The Apples' Debt

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Comments ( 11 )

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FoundFamily

FoundFamily #1 · Aug 6th, 2017 · · · Negotiations ·

So is her hands behind the post or above her head

BrightDawn

BrightDawn #2 · Aug 6th, 2017 · · · The Deal ·

8348206
They were tied to the post

Firefox Lantern

Firefox Lantern #3 · Aug 6th, 2017 · · · The Deal ·

Hmm, the set-up is good but the sex is a bit of a letdown. Unless it was intentional to show the sex being really stiff because of the circumstances, in which case good job.

BrightDawn

BrightDawn #4 · Aug 6th, 2017 · · · The Deal ·

8348462
Let down how?

BrightDawn

BrightDawn #5 · Aug 6th, 2017 · · · The Deal ·

8348462
Did you mean the rivalry perhaps?

Firefox Lantern

Firefox Lantern #6 · Aug 6th, 2017 · · · The Deal ·

8348505
Well I would have liked a bit more detail (Was Applejack a virgin? did she feel physical pain? did she feel angry or sorry for him? No comments by Compound about his own enjoyment of fucking her. How does he feel Applejack compares to other mares? Did he feel any pleasure or was the sex too mechanical (yes it's possible to ejaculate without feeling pleasure)) Just some possible angles on making the sex a bit more interesting because the rest of the story does a good job.

BrightDawn

BrightDawn #7 · Aug 6th, 2017 · · · The Deal ·

8348799
Made that mistake with my first fanfic as well. I thought this time focusing on the characters thoughts instead of the environment would be enough, but you're right, I should have done better.

Firefox Lantern

Firefox Lantern #8 · Aug 6th, 2017 · · · The Deal ·

8349035
The detail on the characters is great, but that doesn't mean you aren't allowed to put detail in the sex as well. No reason to not do both.
Of course as I say this some conservative is going to complain the sex is too explicit.

FoundFamily