• Member Since 23rd Mar, 2012
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2% of FimFiction read, only 98% to go! I've been gone for a long time, but still show up every now and then.


When Twilight takes Tempest Shadow to the dentist, Tempest is forced to face her greatest foe: her foalhood fears.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 16 )

The cover art :rainbowlaugh:

Shame you missed the Feghoot contest.



This is great! Not only is your Tempest Shadow realistically mature, sane, and just dark and edgy enough, but you do a great job getting across Twilight's distinctive mixture of personas: Princess, geek, and nervous wreck by turns. Nice job!

Thanks! It was a real challenge to balance the darker themes with the lighter feel of the story overall, but the characters helped carry me through. :twilightsmile:

At one point I had intended to submit this to the contest, but I didn't like the idea of adapting a story I'd had sitting nearly-completed on the shelf for years to the contest. Oh well. :unsuresweetie:


Haha, I threw that together from a bunch of stock pictures with the intention of commissioning some real art for it later. But there's something inherently funny about Tempest's expression in that picture.

Hey! I remember giving feedback on this. Glad to see it published. Love the cover, by the way.

R5h #7 · Aug 3rd, 2019 · · ·

Thanks for showing this to me! I'm a big fan of Tempest Shadow, and of puns, and you've created a story I can really sink my teeth into!

Groan. Yeah, that's a solid feghoot. A real story that sucks you in until you don't see the pun coming. Well played.

Tempest Shadow: Ponies fall at my feet when they see me coming.

Trixie: Even BEFORE they smell your breath?

oh for the love of

it was good, though

"Of course!" Tempest quickly snatched several of the candies and crunched them loudly between her teeth as they started walking again. "A strong commander doesn't eat candy in front of her troops"—she sneered—"but did I ever miss it. I practically lived on a diet of soda and candy growing up in my mom's soda shop."

This is going to be a cavity story. Isn't it?

With a glance, a grimace, and a scribble, the receptionist made a short note in Tempest’s file. “Last question. How long has it been since you last saw a dentist?”

“Thirty years.”

She glanced at Tempest’s forehead a second time, her grimace deepening, as she made another scribble. “Thirty years?”

Tempest’s eyes narrowed. “Yes.”

“Very well. The dentist will see you shortly. Have a seat in the waiting area." Her nose was already buried in the pages of her tattered book.

Yeah, this is going to be a cavity story.
Also, Tempest is in her early to mid thirties. Neat!:pinkiesmile: Like me!

Also, why did you have to go and make me self conscious about not going to the dentist since 2015?:fluttershyouch:

I practically lived on a diet of soda and candy growing up in my mom's soda shop."

Add chips, and she would have had a complete gamer diet.:rainbowlaugh:
Thank you for implanting the adorable picture of filly Tempest knocking back a 12oz can of soda, and her having to hold it with both of her hooves. I could hear that particular suck and pour sound that you hear when a small child drinks a can of soda.

mom's soda shop

So if she hadn't broken her horn, Tempest would have grown up to be a different kind of jerk.:rainbowwild::rainbowlaugh:
It's kind of a jerk move to invade a country, and enslave its civilian population.:rainbowwild::twilightsheepish:

“And he was never going to give you your horn back, or share his throne with you, right?”


“Well, now you have your horn and you wear the crown!”

With a deafening boom, Tempest’s horn shattered.

What?! :rainbowderp:
*reads it a second time*
:unsuresweetie:I'm so confused.
*reads it a third time*
So the sheer power of Twilight's terrible pun, broke Tempest’s ceramic horn.:facehoof:

I liked this story. It was a good read.:twilightsmile:

Edit: Format fix

Soon, they found themselves in front of a small storefront with a large molar painted on the glass door. “Gift Horse Dentistry,” proudly proclaimed the block lettering on the door, “Minuette DDS.”


“What would a dentist know about fixing my horn?”

"Well, as you know, unicorns are fundamentally similar to narwhals."

"Narwhals?" Uh oh. She knew all of that late-night studying would catch up to Twilight eventually.

"Yep! A relative of the beluga whale, averaging four metres in length, most notable for the long tusk growing out of their head. Narwhals."

"I know what narwhals are, Twilight,” said Tempest, rolling her eyes. “What I want you to explain is what narwhals have to do with me going to the dentist."

"You mean you never learned about basic unicorn horn anatomy?"

"What I said is that I don't understand what narwhals have to do with me going to the dentist."

"Okay, I'll start from the beginning!" Twilight took a deep breath as she drew herself up to her full height. “While a pegasus embryo can be clearly differentiated from the other tribes by approximately the sixtieth day of gestation, the external differences between earth pony and unicorn fetuses doesn’t become clear until nearly six months into development, when the tip of a unicorn’s horn first becomes visible.”

“That’s because all along, unseen from the outside, what’s essentially an extra canine tooth—unique to unicorns—has been making its journey upwards through the fetus’s soft palate and into the brain. It’s in this stage that the horn forms its strong thaumic connection with the magicortex located in the anterior of the brain."

Into the brain? Had Tempest missed something?

"From there it pushes out the front of the skull, spiralling outward in a helix, picking up chromophores as it passes through the skin, changing its color to match the unicorn’s coat. That’s why the inside of your horn isn’t as dark as the outside! Isn’t anatomy interesting?”

So what I'm getting out of that, is that unicorns are born with brain damage.:pinkiecrazy:
Would explain some of the odd behaviors of G4 unicorns.
If that carries over to G5 ponies, then that explains Izzy.:pikiecrazy:

I like this new biological lore behind unicorn horns.:twilightsmile:
If we carry this forward to G5 ponies, then the lack of magic affected their development in the womb.
Particularly the part where it pushes out the skull.
It probably pushes straight out without spiralling and picking up chromophores.
Which means that their horns are sorta naked to the outside world.
Which by extension, means that if you skin/scrape away at the outside of a G4 unicorn’s horn, then you'd see the superficial swirls that a G5 unicorn has.
Based on Sunny’s NMM costume, the horn spiral was something that canonically happened in the past.
The painting of Starswirl the bearded (seen by the door in Sunny’s lighthouse in the movie), probably indicated the same thing.

Thus concludes my over analysis of MLP for the day.

Edit: Attempted some formatting to make it easier to read.

"Oh, I hate how confusing this is." Other ponies might have considered Colgate's pouty face cute. "Do you know how expensive it is to keep a lawyer on retainer? Those meanie toothpaste-pushers and their lawsuits; how can it be copyright infringement to use my own name? I figured using my middle name would keep those toothpaste-pushing ponies off my back."

Oh so THATS why


Also, why did you have to go and make me self conscious about not going to the dentist since 2015?:fluttershyouch:

Well, I was well overdue to go to the dentist when I wrote this... however long ago. And literally today was my first proper dentist appointment in years, where I got a cavity filled. So it's not too late? (No judgement of course--my insurance situation changed recently, which helped a lot.)

So if she hadn't broken her horn, Tempest would have grown up to be a different kind of jerk.:rainbowwild::rainbowlaugh:

Booooo! (Love it!)

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