Well, this isn't so bad. I still agree with the last comment to rewrite the first chapter and maybe add a little more to the second, especially with his reunion with Princess Luna.
Notably, there is a good amount of missing details. He seems to know the princesses but nothing is really told to us. He throws a lot of new concepts around but we have no background for them. I think you should slow the pace down and make everything denser. Finally, the dialogue is kinda weird. too direct. The emotions don't have time to be conveyed.

Aside from that, It's cool. I actually love the idea so keep it up!

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It's been quite a while since I posted so I'm quite rusty.