Rainbow stepped out of the stall and walked over to the sink. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying.
Get a grip, Dash. She scolded herself as she splashed water on her face. You've got to find Rarity and the kids before she does. No need to add anything else to my "List of Things I Completely Effed Up."
Suddenly the lights cut out, and Rainbow was in complete darkness.
She quickly picked up her bat, trying to even out her breathing. Her eyes darted about in the darkness as she slowly, cautiously, took a step forward.
Something hit her in the face and she flew backwards. The bat fell from her hand and clattered off somewhere.
Rainbow struggled to stand, when she was struck again, this time sending her into one of the sinks.
"It hurts, doesn't it."
Rainbow's eyes widened at the sudden voice, making her forget about the welt forming on her temple.
"Being trapped. Cornered with nowhere to run."
"W-Wai-"
Rainbow was slammed against the wall, and she struggled to breathe as an ice-cold hand wrapped around her throat.
The lights flickered back on, and Rainbow found herself staring into golden, hate-filled eyes.
"S-Su-AACK!" The grip on her throat tightened. She was lifted off the ground and her legs kicked out uselessly.
"Not being allowed to explain yourself." Sunset hissed, her eyes narrowing. "Having to live with the knowledge that someone you trusted - someone who you thought was your friend - tried to have you killed."
Rainbow shook her head vigorously - as much as she could anyway - as she choked out, "Sunset...I-I swear...I-I didn't-"
"Don't you even!" Sunset snarled, her fangs bared, as she got in Rainbow's face. "Don't you even feed me that bullshit! Gilda is a sociopath. She made me look like a saint in comparison - at least the shit I pulled was with a goal in mind; she did it for laughs. The only reason she's not in juvie right now is because I kept her in line.
You knew this, Dash. You knew what kind of person she is. And you set her and 29 other students on me like a pack of wolves! What, exactly, did you think was going to happen?! Please, tell me! I legitimately want to know!"
Rainbow opened and closed her mouth several times, before whispering the only thing she could say. "...I'm sorry."
Sunset's face twisted in disgust, before dropping Rainbow to the floor.
"Not yet you're not." She hissed, and then snapped her fingers. Bright green flames erupted behind her, and then vanished to reveal Scootaloo, still manacled, looking about in confusion and fright.
Sunset stalked towards the girl, who looked like a deer caught in headlights. "Hello..... Anon-A-Miss."
Scootaloo crawled away until her back hit the wall, her face a mask of fright. "P-Please...d-don't hurt me! I-I'm sorry!"
Sunset was unmoved by her tears. "I'm sure you are." She opened her palm and a whip appeared in her hand. "A pity I don't care."
"Wait!" Rainbow cried out, still catching her breath from being nearly strangled. "I....I get it...y-you're pissed at her, but....y-you're not seriously gonna whip her, are you?"
"Of course not."
Rainbow let out a sigh of relief.
"You are."
Rainbow froze. "W-wha...?"
She cried out as she was grabbed by the arm and yanked to her feet. The force left her stumbling slightly.
"You heard me." Sunset replied, her expression completely blank as she held out the whip. "Ten lashes. Right now."
Rainbow took a step back, shaking her head. She knew by the look on Sunset's face that she was dead serious. "Y...you're insane."
Sunset merely shrugged. "Have it your way."
She snapped her fingers again, and the manacles around Scootaloo's wrists transformed into a giant snake. It wrapped itself around her neck before she could even scream, and started to squeeze.
"No!" Rainbow tried to run to Scootaloo's rescue, but a sharp pain ran up her arm and she found she was rooted to the spot. She stared in horror as Scootaloo's face began to turn purple.
"Sunset, please!" Rainbow begged, her nails digging into her arm as she stared imploringly at her former friend. "For God's sake, she's just a kid!"
"And that makes it all okay, doesn't it." Sunset uttered coldly. "She betrayed you, Dash. She knew what posting those pictures would do to your reputation, and she did it anyway." Her eyes narrowed in resentment. "You weren't nearly as lenient when you thought it was me."
Rainbow had to lean back as Sunset leaned in, their noses almost touching. "But Gilda isn't here to do your dirty work this time. Is she?"
Sunset thrust the handle of the whip out. "Punish her. Or I will."
"Rn....bw....Dsh......."
Rainbow stared from the whip in Sunset's blackened hand, to Scootaloo, whose struggles were starting to lessen. Then with an eerie calm, she took the whip.
Sunset snapped her fingers, and the snake once more became a pair of manacles, this time chaining her to one of the sinks, leaving Scootaloo shaking and panting on the floor. Scootaloo didn't resist as Sunset nudged her with her foot, making her turn around. Sunset grabbed the back of her hooded shirt and pulled, tearing the fabric and exposing Scootaloo's bare back.
"Ten lashes." Sunset said softly. "And don't even think about holding back. If I suspect you're going easy on her, I'll make you start again."
Rainbow's expression was hidden behind her bangs as she slowly walked towards Scootaloo. She gripped the handle tightly in her fist and straightened the length of the whip, preparing the first strike.
Scootaloo dared a glance behind her. "....Rainbow Dash....?"
She screamed as the whip came down on her back.
Five agonizing minutes passed, and the screams eventually stopped.
Scootaloo simply hung from her manacles, not having the strentgh to hold herself up. Her eyes were glazed over with pain and shock, her face wet from crying. Her back was a bloody mess, the marks raw and bright red. They would no doubt leave scars.
Rainbow was on her knees in the middle of the floor. A single tear had made it's way down her blank face as she stared at the whip laying limply in her palms. A single word was burned into her arm, but she simply couldn't bring herself to care:
Coward
All the while, Sunset had looked on with the same stoic expression. But as the black veins crawled up her neck and towards her eye, she couldn't help the slight twitch that passed over her face.
She vanished, leaving the two other girls to their misery.
So....that's it.
....Now what?
Sunset's head snapped up as she felt something....familiar....
No.....she couldn't have....
She did.
A slightly deranged smile stretched Sunset's lips as the left side of her face turned completely black.
Oh well...I've gone this far. Might as well go all the way.
Shouldn't that be "traitor"
8366273
Nope.
8366273
The traitor will swear loyalty to another (even if fragile).
The coward will abandon everyone when it turns severe.
..............well shit.
8366287
The traitor will stab a friend in the back.
The coward has someone else do it for them.
That was not what I expected Dash's word would be.
Very compelling.
Huh. "Coward". That definitely came out of left-field.
It appears our dear Twilight has arrived. But, it doesn't matter because, Twilight...
8352232
Wait, didn't you imply at the end of an earlier chapter that Pinkie committed suicide? I could even find the quote, if need be.
8366378
No. All of the Humane 5 survive this story.
8366390
Ok, I just felt that when Pinkie went into the bathroom of her house and she, and I qoute, "didn't come back out", that it was implied she committed suicide.
Now she got them all. What else is left? The suspense is killing me.
Aside from Gilda, is there anyone else missing? At least I'm glad that Celestia, Luna, Snips, Snails, Flash and Twilight are spared.
I think Twilight is the last one.
Time to rate the punishments.
Applejack and Apple Bloom - They were genuinely disturbing the way they were executed and brilliant. I almost dropped the story after Applejack's. They were appropriate and had them destroy themselves. Applejack even led into it by being an ass to post beating Sunset. There was also all he implications and unknowns, adding more to the horror, plus it led to Apple Bloom confessing. Definitely the strongest of them.
Fluttershy - Tied for the weakest of the five with Pinkie. Fluttershy's just felt random and was so over the top it looped back around to funny. It didn't have anything thematically appropriate and happened too early in the story (before Sunset's corruption spread and while she was still sparing innocents).
Pinkie - Hers felt like a cheat, kind of like the Fluttershy scene from Return of Harmony. She just magics Pinkie into being depressed, nothing appropriate or cathartic about it.
Rarity and Sweetie Belle - Definitely an improvement over the last two, but not at the level of the first. The Midas touch was a good choice, but I felt more could've been done with it. For example, have it spread slowly, and since Sweetie Belle wanted more time with her sister, force her to chase Rarity. It would put her along the lines of the other two Crusaders while also making it all the more horrible for Rarity, without pushing things over.
Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo - That's back up to maximum catharsis. By now we've scene the corruption spread (to the point where she decides to target Twilight because why not?) so her being more blunt fits. The situation was great, forcing Rainbow Dash to torture Scootaloo, otherwise Scootaloo would die felt appropriate (Rainbow did essentially bait the trap for Sunset after all) and would scar both of them. It lacked the horror factor of Applejack and Rarity, but I'd still put it at number 2.
Is it bad that I'm still rooting for Sunset even if the corruption has nearly consumed her and is now targeting Twilight? Also, what curse can be laid on magic?
8366502
Given Sunsets state of mind and level of corruption at the moment, I'm willing to bet that she also sees Twilight as abandoning her. Not as bad as the others did, but still not there for her when she really needed it. So I'm thinking the idea is to make Twilight abandon her friends, push them away. Whether she'll succeed of not remains to be seen.
8366287
oh
8366302
that makes sense
Almost time for the main event.
I hope Twilight either a.) brought some backup with her or b.) she knows some offensive based spells.
Otherwise she won't be much help.
Place your bets everyone.
8367197
You can just scratch B out right now.
Remember, Twilight doesn't have a horn in the human world, thus she has no means to cast said spells.
The only magic she can use is the human worlds version of the Elements, and.....well you already know that's a bust.
So yeah....Twilight's pretty much going in bare-handed.
I believe, after this experience, the Rainbooms will never show their faces in public again.
Brilliant as always!!
8367452
Well, the poor girl's doomed then.
8369076
True. That said, if Sweaty Bell is aware, then you are definitely getting into nightmare fuel territory; especially if she stays that way for a long enough period of time, and doubly so if she is still aware when someone greedy decides to melt her down....
Well, let's see..
-Applejack is premantly stuck spewing hateful lies from her mouth, which alienated her from everyone she loves and unable to go out into public again
-Fluttershy is cruel against her will, even killing a kitten very similarly to the bullies killing Lucy's puppy in Elfen Lied. Who knows what she would do to her friends.
-Pinkie is stuck in a state of sorrow and despair. Never again can she enjoy life nor find anything positive.
-Rarity may now surround herself in all the gold she wants, making it look like a glamorous life style. But she can't ever touch anyone she loves again. And even if she stays away, she has to live with the fact that Sweetie Belle ended up falling victim to the curse.
-Rainbow set Sunset up to be beaten up by a psychopath, which nearly resulted in her death. All over a photo. So now, she'll always put herself first now, and always take the easy way or the path to avoid responsibility out.
8369076
Can't speak for everyone else, but in my case, it's not that I fail to see the point, it's more that I just don't feel sorry for Sweetie Belle or anyone else in this story besides Celestia and Luna, due to the mess they're gonna have to deal with in the aftermath, and maybe Twilight too depending on what you're about to have happen next.
Also, I tried an experiment over the last few days.
I watched the first 2 EQG movies (skipped through several scenes to focus on the main points), then read the Holiday comic up to the part where Sunset gets to sugar cube corner, read through the first six chapters of my story (up until Snips and Snails showed up), and then read this all the way through to ch 13.
In a weird way, it makes everything feel slightly more crushing.
That's my opinion anyway.
Sunset: If you're here to save everyone, you're too late.
Twilight: Sunset, what have you done?
Sunset: I gave everyone a punishment that fits their crime.
Well damn... Nothing to say but that I hope to read more.
Twilight is too stubborn. If she thinks anyone of her friends are in trouble she will figure out a way. Sunset will learn that Twilight is the one that will give up. There is nothing Sunset can do to stop a driven Twilight. And sunset is about to learn that the hard way. The two stubborns are about clash. Twilight will bring sunset back to her senses.
8367452
Never ever count Twilight out. She will always find a way.
8390056
If it isn't too late that is.
8401368
Princess Twilight would always find away to save everyone even if it meant going beyond her morals. Twilight would die before she's will be willingly to give up. And since she's a powerful alicorn that just might be impossible. Hate and belief are about to have a showdown and in that type of match it's always belief has the strongest will. Twilight will win. But if saving Sunset again means she has to give up HER life she will.
8401406
In the show/movies? Perhaps. In fanfiction? That kinda depends on who's writing the story and what their vision is for the ending.
Yeah ... so ... Hattafan already said that Twilight's going to be powerless since the only magic she can actually use in the human world is her element, which only ever works when her friends are around, and they've already been dealt with by Sunset, so that eliminates any chance of her being able to fight back using magic. And I'm not 100% certain, but, based on one of her previous comments, it looked to me like she was hinting that Twilight didn't bring anyone else with her. If that's true, then she's going in all by herself without any reliable form of defense.
So, I'm not typing this super long comment up to say that you're wrong or anything like that. For all I know, Twilight could very well end up winning somehow, regardless of the odds being against her by an astronomical margin. What I am saying, however, is to be careful when making heavy assumptions like this in fanfiction, or any other story that hasn't been finished yet. In the end, the writer always has the final say in everything.
If Hatta wanted it, she could end this story with Twilight getting murdered by a Teletubby and then have Sunset die shortly after from a falling piano.
8402213
they aren't powerless in that world. Remember the first Equestria Girls? Sunset Shimmer was defeated because of Twilight's ability to make friends. And the Sirens? they were said to be powerless by Star Swril but they were able to use a weaker version of their magic to survive and control people. All twilight needs to do is break the curse on one of them and the darkness corrupting sunset will weaken. and twilight already has the prefect thing. the picture of their win at the battle of the bands. but the portal is rebuilt so it is now leaking more magic into their world. because once you create energy it can not be taken away it just goes someplace else.
8402946
... Ok, I'll give you that one.
Looking at things objectively, we don't know that. That's just an assumption. Although that does give me a reason to go back and re-read things to take a closer look at all the times the darkness started spreading.
All of that aside, there are still two issues.
One, even if you're right, that would mean that best case scenario, Twilight would only have Rarity and RD backing her up against an angry, corrupt, revenge driven Sunset.
And two, it says in the description that this won't have a happy ending. That could mean anything from, the ending is gonna be just plain ominous, to, maybe the ending is gonna end up being something sad.
An ending where Twilight succeeds in getting through to Sunset without any negative catch to go along with it would conflict with the warning Hatta put up in the description.
8402993
not really. Twilight cloud still save sunset but Sunset might be too hurt to try again a will strike out on her own. Sunset could even return to Equestria never ever returning to the human world and that counts as an unhappy ending. most people don't realize you can have forgiveness with an unhappy ending.
8403005
We'll have to wait and see then.
I say we stop guessing/predicting in the comment section for now.
If one of us ends up getting it right then it could take away from the surprise.
pbs.twimg.com/media/CZw1JJzWQAE33aZ.jpg
I really like this story. Watching Sunset paying karmic retribution on her treacherous friends is immensely satisfying.
The only real complaint that i'd have is that the chapters are so short. Short and sweet maybe, but we barely get any time to really let the effects of the various curses Sunsets places on the Mane Five sink in.
Since the appeal here is to watch the Main Five suffer for their actions, you could do a lot just by lingering a bit and watching the curses unfold.
If you'd like i have some ideas to that matter.
Is sunset even saveable at this point?
8438728
No, you did read the warning?
This story has no happy ending, it full tragic ending all the way or sad dark ending.
8442469
Thanks. Suprised I didn't ser it
This story reminds me of the church fight in Kingsman. A rush of adrenaline during, but afterwards and you start to think about it...you just feel really uncomfortable. Intentional or not, that's well done.
anymore?
8373679
Frank Castle would be proud.
8553442
I think he would've gotten involved. While he may not have killed the CMC, he could blackmail them by threatening to kill their sisters instead.
8553442
The brainwashing is more reminiscent of Joker to be honest.