Epilogue: for the heck of it…
At the end of a long aisle, in a room crowded with ponies, a foal stands next to a large orange earth pony, who used to not be an earth pony, which is standing next to a black stallion with a silver mane and tail. They are all wearing bow ties, standing facing the crowd. There is also a large white alicorn standing nearby… that appears to be asleep while standing up…
On the opposite side of her were five mares. An orange, violet, yellow, white, and pink. Each was wearing a dress that suited their personality.
“So why is mommy and daddy getting married now? Shouldn’t this have happened a long time ago before I was born?” A closer look at the young pony reveals he has a black coat, and a pair of small black wings that could not support him yet. He has a silver mane like the pony on the other end; however his tale appears to be a spectrum of color.
“Well yes they should have, but unfortunately your father is cheap, and lazy. He also rambles on about how ‘happiness is all that matters,’” he stoped and turned to the black stallion. “Frankly, I’m surprised he is finally going through with this…”
“Well somepony has to pay for something; you can’t seem to keep a bit for yourself,” says the stallion.
“Well somepony has to buy poor Roger here something, and who better to do it than his grandfather.”
“I got a question…. Whose Frank?”
Both of the larger ponies face hoof, and so do several of the ponies closer to them in the audience. The ponies on the opposite side of the alicorn all giggle.
“You got the necklaces right?” asks the black stallion.
“For the trillionth time, YES! Now will you please stop asking?” The orange stallion seems to rouse the White alicorn beside them and suddenly there is music.
The doors down the hall open and in walks a Blue Pegasus with a rainbow mane and tail. She is wearing a white wedding dress. All the ponies in the audience turn to look at her as she walks down the hall.
When she reaches the end, the alicorn begins to speak:
“Mares and gentalcolts, we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of the Pegasus, Rainbow Dash, and earth pony Alex Firewing. Their love burns bright and has already produced one spark…”
The orange colt mumbles “I hope for a few more sparks…”
“Their future is bright, and we all know that their love will continue to burn forevermore.”
She turns to the orange colt, “may I have the necklaces please?” he hastily hoofs them over, fumbling several times in the process. “Thank you.”
She magic’s the over both ponies necks. “I now pronounce you Mare and Colt!”
She backs away and the newlywed couple kiss.
_-_-_
In the carriage on the road to their honeymoon, the two ponies are sitting are smiling happily at each other.
“We finally got married…why did we wait so long?” asks the black pony.
“Somthin about bein happy, blah, blah, blah…I don’t really care, cause I’m happy now.”
“And that’s all that matters...”
“OH NO… not this crap again. I should have never told you that. It just gave you an excuse to hold on to your money…”
“You won’t say that once we get where we are going. Its why I didn’t want to get married until now…”
“And why won’t you tell me?”
“Cause its Awesome… Dash, have you ever seen the beach before?”
“No…Why are we going to one?”
The carriage come to a halt. The two ponies step out, and see a fairly large home sitting on the edge of the beach in an ocean cove.
“No…not going to one, we own one.”
The blue pony rockets into the other pony and nocks him to the ground. “Hey, can we wait until we are inside, I feel like doin it in a bed tonight…”
The blue pony says one word “eee-nope!”
End… fo real…
Author note and junk…
After writing:
Okay so I don’t like this… at all. This was my first story EVER, and is not likely to ever get posted but if it does, I am soooooo sorry for the poor sap that read this. This is the cheesiest cheesy cheese I have ever seen.
It was more of a experiment than anything. I had fun with it…sometimes.
I might go back and revisit Roger, because he was basically the whole point to the story. This ended up being more of a slice of life than a drama.
My favorite parts were the chapter on Alex’s past, and the epilogue. First person is not for me…I thought about changing it half way through, but I don’t think the transition would go well.
I have a few other ideas. We will see how those go. If they go…badly, I might hand them off to someone…if I can find someone.
A few lessons I learned, and make suggestions after you read these:
-HAVE A PLOT. I had no plot going in, and half of my ideas didn’t get used. I was going to have Vinyl as a love rival, but…she had a very minor part. That whole chapter was a DUD.
-I need to write in another view. We will see how that goes later.
-make a story I would want to read, and frankly (who’s Frank?), I wouldn’t even want to read this.
-plot twists or something to keep the reader entertained (I attempted with those… didn’t go great)
- and that is it…any more suggestions are appreciated.
THANK YOU for reading this far if you have, and if you haven’t and you skipped to the very end, I don’t blame you…this is crap!
Anyway this will never be seen and be locked in a vault forever…hopefully…
Note: the working title for this was “The Barcolt.” If that interferes with your viewing pleasure… or torture as it may be… I deeply apologize, however I do not see any unforeseen issues there. I may rewrite it with a different working title, and that is where it will get confusing.
PS: Roger’s cutie mark will be a White triangle outline. You can assume what you want…and I hope you do. If you don’t get it, I can’t help you... Expect me to revisit him, however if you are huge into the band, don’t expect a lot from it.
After reread and edit:
So it has been a few months. I just got back on fimfiction and decided to read some stuff. I reread and edited (for the first time) this and it read better than I thought it would. I have half a mind to post this. I don’t see any problems with it except my writing tone changes in the middle from me speaking formally to me speaking non-formal, which I liked better.
It is almost a boring read but as it is my first writing ever I think I did all right. The only plot hole that really bugs me is Dash found out she was pregnant too quickly. Other than that it, was fairly boring I think.
Once again I have a few other Ideas, one is being put on paper right now while another just started. I have a very short experiment story which also may be posted. Roger is chillin in the back seat right now so I don’t know if I will get to him.
Sorry for the long authors note, and I appreciate anything you can give me as criticism and advice.
-The Pizza Delivery Pony
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- HeartBeat · 21k words · 73 4 · 3k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.118 seconds
Total duration
1,081 users online
2,029,601 hits today, 1,996,409 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Okay, so there it is...the epic conclusion to my first story. sorry for the authors note, it is a little long and pointless. Thanks for reading it all and following through with it!
-ThePizzaDeliveryPony
That was a VERY good story! I dont give a single buck if you say it was bad because it was good, VERY good in fact.
It was better then my story, that's for sure.
Seriously, this was NOT a pointless story. Sure it was long but that is just a bonus. Beside's, I cant really see this story being bad. I only see this story as it is, a good story.
Love and tolerate.
-TheLolzer82 (AKA Viking Brony)
I agree this story is good a little rough around the edges but othe wise a nice solid story. the only problem I had with it was I felt it was a bit to short and rushed for the amount of awesome back story and plot elements that could have been elaberated on more but thats just a personnal problem I have with it(I'm used to reading storys with 80000+ words so ya
)
912567
Thanks, i really appreciate it. I wanted more from it than i got, but it ended its self before I wanted it to. It definitely isn't the worst story, but the first half of the authors note is me stressing over how there was so much could have, and wanted to do with it, but didn't. The second part was more of me realizing after reading through it and editing that it isn't as bad as i first thought it was.
913253
Rough it is... i did for some reason rush the ending and i don't know why that happened. It was short and read a little fast and that could have probably been fixed...if i had rewritten it. The major problem I have is the pregnancy, however i think i worked it in well and it dosn't stand out as a major plot hole.
still my favorite part is the epilogue. it was written differently than all the other chapters, and i think that view works better for me. my newest story "adopting/adapting" is written in a similar style and i really like where it is going, even if i don't know where that is yet. "Shadow dagger" is written in first person even though i didn't want to write it that way again. Point is, check out some of my other stuff if you want
Thanks for reading everybody/pony.
-ThePizzaDeliveryPony
also new picture for my profile
914238 hmmm....I think the only real problem with the pregnancy is that theres not much in the way of a build up like somewhere in the chapter you could put "and alex thought it a bit wierd that dash hadn't been drinking anything alcholic but shrugedit off" something like that the whole thing with his dad just happening to know just seems a little too convenent for my tastes.
914829
I don't disagree, however i really wanted for him to find out before dash told him. I thought it would be easier to keep dash in character if i didn't have her tell him. I don't know, i did try to explain the father bit away, but i guess it didn't work perfectly. Anyway, thanks for the criticism, first I've gotten.
-ThePizzaDeliveryPony
914979 ahhh i see hmm that would be a bit tricky to pull off but at least I can see what you were trying to do there and it makes a little more sense now
Cant believe my fa orite part of the story was the authors note at the end. Your right with the problems but still it was readable. You'll be a fine author if you have a GOD DAMN PROOF READER. Also writing present tense? I guess that's just a personal thing though. A tad cliche, but hey, you got potential. A lot of people struggle with wrapping things up. Decent job. Soooooooo... yea...
921976
I just got a proof reader around a week after i posted this, and i can't tell you how much nicer it is having someone look over your shoulder. This was my first, and i have to say, i think i'm getting better. my most recent stuff, mostly not posted, i think is doing a bit better. i have started writing differently from this one, so it flows a bit better.
either way, thanks for reading.
1346795
I completely agree. I haven't been writing much recently, but I am trying to slow my plot more. as it was my first fic i ever wrote, its not surprising it didn't turn out perfect, but I thought I would put it up so at the very least i could maybe get some feedback.
Its was a pretty good fanfic the only thing I have to say about it that alex and dash love went to fast but your probably think the same but still good keep it up