Silver Storm, a Weather Lieutenant fancies Spitfire, but when challenged by the fact she's his captain and a tough and a determined Wonderbolt, can he win her affections? Not to mention, there are other Bolts around and he has a little sister.
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So in return for your review... these are my thoughts.
First of all, I find it very weird that you reviewed a story i put on hiatus... instead of one that I've finished... but that's beside the point.
Now, personally, I don't mind Oc X canon pony stories, but as with all stories, I need to have a good reason to read them... and the problem here is that Silver Storm isn't a particularly interesting character. He's a brother pony, he seems to be a good guy... but the question that remains is why should I root for him above a canon pony shipping with Spitfire? I don't necessarily need a gimmick, but the beginning is very... tame and doesn't take the risk to try to establish Silver as a character the audience should root for. There's nothing wrong with the technical aspects of this story, and I can't speak for the rest, but you might want to rethink what kind of story you want to tell if you want to get more readers, or at least how you want to introduce Silver Storm.
It doesn't help that there's no evident conflict going on provided by the setting. Eg. If Silver Storm was in a war zone crushing on Spitfire, then that would be incredibly interesting b/c of the environment itself.
Also, note on the dialogue:
You don't need to tell us he dissed himself. Just go with "Silver Storm said." It's quicker and dissed is a very... odd word that interrupts the flow of the readers' reading.
So, good start, better than my own to be honest, but to make this popular and just more interesting, you're going to have to tweak it.
Hello. Based on what is currently out; I hope you continue to update this though eventually. Anyway so far this will get to have a rating of 1/5, so far of course. Once you start to get more out I'll continue to read it, and the rating might change. You can find the story in the appropriate folder in The Shipshelf. You may want to work a little on sentence structure and characterization; as it stands now the characters aren't all that interesting, and the structure of sentences is... off.
For example this:
There are only two characters on scene, that we know of, and with one asking a question it is obvious that it is Silver asking Rainbow. As it currently is you make it seem as if we shouldn't have known it was Rainbow being asked a question, but really a character called Odis(Random name...) or something like that.