8. All Things Great and Theological
Equestria : 1940
Sunday 16 June - Canterlot, Equestria
“For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.”
— Matthew 18:20
* * ✹ * *
Sunday was supposed to be a day of rest, for ponies and humans alike. Jon had been looking forward to sleeping in, by Equestrian standards at least, which meant until after dawn.
It was not meant to be.
He was also hoping to wake up still wearing his underwear.
Zero for two.
Jon opened one eye to look at the intensely embarrassed maid, who had been gently tapping on the headboard of the bed with one hoof for at least a minute while he was faking slumber. He had halfway been expecting Twilight Sparkle, but from the night-themed apron with embroidered crescent moon and the ruffled lace mob cap on her head, she was obviously one of the castle servants instead.
“Wha?” he managed by great effort.
“I don’t mean to disturb you, sir.” The pony, a little pink fluffy thing without horn or wings, fidgeted beside his bed. “It’s just that… since we heard yesterday that you… not that we are prying into your life, but… I was talking to Pastor Shepherd and he suggested… you know, if you want to…”
If this was the way ponies normally talked to Celestia, she must have been a very frustrated princess. Then again, she had centuries of experience getting shy ponies to tell her what was bothering them, which likely came with a great deal of patience, too. In an attempt to emulate Her Highness, Jon quietly nodded along with the flustrated servant’s rambling, but one word stood out.
“Pastor?” he asked during one of the brief pauses.
“Oh, yes.”
Now that was an oddity in the pony principality that could drag Jon out of bed before dawn.
“And we’re not talking a pony named Pastor, or Pasture, or Pasteur, right? His title is Pastor,” said Jon carefully, trying not to spook the flighty earth pony servant. In fact, she calmed down considerably and nodded while he continued, “And since it’s Sunday morning, and he’s a pastor, you’re inviting me to a church service?”
In fact, the concept of a pony church in Canterlot was about as unexpected as… well, most of Jon’s life in Equestria to this point. To his knowledge, ponies outside of Equestria had not expressed much interest in religious observances—except for A.K. Yearling’s bloody obsession with pre-Incan ceremonies—so this was about as unexpected as finding out Celestia was planning an upcoming virgin sacrifice to the volcano gods.
The little pink pony kept nodding like a fluffball caught in an updraft, but she added words this time. “He’s a Lutheran, although I’m an Episcopalian, and the pastor is very accepting, so your being a Methodist is fine.” She hesitated before nodding one last time. “We would be very honored to have you join us this morning.”
Although he was still naked under the covers, Jon’s tweed suit had been laid out on the bedside table, all pressed and clean. An Equestrian church service would be something to see, that was for certain. He should be back in time for breakfast and to continue his lessons with Twilight, although he was not sure who was learning what from who anymore.
“Yes, I’d be glad to attend services this morning.” Jon cast a look at the hallway door. “Could you wait outside while I dress?”
- - ✶ - -
By grabbing the shaving basin and using it as an impromptu bucket in the bathtub, Jon managed to get his hair shampooed in short order, and a quick sponge bath for the rest. Once he had shaved, it took remarkably little time to get dressed, and he made a mental note about how nice it was to have his clothes laid out in the morning. One last check of his watch against the clock made him intensely glad they both matched for a change, and he opened the hallway door…
…only to find Twilight Sparkle with Spike sleeping on her back, and one hoof raised to knock.
“I… Um…” Twilight gave Jon the wide-eyed look of a unicorn who had just had a needle skip on her favorite record. While she grasped frantically for words, Jon gestured to the waiting maid, and the two of them strolled down the castle corridor, with Twilight falling in behind them and the door guard still standing by the empty suite.
It felt a little un-Christian to snub Twilight Sparkle this way and particularly on this day, but Jon found himself really looking forward to a tranquil hour in church, singing a few hymns and listening to a sermon on anything except ancient nightmares of darkness coming to destroy the world. As expected, Twilight Sparkle continued following, which really did not give Jon the comforting sensation of Sunday morning with his family on the way to church. Still, since it was not dawn yet he was grateful for her hornlight to illuminate the way as they passed through the dark corridors, out into the dark streets, and along their dark journey.
“So… where are we going?” asked Twilight once they had gotten a block or so away from the castle.
The featherweight pink earth pony did not answer, but only looked away with a vaguely guilty expression much as if she were leading the disciple of the Sun Goddess into a den of sin and inequinity. Jon decided to pick up the conversational thread instead, with a polite wave to his pink companion and as lecturing tone as he could get for Twilight.
“We are going to services held by Pastor Shepherd, I believe, Miss…?”
“Bunnykins, sir. Ma’am.” The fluffy earth pony nodded at each of them in turn and attempted a smile, or at least a positive change in her perpetually nervous expression. “I… uh… don’t recall you ever attending services before, Miss Sparkle,” added the servant in one rapid burst.
“I’m sure she’s welcome to come along and observe,” said Jon before Twilight could object. “We’re not doing anything illegal— It’s not illegal, is it?” he asked quickly.
“Oh, no,” said Bunnykins. “Well, not really. Princess Celestia doesn’t approve—”
Twilight Sparkle stopped cold in the middle of the street.
“—but she’s never made worshipping any sort of crime. Not even worshiping her.”
Twilight picked up her pace until she was at Jon’s side again. “She’s not a goddess,” said Celestia’s student quickly and with no sense of honesty about her voice at all. “I don’t know who would think that.”
“There’s a group in upstate New York,” volunteered Jon. “They’re a little weird, even for people. A mix of nudists and… um… they dress up,” he added, regretting that he had even opened his mouth.
“Oh,” said Bunnykins and Twilight in almost perfect harmony. It only took three steps before Bunnykins added, “How do they dress up as pegasi?”
“Badly.” Jon tried to walk a little faster. “Look, it’s not really a topic for Sunday.” More like Saturday night after a few beers. “How much further do we need to walk?”
“We’re here.” Bunnykins trotted up to the front door of a magnificent mansion and opened the door for him, continuing once they all had gone inside. “Lord Fancy Pants and Lady di Lis had been staying at their French estate until the recent unpleasantness, so they had permitted the use of Maison de Pantalons for Pastor Shepherd’s services. It is much nicer now that they have returned, but I really hope the humans settle down in the near future and stop their violence.”
The fluffy pink servant cast a sudden nervous glance upwards, as if she feared Jon would take offense at her words, but he could only nod while considering how a human war was only thought of as ‘unpleasantness’ by a pony. As long as it was far away, that is.
If this was just one of Fancy Pants’ estates, he must have been wealthy indeed. It was not really that large compared to the photos he had seen of the Astor or the Rockefeller mansions, and his sense of wealth had been dulled slightly by spending the last few days in Celestia’s humble abode. Still, it was staggering in its own right, and as the four of them (counting the sleeping dragon) walked through the front door without Bunnykins even knocking, he noted the doorways were tall enough that he would not brain himself everywhere, which was a selling point.
“The servants have Sundays off,” explained Bunnykins as she walked across the priceless marble tiles with the tic-tic-tic of silver shoes. “Lord Fancy Pants prefers to—”
“He prefers to be called Fancy,” came a familiar resonant baritone. “Mister Walthers! Young Twilight Sparkle! I had no idea you’d both show up this morning.”
The mustached stallion was practically naked by his usual standards, wearing only a bow tie instead of his regular suit coat and tails, but his warm smile was just as broad as the other times Jon had seen him. After a brisk hoofshake for the human and a brief brushing of the lips across extended forehooves for the young mares, Fancy turned and guided his guests further into the mansion.
Religion had not been a topic of conversation while they had been in Celestia’s presence before, but during the short trip to their destination upstairs, a condensed form of the information flowed. Fancy was actually an Episcopalian, and Fleur French Catholic, which was a little like a Roman Catholic who believed that the Pope should have never left Avignon, and if His Holiness were to regain his senses, he would return to the much more favorable climate at once. Both churches were more than a little fuzzy on the official position of fuzzy four-legged communicants, as were nearly all churches worldwide in various degrees except for the Unitarians.
Upstairs, Jon was a little surprised to find breakfast underway in a smaller dining room with an attached kitchenette. Gathered around the table were a half-dozen smiling ponies, who greeted them as they walked in the door and scooted down to make space. It appeared that most of the guests had brought a potluck dish, although at first glance none of them seemed to have bacon or sausage in them, to Jon’s muted disappointment. There were plenty of other choices, including toast and stewed tomatoes, several varieties of beans, fruit slices beyond measure, and of course the hosts were hard at work with a hot grill.
The scent of pancakes woke up Spike, although he was still a little bleary when he gave a short wave to Fleur di Lis. The fashionable unicorn looked somehow even more equinely stunning when dressed in an apron, and flashed a brilliant smile over her shoulder when Fancy walked into the room with his guests.
“Mon Dieu! I did not expect you to be breaking your fast with us, Docteur Walthers, or we would have purchased some of your human foods.” She scurried over to the table with a stack of browned flapjacks following her, and promptly began reordering the table settings with the speed that only a unicorn could manage. “Mademoiselles and messieurs, this is Docteur Walthers, a historian and professor in friendship studies at the United States capital, and his guest, Lady Twilight Sparkle, a brilliant student to our illustrious monarch. You simply must sit next to Boxcars, because he too is a historian in human railroad technology—”
That was about the only attention Twilight Sparkle received in the process, and she barely managed to get a chair on Jon’s other side while their host continued her introductions. Jon nodded back at the scraggly brown pony who he had been seated beside and put on a polite smile also. Without context and clothing, Jon could not tell if Boxcars was simply a railroad bum or some sort of industrial magnate, and the rest of the ponies at the table were likewise difficult to classify.
“—and to his left, is Green Bean, who runs an agricultural import/export business, and the shy young lady at the end of the table is Nightshade, who works in castle security.”
Jon had to admit to missing a few names around the table as the impact of Nightshade’s fuzzy grey ears and guarded expression soaked into his disbelieving eyes. She was wearing a thin cloak draped across her back to conceal her wings, with a hood up over most of her head to complete the thin disguise, or perhaps sun protection. He had not seen any other batponies in Canterlot, so the odds of having a second Nightshade in the area, and in particular at the table…
“So glad to meet you, Doctor Walthers,” sounded a friendly voice much like a warm foghorn next to Jon’s right ear, which shocked him out of his musing. He admitted to jumping a bit, but the big boxy face of Pastor Shepherd had an unbreakable smile on it, and put him at ease in short order. “I never thought Princess Celestia would allow a human in Canterlot, but when Bunnykins told me of your religion, I immediately asked her to extend an invitation to our little Sunday morning service.”
A general wave of approval swept around the table, although Jon was not certain how much of it was just for him and how much was for the stunning spread of breakfast items. He settled down at his place setting and at least attempted to keep his breakfasting limited, despite an endless parade of fresh fruit and flapjacks smothered in maple syrup and speckled with blueberries.
Shepherd the pegasus pastor, which were two words that Jon never thought he would use in that particular order, was a warm greyish-white with a small square collar and sparkling blue eyes. He introduced his wife Puff, who was helping out at the stove with Fleur, and took extra time to welcome Twilight Sparkle and Spike, who were sulking and swallowing respectivly.
In very short order while eating, Jon found out that the amiable pastor had retired from the Royal Guard quite a few years ago and went straight into a Lutheran seminary, quite nearly to graduation before his equine status had soaked through to the ossified leadership. Despite lacking a degree, Shepherd returned to his home city and proceeded to care for his limited and diverse flock. As congregations went, it was fairly small. The sum total of Christian denominations within the city of Canterlot fit quite neatly around Fancy Pants’ informal dining table, although it was considerably larger than the Equestrian Jewish population, which could not make a Minyan if they all gathered in one spot.
The conversation around the meal was more in-depth than Jon expected, even from a pastor’s table. The topic was the book of Acts, and more specifically, roles each of the major power groups of the area took in the early church. From the Sadducees (who did not believe in an afterlife) and the Roman occupiers (who did, in a way more in line with the Equestrians) to the role the Holy Spirit played in the testimony of Peter and John, it left Jon feeling a little like a barbarian heathen with his dusty memories of youthful ecumenical education. The conversation picked up every time another guest arrived until their group numbered twenty, which Jon considered a very biblical number for a gathering, although far smaller than any church service he had attended so far.
By the time the meal was almost over, Spike awakened enough to become nearly coherent, and Twilight Sparkle was on her third cup of coffee, a thick black brew that Jon feared might require chewing once he reached the bottom of his own cup. The discussion over coffee was a rolling, pleasant thing that lasted long after the dishes had been swept away and washed, eventually winding up in Fancy Pants’ dawn-warmed study for the actual service.
The bay windows were wide open to the morning breeze, giving a mountain-fresh air to the room as they settled on Equestrian cushions. Music was provided by the pastor’s wife Puff on a hoof-pumped harmonium, with the words to the hymns being in the native tongue. It made for odd stanzas and more than one sideways look when he muffed a note or three, but felt very Equestrian and made Jon wish he had brought his camera. The sermon was on the book of Acts, of course, and paralleled the breakfast conversation fairly well. And to Jon’s private amusement in the middle of the multi-denominational service, he thought he could recognize the Lutheran training of the pastor by the Old Testament, New Testament, and Epistle readings. At the end, there was no communion, and with the number of denominations represented, he could understand why.
A question on that topic after the short service was over gave the pastor an opportunity to show some of the Equestrian practicality at work. The blessed host was normally flown in quarterly on the Pan-Am Clipper flying boat from an Irish priest, who also blessed bottles of French wine from Fancy Pants and Fleur’s vineyard. A certain number of those bottles were ‘lost’ during shipping, but since the Canterlot congregation had only been six before Celestia had brought most of the expatriates home, a single bottle could easily last a year or more.
A short post-service prayer was said for all of the Equestrians unable to return to the safety of the homeland, and then the pastor sat down and opened his bible, leading promptly into a free-form theology study with Twilight Sparkle as the instigator, to Jon’s surprise.
Although Jon was hoping she was taking the opportunity to make friends, it turned out that Twilight Sparkle had been moved by the spirit. The spirit of debate, that is. As the only agnostic in the room, or more properly the denying solar neigh-theist, she took it upon herself to disprove God. The resulting conversations were anything but ordinary.
Rather than taking her approach as a reason for reproach, the other ponies joined in with friendly conversation and pet theories that would have sent many human theologians into fits of apoplexy. After all, since Equestrians held that the unicorns once used their magic to raise the sun and moon, they had a hoof-up on Christianity with a different perspective. Shepherd pointed out that Celestia had been quite clear on the point that she was not a god of any sort, and while Twilight acceded on that point, it was fairly plain that she had her own definition.
The concept of Original Sin was brought out and exercised, with a subtext that showed Twilight’s considerable dislike for snakes regardless of their denomination or divine affiliation. The Ten Commandments as a foundation for government followed, being contrasted to Celestia’s Seven Harmonious Suggestions and Starswirl’s Universal Truths of Equanity. The walls of Jericho brought out discussions on seismic instabilities and structural weakness, while the Abrahamic Covenant segued into the far too real events on the European continent and in the Far East. Ancient history proved to be more to the pony discussion group’s liking, although when Jon put in his own theory of the Garden of Eden, he was rapidly shot down by nearly every Equestrian there.
It was a little like having one’s own pet gunned down in the street, instead of just seeing a pet theory murdered.
Jon decided to relax in a nearby sunbeam while reading through a few books on Equestrian folklore to sharpen his wits before rejoining the intellectual fray. It was comfortable, and the Equestrian habit of sitting on floors had the advantage of leaving a horizontal surface in any direction to place his book and reference materials on, so he was content.
He had company, because Spike had wandered off in search of the same warm sunbeam some time earlier, and was comfortably curled up next to a large, dark pillow— No, it was actually Nightshade with her hood pulled down over her eyes and her wings tented over her face. She seemed to be sound asleep, but when Jon got closer, she scooted back a little to make space for him and lifted her wing to give him a place to sit.
It would have been impolite to decline, so Jon made himself comfortable next to his sun-warmed dark pillow and opened up his study materials. He was enjoying the give and take of the conversation, and the way that he was dragged into taking sides. C.S. Lewis had always been a difficult read, but the theological debate had referenced him several times, so it was worth opening a book and trying to gain a little context. He had just gotten down to the bottom of the first chapter when Nightshade shifted under his back and moved her head closer to his side.
“Hey, lovercolt,” she murmured just barely loud enough for Jon to hear. “How’s your friendship studies coming along with Twilight?”
Sparing the table a brief glance to make sure he was not overheard, Jon moved a little lower and pitched his voice down. “Not too bad, I think. She’s making friends… Well…”
As one guest or another had departed for the rest of their Sunday tasks, Jon did not want to notice the way they had left the room, looking over their shoulder as if they were afraid Twilight was going to chase after them to bring on the Holy Equestrian Inquisition. It was just Shepherd and Twilight now, sitting on other sides of a table with several open bibles between them, and Puff traveling back and forth with a coffee pot to refresh their cups.
The arguments had slowed into a polite pattern as the morning had progressed toward noon. Admittedly, Jon was on the side of angels in any theological discussion, and the pastor looked more angelic with the built-in wings. Still, Twilight made some very good skeptical points. Far better points than Jon would be able to counter, in fact.
“Maybe she’s not making friends, per se,” admitted Jon, his head filled with dark thoughts of inadequacy. “After all, there’s just the three of them left, now. The pastor’s wife counts, right? The rest of the congregation… left.”
And they took any chance I had of getting Twilight to make friends with them. God, we’re talking about saving the world here. Is it too much to ask for you to send somebody who knows what they’re doing? Somebody or somepony social, who actually knows what a friend is?
“I’m just glad she’s got you,” admitted Nightshade. “I’ve talked to the other guards. Other than Spike and Celestia, you’re the only creature who likes being with her.”
“I just… feel like I’m failing her,” admitted Jon.
“Don’t take it too hard.” Nightshade nuzzled underneath his tweed jacket and nipped at his side. “Save that for later. You don’t mind this, do you?” she added, slipping just enough out from under the bottom of his suit to give him mournful golden eyes.
“Err…” Jon slipped a bookmark into his book. “Your behavior is a little over the top,” he admitted.
“That’s me. It’s better on top.” She waggled a furry eyebrow. “Look, if you don’t like it, just say the word and I’ll go away so some big stallion can guard you.”
“I like it,” he admitted with a second glance at where the pastor and Twilight were deep in conversation. Lowering his voice even more, he added, “Within reason, of course. I just don’t think it’s right to jump into bed with you.”
“Pshaw,” said Nightshade, blowing a warm breath into the side of his shirt. “My hormones were all riled up a couple days ago. I’m better now, and I’m not going to do anything you don’t want to do.”
Jon gave her a quelling look. Nightshade gave him a look back that was anything but quelling, but after a few moments, her eyes dipped back down. “Does this mean you’re not going to introduce me to your parents?”
Suppressing a giggle, he said, “My parents would have mutual heart attacks.”
“I can be your mare on the side,” she said, somewhat muffled by having her nose pressed against his ribs in a way that made him fight to keep from giggling even more, a fight that he lost. After a brief snort of laughter and a glance at the table to make sure he was not being observed, he settled back down against Nightshade and rested the back of his head on her ribs.
“Don’t you dare,” whispered Nightshade by sticking her nose into his ear, a startling example of the flexibility of Equestrians. “I’m going to fall asleep here in the sunshine so I can be fresh for this evening’s guard duty, and if you fall asleep on top of me, I’m going to have naughty dreams.” She slipped the tip of her tail up against his neck and matched it against the nose-nuzzling she was doing on the other side. “You’re going to get up, and not in that way, you dirty monkey. You and Twilight are going to the zoo. There’s a picnic basket shop down by the lake on the way so you can pick up some food and a guard contingent there. Take some time, spend the afternoon relaxing, and—”
“Help her make some friends,” inserted Jon. “Lord, help us.”
* * ✹ * *
Conspiracy and Coincidence both started with the same letters, which made them similar enough to be mistaken for each other in a bad light. In the middle of sunny Canterlot with a store that not only rented picnic baskets but also filled them, and which also ‘coincidentally’ had the makings for a proper tuna fish sandwich with relish and mayo…
Complaining (another word starting the same way) would not be productive, so Jon complied with Nightshade’s suggestion, paid for the picnic lunch with the coin purse that had conveniently been slipped into his suit pocket, and set his course for the Canterlot zoo, with a reluctant Twilight Sparkle and an energetic Spike. He did not have to explain his sudden urge to see the animals, because from the distracted look on Twilight’s face (and occasional comments), she was busy converting her thesis on the Oz Murderfest into a paper on Original Sin.
Twilight’s obvious premise was that ponies did not suffer from that same inherent spiritual malady, but could be bent to sin on their own, and since Celestia was pure and sinless, what she said was to be taken as Gospel. Jon countered by bringing up how Celestia always talked about letting her little ponies make their own decisions, which Twilight counter-countered by pointing out how God wanted Men to make their own decisions too, only the right decisions instead of the sinful ones.
Jon considered the argument while paying for their zoo admission and strolling into the sculpted paths that filled the area, trying to ignore the smug unicorn following behind. It was no wonder she had problems making friends if the hard-headed intransigence she had displayed over the last few days was typical. Obviously, attempting to change her mind by direct confrontation was a bust, but maybe he could wear her down by showing the advantages of friendship.
Of course, that was going to be harder than Twilight’s head.
At this rate, he was going to need a vacation from what he had originally thought was a vacation. At least the zoo offered a pleasant distraction from his worries. Whoever had designed the landscaping was an aesthetic genius, with smooth curving pathways that made the exhibits seem to be widely separated, open and welcoming locations for the animals that allowed far more interaction with the visitors than any human zoo, and even aerial signage and landing places for the pegasus population so they could flit around without being caged by the trees and bushes. There were no larger carnivores like lions or tigers, and far more birds than he expected, all kinds and colors that boggled the mind.
They had their lunch at a picnic table with an awning, because one side-effect of having so many birds was the aftereffect of bird feeding. Thankfully, being surrounded by so much wildlife had muted Twilight’s theological bent. Unthankfully, it had been replaced by an ornithological treatise on each of the species she could identify, along with an expressed longing to return to the castle library for help classifying the rest. And about half-way through lunch as Jon was finishing off the last delicious tuna fish sandwich, the interruption he had expected happened.
“Twilight!” Princess Cadence came galloping up to their table with a happy squeal, matched by Twilight Sparkle jumping off her seat to meet her. After some sort of silly dance that involved waving their rumps in the air, the two grinning mares dropped into the picnic table seats next to Jon.
“Mister Walthers,” she gushed, “what a pleasant surprise! Shining Armor and I were just out for an afternoon walk and we saw you two over here. How have you been finding our city?”
“Just fine, Your— I mean Cadence,” he quickly qualified at the young alicorn’s sharp, but still pleasant glance. “We just walked outside the castle and there it was.”
“Hello, sis.” Shining Armor strolled up to the table, giving his sister a gentle mane-ruffle, Spike a high-hoof, and Jon a guarded glance. The young guard was not in armor, but he was wearing a formal military jacket and bore signs of recent stringent scrubbing that left just a tinge of a familiar scent wafting from his dark blue mane and tail. The concept of inherited color among Equestrians was almost laughable, with orange pegasi giving birth to violet unicorn foals and the like, but there was a sense of similarity between the two unicorns that was easy to catch. Shining Armor had placed himself into a blocking position, much as the shield of his cutie mark indicated, and Jon felt a little better at not wearing his revolver under his jacket today.
In fact, both revolver and shoulder holster had vanished once Jon had fallen asleep that first night, which he had not really had time to think about. Why that had come to mind now was still a mystery, but he kept his smile, even when Cadence showed them where the zoo’s lovebirds had made their nest and after Shining Armor insisted on a side-trip to the monkey house.
It was well over an hour later while Shining Armor had taken Cadence and Spike to feed the ducks before Jon had an opportunity to talk privately with Twilight. Trying to start the conversation off on a light note, he casually remarked, “There are times today I’ve wondered if the zoo is for the benefit of the ponies to look at all the creatures, or to let the critters all watch the ponies.”
Twilight chortled. “Last time we were here, the zookeepers tried to catch Spike. They thought he had escaped his enclosure.”
The laughter was contagious. “Did he bite anypony?” asked Jon.
“No.” Twilight got more serious. “Actually, I did in the resulting scuffle. It was an accident, and he didn’t even need any stitches, but I was a little worried that the staff wasn’t going to let us in today.”
Jon was just the least bit suspicious that Twilight was pulling his leg, but he kept a straight face and watched the ducks swimming around, chasing the food pellets that Spike was throwing. It occurred to him that the mountain zoo was actually more of a vacation home for the animals where they could interact with their strange four-hooved neighbors in relative safety. It also explained the relative lack of carnivores. The period of silent contemplation had obviously included Twilight, because she heaved out a long sigh while keeping an eye on Spike.
“Sometimes, I feel like the animals in this zoo,” she admitted. “I get all tied up inside with what everypony wants me to do and I just want to curl up in a corner with a book until the stars come out and the world goes away.” Twilight stifled a small sniff on Jon’s pant leg. “I’m such a selfish pony. No wonder nopony likes me.”
Spike took that moment to come bounding up to them, babbling about the baby ducklings in the pond. Twilight dismissed him with a promise to come over in a few minutes to look and sent him running back with a fresh handful of duck food out of the feeder nearby. Jon tried his best to give the departing dragon a meaningful look and turned back to Twilight.
“Of course he likes me,” said Twilight Sparkle. “I hatched him. He thinks I’m his mother.”
“And your parents,” said Jon.
“They want grandfoals.” Twilight rolled her eyes. “They keep asking if I’ve found a stallion.”
“Cadence and your brother,” said Jon.
She brightened up with sparkles in her eyes and a happy smile. Alas, it was not to last, because Twilight proceeded to wilt like week-old lettuce in the face of reality. “They’re always so busy. I hadn’t even seen Shining Armor this month because he was off at some sort of secret training, and Cadence…”
“An alicorn is a hard role model to live up to,” said Jon. “And you’re been trying to live up to two of them. What about your study group in school?”
“They’re… nice, I suppose. I’ll have to introduce you to them. Just don’t get weirded out if Lyra licks your fingers or something bizzare like that. Some of them have moved away and left me, too.”
“Friends do that,” admitted Jon with a shrug. “The answer is to make more friends.”
“Oh, cool!” A small pegasus colt with a brilliant blue mane swept down out of the sky and hovered in front of the duck food dispenser, gazing at Jon with awestruck eyes. “Hey, Thunderlane! Come here and give me a bit for the food machine!”
“Wait up, little bro! Hey!” A brown pegasus stallion dropped down next to the little colt and gave Jon a cautious look. “You’re not an exhibit, are you?”
“No, just enjoying the day at the zoo,” said Jon. He got out a golden bit and stuck it into the machine, becoming an instant hero to the little colt who caught the duck food pellets in his forehooves.
“Thanks, mister! Do you want one before I go feed the ducks? Oh, okay. Thanks again!” The little colt buzzed off like a caffeinated hummingbird, leaving his older brother standing somewhat awkwardly nearby.
Before Jon could say anything, Twilight gave the pegasus a sharp look, most likely because of him interrupting their discussion, and let out a sigh once the young stallion had taken off to chase after his brother. “I just don’t know where to find new friends,” she said with a low moan. “It’s impossible.”
Jon took a look at the handsome departing pegasus and shook his head. “Yeah, it’s a mystery.”
- - Ω - -
After a long day of theological and zoological exploration, Jon still felt fairly perky while they walked back to the castle. Thankfully, the zoo staff had not thrown himself and Spike back into an exhibit, but it had taken an administrator to wave them through the exit.
If I had been stuck in there, at least I might have a bathtub I could fit into.
It was nearing shift change when they walked in a side door of the castle. The staff all nodded and said “Good evening” to Jon, which was better than the piercing shriek one of the young foals had given out at the zoo when he loomed around a corner faster than the young pony had expected. He smiled and nodded back at the passing servants, giving a sharp prod to Twilight Sparkle at his side in order to get her nose out of the zoo brochure she had brought along and similarly greet the friendly ponies headed home.
Just about the time Jon was considering how to slip by the kitchens and grab some leftovers for dinner, a unicorn mare came trotting up to them. The castle staffpony was obviously still at work because she was carrying a clipboard and a stiff attitude. She also seemed to have a chip on her shoulder, which showed in the clipped tones she used when addressing Twilight and Jon.
“Good evening, Lady Sparkle. Doctor Walthers. Spike.” The unicorn used her magic to press back a strand of her chocolate brown mane that was threatening to escape from the tight bun on top of her head. “You’re late. Princess Celestia is waiting on you in her private wireless room.”
Spike promptly flattened on Twilight’s back, putting both stubby arms as far around her neck as he could reach and locking his legs on either side of her barrel.
“What does she—” managed Jon before Twilight Sparkle shot away, dragging him along with her magic much as if a giant mitten had been clamped around his torso. He skidded along the marble tiles, barely able to get one foot or another down before Twilight would abruptly change direction to make a corner or head up a set of stairs. It was only by the smallest margin that he avoided being smacked into the doorframe when Twilight burst into a small room with a single table and the scratchy hissing of a wireless set in the background.
“I’m sorry!” she blurted out. “We spent too much time at the monkey house but they were chasing each other around and Spike was laughing and they were just being fed when—”
“Twilight.” Celestia did not raise her voice in the slightest, but Twilight Sparkle stopped talking so quickly that Jon could swear he heard her teeth click together. “Please be seated. Doctor Walthers, if you would be seated here.”
Spike had anticipated the request and was already climbing up into his chair, which was taller than a regular pony pillow since the table likewise was further up in the air than regular pony furniture. Jon settled down in his chair while Twilight climbed up into hers with such enthusiasm that she almost pulled the tablecloth off.
“You have not missed much,” said Celestia calmly. “Just the theme and one hymn. Eggplant?” A spoon descended into the uncovered dish in the center of the table and emerged with a cheesy dripping piece of the cooked vegetable in question. Jon moved his plate underneath it by reflex, and proceeded to fill the rest of his plate with the other vegetables on the table before Her Highness could offer him a second helping.
Twilight regarded the yellowish squash on her plate much like Dracula might look on the cross. She moved it to one side and served herself a goodly amount of sweet potato before Jon realized the voices speaking in the background were from a church radio program, and a few more minutes before he recognized the speakers.
“The Lutheran Hour, Your Highness?” he asked. “I had no idea you were a theist.”
“Oh. Well.” Celestia hid her feigned embarrassment behind a large bite of cheesy eggplant. “I had intended to surprise you with something familiar this evening, since you are so far from home. I’ve often listened to Doctor Maier in the evenings and find his sermons robust examples of fundamentalist Christianity. We correspond, and he sends me the albums they use for the program weekly.”
“Albums? You mean phonograph records?” Although Jon had turned to face Celestia, he could still see Twilight out of the corner of his eye, and it appeared from her anguished expression that the upcoming paper ‘Humans Are Icky Creatures with Original Sin’ was going up in metaphorical flames as they talked.
“Oh, yes.” Celestia chortled into her food for a moment as she continued eating. “I have a full collection, as well as most of the albums produced by Vatican radio and their transcripts.” Her expression flickered for a moment, and Jon could see an immense sadness behind those violet eyes. “His Holiness tried so hard to make peace, but in the end the wolves took over and now threaten to devour his sheep if he raises his voice beyond what they wish. Imprisoned in an ivory tower with no escape, and yet if he did manage to flee, there would be no reason for the Germans to remain outside the walls of the Vatican as they have so far.”
Jon lifted his glass out of some deep sense of responsibility to speak up for his species. “To peace and freedom for all under your sun, Your Highness.”
“You speak of two different things, Doctor Walthers.” Celestia was looking straight at him, but she had her glass of sparkling apple juice likewise lifted. “Freedom does not create peace in its wake, but rather war.”
“Then let there be war,” he said, “for peace without freedom is a terrible thing. And when the war is over, let peace rule alongside freedom forever.”
- - Ω - -
The rest of the meal, along with the radio program, proceeded much less dramatically. With no servants or other guests, the light conversation wandered across the zoo visit and Princess Cadence’s interactions, as well as funding for civil improvements and comments on atmospheric conditions that were causing the radio program to fade in and out. There were even a few words exchanged about the radio sermon when Celestia criticized the interpretation the minister was using for a prophecy of Daniel, Jon attempted to disagree, and wound up being put in his place by a full recitation of the verses in question in the original Aramaic, a correct translation, and a contextual analysis of the differences. It was fascinating on many levels to hear Celestia lecture, and by the time Jon finished the last crumbs of his cake, he was feeling a lot better about the day, and Twilight had quit twitching.
It was almost magical, the way Celestia’s presence brought peace to his nerves, and Jon hesitated to think of what Twilight Sparkle would have been like without her presence. After all, the smallish unicorn was so tense she could have been used as a guitar string most of the time. And yet, that same sense of majesty and tranquility must have been unbearably irritating to Celestia’s younger sister who found herself being measured by her divine rule, held in her shadow, and forever relegated to being the lesser light in the sky. Merely banishing Nightmare Moon and restoring Luna would not end the issue. It would take as much work or more than lifting the sun and moon to restore the stressed bonds of so long ago, and if Twilight Sparkle were actually to accomplish what Celestia desired, Jon only wished he could remain afterwards to watch the conflict resolution unfold. But no, that was highly unlikely. Once the Royal Sisters were reunited, Jon would share the fate of biblical Adam and be ejected from the garden, leaving Equestria enshrined in the fog of myths and legends for as long as humans played their games of war, which is to say forever.
“It is a pleasure to have you as a guest in my home,” said Celestia, scooting her cushion back and standing up, which was an unmistakable sign that the dinner was over. “It is my sincerest wish that we do this again next week, only I would like to bring an additional guest.”
“Oh, who is it?” asked Twilight with suddenly perked up ears. “Another teacher? Or a historian? Or—”
“It will be a surprise, Twilight,” chided Celestia gently. “Now, please go take your bath and go to bed. And don’t forget Spike,” she added when the little dragon let out a yawn. Celestia watched as the mismatched pair scurried out of the room, paused long enough to make sure they were not listening at the door, then turned to Jon. “Mister Walthers. Any progress in friendship?”
“One moment.” Jon went to look out the door, then came back, shaking his head. “God only knows, and he’s not telling.”
“Mister Walthers,” said Celestia in the calmest of voices, “in my experience, one generally has to ask for information such as that. So with that in mind, have you or my student made any new friends today?”
“There’s a little pegasus colt who I think wants to take me home and keep me in his backyard,” admitted Jon. “A couple of very confused monkeys in the zoo who were just fascinated about how I managed to get out of the cage. And I met Shining Armor.” A set of silent facts clicked into place in his head, and Jon added, “Does your guard use guns, Ma’am? Because he smelled just slightly of cordite.”
Celestia’s horn glowed briefly, and Jon was fairly sure a security spell had just been thrown over the room. Apparently, there were limits to asking for information. “That is none of your business, Lieutenant Walthers.”
“That’s not a no,” said Jon, “but it is a good sign that I should shut my yap. Right?”
Celestia gave a slow nod. “I will not lie to you, Mister Walthers. But that does not mean you should know everything.”
“That’s your job, I suppose,” mused Jon. “Still, if you knew everything, you wouldn’t be in this situation. I mean having to rely on a human to teach your student about friendship, that is.” Jon shrugged. “I can’t even get her to take a bath.”
“My student bathes every evening.” The sincerity in Celestia’s expression wavered, but she did not contradict herself when Jon gave an involuntary sniff.
“I smell like a zoo too, I suppose. If I may be excused, Your Highness, I think I’m going to try to take a bath myself.”
Celestia gestured with a wingtip. “You may go.”
- - ☾ - -
The castle at night was warm lamplight and cold shadows, small islands of safety with oceans of unknown. It made Jon wish he had brought his flashlight when he first left the room in the pre-dawn murk, even if he would have been dragging it all over town. Taking a unicorn along had been a good idea, but Twilight was not very portable, and she had wandered back to her room already. Unicorns were the Swiss Army Knife of ponies, able to provide light or open a can or probably even find their way back to a room without blundering up and down the corridors. It would be nice to have that kind of power. Then again, he would look awfully funny with a horn sticking out of his head.
About the time Jon decided it was more interesting to explore the darkened hallways, which were about as safe as anything he had ever found in Equestria so far, he found a familiar intersection that led to his suite. Without a unicorn to provide light or a ball of string to unwind after him, further exploration of the castle would only wind up with him getting lost again and winding up in some darkened hallway waiting for the morning shift to come in and point the way back to where he was now.
So he strolled up to his doorway, and the lone pegasus on guard there. Numbering the rooms would have made it easier in the darkened corridor to identify exactly which of them was his. Instead, every room in the castle was labelled in precise Equestrian text like ‘Sunflower Rain’ or ‘Gloomy Skies,’ which provided absolutely no navigation help at all. If he had to make a guess, the rooms were each memorials for some sort of politician or diplomat lost to history, immortalized in gold leaf letters and an embossed cutie mark.
“Good evening, sir,” said Jon. The guard did not respond, of course, but he was just ever so slightly shorter than the other other guards Jon had seen so far, and held his… that is her wings far too rigidly for them to be the feathery appendages they were supposed to be. Jon slipped one hand under the thin steel plates that were supposed to protect the guard’s neck and rubbed up against the knots concealed beneath. The resulting smile helped him think, and Nightshade gave a quiet grunt while he massaged the knots into submission.
“It’s been another heck of a day,” admitted Jon to the mute guard. “All kinds of things I never expected to find here. A church. A zoo. Ducks, for some reason. I met Shining Armor, did I mention I met Shining Armor?” he asked, receiving only another grunt in reply. “Wonderful stallion. I understand he’s the youngest Captain of the Household Regiment in several centuries. Oh, and I had dinner with Twilight Sparkle and Princess Celestia again, only this time we listened to the Lutheran Hour on the wireless set. A day full of unexpected events indeed.”
The guard did not respond, although Jon began to get a chill in his gut. “You’re not Nightshade, are you?”
“No, sir,” said the guard in a pleasant tenor while craning his neck forward. “A little higher, please. I’m not used to the armor. I don’t know how the regular guard manages this every day.”
“You’re not a Royal Guard?” asked Jon, although while rubbing higher on the stallion’s neck as requested.
“Nosir,” said the guard with another grunt. “I’m an actor still in school. My guard name’s Green Mountain, a sixth year in Education. We’re filling in for the guards on a temporary basis, and getting pretty good money for it too. That doesn’t bother you, does it sir?”
“Not… really.” Jon thought back to Shining Armor and the scent of cordite in his mane, which made him take a surreptitious sniff of the actor/temp who only smelled of jasmine and the faint scent of old beer. Really, he was not sure what could be proven if the school stallion smelled of gunpowder weapons, so he continued while rubbing his neck, “I’m sure they’re doing something important, and I can’t think of anybody who would want to attack me.”
Other than whoever put a firebomb into the flying boat’s gasoline tank, but they should be thousands of miles away.
“Thank you, sir.” The guard/actor straightened up and shook out his neck to rearrange his armor with a clatter, leaving Jon to take a step back. “Is there anything else we can do for you tonight?”
“That has a whole different context coming from you rather than who I expected to find here,” mused Jon.
“Sir?” asked the guard in a deeper pleasant baritone that contrasted with his baffled look.
“Never mind, Mister Green Mountain,” said Jon. “Is there anything I can do for you instead?”
“Not really,” said the guard. “We were getting a little worried that you had not shown up yet. The guard on Sunstroke at the Secondary Wireless Room reported you were on the way here quite some time ago.”
“Got lost,” admitted Jon with a yawn. “I better get to bed, then. Tomorrow morning is going to arrive far too early, so I’m going to take a bath and crash.”
The guard looked as if he were going to object, but settled back into his guarding pose and allowed Jon to go into his dark rooms. A flick of the light switch lit up the diamond chandelier in the bedroom with a soft warm glow, just like it would have in a human hotel with a penchant for dramatic overspending. He untied his shoes and dropped them by the door before peeling out of the rest of his clothes on the way to the bedroom closet. Everything still vaguely smelled of zoo, so he draped the clothes over a low Equestrian chair and turned for the bathroom, which from the humidity and scent of soap had a bath all ready for him to drop his naked body into.
He did not expect the bathroom to be occupied by a similarly naked pony.
Before he could even reach the bathroom door, it popped open in a puff of warm air and a damp batpony darted out into his bedroom, right up to where he was standing. “Mister Walthers, I didn’t know you cared.” Using her wings, Nightshade popped up just far enough to brush her lips across his bristly chin before landing on the tile floor again and tossing him the damp towel. “Eww, stinky monkey. Go take a bath. I’d stay and corrupt your morals, but I’ve got duty in about now. Get my hind legs, please.”
One damp furry thigh was nearly pushed into Jon’s face as the slender batpony fairly did a handstand, or forehoofstand more accurately, and waved the shapely appendage in his direction. After a quick toweling to dry each of them, Nightshade slipped into her armor in several brisk motions and vanished out the front door to take up her motionless guarding pose, with only minor tail-wagging in his direction that could just have been to finish drying her tail. Well, probably not, with as high as she was carrying it.
“She’s got the world’s shortest commute,” he muttered. “I guess I’ll have to put up with damp towels for my bath. And hair in the tub,” he added after a look in the soapy water.
He could not help but think of the flirty batpony while bathing in the same soapy water she had just used. There was a hidden sense of desperation in her actions that fit uncomfortably with what Celestia had shown him about Germany’s chemical weapons programs. Undoubtedly what she had been through with the dead earth pony chemist was tying her up inside, and the absence of her previous human partner left her with nopony to talk to about her grief. Which left an unsuitable human for her, a man with an advanced degree in not understanding what ponies were about at all, and who had been hijacked into teaching friendship, a subject for which he had even less talent.
Perhaps she’s as odd a duck as I am here.
After due consideration and sufficient bubble bath, his situation was actually not all that bad, and once Jon had finished his bath, he—
“Oh, now this is too much,” he muttered. Taking the offending instrument, he stalked in the direction of the suite door, doubled back to wrap a towel around his waist, then returned to the front door and opened it with deliberate intent.
“Miss Nightshade,” he began. “I do not begrudge you the convenience of a bath when I am not using my tub. Likewise, the use of my towels, because there are enough in the bathroom to dry a battalion. But this?” He produced his toothbrush, still damp and frazzled. “There are some things a man should not share. Please replace it.”
One of the two identical pegasus guards looked aghast. The other giggled. Turning to the culprit, Jon handed over his abused toothbrush and gently patted her on the helmet.
Then he returned to his suite, got a dry pair of boxer shorts, and slipped beneath the bedcovers for a dreamless night of slumber.
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A man has to set limits in a relationship somewhere. A toothbrush is a good place to start.
Dr. Walter Maier was a Lutheran Hour speaker for twenty years, from 1930 to 1950, and has left behind a legacy of many, many fascinating sermons. I think the LH was still broadcasting some of them as filler over the last year.
And if any of you think Green Mountain is familiar, since he's a sixth year education major who was into the acting program, consider that he's operating under an alias, since this is a 'Temp' position. Try using a last name of Grass and see if he's a little more recognizable.
I've seen those people!
We finally get a little peek into Twilight's perspective on her relationships with other ponies. Poor mare. It can't be easy, feeling you're not good enough because everyone you know and compare yourself to is basically at the top of the pyramid.
That was certainly interesting! I think you handled the bits about the church-going ponies quite well, demonstrating ponies on both side without making either look like a strawman or getting too tied up on any really specific theological arguments. I admit Im still confused by Celestia though; she snapped at Jon and "doesnt approve" of the church service, even though she herself listens to sermons on record and didnt mind Twilight sitting in on a radio sermon? This makes me even more curious where she stands and if she is really as disapproving as she acted earlier. Either way, I like the church ponies, it was sweet of them to invite Jon and MAN your delicious descriptions of Equestrian food are killing me. XD
Regarding Twilight, the fact that she recognizes she doesn't have a lot of friends seems like progress! At least she is showing a desire to make friends! That provides some motivation; now Jon just needs to figure out how to teach her how to open up and allow ponies to befriend her.
9279936
To me it sounded like Celestia doesn't want a viewpoint forced on Twilight, but is fine with her being exposed to differing opinions on religion. Basically indoctrination bad, exposure good.
9279941
Ah, that makes sense! I like that, thank you. :)
I think we may now know why he is waking up naked every morning. I am starting to wonder if this Twilight may be on the spectrum and she simply missed a chance to hand with a handsome stallion. I think Celestia needs to sit down with Shining Armor and review what is appropriate behavior regarding treatment of her new teacher for Twilight.
NOPONY EXPECTES THE EQUESTRIAN INQUISITION!
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/ru/thumb/1/10/Spanish_Inquisition_%28Monty_Python%29.jpg/250px-Spanish_Inquisition_%28Monty_Python%29.jpg
At this rate, Jon's going to earn a doctorate through sheer quantity of belief that he already has one.
I especially love how Celestia offered Seven Harmonious Suggestions.
At least Twilight wants friends. The problem is she has no idea where or how to look for them. There's no checklist, no procedure, no guidebook. Bookhorse does not deal well with unwritten rules. That she believes herself to be fundamentally unlikeable isn't helping matters.
And those hints of military action... the unpleasantness may be closer than Bunnykins realizes.
Does Nightshade's behavior count as stalking/sexual harassment?
I can't help feeling Celestia's feeling overly optimistic. So far Jon's had zero luck with Twilight, and the likelihood of her being able to fulfill her role seems less and less possible by the day. Does she really think Luna will be there with her and everything will be fine and good and right in a week?
Plus there's the war.
I'm calling it, Twilight stole his gun
9279941 Yeah, Equestrians can be susceptible to cults that indoctrinate their members into strange rituals, such as giving up their cutie marks and living in isolated communities under the benign leadership of their cult leader. Of course, that is in the future at this point in the story. Right now, Starlight Glimmer is running a small socialist organization in Manehattan, making speeches and secretly communicating with her USSR contacts while building a militaristic organization with arms smuggled to her by the German and Soviet armed forces. Revolution!
9280194 And forged a note from her beloved teacher? I think not.
9280180 Trust in Harmony. And planning. If you watch carefully, you can see the motions behind the scenes.
9280124 She needs a book. Written for purple antisocial unicorns, not people.
9280088 There are sections of the country here where the inquisition breaking through the door would be followed by focused fire and a belated call to 911 after the noise dies down. "Yeah, Police? A half-dozen weirdos broke into my house. Can you send a bunch of ambulances? No hurry."
9280073 The night staff is so caring. The poor dear just keeps falling asleep in his clothes every night.
9279919 Yeah, Estee does the 'impostor syndrome Twilight' so well. Love every story in the collection.
9279913 And they can't fly or anything. :)
9279936
Considering the low-key deity status Celestia has, approval would be akin to endorsement. Which would lead to a misconstrued removal of choice, and that's not really her style when it comes to nonpolitical things. Even the morals she espouses are called "suggestions".
9280377 Ghost of Heraclitus and his Civil Service does a wonderful job of referencing Celestia's balancing act in which she is both a Princess of the Realm and a modest goddess, who performs her part-time goddess activities during brief breaks from her princess duties. For a man with only four posted stories, he's a legend. There's a line (which I can't find) where Dotted Line muses about being a good Monodeist when growing up, only to change his religion when a *second* alicorn showed up in Equestria, then there is Luna and it's now three. It is reflected when Lord Trottingham insists that Twilight Sparkle is being groomed to become an alicorn, and Dottie smacks down that line of questioning with great vigor.
Then Twilight becomes an alicorn
And Ghost got bugged by people to write a "Then what happened?" He did, with great vigor.
9280377
A good point! Still, there is a difference between approving of ponies meeting together over a shared religion you dont follow, and actively endorsing that religion. It's like a mayor encouraging Muslims to feel comfortable meeting together and promising their rights will be protected, even though the mayor is not Muslim. The wording here and Celestia's surprising touchiness at the idea of Jon sharing his religion with Twilight seem to more strongly indicate DISapproval, not just a lack of endorsement, which struck me as incongruous with her then privately studying one of those faiths with apparent enjoyment and interest. That's why I find myself confused about her actual position; these two stances don't quite make sense to me coming from the same person, so I'm trying to reckon it out in my own head.
9280194
I doubt it was Twilight. After all, Shining Armor is the one who smells like gunpowder, and he was away for some secret military thing. Probably they’d be using the pistol for testing: If anyone can work out an effective defense against a ballistic projectile, it’d be Shining Armor, but that isn’t the issue here.
The issue is that she used. His. Toothbrush. You can’t do that!
Because you just can’t, ok?!
So, Celestia seems to have started her own weapons development program... interessting.
Oh, hmm.
Twilight wants to be like Celestia.
Does Celestia have friends?
9280088
banner2.kisspng.com/20180522/ivu/kisspng-the-spanish-inquisition-pony-croolik-inquisition-5b0409122f3840.5133614015269911221934.jpg
I know there's a better one out there but I'm lazy
Well, a book is a book.
Oh no.
Hah!
Whatever could be the problem.
Nightshade is very interested, or something.
9280704
An excellent point.
9280124
Training for war while the world burns is not all that different than the preparations the US was doing prior to Pearl Harbor. Celestia is trying to prepare for the worst, as world wars tend to suck unwary nations into the void.
9281362 Particularly since there's been a German U-boat parked in the Manehattan harbor for the last few months due to 'engine trouble' which prevents it from leaving. Oddly enough, the Germans get shore leave, mingle with the Embassy in Manehattan, play tourist, all the things a warship which is supposed to be at war normally doesn't. Can you say spy?
9280925 Twilight can be so blind to the trees in the forest.
9280704 An extremely good point. Watch for it later.
9280478 If nothing else, she can organize the ponies who came back from Europe into research teams to take advantage of their exposure to new things.
9280475 I've been married to my wife for over thirty years. We've never used each other's toothbrushes. Those two sentences are related.
9280462 She's just being protective. You never know what kind of weirdo ideas ponies will glom onto and turn into a cult.
9281385 More or less, yeah. My school system never had Latin, so what I know I pick up from quotations and the occasional bit of taxonomy.
9281385 I don't get mine for another two more levels but I use my ADHD ability to distract myself perpetually.
While Jon can be a bit misanthropic at times, at least he's a die hard patriot!
Y'know, reading this chapter was surprisingly good the third time around.
I found C.S. Lewis quite interesting, as he's one of the few non-Seventh Day Adventists to comprehend the point of the war in heaven and the battle between the 'freedom' from God's laws pushed by Satan and the freedom brought about by following the law of God.
It may be partially summed by the notion that hedonism becomes a perpetual prison constructed by its adherent.
Wait until Discord shows up. If an immortal creature with nigh-infinite powers is not a 'god', then what could possibly fit the bill?
Of course, in Discord's case he both looks and acts the part of a devil.
Why not? I've found them to be very friendly indeed.
Celestia: ...but if I find Twilight taking Catholic oaths...
Also Celestia: Do you want to listen to Lutheran hours, I also correspond with the Pope...
deu should be dieu
Sounds like a brony convention, lol. Heehee, I'm just kidding.
I checked online after reading this part, and there are apparently more than 30,000 versions of Christianity. That’s just insane, and makes me wonder how anyone can believe this religious nonsense when people can split one little book into tens of thousands of different beliefs.
Too
9925486 You know I did that twice, Chapter 8 and 11.
9581475 That's what I get for Google Translate. Ty.
It's not that complicated, jessus. Just sent Twilight to Ponyvile
What's up with that anyway? Who keeps taking it?
You can always pretend you're Jewish
Well, she's is throwing Twilight Sparkle (who is most decidedly a virgin) against a problem that would erupt volcanoes
Welp, no point pretending to be Jewish then
Oh, so Cadence wasn't referring to Shining Armor after all
C'mon. You know she's going to give the poor pastor a list of historical inaccuracies at the end of it all
Goddammit. Bronies ruining it again
Ahh, of course. They brought the religion with them.
Also, lol, Fancy Pants's Maison de Pantalons.
Nightshade... shy. Wow, do they ever have her pegged wrong
Also, they already did it beforehand, the more rural way.
Oh no
Ah, we're shifting to religious engineering debates
C'mon, when are you finally going to actually tell us that theory?
Yea, the only way she'll make friends at this rate is if she built them out of books and animated them by magic
Well, you came to the right place to ask for divine aid, at least
Oof. Yea, she clearly doesn't know about Celestia's little encounter with the Deadly Sin of Pride.
Yea, take her to some hick town in the middle of nowhere, where she can meet some completely new ponies! I bet that'll work
Oh how droll! I bet the two of you just completely coincidentally happened to walk into each other, with no pre-planning whatsoever!
She's... actually opening up to him though. Interesting.
Indeed, her brother has Cadence. So why are they pestering Twilight about it?
"No, but now I feel like one. Thanks for that."
Oof.
Welp. Celestia just went Twilight Sparkle on his ass
Ha. Her sincerest wish, indeed.
Oh. Secret training. I see.
Saw that coming
Yea, as if those will still be on in the morning
Remarks and corrections:
> so this was about as unexpected as finding out Celestia was planning an upcoming virgin sacrifice to the volcano gods.
Is that meant to be "would be planning"? I mean, actual parallels of throwing The Nerdicorn at the volcanoes problem aside.
> so you’re being a Methodist is fine.
I think that should be "your being a Methodist"
> Mon deiu! I did not expect you to be breaking your fast with us
Misspelled the French part! That should be "Mon Dieu". And, gods are generally capitalised, especially by believers.
> because there enough in the bathroom to dry a battalion
Missing word: "because there [are] enough"
11601980 Ok, it took me forever, but I got those fixed.