coder #3 · Jan 4th, 2018 · · ·

8646746
I'm glad you liked it! Grammar really isn't my strong suit, I'm a much better story teller than writer. If there were any major mistakes that you wanted to point out, feel free. I always like receiving good criticism.

Chapter 1 is just waiting on approval from the proofreader, and chapter 2 is under construction as we speak! Hopefully I can get them both up by the time school kicks in.

EverfreePony

EverfreePony #4 · Jan 4th, 2018 · · ·

8648310
Well, the only issues I noticed was the use of numerals and some direct speech issues. There were also some occasional problems with possessive nouns, but most of them were correct, so I assume that was probably just a matter of overlooking them at times.

The trouble with numerals (15, 2, 42) is that they look differently than normal letters, thus they subconsciously attract the reader's attention. But you don't want the reader to look at some numbers, you want them to pay full attention to the plot. (Also, their use is considered to be incorrect in beletry.) That's why you should write numbers using words, not numerals. Exceptions to this rule are years (in 1621) and some codes and names (DJ Pon3).

Direct speech is far trickier, but once you get the hang of it, it is really easy Due to this, as well as the rules being different nearly in every language, getting it right on the first try is almost impossible. The basics that you should know are these:
When there is a speaking action present in the dialogue tag (said, stated, replied, asked, commented, yelled etc.), the tag starts with lowercase letter (Except when starting with a proper name or I). However, direct speech in such case cannot end with a period. A comma has to be in its place. (Question and exclamation marks, as well as ellipses, are alright too.)
So, this sentence:

“Nopony died.” Pumpkin stated

should look like this:

“Nopony died,” Pumpkin stated

On the other hand, when the tag contains a non-speaking action (nodded, blushed, sighed etc.), the tag has to start with an uppercase letter and the direct speech cannot end with a comma. Period or other punctuation mark has to be there. If you want to read more about the rules and peculiarities of dialogue, this is probably the best guide.

Despite the length of my comment about the errors, know that those issues are still minor compared to what one can encounter in other stories. The flow of the story and the tale it tells were still pretty good I simply went into a lecture mode...

Chapter 1 is just waiting on approval from the proofreader, and chapter 2 is under construction as we speak! Hopefully I can get them both up by the time school kicks in.

Sounds very good!