The diamond dog known as Biter was a hound with a unique view of the world and his position in it. For this viewpoint he held, many considered him to be stupid or slower than most - though most races thought that about all diamond dogs. Had he been a more argumentative hound he would have no doubt taken some offence to their preconceptions about him, but he liked to believe he was better than that.
If the order of Shaolin Monks had held the ability to peer across the dimensional gap and read minds, and if they had somehow managed to use these abilities on Biter, then they would have no doubt been incredibly impressed by the calmness of his thoughts. They would have marvelled at how this creature was so in tune with himself - mind, body and spirit - that all three aspects of the self agreed upon a statement so simple that it defined his entire worldview.
Biter liked biting things.
Currently he was strolling through the cave system behind Talky Alpha Pony with Chubby Cake Pony trotting along next to him. Being underground again was nice, Biter eventually decided, it was like being home, a place he hadn’t been allowed since they had kicked him out for biting the Alpha. In Biter’s defence, the Alpha shouldn’t have looked so delicious and plump. More than a few dogs had agreed that he was practically asking to be bitten, though not enough to save him from the Pack’s punishment. De-clawed and sent into exile, a fate worse than death for most dogs.
Still, Biter liked to look on the bright side of things, especially things like rocks, which he had always found much tastier on the sun-baked side. Things weren’t so bad for him now. He had strange Guard Pack now, and they were actually operating as a Pack should. Shouty Minotaur had taught them how to fight, which had been fun, and Talky Alpha Pony had given the pack a direction to head in. Directions were always good, without them a dog could get lost and accidentally dig a tunnel straight down into lava. The caves tended to stink of burnt hair for days whenever that happened.
Biter temporarily surfaced from his thoughts and realised that Alpha Pony had been speaking this entire time.
“Another thing you have always got to remember in the Guard is the image that you are putting forward to the rest of the populace. You are their protector and they will look up to you. Being in this position of responsibility means holding yourself to the highest standard...” She droned on.
‘Thank the Digger’ Biter thought ‘Thought I might have missed something important, but it is just pointless Talky Talk, not Fighty Talk.’
He had noticed, in his time among ponies, that the quadrupedal race were very fond of Talky Talk for some reason that he couldn’t fathom. The best theory he had going was that they were actually exercising their jaw muscles for the more important things in life, like biting and biting-related activities.
“I think we’re getting close.” Alpha Pony suddenly whispered, her words bringing a smile to Biter’s face. Close meant fighting right?
They rounded a couple more corners before reaching their destination, a long corridor lined with makeshift cages. Each prison held at least five ponies, chained and bound to the floor in the uncomfortably small space. Biter was no doctor, he wasn’t even entirely sure how pony anatomy worked, but he could guess that this treatment wasn’t good for them.
Alpha Pony galloped over to the nearest cage and reared up against it, looking in at the sleeping prisoners. “Guards!” She hissed at them, getting a few uncommitted groans in response, “Wake up! We’re here to rescue you!”
At the magical word ‘rescue’ the trapped Guard stirred, shaking their chains and standing up as much as they could in the cramped environments of their cages. A dozen bleary eyes stared up at the unicorn, filled with confusion.
“W-Who are you?” One cracked voice croaked.
“My name is Summer Storm, I’m with the Manehatten Guard. We need to get you out of here.”
There was a moment of silence before the same voice spoke up again, “That’s a cruel trick, pirate scum. You’ve taken everything from us, and now you’re trying to give us false hope. Just leave us alone.”
They began to crawl back into their sleeping positions before the mare shouted, “Please, it’s not a trick! I’m trying to help you!”
“Summer? Is that really you?” A voice hesitantly called out from one of the other cages.
Alpha pony immediately galloped over to where the voice had come from and, with a shrug, Biter followed her. He was slightly amazed, and disappointed, that the pirates were stupid enough to leave their prisoners almost completely undefended like this. He would have expected at least a few guards hanging around, maybe even some patrols going round. Clearly these ponies were nowhere near the level of professionalism that diamond dogs had...
...at slavery...
Biter paused and, after a moment of thought, decided that their high standard of slave taking was not something that dogs should be proud of.
“Sergeant Brick?” Alpha Pony asked, peering into the second cell. Slowly, a haggard brown face pushed itself into the light, it’s hair wild and it’s eyes looking bloodshot.
“It is you.” Brick whispered, sounding almost reverent. “How...how did you get here?”
“We snuck in to bust you all out.” She whispered back, an excited grin growing on her face. “With the full might of the Guard, we’ll be able to smash these pirates back down to where they belong.”
“You mean that?” The tired looking stallion asked, “You actually mean to take on the she-devil that killed the Captain?”
“I’m going to do more than just ‘take her on’” Alpha pony responded viciously, “I’m going to take that bitch down! Hard! Once we’re done here, she’ll be spending the rest of her life in a prison cell.”
Now that was the Fighty Talk that Biter loved to hear, so much so that he could overlook the slight racial slur towards his people.
“Alright,” The entrapped pony responded with a vicious grin of his own, “If you can get us out of here, we’ll be glad to help you.”
“But Sarge...” A whiny sounding voice started up from one of the other cells.
“Quiet!” He snapped at them, “We’re still Guards, and we’ll still fight. Now, getting us out of here won’t be easy. The chief pirate around here is Gang Plank’s second-in-command and he keeps the key to our cell’s on him at all times. He won’t be easy to defeat though, he’s a smart one. There are always plenty of bodyguards with him, not to mention he’s a dangerous fighter on his own. Smart too, not to be underestimated. Now then, I suggest a sneak attack of some kind, perhaps lure him away from the safety of his friends so you can get the key and...”
Biter, having got bored with the conversation already, simply leaned forward and clamped his jaws around the nearest bar. With a slight flick of his head, the preposterously strong diamond dog jaws ripped the metal bar straight out of the cell. A quick chomp of the jaws later and it was on the floor in two pieces, Biter happily chewing the chunk that he had kept in his mouth.
“...Or that also works.” The stallion finished, slightly flabbergasted.
“Good work Private Biter.” Alpha Pony said, looking up at him with an approving nod.
What had he done? He’d just got hungry and acted on it and now everyone was looking at him with a mixture of fear and respect.
A few minutes and a lot of biting later and the Guards were all free. Many had been wary about putting their chained legs near the huge jaws of the diamond dog but Sergeant Brick had quickly defused the situation by shouting various expletives at the scared Guards until they stallioned up.
“Right then,” Summer said, looking over at the small army that was assembled before her.
They weren’t in the best condition, many of them suffering from muscle withering after being locked up for so long, only allowed out to work in the mine, whilst others had ribs jutting out under their coats from the starvation they had suffered. But they were still Guards and, more importantly, they were pissed off. Many of them had picked up their broken chains, holding them in their mouths or around their hooves to be used as weapons in the upcoming battle.
“You all know what we need to do here. These pirates can’t be allowed to get away with what they’ve done and I know that you are angry, but I must remind you of something. You are still Guards and that means you have to hold yourself to a higher standard than the criminals we will be facing. That means no senseless killing, no matter how angry you are. You only have permission to use deadly force if your own life is in danger. I want to take as many of these bastards alive as we possibly can,” She gazed out at what remained of the proud Guard before growling, “They’re going to pay for what they did for a long time.”
The cheers that came from her troops threatened to overwhelm the ears of many present. Summer was thankful that Ace was keeping the pirates preoccupied, otherwise they surely would have heard that.
“Wakey wakey.” A rich voice said, just before a bucket of cold water was thrown over me. I gasped and shot forward, only to encounter resistance and be forced back down.
My eyes shot around the room, wildly searching and trying to figure out what was going on. I appeared to be in a large wooden room with bare walls and no furniture. I struggled against my restraints, which held me bound to a wall, but to no use. Standing in front of me, an empty bucket held in his magical grip, was a tall unicorn.
“Hello there” He said with a cheery wave of his hoof “You are awake? This is good. Why don’t I go get the captain and the two of you can have a lovely little reunion. She was most upset after your last escape. It is, as the Equestrian saying goes “Tartarus has no fury like a mare scorned’ correct?”
He stepped out for a moment and I heard voices coming from the corridor before he returned, a wicked grin still on his face.
“Luckily, she was already on her way so she won’t be long. Well, luckily for me that is. Means I don’t have to wait as long for the fun to begin. Not so lucky for you I am thinking, yes?”
“Yes?” I said a little hesitantly, not sure if he was actually asking me a question or if it was just part of his strange accent.
“Yes.” He replied with a happy nod. “Unless you are one of those who...how should I put this? Enjoy pain? Yes?” He nodded again, apparently happy with his statement. “Though this should be not too much of a barrier for my great skill.” A wicked grin appeared on his face, completely at odds with his soft, rich voice. “After all, there is only so much pain that can be enjoyable.”
“So you're what? Her personal torturer? Strange, she always seemed like more of a hooves on sort of mare to me. Wouldn’t have thought she’d like others around cramping her style.”
To my surprise he simply chuckled at this, “Yes, the good Captain is, how you say, hot-headed. Her passion is inspiring, truly inspiring. But, at same time, she knows when to bow to superior skills, which is where I come in. I am not just torturer you see, I am artist.”
“An artist eh?” I said with a raise of my eyebrow, “You wouldn’t happen to be one of those bloody modern art lovers would you? I never understood that whole craze.”
“In a way you could say my art is the most modern, since it is always adapting,” He replied with an amiable chuckle, “And yet, at the same time, it is one of the oldest arts known. My name is Kowelth Gatar Nolis and I am an artist of pain.” All while he said this that damnable smile never left his face.
Once his introduction was done, the door burst open and an angry, yet all too familiar, mare stormed in. Melody hadn’t got any prettier in her brief absence, though that might just be the scowl that was plastered across her face.
“You should smile more.” I told her with a smile of my own, “It’ll really bring out your eyes.”
Her scowl never wavered, “Start now,” She growled at Nolis, who looked surprised at her demand, “No waiting around this time. I don’t want him escaping again. You’ll start now.” She stepped back to a corner of the room and watched Nolis begin with a discontent frown on her face.
Nolis shrugged and took a step forward, smiling up at me again. “I have prepared a very unique experience for you my new friend. After all, it is only thugs and brutes that deal the same blows every single time. I am an artist, and my canvas will be singing soon.” He paused for a moment, as if listening to something before continuing, “Oh yes, also you might feel a slight tingle...followed by an unbearable amount of pain. Do not worry though, I shall stay beside you as a witness to your transformation, yes? We shall go through this journey together. Who knows? By the end of it, you might even consider me to be your closest friend.”
He took a few more steps forward and lit up his horn, channeling the energy into it for a moment before pointing it directly at my head and releasing the spell. A bolt of yellow energy shot from his horn and struck me directly in the forehead, causing me to sway backwards in my chains slightly. For a moment, I felt nothing, before the world slowly began to go dark. Just before I blacked out, I heard another chuckle from Nolis.
“Now then, let us get to know each other, yes?”
When the pain hit, I could not hold back my screams.
I thought I recognized that torturer from somewhere. Oh god, poor freaking Ace man, hopefully he won't actually die and have to be brought back to life like Mal...
i love this story so much,
can you please look at my story your better at writing than mei am a sad case
2456738 You're*
Very nice bit on the whole Biter thing. Really made me want to reach out and give him a scratch behind the ears.
And before I read the author notes I was totally banking on a more Syndrome sorta vibe from Nolis, he just felt pretty monologue-y, even though I still felt like he did actually have the capability to stop if things became to dire and actually do his job, in short, nice ending.
2456786
look, all I can say is that his torture can't be as bad as that which went on in the sword of truth books, which was not only some of the worst torture i've ever seen described, but made the person addicted to it and the torturer as well over time.
Best story I've read, as of yet
So as well as that, you went from this , to this !
But why must such good stories end?
i will capture you and have you write this story...
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRGvtxjyjJLOvZGYrnAVDs3XC-7ymvQXRHs8mTbNrSP9FyU54JW3w
FOREVER
2456948
I'm guessing there's going to be a sequel at some point? Like griffin's? Cause unless he's about to die, this hardly seems close to being truly done.
2456986 I really hope so. This story is the first story I read in the CGotG universe and the one that got me addicted to it. It would be a shame if something happened to it.
Ace. You fucked naow.
Wait wait wait whuh? The story is gonna be over! It doesn't feel over! It feels like it's only barely begun! 57 chapters isn't much when compared to the other heavyweights in the CGotG universe. Griffin the Griffin is just beginning his second story, and how many has Rust written? Like three or somethin? C'mon man, you gotta keep pushin!
Biter's point of view was amazingly entertaining to read :D The torture... entertaining also, but not in the morally good way XD
You should just drop all the other characters and just write Biter. He's awesome.
Or write a biter sequel standalone if you ever finish this.
2457822
You should try reading some of the other stories on the site. The longest one on site clocks in at a tiny bit over 1,040,000 words with the latest update.
That said: Ace, you done goofed. There just ain't no way Lady Luck is gonna get you outta this one. Although, one would be surprised with what you can accomplish with a certain magical lucky deck of cards. Sequel after finals is over? Or are we gonna see something on Wild Flower and Quick Sparks in an AU story?
2458586
Damn! The longest one I've read is about 800,000 or so words, and it's already finished.
Also, you forgot one thing that Ace has: the ultimate card up his sleeve... (it would be cooler if he had his card shooter thing now, but he doesn't)
I know you wanna finish the story soon, but my advice to you is that it's best not to rush things. If you have to go on hiatus, that's perfectly fine by me. A lot of us would be more than willing to wait. Besides, considering my second college semester is coming to a close in less than a month, I should probably start studying for my own exams too, and if I of all people can empathize, I have a feeling a lot of other readers will be able to as well.
Worry about school first, and the post-test relief might just be the big boost of energy you need to finish off the story right.
Ending soon?!?
NUUUUUUUU!
NUUUUUUUUUUUU!!
*cough*
Now that that is out of the way allow me to commend you on another absolutely excellent chapter :D
Biters perspective was also nice touch if i do say ^^
2456822 Awww don't be discouraged
This is my favorite story on this site i hate to see it end but if you do end it well. Also good luck on your exams
End of a story? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Wait a sec, that means a sequel can be made!
YAY! Yay for sequel!
It's gonna be ending already? Holy crap, but it feels like as if you just started! There doesn't feel like there's been much of a story told, especially concidering you kinda set it up as in for a much longer story! Are you sure you don't mean the end of this specific story arc? Or should we be expecting a sequel?
2466047
This particular story will be ending after this arc but hopefully (if I have the time and inclination) will have a sequel that will give a proper adventure and closure for Ace
Ace, always the smartass.
2466805
That's actually much lighter than your average pony, which usually clocks in at around 600lb (or around 300kg). I assumed that the Equestrian Ponies where a bit like Shetland ponies except without the chubbiness and compensated for that as best I could. My current estimate is that Unicorn Ponies weigh around 300-500lb, Pegasi weigh around 200-300lb and Earth Ponies weigh in at about 450-700lb (due to their Earth Pony strength and increased muscle mass)
If anyone out there knows anything about pony weight then please feel free to correct me as I have no idea really. These are just guesses based on information found online
2466940
Horse weight can be estimated by measuring their girth (circumference around the barrel just behind the front legs) and body length (from shoulder to butt); measure in inches. Then, calculate:
Girth² * Length / 330 + 50 = Weight in pounds
Depending on the individual horse, the result may be off by around 5% (or closer to 10% if a lot of the horse's weight is near the front). My personal headcanon puts Equestrian ponies at 10hh (40" from ground to shoulder) on average, and comparing that to measurements of similarly-sized Real World™ ponies, they'd be in the 350-450lb neighborhood.
2456630 I get the feeling that I should know this reference but I can't remember. Would you mind explaining... please
2481411
It's a firefly reference from when Mal was captured (and then tortured) By Niska
2481738 Thank you for clearing that up.
Wow, this story is amazing.
Good writing quality, no overpowered protagonist, CGotG universe, unorthodox triumphs, best shits and gigs I've ever read.
Definitely following.
Using magic for torture... pretty interesting. Although that means I'll have to get rid of these iron maidens I bought... any one here want one?
Another great chapter! :D Keep up the good work!!
2491447 --. . -. . .-. .- .-.. / -. ..- -- -... . .-. ... / -.-- --- ..- / ... .... .- .-.. .-.. / -. --- - / -.. . ..-. . .- - / -- .
(Morse code)
2491447 [Tyrant text speak you cunning devil I have found you!/i]
You might be surprised to find that I was bored the other day. To alleviate this I went and hit the download button on your entire story to-date so that I could appreciate the genius of your smooth-toned comic adventure at my leisure.
It was in so doing that I encountered something that nobody has picked up on, through a rather unfortunate assumption of the human mind.
I feel it paramount that I bring it to your attention that from his introduction in 'Public Speaking and the Dangers Involved', to his debut as a real Guardspony in 'A Plan of Questionable Practicality', our poor Private Trifle changed his name, mysteriously, but legally I should hope, to Private Truffles. Now, again, I assume this is simply to do with the nature of the human mind that the mistake has been so grievously overlooked, the fat pony having a cake related name or a sweet related name that both begin with 'tr', and so it is completely up to your own judgement whether to take a few moments to amend said error.
With this, I leave you with a fond farewell, and with great expectations of more hilarity, and a presumable relief to our poor hero's plight, on Saturday.
Onwards!
2516369
I thank you for bringing my attention to, what I assure you, is a most grievous error on my part. However, I am now met by quite a conundrum; I could correct the error in the name of artistic correctness and continuity and so forth, or I could leave it in to see if anyone else spots it and, as the children say nowadays, for the 'lulz'
What do you think my fine-spoken gentlefellow?
2516624 Well, my good man, now that you mention the idea, it does tempt me to lean my vote towards leaving the little blemish in place...
I say we both call it a good job done with humour and have a drink to the chance of this remarkably un-British weather carrying through to the summer.
2516728
Then it is decided! The blemish shall remain and we shall be off to the nearest pub and/or inn for a glass of shandy or, should we feel the need for something stronger, some scotch.
Indubitably. Smashing. Other British colloquialisms!
2516790 Now, now lad, you're just being silly. Obviously you have your own, well honed, and perfectly suited to your history and place of birth, likely even ginger-headed ways of drinking, but down here in Dorset we drink Cider (and Jamaican rum, but that's because of my heritage as a pirate, that doesn't count) and we drink it by the barrel. Hence my rather unique enjoyment of your username
But when that little definition's out the way, I think I'm more than happy to just get drunk and have you sing in funny accents to distract people while I take a leaf out of your character's book and thieve us enough to buy the next round. Or if you're not up to singing, I'm a damn good bottle juggler/flairer and show-barman, that always gets people cheering.
Actually, thought for you, have you considered that for Ace? Showing off his admirable juggling talents in an alcohol-based situation? Maybe a take on that scene in Risky Business? You could pull that off, after all the other references you've managed, I know you could!
Anyroadup, I'm not nearly mellowed enough for the amount of nattering I've been doing, I'll be finding my drink now. Have a good evening!
2588696 Torgue has such an awesome voice for things like that XD
2613697
After reading through all your comments I have only one thing to say:
I'm not sure if I deserve this pun-ishment...
MINECRAFT WHOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
4378964 never dig down
4758484 Don't mine at night
Well... Shit hit the fan and Ace is in the splatter zone... Lets hope nothing permanent happens to him like getting crippeld somehow or scared to leasen bis satyre charm
2506238
Translation for us lesser bronys?