ch.1 out a time
Back to the earth Ch.1
Doc had built a time machine powered by Nuclear fission . It propelled us and the delorain into a different time. It works. Yes it dose but today But something was messed up. Big time. Way to much power with the new flux compassitor and time citrus these were upgraded untested version.they were rebuilt by doc when the delorain appeared out of nowhere when he was visiting he built them to prevent any incidents. Until we found something that messed everything up . also my names Marty heres how it started
Come on Marty! Doc yelled Hay doc I'm driving driving I said Ok let's go doc I said as I jumped in the drivers seat. Doc in and said remember Marty These are new citrus so go easy on them. Ok ok it's not my first time doing this gees I said. I started the engine and the car went up 5 feet and zipped into the sky. I got a good feel on the steering wheel but felt something odd really odd. I pulled the horn cover off and saw a flip switch. Hay doc what's this I said. I have no idea Marty I didn't put it there doc said. Hay wait theres two of them I said as I flipped one of them the glove box dropped and their was a Ruby sitting there attached to the ruby were 4 gold wires that were attached to the flux compositor. Uh doc what's that I said. Thats a priceless ruby! I worked as a juler for a month in the old west doc exclaimed. Well what's it doing here I said. Marty he said you have just found something not Evan the creator of this time car could could find. So should I see what it dose I said. Doc grabbed my face and aligned it with his. Marty he said your crazy if you flip that switch. Well call me crazy I said as I flipped the switch. Marty nooooooo! It was two seconds before a huge flash of light from the flux compasserder and then the time cruets started sparking. The numbers flickered to 1885. Oh grate I said. Then they lit up to 1002. Oh no! I said as I went to recalabrate the time but it was to late the delorain Started to fall the cone of light formed around the front and the jets lit up and sped us up to 88mph then the delorian disappeared.
Feeling a sudden crash I knew we were on land. I looked back and saw a herd of cows charging at us. Then I herd doc yell GO!. Ok I yelled turning the flux compassiter on......nothing happened another try.........nothing happened.ok doc looks like were out running them I said. I hit the gear shift and we took off. About 8 feet behind us the heard of cows charged doc sat there in awe as I was trying to out run the cows. the delorain charged into a town that had buildings on fire and apparently did not mean for cars to drive on. As I was dodging houses fountains things like that. I soon found my self approaching a huge living object. That shot.......energy!?...... Grate scott! Yelled doc as we were closing In on it. Doc! I yelled. what he yelled. Let's fly I said as we stopped. The delorain lifted up as the wheels took there places. We went up a good bit and stopped. The creature took a swing at us but didn't hit us ok i said now he's in for it. I went to shift but I was stopped by doc. He looked at me and said Marty we have no idea what this where we are at. This thing could be a dinosaur of some sort what would happen if dinosaurs didn't Rome the earth. Well doc you do have a point but what if this thing kills us that will alter the time line too I said. Marty I think we better kill it doc said. Yep I said. I grabbed a tire iron out of the em toolbox doc I yelled take the wheel I said as I traded him spots. I opened the gull-wing door and looked for a week point. The eye I tough as I aimed I threw the tire iron it struck the creature causing it to look at me. I shut the door and doc took off. Crap I'm going to need a gun for this I said. Wait a second I said I forgot. After saving doc from kid tannen I still have his revolver in the back.i spun around and grabbed the revolver.ok doc keep us going I got this I said as I opened the door. I took 3 shots the thing fell to the ground. Wow I a good shot I said. Hay Marty maybe you should git in so we can land! Ok ok gee doc I said as I shut the door. ok doc i said when are we. i looked at the time curicts the showed oct 22 1002! hay doc i said. yes he said. can the delorain go back this far? i said in fear. he looked at the time curits GRATE SCOTT! he yelled. he looked at me with panic marty i dont think were in hill vally anymore he said in fear and awe. d...doc w...what are you talking about i said in a grate deal of fear. but doc was to busy going over equaions and checking things. this is going to be a long day i said in half fear as I look around. Hay doc do you see what I see I said. What he said. look!!! I said there was an enormous tree 20 feet and closeing. We both. Screamed as we crashed and blacked out.
I awoke to a.......pony......well purple pony....... With a horn.... WOHA horn!?! Thats odd. Then It said are you ok. I screamed again as it said its ok my name is twilight sparkle and I mean you no harm. I take one last look before passing out.
Authors note:
[Dun dun dun] and ch.1 bites the dust. Any way this is my first fic and I would kill for constructive criticism. This has no proof reading so there's a lot of flaws. I was going to send this to my editor but he is on vacation for the week so I don't want to bug him. Plus if you have a iPod or a iPad get back to the future episode 1 and you will see who kid tannen is.
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.... This is REALLY badly written, ok, for one thing even though you editor is on vacation just wait for him NOT to be on vacation. I could barely even read this fiction because of the errors, also the title is generally unappealing as you diddn't have any caps at all. It gave it a sort of "boring, badly worded, kill-yourself-if-you-read-it" look. I may follow this just because the idea seems to atleast be a little interesting. I apologize but, I just can't give this a thumbs up. Although I won't thumbs down it as I know how it feels to have more thumbs downs in a story than thumbs ups. :/
You can't be serious.
Learn to fucking spell. If your this bad a writer with this many mistakes, you should not be a writer.
You shouldn't have your dog try to write a fan-fiction. His grammar is just awful!
1121376 Ooh, burn
>Any way this is my first fic and I would kill for constructive criticism.
Well, first I'd consider killing for some quotation marks. I don't think you have any. Also, it's "anyway," just so you know.
Look man, I'm sorry, but are you a fucking six-year-old? Jesus fucking Christ, my brother could write better, and he never uses capital letters!
No seriously, work on it, this is fucking terrible. I'm sorry, but it's the truth.
I am sorry... but the grammar is very bad.
Is English your first language? I think probably not. Look, you could use the Word grammar corrector... or download one of the free ones on the internet. They are not perfect... but they can get the most serious mistakes. You could also wait till your editor come back from vacation. It's hard for people to take it seriously when they can hardly understand what's going on.
1121303
1121371
1121376
1121436
1121569
But I am seriously far more shocked at the reaction of my fellow "love and tolerance" bronies. Just because someone writes a bad fanfic doesn't mean they can't improve. Why don't you guys try to help, offer advice instead of just throwing stones?
Now I know someone will say: "Ah, it's an obvious troll." If it's a obvious troll... why are you giving him attention? It's your fault to let yourself be trolled. But if he is truly a bad writer... shouldn't we try to help? Do any of you truly believes that if someone writes bad he should give up writing forever? I don't know what your guys think, but I will give him the benefit of doubt.
Is the fanfic bad? Yes, it is. Should we say it's bad? Yes, we should. Should we say it's bad while being jerks? No, we shouldn't. That is the difference.
1121686 Ah shit, you're right, sorry to you and the author. I don't really have any advice, so thanks for straightening that out.
1121704
No problem.
1121686 Well, apologies to both you and the author, although he should have waited until the editor returned. Suggesting an editor would be my main advice, but...
If he chooses not to wait for his editor, he can't exactly expect a positive reception...
1121761
No problem.
True. But it doesn't allow us to be jerks, does it?
1121686 How long have you been visiting this site?
Yesterday my Editor chewed me out for not Waiting on him
but now that he's home every chapter goes to him frist,So the chapters should be worded a lot better then before. Sorry for all the inconvenience
1121984
I'm not new to this site... or the internet. I have seen how mean some people can be.
Still, I won't use it as an excuse to turn a blind eye when I see something that is not right.
1122075
Okay. After he reviews your chapter... give me a reply and I will read it a second time.
1122124 No, that's not what I meant. What I meant is, I've been on this site for almost a year now, and I've been writing on here for a while now, and eventually, you see so many terrible fictions on this site, that it makes you lose faith in humanity. I used to be like you. I used to try and help struggling authors, who repeatedly put, "This is my first fic, so please be nice!" In their story description. They never learn. Before you submit a story, the most basic rule of writing, is make sure shit is spelled right. Then format. This unfortunate author failed in both catagories. Oh, and to the author, never go ahead of your editer. Mine is Microsoft Word, so that's not a problem, but if you have an actual editer, make sure he's reliable, and don't submit shit before it's done. That is the worst thing you can do.
And yes, people can be mean on the internet, god knows I'm one of them. It's going to happen. People are going to suck, but this story; they're justified. And who knows, maybe after this is run through the editer, it will be half way decent.
1122163
You lost faith. You should never lose faith. Let me ask you: How many times you should help anyone? And I will already answer: how many times does your heart tell you?
For example, I like helping others. But if there is a person that doesn't learn... why should I feel bad? Should I be worried for what isn't in my control? Of course not. You help people because you care about them. If they learn or doesn't it just doesn't matter... what matters is why you did. So you see, this isn't a valid excuse to lose faith.
You gave good advice but you shouldn't be a jerk. It's never justified to be a jerk, because being a jerk is a personal option. You know that it will hurt somebody feelings... Why do it when you can say the same without actually hurting them? Do you still care to help... or are you seeking to hurt them now? See, this is the difference and the question you have to answer when you are being a jerk.
1122567 Well, I'm kind of, a slightly mild, very minor... sociopath. So yeah...
I try to help people because I want them to be better. I try not to be an ass, but it's pretty hard. However, don't think just because I'm a socio, that I'm a manipulative dickhead, who thinks that he's right, I'm not. I can see where you're coming from, I just don't believe in it. And I'm not delibretly trying to hurt them, I just use very sarcastic, crude humor. However, this doesn't mean I was joking when I said this story was bad, because it is. Again, I'm not an evil asshole, I'm just a little less caring than others.
1122618
But here is the thing: you want the best for the others. You admit that your sarcastic and crude humor can actually hurt people. Why would you hurt those who you want to help? Well, intentionally you wouldn't. But if it happens... then you have to change yourself.
I won't lie: it's hard. A lot of people believe in the "People never change" philosophy. Changing your own way of thinking is one of the hardest things a person can do. But the thing is: it's possible. I have seen it and felt it. Many others have too.
The best advice I can give you is: If you say something and you aren't sure if it's offensive or not... apologize. Use the phrase "I am sorry if this sounded mean." or "I apologize if I somehow have offended you". This would be a good first step in towards a more positive attitude towards others and towards life.
I really don't know if you will believe what I say. But please try to think about it.
1122741 That's the thing that sucks though, I can't change. That's the thing about being a sociopath, is that I had to teach myself to act the way I do. I've been this way for almost all my life now, and I'm not sure if I can teach myself any other way at this point. I do believe that people can change, for better and worse, but I'm pretty sure it's too late for me at this point. And for those that know me, they know that I can be a real evil bastard. If I wanted to hurt an author I would say, "Your story sucks, get the fuck out and don't come back." But I didn't. Sure, I made some crude remarks, but I only take it far enough that it hits home for the author. I try to make my comments mean enough that they take it seriously, but nice enough that they don't give up.
1122765
You believe others can change... but doesn't believe yourself can? Why? Is it because someone told you... or because you think so? Is it because you think it's too late for you?
Well, it's never too late. Too late is more often than not an excuse to stop trying. You are still alive so there is still time. I don't know how old are you, but let's suppose you are 40. That means you have at least 30, 40, 50 or even 60 years in front of your life. That is just so much time for you to do things you want to do.
And here is the second thing: you don't have to be mean for people to take what you type serious. You have to be serious for people to take it serious. If someone doesn't take what you write serious when you are being serious... why would they take it serious when you are being mean?
And let's say there is someone who wants to improve because people were mean to him. What would be his reasons for his wish of improvement? For fear of bad reviews? Or for anger, to make others eat their own words? If that is true... is this the kind of feelings we want to create in other people?
1123022 Well, I'm fifteen, and I haven't told anyone I know about my disorder, and I do believe others can change, because they are capable of changing. Being a sociopath, means I have no feelings, or at least, not all of them. I don't have sympathy for the weak, and I do whatever it takes to get back at someone if they've wronged me. Also, because I know from experience, just telling someone that they need to improve grammer, sometimes doesn't work. It's called tough love, and sometimes it's the only thing that works. And me being mean, is just a by product of being serious. When I get serious I get kind of mean.
Besides, I know when someone's mean to me, I do whatever it takes to prove them wrong.
1123022>>1123052
Did I step into a psychologist's office or can we bring this to a nice private messaging?
Anywho,
Let me re-iterate how I dislike this: It's your first time writing a work of fiction, fair enough. I won't criticize you on the story because these are the kind of things that can only improve with practice. However, unless for some reason you were never properly educated, the hundreds of grammatical errors are NOT acceptable!
You want to leave a remarkable impression upon your readers, and producing something wonderful or crap can almost identify who you are. Spell-check! Either you use a good writing software (Microsoft Word etc.) or you sound out the words you don't know. If your completely stumped or just can't remember, which sometimes happens to me, I Google search the word I'm trying to spell and 95% of the time Google knows what I'm talking about and will correct it.
Just simple things like re-reading your finished product and consulting your writing software or dictionary means so much more than you would think.
1123225
Sorry about that! I'm not a fan of Pm's. Not sure why though. I just feel like if I get a Pm, it's something really important.
1123052
I understand. You have this disorder. I am not in your skin... I cannot say what you can feel or what you can't.
But let me tell you: there is a lot of other disorders out here. Let's pick Down Syndrome, for example. People have difficult learning... and yet they still try to learn. And more often than not, they manage to learn. Do they actually keep up with everyone? In all areas... no. But in some areas they far surpass others. How do they do it? By picking something they are good... and working through it.
You claim you don't have some feelings... but you also said you care about others. You don't have sympathy but you also care. What should you do? Work through the 'care'!
Train 'care' enough until it looks like sympathy! Even if you don't feel... you understand when you hurt someone using your logic. Then work through 'logic' as well! 
Think about what reactions your comment will bring and change it to fit.
Is it true sympathy? I... I cannot say.
But others would be happier. And, if you can feel happiness I think you would be happier too. 
As for tough love, it isn't about being a jerk. You don't have to be a jerk with children, for example, so they will respect you. You need to have a firm first, that is true. There is a lot of difference between being a jerk and being firm. I will show you:
You warn your son to don't play near a glass stand. He does and breaks it.
Jerk: You scream at him and tell him that he is without his tv and computer for an entire week.
Firm: You lie down with him. You explain what he did was wrong and asks why he did it. You then inform that he will be punished for it. You remove his tv and computer for an entire week.
Were the punishments the same? In a sense, yes. Were they dealt the same way? Of course not.
In the end, the child will avoid breaking a glass stand in the future because: A) He doesn't want to be punished or B) Because he understood what he did was wrong. However, if the child do it because of C) For fear of his father... isn't there something wrong in this family?
In our situation a punishment would be a bad review and a thumbs down. Like I said before... do we really need to put fear or anger in people we care about so they can do things right?
1121686>>1121704>>1121761 You have failed me for the last time. I shall extract your organs for this!
1123225
If the author of the fanfic or Armalite asks for, I have no problem in bringing this to PM. However if they don't care I think this would be a good thing to show. People can read and think about a lot of things this way.
And back to you: now this is a far better review. You could have done this at first instead of making a somewhat cruel joke. My question is: why didn't you do it before?
1123320
Please don't do that!
I still need them to live. Give me a week or two and we are game. 
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1121686 "Love and Tolerance" is a myth, it always has been. Being a brony means you like a show that was made for little girls (not that theres anything wrong with that) but it doesn't mean your anymore tolerating then most cod players. I happen to be the kind of person who tells you the straight facts, who is willing to tell someone their friends with when they are terrible. This was actually dispicable, microsoft word could of fixed at least the majority of these mistakes.
How you wrote that comment feels like fluttershy trying to be assertive.
1123700
Don't fuel the conversation. Let it die...
1123717 I am famous for long comment conversations. For an example, look at my fan fic "Why humans Should Never be Allowed in Equestria" (you don't have to read the fic) comment section near the end with a guy named EXOLIEF (you may know him from writing "A week in Ponyville")
1123552
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1123700
Okay then.
This is funny because I just watched Back to the Future right before I got home.
What really inspired me to wright this is of all bttf fans that still like that good old time traveling machine. That is also why I would like to make Steven Gibbs findings more public, today I've made the risky purchase of buying an HDR. It can make time travle possible, well it is foretold that it will, so I am now awaiting morning to try it.
I would say go back space you're story out more and add more detail to it. At this point it kinda throws you into it and nothing quite makes sense.
Also it helps if you read it out loud to yourself first to help understand how it flows, trust me it works.
Anyway it wasent the worst thing ever and not a trollfic
Reaperofsouls42:
Thanks for the advice I am always looking for ways to improve and in this case I need a lot of it
Also thank you light pony for giving me some encouragement. :)
And thank you to everyone who gave me some advice, also my editor is working on fixing the story but now that school is in it is hard wright As much.
Thanks, pony stark