7. Love Conquers All
Equestria : 1940
Saturday 15 June - Canterlot, Equestria
“But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love”
— 1 Corinthians 13:13
There was one aspect of ponies that had always perplexed Jon Walthers. No matter where they were or what they were doing, they always had an acute sense of timing that baffled him. Well, except for Twilight Sparkle, whose sense of timing was exquisitely poor. In college, the pegasi would swoop in through an open window to their seat before the bell finished ringing, or unicorns would finish the last question on a test at the exact moment they were to be picked up, despite the fact he had never seen one wearing a watch. They carried watches, of course, mostly used as visual props to indicate that they were about to terminate a conversation and head over to an important appointment.
When the alarm rang at the head of Jon’s bed without the presence of Twilight Sparkle taking notes on her human specimen, he considered himself lucky. About half-way across the cold floor to the bathroom, stark naked again despite having been wearing underwear when he had gone to bed, his luck ran out and then some.
Princess Mi Amore Cadenza came dancing through his suite door with all the enthusiasm and joy of a sugar-juiced toddler being dropped off in a toy store with a chubby fist full of bills.
“Good morning, Doctor!” The pretty pink princess kissed Jon on the cheek⁽*⁾ as she glided past, not stopping her happy bubbling for an instant. “I see they put you into the Minos VIP room, but they didn’t get you a duvet for the foot end of the bed to keep your toesies warm! Oh, you poor thing! I’ll have a word with Bunnykins this afternoon and get you one with a lambs-wool lining, since it can be so chilly up here at night and you humans are so fragile. Is the colonial style bed too confining, because we can have that swapped out for a larger one while you’re out with Twilight and me on our tour of the city today and won’t this be great?”
(*) His face. Not the… other cheek.
She ended her burst of words with a girlish squeal and stopped in front of Jon to look him straight in the eyes. Although Celestia with horn included was technically taller than Jon, Princess Cadenza only really came up to his bare chest. The gust of cool air across his naked front made him look up through the suite doorway where he could see Spike and Twilight Sparkle, who were thankfully not laughing. Twilight was taking notes, of course, but Jon’s main goal at the moment was to get a pair of pants.
When he moved to one side with the intention of escaping to the sanctuary of the bathroom, Princess Cadenza took his forward motion as an enthusiasm to get started with the day. She paralleled his path with a brush of her soft, warm coat, feeling much like sun-warmed thistledown against his bare rump, and nudged him toward the door with another burst of words.
“And you can just call me Cadence, because all of my friends do. I thought we’d take in the upper end of Restaurant Row first, because they have the best breakfast fruit pastries in the city, then go shopping in the bazaar until noon, and I’ll show you the most exquisite place for lunch you’ve ever eaten at. Then we can drop in at Twilight’s house and I’ll introduce you to her parents, because every young mare in a relationship should introduce him to the parents before things get too intense and foals come along, and just because the two of you can’t have foals, doesn’t mean you should skip out on—”
“Wait!” said Jon, getting one hand onto the doorframe to avoid being swept naked out into the hallway. “I need to get dressed, first.”
“Why?” Cadence looked him up and down once and added, “You look fine, Doctor Walthers. If it really concerns you, we can go shopping for clothes after breakfast, although why you would want to hide such a handsome—”
Jon bolted into the bathroom, grabbed a towel to cover his nakedness, and darted back out into the bedroom to pick out something appropriate for walking around the city. His rapid track back into the privacy of the bathroom was only accelerated by Twilight Sparkle casually remarking to the princess, “He was smaller yesterday.”
* * ✹ * *
One casual sport coat and khakis later, Jon found himself fairly flying through the hallways of the castle with Twilight and Spike at his side. The dragon had the advantage of being able to ride on Twilight Sparkle’s back, and Cadence had offered to let him ride instead of running, but that had ‘Bad Idea’ written all over it in letters of fire ten feet tall. Even if Celestia’s sister returned and condemned the world to eternal darkness, some photographer would have taken their picture before then and the last newspapers of the Apocalypse would feature it.
Equestrian Princess Takes Human Lover.
(Also, World To End in Darkness.)
The whirl and blur of Canterlot surrounded them for the next several hours, from the passage through a fruit-filled breakfast to a personal and guided tour of every booth, shop, and private crafter that the great city seemed to have tucked into whatever corner or attic a pony could fit. Everypony they met knew Cadence, from the odd nobles out for a walk down to the lowest tree-trimmer, which seemed to be a perfect lesson on friendship for Twilight.
A lesson which she was not learning at all.
The problem, determined Jon after a few whirlwind hours, was much the same as Princess Celestia’s sizable shadow. All of the ponies they met were overjoyed to see Cadence, fascinated by Spike, and Twilight just slipped into third or even fourth place, once Jon’s role as ‘weird foreign human’ began to take shape. It seemed as if the only way to get Twilight to make friends was to take somepony even less interesting than her and to push—
Oh.
There had to be something Jon could do to get Twilight out of such sizable shadows, since he was the designated friendless friend-promoter. A quick trip to the US on board the Army OV-10 was out of the question, because Jon had caught a glance at a newspaper yesterday with an article about the terrible seaplane ‘accident’ that had caught one wing on fire out in the Manehattan harbor. The harbor fire patrol had been quick to put it out, which only made Jon curious about what kind of clouds they kept that could put out a gasoline fire, but the important part was that the only quick mechanical transport to the mainland was out of commission for a few days, or until the Army rearranged its air assets to free up another seaplane. That really did not leave Jon with much ‘friendship studies’ to work with other than ‘Trust in Harmony.’
Then again, if the end of the world arrived as scheduled in a few days, he might as well enjoy the trip.
Lunch was, as Cadence had touted, at the most snobbiest and fanciest restaurant Jon could even imagine. There were no prices on the menus, or even menus for that matter. Just endless lines of waitponies dressed in the finest silk tuxedos who guided them to their reserved table with a music and dance number that even Cadence got into.
Then came the food. Oh, the food! Sauteed, fried, roasted, toasted, caramelized or raw, topped with sour cream and frosting and little bits of fruits or vegetables cut into clever shapes. In the middle of it all was even a small-sized portion of salmon, poached in wine sauce and tender enough to almost melt on his tongue, but he only got the chance for one bite before Cadence finished it off. Even Spike was pampered with enough jewel-encrusted delicacies that Jon seriously wondered how a city with only one dragon in it could possibly have recipes that covered such a broad expanse of mineral cuisine.
Then, stuffed and somnambulant, the four of them proceeded onto a carriage outside of the restaurant and began a leisurely ‘tourist’ trip around Canterlot. From the ground level, thankfully, because Jon was not positive at what would happen if he were to ride on a flying chariot today, but it most probably would involve a littering charge and some very upset pony on the ground underneath him.
Cloudsdale would have been a completely different tour, since some parts of the city had not seemed to connect at all with others, but Canterlot was built for ground-bound ponies with only a few concessions to the airborne types. The way it spiraled around the massive castle in huge arcs and vast open spaces reminded Jon of Mont Saint-Michel in Normandy, writ large. Tolkien would have felt completely at ease here, portraying the city as some combination of Man’s instinct to build on vast scales and the Elves’ appreciation for artistic flair. It was distinctly a peaceful pony place, though. There were no siege structures or arrow slits, and all of the doors were built to remain open and inviting. Once the tour was away from the castle, there were not even any of the gold-clad guards to keep an eye out for invading human armies.
Cadence was a gracious host, being careful not to draw attention to the discolored patch on the tallest tower on the castle where it was said that Celestia had her rooms. However, every pony he met out on the street seemed to look at Jon, take a quick glance up at where Wrong-Way Corrigan had engaged in his accidental remodeling of the Royal Bedchambers, then return to looking at him as if they were willing to forgive one such incident, but he was on notice that any such future behavior on his behalf would be met with a severe scolding.
They probably think I’m a spy. If so, I’m pretty pathetic. I didn’t even get my camera out of my luggage.
The tour wound up in a middle-class section of town, filled with tidy rowhouses adorned in flowered windowboxes that Jon figured would serve as both beautification and a convenient source for pony snack food. The section of rowhouse where the carriage halted had a line of colorful flags out front, each of which was adorned with a cutie mark, one of which was familiar.
“I really don’t want to take Doctor Walthers to see Mom and Dad,” said Twilight Sparkle, sounding resigned to disappointment.
“And we’re here!” announced Cadence, bounding out of the carriage as if she were part goat. “Doctor Walthers, welcome to House Twinkle, one of the first unicorn houses to be established in Canterlot.”
“One of about fifty,” grumbled Twilight, although she followed Jon out of the carriage.
“I’ll go tell Twilight we’re here!” Cadence bounded inside the building while Spike walked up beside Jon with a sniff.
“Smells like she knows we’re coming,” said Spike. “Chocolate-chip alfalfa cookies, if I’m not mistaken.”
“Oh, honey! You’re early!” A white unicorn who could only have been Twilight Sparkle’s mother came hustling out of the house and swept the other Twilight up in a quick nuzzling hug with a kiss on the cheek, then added a kiss on top of the head for Spike. “And your handsome human!” she added, looking up. “I’ve heard so much about him.”
“Mom, this is Doctor Walthers,” said Twilight Sparkle, both polite and a little stiff. “Doctor Jon Walthers, this is Twilight Velvet, my mother.”
“Gut Shabbes, Rabbi Walthers,” said Twilight Velvet, switching effortlessly into perfect Hebrew and streaming onto several more sentences in rapid succession which he could not even pick out individual words.
“Actually, I don’t speak Hebrew very well,” said Jon quickly when Twilight Velvet hesitated to inhale. “English would work much better.”
“Oh! Well, then. Charmed to meet you,” said the older unicorn, sticking out a hoof for Jon to shake. “And a doctor, too. Oy! Are you and my little Twilight playing—”
“Mother!” Twilight Sparkle held a hoof over her mother’s mouth and scowled, although her expression only darkened when a darker blue unicorn emerged from the house with a bright smile.
“Did I hear that my daughter brought home an English doctor?” Shaking hooves right next to his wife, the unicorn continued, “I’m Night Light, Doctor Walthers. So are you and my daughter—”
“Dad!” Displaying very good balance for a hoofed quadruped, Twilight Sparkle kept a forehoof in the mouths of each of her parents while attempting to made a dismissive smile that looked a little like an ongoing psychotic episode instead.
“They’re not collaborating on a research project together,” said Spike. “Doctor Walthers is a doctor in friendship studies. Isn’t that right?”
“Um… Just call me Jon, please.”
- - Ω - -
It was such an ordinary home that Jon expected to see his own parents busy in the kitchen, or an uncle relaxing in one of the overstuffed chairs in the den. Neat and tidy as a pin, Twilight Velvet ruled over her domestic tranquility with a rigidity of mental discipline that many US Marine drill sergeants would have envied. Everything in the kitchen was labelled, both in Equestrian and Latin, and even the family photographs on the walls were arranged in chronological sequence. The father, however, did not follow exactly in the hoofsteps of his wife, but instead rode the wake of her transit like a Polynesian surfer.
Embarrassing photographs of Twilight Sparkle at a much younger age were produced, along with a few 8mm movies of her early years when she was stumbling around the house on unsteady hooves while carrying books, hiding in a book fort of impressive structural design, or proudly annihilating her opponents in the school spelling bee. A certain older male colt showed in several of the photos, and a little gentle prodding revealed that he was Twilight’s older brother, Shining Armor, who was currently the fastest promoted stallion in the Royal Guard. Cadence gained a cute pinkness to her cheeks when talking about him, although she insisted there was absolutely, positively, without a doubt, nothing romantic going on between them other than perhaps a few occasions where they just happened to be in the same place at the same time.
“I can’t tell you how honored we are to have you in our home today, Doctor Walthers.” Twilight Velvet had an unbreakable smile just one step short of a psycho killer sharpening a knife by the time the house tour was over, the photographs had all been shown, and Twilight Sparkle had been rooted out of her old room twice for ‘just one minute while I pick up a book.’
“What my wife is trying to say, Doctor Walthers, is that we have a special surprise for you.” Night Light appeared, dressed in a necktie and nothing else, which would have been absurd for a human but was perfectly normal for ponies. He lit up his horn and several golden theatre tickets floated over from the nearby table.
“First-run tickets to see the Wonderful Wizard of Oz at the Canterlot Regal,” declared Velvet proudly. “I know how much you like to see the Golden Cloud pictures, Twi Twi. Oz is supposed to have four of his stablemates in it.”
“Mom!” protested Twilight.
“Golden Cloud?” asked Jon. “I don’t remember any movie actors… Oh. Trigger.”
“She calls him ‘Goldie’ in her letters,” whispered Spike.
“Spike!” snapped Twilight. “I haven’t written him any fan letters in months. Besides,” she huffed, “it’s not like he can write back.”
“We can talk about it on the way there,” said Twilight Velvet, hustling them all out the door, including Cadence. “You should have heard the way Twi squealed when Goldie showed up onscreen in Robin Hood. You would have thought Seabiscuit had walked right in and wanted to give her another autograph.”
Spike coughed into one clawed hand. “She’s a member of the Seabiscuit Fan Club too.”
- - Ω - -
The stroll through Canterlot with Twilight was a little like a family of unicorns taking their pet human out for exercise. Hooves were pointed, quiet whispers were exchanged between interested onlookers, and just about every single one of the ponies out on the streets followed their inquisitive look at the odd human with a quick check of the distant castle and the discolored smear across the tallest tower left by the last human visitor to their city. It was much like Wrong Way Corrigan was a neighbor who left dog poo behind on his first dog walking, and ever since then, that was all the other neighbors could talk about.
First impressions of the ponies aside, Jon was having a very good time. He was surrounded by ponies without a human being in a hundred miles, a situation he had never expected and most likely would never experience again. Other people, even researchers, would go a little squirrely at being so apart from their species. Jon was finding it oddly restful to walk through a city without beggars on the streets or the possibility of somebody sticking a knife in his back for his wallet.
There was a line of polite ponies all chatting amiably to each other while waiting their turn at the theatre, which would have been a good place to teach a friendship lesson to Twilight Sparkle. The golden tickets proved otherwise, as their party was swept in the door by an earth pony usher in a uniform that would not have been out of place in the sprawling Munitions Building in D.C. where the army generals were as thick as flies.
The rest of the theatre looked quite similar to Celestia’s small private room in the castle, only with more space to spread out the decoration, which allowed the decorator to really go wild with crystal chandeliers and leaded glass mirrors everywhere the eye lingered. Electric lights lit roped-off busts of famous movie stars such as Rin Tin Tin and Cheetah the chimpanzee, although the human costars did not seem to warrant quite the same honors. There were mirrored panels of famous comedians such as the Marx brothers and child actors like Shirley Temple, and even one panel devoted to Harry Houdini, although he suspected it was in the theatre primarily because of Princess Celestia standing to his side, examining a set of handcuffs. Over it all stood a tall diorama of Charlie Chaplin, mustache and all, gesturing to the hallway leading to the projection room.
To Jon’s embarrassment, he did not have any local currency for the concessions. Thankfully, Night Light braved the line to acquire provisions while the rest of the group trooped along behind Twilight Velvet to find the best seats their early admission could warrant, after a quick and quite mandatory bathroom break.
“You washed your hooves… I mean hands, right?” Twilight Velvet examined his fingers, giving a slight sniff at the few particles of dirt under his nails but otherwise giving him a pass from his bathroom visit.
“Yes, Mother.” Jon tried his best to sound like Twilight Sparkle, and was rewarded by a startled double-take from the older mare. “It must have been difficult raising such a brilliant young filly like your daughter. Did she have many friends before Princess Celestia took her in as a student?”
“Not really. Well, other than Cadence and Miss Smarty Pants. That’s a doll,” clarified Twilight Velvet. “Then there was that bunch of troublemakers she ran around with before Celestia’s school, but she’s drifted away from most of them. It’s a shame, because she could use a little more trouble in her life.” Velvet looked up at Jon with a definite twinkle in her eyes and the start of a mischievous smile. “You know, we’ve just about given up trying to find a young stallion for her, but there are alternatives, and there’s always adoption for foals. Remember Robert Donat in Goodbye, Mr Chips. He was well on the way to being an old hermit when the love of a young woman brought them both happiness.”
“Life is not a movie, Missus Velvet. We have choices in our lives that do not exist on a script, and I really don’t think I’m—” Jon took a glance over his shoulder to make sure Twilight Sparkle was still in the bathroom “—suitable for your daughter.”
Twilight Velvet gave a little half-twist to her head that made her look very human and fixed Jon with a sincere look. “I edit books, Mister Walthers. I’m well aware that real life is not so easily changed or translated into pony terms. My husband is an astronomer, and he likewise is familiar with stubborn facts in the sky that refuse to budge to our will. You, on the other hoof, have survived several days with my daughter and remain un-blown-up with most of your sanity intact. You may think you’re not right for my daughter, but when you find your special somehuman, you may just discover something new and special about yourself.”
- - Ω - -
Jon had never seen a movie twice in a row before. It had always seemed to be a frivolous waste of money. Equestrian movies, even without being translated from the original English, were well worth the expense just because of the audience.
To start with, the movie was introduced by a performer who did magic tricks on stage until the theatre seats were full, then translated the newsreel into Equestrian until Flash Gordon came up on screen with subtitles. After the serial and while the film reels were being exchanged, the performer returned to center stage and entertained the crowd with a snappy patter about her own contribution to The Wizard of Oz as a technical consultant and special effects unicorn, ending her spiel with an explosive smoke bomb and impressive vanishing⁽*⁾ act.
(*) It would have been more impressive if she had not snuck into her front-row seat under the cover of the smoke.
Then the movie started, and the theatre went crazy. Again.
There was singing and dancing in the aisles, frequent gasps of terror, and the occasional young pegasus who got so carried away that they flew up into the projector light for brief moments before diving back down into their seats. The appearance of the Horse of a Different Color was greeted by thunderous applause that drowned out all of the dialogue, the flying monkeys spooked several pegasus foals into the air for a vigorous panicked chase scene that had not been scripted, and the whole theatre broke out in a spontaneous ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’ once the ending credits had rolled. Even Twilight Sparkle joined in, which was a good sign that today had been productive after all.
Which, of course, was blown to heck immediately afterward while the crowd headed for the exits. There were many polite introductions for the pretty pink princess and the odd human escorting her, and no attention at all for the young unicorn who had pulled out a notebook and was making terse little scribbled squiggles, most likely about the ‘Oz Murderfest’ she had just watched again.
It took most of the happy edge away from Jon’s enjoyment of the occasion. Oh, he was still happy, and loved all of the attention in a way that would most probably have driven him a little crazy had he been surrounded by humans reacting in the same fashion. But he could not really get comfortable while thinking about his student’s reaction. Twilight Sparkle did settle down once they left the theatre and finally relaxed once she was inside a comfortable bubble of familiar ponies.
“It’s so good to be home,” proclaimed Night Light once they all got inside the comfortable middle-class rowhouse. “Twi Twi, don’t tell me you’re going to run back to the castle with your guest, are you? Your mother has been working on a very special dinner.”
Twilight Sparkle was caught at the doorway, obviously looking in the direction of the Canterlot castle while preparing to make her excuses, but swallowed once and looked at Jon with an expression he imagined would have matched a pony with her leg caught in a bear trap. Any further friendship lessons would obviously vanish once they returned, with Twilight hitting the library for more research and Jon trying to find something to eat. He smiled at his student, then turned to Night Light.
“Don’t worry, sir. I wouldn't hear of separating a young mare from her mother’s cooking. There’s nothing on our schedules, so we have all evening to spend here.”
As if it were a trigger, Twilight Velvet’s voice rose out of the clatter of pots and pans in the kitchen. “See if they want to spend the night, Nighty. We should be able to put Doctor Walthers up in Shining Armor’s bedroom, since he’s off on maneuvers.”
With as much trouble as he encountered in the relatively larger castle, the idea tempted Jon, but the number of times he had nearly brained himself on the low doorways of the Sparkle clan house made up the difference and more.
“No, sir. I’m afraid I have an interim report on my student’s progress this evening. Princess Celestia has placed a great responsibility on me, and I don’t want to disappoint her.”
The reaction of Twilight Sparkle only hammered in the difficulty of Jon’s task, as she fairly came alive with perked-up ears and happy smile with the name of her mentor, only to cringe like Jon had smacked her over the nose with a rolled-up newspaper at the concept of disappointing Celestia. He wanted to ask Twilight Velvet what approach he could use to best get the younger Twilight to open up, but if mother had not been able to get daughter to make friends, he really doubted her input would help.
Then again, if Twilight Sparkle could cook like her mother, she would have attracted a lot of friends by now. Fat friends, too. Vegetarian lasagna over polenta, spinach and ricotta stuffed bell peppers, and the inevitable Equestrian eggplant smothered in Parmesan cheese crowned the dinner table, with buttered rolls that melted against his taste buds and some of the sweetest strawberry preserves Jon had ever tasted. The rare green and leafy food on the table had been assaulted with croutons and salad dressing, mugged by slices of hard-boiled eggs, and finished off by being drowned in grated cheese.
In fact, there was far more cheese at the table than Jon had ever anticipated, and an inquiry into the fact caused him to receive a long lecture on the importance of cows in the Equestrian economy from Mother Velvet. They may not have voted, or held any office, or even took any kind of leading role in a settlement, but cows followed the ponies wherever they went, and held up their responsibilities in civic activities, despite being terrible gossips. That earned him some questions from Night Light about leather products, including the wristband on his watch and his wallet, still filled with useless US dollars, which led the conversation into fiscal policy, and then into international trade.
Twilight Sparkle may have been a genius in magical theory, but it was not difficult to figure out where she had inherited most of that from. Jon was familiar with the egghead caste in most universities. During faculty and student parties, he frequently found himself cornered by some ancient specialist in specializing, because it was more comfortable than hobnobbing with his peers. Twilight’s parents were interesting eggheads, though. The dinner discussion lasted far past dessert, to the point where Cadence quietly excused herself from the table in the middle of a debate over banana imports, and long afterwards, Spike wound up curled up on his chair cushion, giving a little teakettle snore.
“Oh, my. Is it that late already?” Jon checked his watch and adjusted it to match the ticking grandfather clock in the Twinkle clan living room. “I swear, time passes differently here.”
“Yes, we heard about your little incident with Twi Twi yesterday morning,” said Twilight Velvet, who had been making regular trips between the kitchen and the table in an effort to stuff Jon with every single kind of kosher delicacy until he was going to have to be rolled back to the castle, or give in to her offer to stay in Shining Armor’s room. “She’s always been such an inquisitive little filly, and having a human for her new teacher must have gotten her research instinct tweaked. Tell me, did she—” Mother Velvet waggled her eyebrows and Twilight Sparkle blushed brightly.
“Mother! I didn’t even get a good sketch.”
Velvet tutted quietly. “You must learn to ask, Twi. Like this.” Twilight Velvet turned her bright teal eyes on Jon and smiled winsomely. “Doctor Walthers, would you like to pose for one of my paintings? I’ve got a studio in the house, and I’ve always wanted to paint a human for the covers of one of my books. I’ve got a few authors who have been asking for a human about your size, and I’m sure they’d be tickled pink to get Twi Twi’s teacher on an international release. It would just take a few minutes to get your clothes off and get you posed, then we can continue our discussion while I paint.”
“No,” said Jon reflexively. “Not that I’m not honored, but it’s getting late and we really need to get back.”
And my mother would throw a fit loud enough to be heard in Equestria if my naked picture shows up on some ‘horsie book.’
“Finally,” said Twilight Sparkle in a burst of suppressed exasperation. “Let’s go, Spike. Loveyoudad. And you, mom,” she added with a quick kiss to the cheek for each of them and a burst of magic that sent the sleeping dragon soaring through the air to land on her back. “Come on, Doctor Walthers.”
“Let me get my hat.” Jon barely managed to find his fedora on the hatrack by the door before he could see the violet glow of Twilight Sparkle’s horn passing the front gate. He turned to face the parents, taking in the subtle expressions of concern they were wearing, and since he had a moment of privacy, decided to ask the question he had been dithering about since first meeting them.
“Sir. Ma’am. You know I’ve been having trouble getting through to your daughter. Can you think of anything I could use? Anything she does well that others may not realize.”
Night Light spoke up while his wife was thinking. “Both of my Twilights are very level-headed in a crisis. Most ponies spook easily, but my little Twi Twi heads right into trouble without a second thought. It always made us worry about her, Mister Walthers. She could get hurt so easily. Promise us you’ll try to keep her safe, would you?”
Jon nodded. “Of course. I’ll do everything I can to protect all of the ponies of Equestria, including your daughter. And Spike.”
“And yourself,” said Twilight Velvet. She stood up on her hind legs, nuzzled up to his cheek, and gave Jon a brief kiss. “Take care, Doctor Walthers.”
“Don’t worry.” Jon gave Mother Velvet a quick hug before she resumed her four-legged stance. “I’ll help her find friends if it’s the last thing I do.”
And it might be.
- - Ω - -
The castle in Canterlot was strangely quiet in the dark, although there were a suspicious number of lights or guards in just the right position to guide the three of them along a path that wound up at Celestia’s private theatre again. There was an older human movie playing, lighting the room in shades of pale white that cast Celestia’s cushion into a harsh shadows and her flowing mane looking like chocolate syrup.
“Ah, Twilight. And Doctor Walthers.” Celestia patted the cushion next to her. “Doctor, if you will be seated for a few minutes. Twilight, if you would please go put Spike to bed. Both of you have been up late the last few nights, and you need your sleep as well.”
“But—”
“Now, Twilight.” Celestia favored her student with the same patient look Jon had seen repeatedly on Twilight Velvet just an hour or two ago.
“Yes, Princess.” The young unicorn scurried away, although Jon kept his eyes on the door at the back of the theatre, and when it cracked open again after a few moments, he shook his finger at Twilight and frowned.
The door promptly closed again.
Jon sat down. “I’m sorry, Your Highness.”
“Don’t be.” Celestia appeared to have the ghost of an honest smile hiding in the corners of her mouth, which she was stuffing with popcorn. “You’ve caught onto most of her tricks in record time.”
“She still isn’t making friends. I can’t help but think it will turn out for the best, but I’m not certain how.” Jon leaned back on his cushion and eyed the bowl of popcorn. He wanted to grab a few kernels, but after the kosher stuffing Twilight’s parents had put him through, he probably did not need to eat for a few days. The movie played on regardless of his digestion or Princess Celestia’s silent presence by his side, the black and white characters walking around and saying their lines like wooden puppets on a stage.
“This is one of Twilight’s favorite films,” said Celestia in a whisper. “Probably because I enjoy it also. There are many historical inaccuracies in it, of course, and Twilight wrote a letter to the producers in the hopes of getting a corrected cut put out eventually.”
“Of course she would,” said Jon, although his curiosity was piqued. “Why do you like it so much?”
“Because the way Mister Chips relates to his students reminds me of my little ponies.” She gave a little sigh. “He never had children of his own, but the thousands of students under his care were children enough for him. And, of course, the way he is portrayed as looking to the future.”
Celestia made a cautioning motion with one hoof, sitting in silence for several minutes until the scene she was obviously waiting for came up, and she spoke in perfect harmony with Robert Donat.
“Well, remember me sometimes. I shall always remember you. ‘Haec olim meminisse iuvabit.’ I need not translate it for you.”
Jon nodded. “In the future, it will be pleasing to remember these things.”
“Why, Doctor Walthers.” Celestia held one hoof across her chest and batted her eyelashes at him. “You surprise me.”
Jon could not help but smile. “What, because I’ve read the Aeneid? You seem easy to surprise, then.”
That ethereal smile returned to Celestia’s face, and she settled back on her cushion. “No, because after telling me for quite some time that you will be unable to help my student find true friends, and that my sister’s return is inevitable, you continue to hold out hope for the future. Perhaps Harmony is not as far away as you think it is.”
It was a thought he held onto during the walk back to his room and his descent into sleep. Maybe things would turn out well after all.
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Meet the parents. Find out the crazy goes all the way to the bone.
I was actually hoping we'd encounter Twilight's parents at some point, but wasn't expecting it as it's an aspect that is often left out. Thankfully you didn't!
I don't know only one generation doesn't make a complete dataset.. We need more datapoints but the suggestion is THERE..
Guessing many ponies don;t know or comprehend the idea of personal space. Certainly not nudity taboos
Wait I thought The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings was written after WW2?
Now I wonder who is pulling a prank on him and removing all his clothing while he sleeps? It doesn't feel like a prank Celestia would keep pulling. Maybe Rainbow Dash or Pinkie would act this way but I don't think they would be showing up in this story.
Why does the idea of Twilight Velvet as a stereotypical Jewish mother work so well?
Interesting to see Cadence so coy about Shining, even among future family.
It is fascinating to see ponies treat humans using what they know from their limited exposure. When all you see are movies and a pilot who, given his exploits, might as well have come out of one, you're going to assume the entire species runs on rules of drama... unless you're already familiar with those rules, of course.
It's also fascinating to see the Equestrian enthusiasm for nonhuman celebrities.
Trixie seems to be doing well for herself in this timeline.
And I share Jon's cautious optimism. This was the acclimation period. Now that he has a better sense of Twilight, he may find a new angle for cracking this nut.
And thus, the Great and Powerful Tr-r-rixie began her glorious career!
Psst! Jon! Jon! Lock the door! You have a case at that point!
If anybody ever wonders just why I post one chapter at a time, I just got done fixing a spot in the next chapter that I had marked "Annotation Spot" with a huge gap to put in a paragraph that I hadn't finished writing (oops) and a typo in the chapter after that referring to "rumbled tweeds" instead of "rumpled" Sigh.
9278057 And if you watch very carefully, she has some more cameo appearances.
9278049 It also gives Equestrian tourists outside of the country false expectations. "I've been in New York for an hour and nopony has broken into a synchronized song and dance number yet!"
9278043 The Hobbit was published in 1937. Lord of the Rings was published in 1954. Yes, I checked. Expect quotes. Topical quotes.
9277955 That's Celestia's excuse too. "So we've got three alicorns and they're all crazy. Obviously, we need more data points. Send this book to Twilight, and tell Cadence to get busy with her husband."
9277952 I like messing around with Twilight's parents. I was seriously thinking about putting them into my Farmer Bruener Has Some Ponies Equestrians-on-Earth story, but thought it would get out of hand. I did use them in the Traveling Tutor and the Monster in the Twilight series.
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Ok I thought that The Hobbit was published later, but it looks like I was thinking about one of the edited editions that helped bring it inline with Lord of the Rings. Seriously The Hobbit has had tons of edits done to it.
9278095 Yes, but there's very little in The Hobbit about comparative species architecture. The only example of Elf architecture we're given is Rivendell (since Tharanduil's halls were originally carved by dwarves), and it's only referred to as the Last Homely House, with no detail. The only large human structures we see are Esgaroth (which is only impressive in that it has been built on pilings in the lake itself) and the ruins of Dale. And, given that Elrond and Tharanduil are the only Elves we actually meet in the Hobbit (and Tharanduil doesn't even get named!), the toss-off line still feels anachronistic.
9278049 I think the angle was telegraphed pretty well this chapter: get Twilight the hell out of Canterlot and away from the alicorns.
9278043 Worth your reading: https://io9.gizmodo.com/5892697/whats-classier-than-jrr-tolkien-telling-off-nazis-absolutely-nothing
John stretched out on the couch, "Paint my like one of your Prench stallions."
Discord couldn't resist popping in, "I got that reference!"
Everybody freaked out about demons and stuff cuz they hadn't gotten to Discord in their continuity yet. And if they had known, they still would've freaked out.
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Jon sighed, clearing his thoughts as he settled into a firm determination of what he had to say. "Princess Celestia," he glanced up at her, fidgeting, "Princess Celestia, I think I know how Twilight became the way she is."
"Oh? Her parents?" Celestia hummed, casting him a quirky smile.
Jon sighed again, accompanied with a laugh, "Well, yes. They're both nerds and nerds stink at being social. Look at me!"
"I know," she agreed, "hence I have just passed a law requiring all nerds to be given wedgies, even if they don't wear clothing. Starting with you."
The screaming lasted all night.
Great way to cameo Trixie. I approve.
Kinda feel like this goes without saying.
Dang. This chapter actually has me looking forward to visiting my parents for Thanksgiving.
Cadance is just so full of life and energy! And apparently loves everything so much she can't imagine why anyone would want to cover up.
And yet with all the attention Walthers is getting, everyone still seems to think it's the poor confused humans who need a chaperone.
And I loved the bit where it's brought up that Walthers's continued survival is itself evidence that he's specially suited to his situation.
9278456 Have you met my readers?
9278558 Next chapter, I really smack that point. Don't ask God for advice. He gives it to you in the strangest ways.
9278403 But wait, there's more!
9278223 Neeeerrrrddd!!! (Hey, I had to say it. Welcome to our club, here's your Legolas ears.)
9278095 9278043 Had to double check myself because it had been so long since I looked at it. Tolkien started writing Lord of the Rings right after The Hobbit was published you are right about the publication date
9278848 There's probably a long list of Doctorates of Friendship Quod Principia Lo Dixit.
Name should be plural, not possessive.
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Still the incident report probably caught the lack of lifeboats and the fact that many of the wireless operators had gone to bed. I doubt that this story will go over this and it will remain just an off hand comment.
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Well I can think of at least one and I wouldn't have thought about that if you didn't point it out, now I'm trying not to think about it ever again.
Cadance the cheerful morning pony. Ugh.
Huh.
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If you want to go super hardcore on the Tolkien references, make sure you only quote the original Hobbit; he reworked it to retroactively fit it into the Lord of the Rings series. I haven't had the pleasure, but I recall hearing that Bilbo's acquisition of the Ring went ... very differently.
9281305 Oh, no. Side references only. Remember, we have *experts* in this fandom. I'll bet we have at least one FimFic reader who can speak Elvish.
9280047 Seabiscuit is the Elvis of the horse world. We're about ten years from the Lone Ranger craze, so...
9279684 I took Craft Disturbing Mental Image as a feat.
9279659 Well, since Equestria would be a steamship port of call, and Celestia has the right to simply decree "No steamship which does not meet the following safety qualifications will be permitted to make port" I'm sure she would be a driving force to safer ocean travel.
9279017 Fixing.
9278936 Because The Princess Says So, right?
9278936 I have to admit, I *never* thought the movies would be the size of a hit they were, and they well deserve the credit.
Was that supposed to be Trixie
Also are you trying to ship Twilight with Jon? Not the weirdest ship but certainly an interesting one...
I love that what makes Jon eligable to be Twilight's special-somethimngoranother is the fact that he hasn't been blown up or gone crazy after spending a few days with Twilight.
Is.
9278151 9278223 Hey, you're not the only one to not realize that the Hobbit came out before the US entry into WWII
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I actually had a chance to get an original run copy of The Hobbit once, and I'm still kicking myself over not leaping at that chance.
Ahh, where's Laminia when you need her? There's a mare who appreciates cloth
Didn't she refer to him as "bunnykins" or something before?
It's Trixie, isn't it?
Clever dodge!
Remarks and corrections:
> but swallowed once and looked a Jon
"and looked [at] Jon"