Letters from an Evil Empress

by zackepic22

No one Busts my Boasts

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

Oy vey.

First off, it’s verrryyy interesting that you’re sending me this letter the day after I hear news regarding a cocky street magician, as well as some...Intrigueing reports about an Ursa Minor.

I’m not sure either you, Spike, or your friends are aware of this, but, hyping themselves up, and entertaining an audience is basically a magician’s job. They have lots of magic and stage tricks, because that’s what entertains audiences, especially ones that rarely get to see magic such as your own. On the stage, they’re actually meant to act boastful, flashy and extremely exaggerative.

In other words, my kind of ponies~Though, of course, I never exaggerate whatsoever.

Irvin the Stupendous is my personal Canterlot court magician. He’s boastful, yet a flatterer. Flashy, yet cunning. Exaggerative, but knows whose the real power in Canterlot. He’s been court magician for over thirty years, and only once or twice have I really ever found fault with him, because, he knows me so well, and makes sure the audience knows that I’m truly the greatest equine to ever live~

...Although, I’ve heard that this Ponyville magician has said otherwise, but, I’ll let her live. Despite overhyping herself to the point where two young colts led a giant—yet not so giant compared to his mother—conscious constellation bear into Ponyville, she was still able to escape scott free, and, if this had never happened, I never would have gotten to laugh so hard about something so ridiculous as your playing nanny to an Ursa Minor.

After your newest unicorn friend has gained a bit more experience, I actually think I could find some use for her~

...But, if you thought you were getting off easy, think again. True, I would have never discovered new talent, or laughed at the best report about an astral bear ever written, but, you still represent me in Ponyville, Twilight.

I’m feeling pretty cross about the fact that you didn’t just take her off her high horse—Pardon my puns, you know I love them so—and send her packing straight out of Ponyville. Then, absolutely everyone in your new adorable hick home would know that the student of the Empress is not to be trifled with.

Am I gonna punish you though, despite the fact that you were acting chicken for just long enough? ...No. No, I’m not going to punish you at all.

Though, I want you to remember that I have ways of finding things out, Twilight. And, in the end, I always get what I want~

Adore me,

Empress Daybreaker

P. S.: Don’t you dare tell Granny Smith that I called Ponyville a hick town. The mare has a wicked left hook, even for me…

Ah, good, Agent Sweetie Drops. I was wondering when you were going to report back.

Excellent! With that, my modern Equestrian Spy network is finally complete~ Soon, ponies won’t even be able to eat quiches without me knowing!

AhAha! AAAHAHAHHAAHAHAH!

...Yes, you can start your new assignment. Your new identity has been finished, and, you’ll finally get to talk to that minty-colored unicorn you’re always looking at.

How did I know? Oh, dear Sweetie Drops, how don’t I know these things~?

Oh, and, before you head back, be sure to grab one of those quesadilla-making kits, and deliver it to the Ponyville library.

Yessss, definitely one of the extra cheesy ones~

Author's Note:

Alright, so, actually, I'm gonna do two bonus letters tomorrow, having to do with Daybreaker and Grandpa Gruff,

Comments

[The Bricklayer]

Empress, you troll. But keep going on like this, you might just be the instigator of your own American Revolution, pony style.

[The Bricklayer]

8234466
To quote Gibbs: Ya think?

[FoxMcCloud7921]

E X T R A C H E E S Y

[redmar]

Daybreaker seems to expect Twilight to show everypony how great the empress student is.

[Ri2]

While I enjoy this story, there are two things I can't help nitpicking.
One is that, despite Daybreaker having been an evil god-empress for millennia, Equestria seems more or less the same.
The second is that events are still basically happening as they did in canon. I guess I would have expected more changes or something?

[zackepic22]

>>Ri2

I will promise that, for at least a few more future episode chapters down the line, things aren't going to happen exactly as they did in the show, and, that there may be a point where I start having more and more chapters be at least somewhat different from how the episodes happened in the show.

[WorldWalker128]

I imagine for one, that when the Buffalo try to take down Appaloosa that she'll invite the Dragons there for a Bison BBQ, and for The Wedding that The Empress will be testing out the effectiveness of Bug Zappers via Changeling prisoners. I wonder if Discord is an Ex of hers and Nightmare getting banished was due to trying to 'steal' him from her sister.

[Vigriff]

It's sad that the evil side of Celestia is also the more logical/rational one.

[Relux_the_Relux]

the greatest equine to ever live

Wait... was this a reference to the oldest fic on this site?