Bar Room Blitz
Edited by:
PieisGood4U
Blazinblade7
fireshadow11
The ‘All Bar One’ was certainly a unique pub. Take the name for example. I had asked the pony, a grizzled looking earth pony, behind the bar what it meant. He had replied that it was a reference to an ancient zebrican proverb. ‘May all your dreams come true. All bar one.’ This name gave the inn a certain amount of dignity, as if it were some kind of philosophical place of great and deep thoughts.
Now the patrons, on the other hand, were quite a different matter. They were a rowdy lot, singing bawdy songs about mares whilst they drank deeply into their cups. One song appeared to be about plot, though what storyline composition has to do with this I have no idea. Maybe they are just really big fans of a well written tale?
The pub itself was made of wood with a thatch roof, matching the architecture of its neighbours. The interior had quite a smokey, seedy feel to it, the kind of feel that lesser pubs envy and attempt to recreate. In fact, calling it a pub wasn’t really correct. This place was a tavern. An old-fashioned meeting place, ale-and-shadowy-corners tavern. It actually had some shadowy corners in which patrons in long cloaks were sat, brooding over their own thoughts. I was half tempted just to go up and talk to one, to see if he would try to send me on an epic quest.
If I wasn’t already preoccupied with my own quest I would probably go and do just that.
Summer and Iron might have their sources but I have my own ways of getting information. Drunks usually know a surprising amount about stuff. Bartenders do too but they aren’t into sharing as easily as a drunk will. My first course of action was to find the most knowledgeable, washed-up, down-on-his-luck drunk in this bar. I decided to do this by joining in the local pastime, drinking and fighting.
The first part was going really well. Wherever the informant was, he certainly wasn’t at the bottom of this pint. Or the other three pints I had already had.
He must be really stealthy.
Behind me I heard the telltale signs of another fight about to break out. There had already been a couple since I got here, one over the philosophical definition of beauty and another over the colour of Princess Celestia’s socks. These drunks really do have a varied repertoire of conversation. The fights usually break out slowly, just some raised voices. Then one philosopher will interrupt another, quite rudely, and his colleague will respond with a rebuttal in the form of a wooden chair to the face.
It pretty much just escalated from there.
I hadn’t really been paying much attention to this particular argument, being too absorbed in my hunt for information. Regardless it should be any second now...
‘Smash’
Oh, that sounded more like a table than a chair, and judging from the size on furniture used this might actually be a fight worth taking part in. I spun round on my chair at the bar, giggling slightly from the swift movement, and observed the packed room. One pegasus stallion had evidently made a remark that had offended another, a grubby looking unicorn stallion. The unicorn had responded with a poorly calculated insult about the pegasus’ heritage, in particular on his mother’s fidelity. The pegasus, his honour besmirched by this insult, had challenged the unicorn to a duel via the old tradition of a smack to the face.
Admittedly a table got your point across much better than a glove.
The unicorn’s companions charged forward to assist him, his attacker receiving several blows before his own allies could leap to his defence. The two groups were now facing off against each other, the air full of anger and testosterone. Would it be enough to start a fight though?
The pegasus pawed against the ground, the unicorn snorted in derision and the bartender hid all the expensive, fragile bottles from behind the bar. In a couple of moments it would all kick off, as soon as somepony made the first move.
I grinned in excitement, gulping down the rest of my ale. I was fairly certain I was drunk by this point, or at least I hope I am. Otherwise I will have wasted quite a few of the bits that Steel Mane gave us. The ale here was quite strong really, ponies must have quite a hardy constitution to not get shitfaced after a single drink. It was only my experience in several Irish pubs that meant I was still standing by this point.
Frowning, I noticed the fight still hadn’t started yet. The two groups were actually slowly backing down, each one unwilling to make the first move. Looks like I need to provide a little helping hand maybe?
“I took your mother to a nice restaurant, treated her nicely and then never saw her again!” I said in the unicorns voice, throwing my voice across the room.
I can get quite mischievous when I’m drunk.
The pegasus’ wings flared out and he puffed up his chest, making himself look as large as possible. The unicorn responded to this intimidation by lighting up his horn and lowering his head to point directly at his foe.
“Wings beat magic every time...” My voice coming from the pegasus, who looked confused for a moment before a blast of magical force sent him tumbling backwards.
He was quickly picked up by his allies and led the charge into the fray. I watched from the sidelines as the two groups began to brawl, a non-lethal brawl that you only get in certain pubs. I’ve seen it quite a few times and it really can get confusing sometimes. One moment two men might be fighting as if they were lifelong enemies. The next they will be drinking together and reminiscing over who threw the best punch. I believe the term for it is camaraderie.
Personally, I blame the Irish. Those charismatic bastards can even make friends with the guy they just punched in the jaw.
Wait a moment, why am I just sitting here when there is an awesome fight going on a couple of meters away?
I grinned and charged into the brawl, ready to fight off some of this drunken stupor I had acquired.
“My Princess, are you certain that this is a wise course of action?” a most unusual pegasus guard asked. His coat was a mute grey, highlighting his dark purple armour. Sprouting from his back were a pair of leathery bat wings which many ponies would find terrifying, though he wore them with pride. For they were a mark of his honourable position in the Lunar Guard, a reminder of his duty to protect Princess Luna.
Which is why he was so set against her current decision.
“Of course We am certain, noble Night Shade. A cosy tavern such as this one would be an excellent place to connect with the common pony. Once they know Us and We know them, how can they help but be our friends? Dearest Twilight Sparkle taught Us this on that most wonderful of nights, Nightmare Night.” The alicorn of the night replied, her voice filled with certainty.
Night Shade didn’t share his mistresses confidence. Whilst he agreed that she should get to know the populace better, rather than working in her precious Lunar Forge all day, he didn’t think this was the best way to go about it. The All Bar One had a reputation for being one of the more...’lively’ taprooms in Maneapolis. It was going to be up to him to protect his Princess from the plethora of dangers they would encounter there.
Night Shade looked over to his Princess, seeing the look of curiosity on her face he let out a sigh. Once Princess Luna got curious about something then there was no power on this earth that would stop her finding out about it. He still remembered the time one of the castle maids had mentioned the new music genre called dubstep near the Princess. Two straight weeks of partying later, and almost thirty restraining orders from various nightclub owners, the Princess felt that she was beginning to understand the music.
Night Shade prayed that she didn’t have the same obsession with fighting. He wasn’t sure that the country would be able to survive.
As they approached the tavern, his worries continued to pile up. Even from where they were standing, a good distance from the building, he could hear the sound of shouts and laughter and...
Luna began to trot quicker and quicker, before breaking out into a full gallop as her burning curiosity drove her forwards. Night Shade struggled to keep up, eventually resorting to flying as fast as he could to try and reach his ruler. Luna slammed down the door to the tavern, Night Shade following her and getting a good look at the chaos that was transpiring inside.
To put it in its simplest form, it was a fight. Yet at the same time it was so much more than a fight. It was a cornucopia of brutality and martial skill. As a Lunar Guard, Night Shade had a certain fondness for combat. It isn’t just any pony who joins the guard after all. It takes a certain type of stallion or mare to risk their lives everyday, especially considering the pony instincts towards harmony. Night Shade wasn’t sure to be horrified or to weep with joy as he saw a pegasus stallion pull off a perfect Whirlwind Kick to an earth ponies jaw. He was split with indecision as he beheld the bartender stood upon his bar, kicking out at any fighters who dared to approach his defensive position.
He was pretty certain that he should be confused when he saw the strange, bipedal goat thing standing on a table, singing a lively song and kicking mugs at the fighters.
The goat creature had picked up a pint full of ale and was taking the occasional swig from it whilst dancing, a lot of the drink simply jumping out of the cup as he did his jig. The dancer seemed unconcerned by the loss of his beverage, simply drinking what he could catch in his mouth.
Night Shade was forced to stop observing the strange being as an earth pony, clearly too drunk to reason who he was running at, attempted to charge the Princesses' side. Night Shade casually spun and bucked the inebriated stallion, sending him flying backwards. Luna didn’t even appear to have noticed the attack, absorbed with trying to watch all the fights breaking out in the bar.
“Huzzah! Tis an keen altercation! Let us join in and prove our might!” Luna shouted over the noise of the brawl. The table dancing creature burst into another stanza, as if to agree with the night Princess.
Luna charged into the fight, the combination of her mass and momentum sending a few ponies, who were too preoccupied with their own battles to avoid the enthusiastic Princess, flying. A unicorn, recently finished with his own fight, turned to see the Princess. In his drunken anger he lowered his head and charged the royal, who observed the stallion charging her unprotected side with barely any concern. The moment the charging unicorn was within range Luna opened up her wings to their full span with a ‘snap!’, her strong right wing slamming into the stallion's head and sending him tumbling away, dazed.
Night Shade leapt into the air, beating his wings once to gain extra altitude, before letting his weight drop down onto his prey. Four grey, iron shod hooves slammed into the head of a large brown earth pony, who had so far held off all challengers with ease. Night Shades attack drove the huge stallion’s head into the floor, cracking the wooden boards and sending his victim into unconsciousness.
A pegasus attempted to interrupt the singer, flying directly at him with both hooves extended forwards. The creature noticed the forthright attack and chugged the last of his drink before hurling the mug at the flying pony’s head. The airborne vessel struck the pony above the left ear, sending him careening off to one side where he struck another fighter, who immediately began a fight with his new attacker. Shrugging, the biped returned to his song, grasping a new mug of ale from the table he was dancing upon.
Leaping from his impromptu stage, the creature joined the fight fully. Still singing and drinking, he struck out with whatever limb was closest to his attacker. His style could best be described as haphazard, yet effective. He seemed to stumble several times, barely avoiding blows seemingly entirely by accident. Random flailings of his arms always caught his attackers in their most sensitive areas, incapacitating them almost instantly. Night Shade could only conclude that this creature was some foreign martial artists, clearly a master of the deadly Drunken Hoof fighting style. Though he had never heard of the Drunken Hoof monks enjoying singing.
Luna battered down the defences of two more fighters, knocking them out of the way with two quick jabs of her forehooves. Judging by the grin stretching apart her muzzle, she was clearly enjoying herself. Night Shade vaguely recalled old military texts speaking about how Princess Luna had led troops back in the old days. She had apparently been a terrifying and brutal fighter, but merciful to those who managed to earn her respect. He noticed her eyes light up as she spotted something and, following where her gaze was pointing, he gulped in fear.
The creature continued to sing as it windmilled its arm around, the mug still clutched fiercely in its hand slamming into the heads of several ponies brave enough to approach him. They crumpled to the ground immediately, out of the fight, their comrades backing away from the biped. One particularly fearless stallion leapt at the singer, his bulk sailing through the air in a bodyslam. The singing biped seemed to stumble and fall onto his back as the pony flew overhead, the creatures legs flinging up comically to kick the stallion in the chest and assist him in his journey over his targets head. The surprised stallion grunted as the blow connected, before being sent to slam into three other ponies who felt like trying their luck against the strange being. He stumbled back to his feet to finish his song and face his next attacker.
Night Shade was shocked as he observed the next event. The creature swing around, its arms flailing outwards, and struck Princess Luna, who had been approaching him with a determined grin, with a backhand. The Princess froze, Night Shade froze, the fighting froze. Even the creature seemed to be staring at its arm in some confusion, as if wondering why it would commit such treachery without his orders. Luna slowly turned her head back to face the biped, before spitting out some blood onto the floor. He had struck her. He had struck a Princess.
Night Shade wasn’t sure whether he should arrest him or congratulate him. The Princesses were no pushovers when it came to combat.
The Princesses grim demeanor slowly melted away as a grin began to split apart her lips. The smile was slightly marred by the welt of her bruised lip, but it still had a brilliant honesty to it.
“You are the first in many years to successfully land a blow upon Us, truly you must be a great warrior!” She said at her usual volume, very loud. As she spoke she raised one hoof and gave the biped a light tap upon the chest.
To the surprise of everyone in the pub the creature, who had bested many proficient fighters that night, was sent flying backwards by this gentle touch. He slammed into a table, obliterating it into splinters, before falling to lie prone upon the ground, his eyes closed and unmoving.
“...We suppose We are unsure of our own strength. Brave Night Shade, please take this fascinating individual into protective custody till he awakens. We believe that an important colleague of ours may wish to speak to him.” The Lunar Stallion leapt forward to obey his mistresses command, heaving the unconscious biped onto his back.
“Mares and Gentlestallions, We thank you for keeping up the ancient tradition of the barroom brawl, and keeping it up enthusiastically at that! Truly your fighting matches that of our ancient Lunar Legions. We have not enjoyed an altercation such as this in quite some time, it feels very good indeed to ‘let loose’ as the foals say nowadays.” Her speech completed, Princess Luna led the way out, followed by Night Shade and his unconscious load.
Leaving a tavern full of beaten and stunned stallions behind her.
So I decided to use another Flogging Molly song because honestly, if you ever get into a fight in a pub then you really want Irish music playing in the background. It's just so damn fitting.
The name of the pub is a reference to the amazing writer David Gemmell. If you haven't already read some of his works then I recommend that you check them out. They're like the dictionary definition of epic fantasy novels.
Barrel-of-fun
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Drunken bar fights are best fights.
No expection. Also, nice chapter, Barrel.
Loved the bar fight scene and the music, once again, fit perfectly with what was going on in the story. Looking forward to the next update.
Translation: MOOOOAAAAARRR
Luna is best bar brawler.
Nice chapter you have, Barrel!
So we finally start to see how that dream came about huh.
Was wondering how he managed to join such a organization. Love reading about beginnings but now i have to wait again. If there's one thing i hate doing is waiting. 
guess i need to go back to work on my time machine
Loved the way you wrote this chapter, I suggest not doing it all the time as that can get annoying with that brand of sarcasm and might annoy people away from the story, but I really enjoyed it. Also I have noticed that in general your writing has been getting better and better, like its been getting more descriptive without getting to wordy, and the portrayal of the characters seem to be more.. life-like i guess you could say, I do believe you are reaching a point where you will reach truly epic writing that will... whats the word... enrapture (yes that is a word google it) a much bigger audience than what you hold right now.. which is a considerable amount already
Cool someone else who appreciates Flogging Molly
Oh and great chapter for some reason i'm not surprised that Luna is good at bar fighting
Wasn't expecting to see Luna at aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllll. Thought this was going to be one of those "Do their own thing" HiE stories really. Ya know, not worrying about main main characters. Nicely done!
1318930 you misspelled exception in your comment
)
(and yes, I am a grammar nazi for both fics and comments
Drunken Hoof fighting style? Is that a Dragonball reference? Or is it just me?
1319173 there isnt anything wrong with my comment is there? spelling-wise that is. I am pretty good at spelling but some words like to elude my grasp
1319209 nope! nuthin' wrong there!
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4vhrizVNc1qj3ir1.gif
1319186 it's a reference to The Forbidden Kingdom (it's a movie, look it up)
Eeyup, every good adventure story needs at least one bar room brawl
Well Ace is gona have a suprise when he wakes.
I do believe you mean prey.
Also, nice job putting in a canon character finally. And Luna no less!
... There should totally be a Luna emoticon on FiMFiction.
It doesnt relate at all but i just wanna proove Derpy is the best pony
pray tell, what type of prey is Night Shade after? or was he giving them time to pray before he dropped on them?
1318930>>1319022 BOTH SECONDED.
1319044 No, she's a warrior... I say that Ace is best Brawler! No exceptions!
1319267 I concur, dear sir!
MOAR MUSIKZ!
1319220 why you being so mean??? Q____Q what did i do wrong????
1319365
Me~ you could've used a different word than enrapture. Like: attract, beguile, bewitch, charm, delight, elate, enamor, enchant, enthrall, entrance, fascinate, gladden, gratify, please, dazzle, magnetize, vamp, wile, win, or seduce.
Moonfire~ Yeah... he's like a thesaurus...
Me~ Don't listen to him, he's just mad he can't think of synonyms as easily
1319186
It's a reference to the actual fighting style Drunken Fist, which I have trained in before. I never got very far with it as I am nowhere near flexible enough to do some of the moves but it was still a really fun style of fighting to have a go at.
1319267
Fixed, thanks.
1319091
Thank you! It's nice to hear that I am improving.
1319426
To be perfectly honest, whenever I feel like I've used a word too often and need a synonym I just do a google search for 'Synonym for...'
Freaking professional writing at its best.
1319475 no, all you have to do is go to Thesaurus.com and type in the word you want a synonym for (basically what I did there (just don't tell anyone my secret and we won't have any problems
))
1319426 -giggles- i drew a HUUUUUUGE blank on that word to be perfectly honest and that was the only word that would pop into my mind, and i kinda wanted to use a different one but well.. yea
1319574 BTW, I commented on your userpage a few hours ago and wanted to know if you saw it.
I give standing applause to you sir. That was probably the best bar room brawl I've ever read.
I was downright surprised at Luna's enthusiasm to join the fight. But hell, it was fun as hell to read!
1319587 yes I have seen it and I am also posting a few things on there now that i have figured out how to post things on there~!!! Go there and see my post about Princess Celestia and enjoy the song i posted there which is do not own by the way =P
I've no words to express how much enjoyment I've gotten out of this story so far. This has been way too much fun to read.
*rewrote this many time, in the end just went screw it and go for main points*
1. Nice Luna
2. Luna is my favorite of Alicorns shown in show (so far)
3. Music tied in very well with story (just a little disappointed their was less head-butting in fight, but king-fu makes an excellent substitute)
4. ???
5. Nice job, I personally feel that you are a rather skilled writer
6. ... and of course, PROFIT
i can just see IW and the unicorn mare whose name escapes me walking into the bar and asking where the goat thing went.
Iron and Summer are gonna be pissed... or speechless... or both, probably both. As always my day is immediately better, and that's saying a lot as my day is bitch'n good right now.
And ten bits says Luna will get directly involved in the investigation, Ace will make an ass out of himself, and hilarity will ensue.
*grins and claps* Excellent stuff as always, I like the subtle indication that luck and skill seem to be Ace's fighting style. Drunken hoof sounds quite hilarious too.
Great chapter, looking forward to what will happen next
Ace is badass but not as badass as Luna.
More awesomeness you bring will.
luna.....in a bar brawl.......
THE EPICNESS HAS BEEN DOUBLED!
Holy fuck, yes.
loled
Anyone wanna take bets on how pissed Miss Fortune (aka Lady Luck) is gonna be at Ace for that fight? Anyone?
1319267
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png
SO MUCH WIN!!!
My grin! Its thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis wide!
EEEEEEE flogging molly! You are now considered awsome on several dam levels! *rases hand* Slap my hand!
I wish i could double favorite this fic just for the devil's dance floor.
It's just to good of a song
WHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... THAT WAS AWESOME!!!
...
*chck chck*
Time to go.
Time to fight.
Ruin the bad guys all day and night.
Time to go.
Time to fight.
Ruin the bad guys all day and night.
------
Made a song in a comment, ITS MINE. I MADE IT. COPYRIGHT TO MEH.
...anyway, bar fight. Awesome. All we need is Chuck Norris VS Saxton Hale refernece in it and it would be perfect.
1321200
I still don't get how people do those. Do you type in :lunashrug: or something?
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B'whahahaha. I love the bar room brawl and the music!!
I also have to say that I found the whole Luna thing very random but enjoyable!
Looking forward to reading more!
Flogging molly is best music
1323145
FimFiction Enhancements (Greasemonkey Script)
1323839
Ah. Pity I can't use them on iPad.