Letters from an Evil Empress

by zackepic22

Friendship is not as important as me - Part 1

Dear Twilight Sparkle…

...I cannot even begin to fathom how you did not think that this was a dumb idea beforehoof. I mean, I am your queen! I am over a millenium old!

Didn’t any shots fire inside that mulberry cranium of yours’, that I might know a whole lot more about this than you do? Than you ever will? I mean, I am practically the sun, you know! There’s a lot of things I know that you don’t! Like, all of the former threats to Equestria! ...I mean, not that there are very many of them that I personally think are going to be relevant in the near future! I-

...I’m getting off track. The point is, my dear student—although, my job as a teacher is clearly one that you couldn’t even begin to respect less, so, I’m not sure how long ‘dear’ is going to stay in effect here—Is that you should have only written if you had figured out something new in regards to this.

Although, I honestly doubt that you would have ‘found’ anything new, except from a local crackpot. Though, I do occasionally accept theories from Miss Heartstrings. That’s how we found Brad! Oh, I’m sure you’d love Brad, especially if you went to this world, but, we’re currently holding him. Not for long, just to figure out all the non-obvious differences between him and local guard, Flash Sentry. We’ll be sure to put him back, in one piece.

More or less, ehehhehehe…

Ahem! Anyway, I’m sending you to Ponyville. For what reason? ...Uhhhhhhhh- Oh, right, that’s where my special sunny day celebration’s gonna be held~ Yeah, go there, whip those peasants into shape for my arrival! Be sure to use an actual whip if you nee- ...What’s that? Oh. I’m being told that Mayor Mare has officially outlawed whips in Ponyville, except for ‘private’ use.

Stupid, responsible, Mayor Mare...Oh, I know what she’s gonna use hers’ for, she can’t fool her queen...

...Anyway, get there ASAP! Like, right now! ...I can tell you’re moping, Twilight. Don’t make me come over there...

Annoyed,

Empress Daybreaker

P.S.: Why does my room stink like egg…?

Oh, Hoity! Good, you’re here! Tell me, when I inevitably have to face the completely inferior Nightmare Moon, do you think this dress will look good on me?

It makes me look like a what now?

...How dare you call your own queen fat.

Yeah? Well, those shades are horribly outdated! Thirty years ago called, they want their sunglasses back! And, that hair! Somepony’s obviously trying too hard.

...Yeah, yeah, stop blubbering, I know, this dress looks amazing on me~

Comments

[CatMote]

I feel like this was written a bit too informally for an evil empress, but otherwise it's still good!

[teneluxes_]

that just sounds like an evil rainbow dash.
stay in charecter. and dont only go to the dream fight scene for reference.

she might be charismatic and egotistical but she doesnt sound like a 5 year old.

[zackepic22]

10296272
...Don't a lot of people sound like five year olds these days?