In the long forgotten history of Equestria, 2 characters will meet twice and each event separated by several generations when the 3 character is a full grown colt . One character who life has treated him so poorly; his heart will fill up with hate and will drive him rise to torment Equestria two times in its life time. While one who's soul was corrupted by the void; will fight himself and the world to keep Equestria from collapsing. Helping him the third character will be his friend, Soldier of the Royal Guard, raised by wealth and refused to live as he used to.
Chapters (4)
Some grammatical errors, but then again, I haven't read a story in a long while without them, so I can't really call you out on anything.
Not too bad.
At the very end of the third chapter, the dialogue magically becomes double spaced!
I suggest you do that with all dialogue, and when you start a new paragraph
Then again, don't listen to me... I've been called an idiot before.
First
Is that a ponyfied version of the Dark Templar from Starcraft? fc09.deviantart.net/fs27/f/2009/244/5/2/Zeratul_of_the_Dark_Templar_by_Zennia_Jorra.jpg
893406 It does look like that.
893406
Yes My OC is a ponyfied version of a Dark Templar, but you wont see him till Part 2. Although he is based on a Dark Templar, you will see that he is very unique when to comes to his abilities.
>>Church
Don't worry.... sometimes one requires criticism to improve. Oh and by the way..... thank you for your advice