Letters from an Evil Empress

by zackepic22

Go ahead and be Shy, who cares?

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

So, yeah, you might have noticed by now—At least, I’m hoping you’ve noticed by now, otherwise, we might need to think about getting you some contacts—that there’s some smoke coming from a mountain to far away from Equestria. And, it’s not just coming from the mountain, of course, it’s coming from a dragon inside of the mountain. An old ex of mine, to be exact. Not husband, of course, just ex-boyfriend, and, were only together for a year.

Ugggghhhhh, why I didn’t listen to Starswirl when he was telling us to be cautious when dating draconic beings, I’ll never know…

Anyway, My ex—Whose name is Oregano, probably the most ridiculous dragon name ever, now that I think about it—is probably just deciding to nap there in that specific cave just to get back at me! He really was just pretending to be a good boyfriend for me!

...Although, now that I think about it, he was kind of always a lousy boyfriend...He set nobles that I actually liked on fire, just because they accidentally called him some other herb name by mistake! He destroyed my favorite ancient gelato shop, he used pies to hire a chimera to try and slay one of my 26th-removed nieces, just because I supposedly forgot his birthday—It wasn’t for months, and, he, infact, had completely forgotten about my own birthday the day before—And, he even wrecked the Hoofer Dam!

Here’s something that you should remember for all time, Twilight: Adult Dragons suck. Never let Spike grow up, or, he’ll probably break somepony else’s heart.

Anyway, I’m pretty sure I’ll get things handled, soon enough. I guess you could try and reason with him, but, you’ll never reason with him. He’s not the type of being who’ll go for a friendship lesson, and, he won’t be stopped. And, he’s not a wild animal—At least, not in the technical sense—So, don’t even bother bringing Fluttersh

Damnit, the quill leaked!

Ehhhhhh, whatever. Like I said, try if you want, but don’t be too hopeful…

Depressed,

Empress Daybreaker

Nightmare, not now, I-

...Wait, what? How’d you-?

Who told you?

...Well, I guess it doesn’t matter anyway. Either I’m going to have to destroy that mountain, and create the biggest eyesore in Equestria, or, I’ll have to deal with smoke for the next hundred years.

I can’t believe he’s doing this to me. Even if I did kick him real hard in the snout before telling him we’re breaking up, I-

! Y-you’re hugging me?

I don’t buy it. C’mon, let’s see what you’ve got in your hooves.

...They really are empty. You really-

Snf! Y-you really are the best little sister ever…~

No, no, you can keep hugging all you want. Maybe we can even figure out a solution while we’re doing this?

It’s an official Royal Sister Project then~ No dumb ex of mine is gonna ruin our- Er, my country!

Author's Note:

Consider the crossed-out spots to be where the pen leaked.

Expect the second part between 5 and 6 PM CDT/EST, and Gruff's reply between 7 and 8 PM CDT/EST

Comments

[The Bricklayer]

Heh, even evil has loved ones it seems... Evil or not, those two are sisters and they'll stay that way. Though honestly, considering Nightmare hasn't done any really evil acts, it's hard for me to think of her as such. Maybe Daybreaker is delusional. (Wouldn't surprise me.)

[redmar]

It's not so strange that Daybreaker has dated dragons given her firey nature. She does really care for her sister and Nightmare clearly feels the same.