Letters from an Evil Empress

by zackepic22

Owls Are Swell, But, Dragons Are More So...

Dear Mulberry Moron,

Dear Dumb and Dead,

Dear Pony I am going to kill in the most horrible way imaginable,

Dear Twilight Sparkle...

Do you and your friends like eating cookies? Especially Spike made cookies? I bet you do, especially with how tasty, and nummy he makes them, after all of those cooking and baking lessons that would have gone to waste, if he was suddenly made dead while you were supposed to be watching him. Have you ever thought about that? Have you?

Because I'll bet you haven't.

Anyway, you do like those cookies, don't you? I bet you do~

Well, here is what I will give you to eat, if you ever, ever let something like this happen again.

Are you imagining me angrily raising my hoof? Angrily shaking it? Angrily vibrating it so fast, that if I punched through somepony with it, they'd probably die pretty quickly? Add furious flames of burning your face off.

Because that is what I'll give you to eat, if you ever put Spike in danger like that again, Twilight...My death hoof of wrathful vengeance.

It won't taste like sweets. It won't taste like chocolate. It won't taste like anything even remotely good for your health when you eat it. It will taste like flames...And death.

How could you even let this happen?! I can't even say you couldn't seem to think of this possibility, Twilight, but I know you can think, and, yet sometimes, it seems like you won't think, even when its important!

You haven't been his only guardian, Twilight! I helped raise him, I helped pay for most of his lessons, I helped raise him into the perfectest, most sweetest dragon that there could be possibly be, mixed with just the right amount of boyhood mischief~

...And, yet, you, the pony he probably looks up to most in the world, you can't even bothered to think of how he'd react to your stern disappointment, coupled by the fact that it seemed like he was about to be replaced?!

And, don't give me that 'There's no indication he was about to replaced, Twilight', because I know that Rarity gave the Owl the exact same type of bow she had previously just given to Spike! I know that, despite the fact that you could have let him get you things, you let the Owl get them for you, just because it would have been more convenient...

You know, I hope you don't think that Spike fearing your disappoint is going to be the worst thing, Twilight...

Because, if you ever let anything happen to him, I'll make sure you'll be in constant terror of my righteous, wrathful, vengeful fury...

But, aside from that, you did manage to rescue him. Be thankful that you both arrived before you could let him get torn to shreds. Otherwise, it wouldn't have ended very well for you...

Also, the owl could be very useful in the future. Keep him around, but, don't you ever let him threaten Spike's position ever again.

...Listen, I know I'm being hard on you in this letter. You're still my personal student, and, you're still incredibly valuable to me.

But, at this current moment in time, it feels like the only thing that will get you to shapen up, is not the potential reward of a carrot if you succeed, but, the potential threat of a stick if you keep going about things the way you do...

Anyway, its good things ended up on a happy note, and, on my end, I'm still trying to figure out Spike's hatchday present. Hoping you're having more luck on that end...

Be a lot more careful with our dragon,

Empress Daybreaker

P.S. Make sure Spike gives me the recipe for his White Macademia Super Chocolate Ultra Deluxe Extreme, I've been just dying for a taste of that recently~

Uggggghhhhh, this freaking Prank War is getting out of hoof. Its a tragic waste of baked goods...

Using the firehose on the both of them might possibly be a bad idea, on the one hoof.

...On the other hoof, though, it will be hilarious, therefore, I am definitely doing that~

Comments

[RazDelacroix]

ALL HAIL EMPRESS DAYBREAKER! It is good to know that the Empire of Equestria is in good hooves! So long as those hooves are regularly anointed with delicious cookies.

[Vigriff]

Good thing Daybreaker withheld on showing Twilight the Pecking Order. But yeah, that was rather callous of her.

[vectorVll]

I'm more confused on how twilight's personality is in this world if if regular Twilight would have got this leather she probably would have had a stroke. But it seems like this Twilight either doesn't take Celestia too seriously or has a way stronger backbone against her.