The Desire for Love

by Discorded Imagination

Chapter 1

The Desire for Love

Silver Storm sighed in front of his bathroom mirror. Once again, yesterday was a failure. Spitfire, the Captain of the Wonderbolts and his favourite mare to look at even with sneak peeks didn’t notice him beyond her duties. A frown crossed his light grey face as his navy-blue eyes looked down to the cloud floor of his home.

“Well, maybe today, she’ll notice me at roll call,” Silver Storm told himself, though a lack of a hopeful glint in his eyes left something to be desired.

Then, his eyes caught a glimpse that he had already put on his Wonderbolt uniform and a small silver badge informed him he was no cadet. He found a grin and then puffed his chest out with pride as he reminded himself he was a ranking member of the Wonderbolt team. A Weather Lieutenant at that. A stallion Pegasus tasked with flying out to dangerous hurricanes and brutal weather conditions to save towns and villages for when nature took control of the weather rather than the ability of the Pegasi to control it to some extent.

He had even been praised by Princess Celestia herself once, but that was when a slight frown returned. Once, not twice, not thrice, just one time.

Weather control was a busy job and truth be told as Spitfire leaned heavily into training cadets and representing traits that brought the Wonderbolts their fame, he was usually led out to ferocious storms by Soarin, who he felt was being undermined by accusations of a mellow attitude in general.

Still, the beep of an alarm clock in his bathroom reminded him it was now zero seven hundred. It also reminded him of when he saw his mother, Feather Storm glare in determination at the bathroom mirror and the same old, but still ticking alarm clock and would groom her mane back with focus. In his youth, seeing that on the occasion, she forgot to close the door for privacy inspired him, but as he grew up, it began to entice him to think his mother had once been a foxy, determined and agile mare herself and his father, Crackles Storm was a lucky stallion.

Then, realising thoughts of the past were distracting, Silver Storm focused on what he needed to do. He got into the shower and went about reinvigorating himself. The hot water, plus an herbal shampoo helped to relieve stress and to remove his anxieties as after he was done, he admired his smile in the mirror.

“Zero, seven fifteen, I’ve got forty-five minutes,” Silver Storm grinned to his reflection and then left the bathroom and trotted to the kitchen.

“Hey, bro,” called out his little sister, Silver Berry with a soft anxious voice.

“Hey little sis, the bathroom’s free now,” Silver Storm said and hoped his little sister would refresh herself. Her frown needed to be turned upside down.

“Okay,” Silver Berry mumbled, but did not leave the table as instead she stirred her silver spoon around in her breakfast cereal.

Silver Storm sighed and wondered what was bothering his little sister this time as it was clear to him, she hadn’t eaten much of her cereal.

Then, Silver Berry’s ears perked up upon hearing his sigh and she puffed out a reluctant gasp as she went to leave the table.

“Hey, little sis,” Silver Storm playfully called out to her.

Silver Berry did not turn her head and trotted straight for the bathroom.

Silver Storm sighed and a frown tugged at his mouth. Still, as he returned his attention to the fact, his little sis had put a bowl out for him, filled it with a little milk and had left the cereal box on the table, he found a small smile in appreciation that she had saved him the hassle of sorting it out himself.

He soon satisfied his hunger and exchanged a glance at the kitchen clock. It showed only five minutes had passed. He still had forty minutes before roll call.

An idea popped into his idea and he went back to the bathroom.

“Hey, little sis, I forgot to brush my teeth,” Silver Storm chuckled and lied.

There was a soft sigh from Silver Berry and he heard her light footing toward the door.

“Come on, you know Spitfire expects me to at roll call at zero eight hundred,” Silver Storm tried to mimic an impatient voice, but could hear his own chuckles, and so he decided to add some rattling knocks to get his little sis annoyed.

Silver Berry growled at her brother’s impatience and waited on purpose for when he would add another knock.

Silver Storm complied with her wish and added a knock and was about to add another when the door was opened. Silver Storm gasped as his front right hoof flew newly empty air and caused him to stumble forward.

“He-he,” Silver Berry giggled.

“All right, you got me,” Silver Storm played along and let himself appear foolish.

“You deserve it,” Silver Berry grinned as she trotted out from the bathroom.

That got her to smile Silver Storm thought as he took his little sister’s place in the bathroom. Plus, he decided to brush his teeth again anyway.

Silver Storm saw the radiating, beaming smile on his face in the mirror and thought himself a good and caring brother as he re-brushed his teeth and decided to mop a flannel over his face. Once done, Silver Storm turned his head around in the opposite direction to avoid looking at the bathroom alarm clock and trotted out.

He was glad to see his little sister retained a happy glint in her emerald green eyes when he returned to the kitchen to finish off his own breakfast.

“So, you getting a trading permit from the mayor’s office today?” Silver Storm asked.

“I applied for one last fortnight,” Silver Berry informed him with an eager chirp.

“Ooh, really? Maybe the permit will arrive in the post today,” Silver Storm grinned, while he thought to himself that the processing of trade permits tended to take anything in between two weeks and a month to be completed.

“Bro,” Silver Berry quivered and dropped her spoon onto the floor.

“Yes,” Silver Storm leaned forward and raised his eyebrows.

“Do you really think Pegasi will…” Silver Berry stuttered, “Never mind, I dropped my spoon.”

Silver Storm let out a concerned and slightly bored puff as Silver Berry reached down to get the spoon as he knew his little sister would either stop talking or change topic after retrieving it.

“Found it!” she beamed a keen smile and displayed its shiny flash to Silver Storm.

“Ooh, it’s zero seven thirty now, ya’ better get a move on,” Silver Berry changed topic.

Silver Storm growled a little as he thought when would his little sister go out and put her talent at making smoothies on display to the Pegasi public. He knew, she kept a secret stash of ready-made smoothies in the fridge, but she lacked the confidence to set up a trading stall and sell them. Plus, if Silver Berry told him about customers deriding her from having a weird passion for making smoothies, he would go and give them a voice of his opinion.

Still, the opportunity to persuade her to go out and embrace the Pegasi public had passed and Silver Storm grouchily left the table.

“Spitfire’s not going to like you like that,” Silver Berry commented as she dug back into the remainder of her cereal.

“I know,” Silver Storm gritted his teeth, groomed his mane back in frustration and left through the front door.

“Some supportive big brother I turn out to be,” Silver Storm dissed himself as he got himself flapping to the Wonderbolt training academy. Today, was a rare day, he got to go and pick up an assignment from there as no new Weather duties had arrived through the post and he didn’t receive an order from Soarin to be somewhere else yesterday either. Still, while he recognised the rarity of the situation, Silver Storm felt worked up about his little sister as he arrived.

He soon flapped his way to Spitfire’s office, only taken a brief stop and a landing at the skyway, just to make sure it was safe to cross and then once seeing it was clear and no pony was attempting a landing, he picked his feet off the clouds and flapped the rest of the way until he arrived at the door.

Knowing proper protocol procedures, he landed just outside the door and then knocked three times.

“Ooh, Lieutenant Silver Storm, long time, no see,” chuckled the arriving voice of Fleetfoot as she joined him at the door and added a mock salute.

“Enter,” called the commanding and annoyed voice of Spitfire from the other side of the door.

Fleetfoot leapt back in fear and Silver Storm chuckled a little before opening the door.

“Right! What are you two doing skulking around?” Spitfire’s harsh voice boomed as she looked up from signing Wonderbolt pictures.

“Awaiting orders ma’am,” Silver Storm quivered a little, but added a standard military salute. Still, as he glared across at the light gold fur of her face and the fury in her wild and frustrated strong orange eyes also reminded Silver Storm of the first time he set eyes on Spitfire.

“Um, also awaiting orders, ma’am,” Fleetfoot mumbled and let a bit of her lisp show through her nerves.

“Have the day off!” Spitfire roared and glared her eyes back to the mountain of paperwork and photos on her desk.

“Yes ma’am, thanks ma’am,” Fleetfoot quaked and took a quick exit.

“Whoa,” Silver Storm couldn’t help commenting as he got a sharp reminder of what Spitfire sounded and acted like when mad.

“What did you say, cadet?” Spitfire turned her attention and boomed her voice again.

“Uh… whoa, ma’am,” Silver Storm hesitated.

“I’ve already given you a direct order, so beat it!” Spitfire pointed her left front hoof to the exit.

Silver Storm hung his head down, but in her moody state, he doubted Spitfire would be glad of any pony’s company as he trotted back out.

Her rage made him feel empty about having a day off as he hung out at the side of the office. It was the first time; Silver Storm had set eyes on Spitfire in weeks as one weather occurrence had happened after another for at least a couple of weeks and one or two calm days in between hadn’t been enough time to return to Cloudsdale and he had to spend it recuperating elsewhere.

“I guess, today’s shot,” Silver Storm frowned and then turned his attention to the sky in the hopes of seeing a Pegasus cadet having fun or at least a Wonderbolt going about and doing a job.

Still, the nearby cloud and area appeared ghostly quiet and no Pegasi were in sight.

“Has Spitfire banished the whole team today?” Silver Storm found himself asking as he decided to check the recruit bunkers in the hopes of finding a recruit or perhaps the unlucky Bolt who got assigned clean up duty.

What he found was Rainbow Dash wearing a humble, but proud smile sweeping the halls.

“You’re the only one here?” Silver Storm asked Rainbow as he saw she had somehow become stuck with clean up duty.

“Well, no, Angel Wings dropped by to ask if she could help, but I told her I need to do this myself,” Rainbow Dash informed Silver Storm with humility in her voice.

“Hmm,” Silver Storm pondered as he didn’t really think Rainbow used humility in her voice very often, “So, how did you pick up cleaning duty?”

“Uh… I kinda crashed out when I tried too hard to show off,” Rainbow Dash admitted and dismissed the past incident with a wave of her front right hoof while she leaned on the mop.

Still, Silver Storm thought there was more than to this story…

Author's Note:

Add your comments and reviews, thanks. .

Comments

[vren55]

So in return for your review... these are my thoughts.

First of all, I find it very weird that you reviewed a story i put on hiatus... instead of one that I've finished... but that's beside the point.

Now, personally, I don't mind Oc X canon pony stories, but as with all stories, I need to have a good reason to read them... and the problem here is that Silver Storm isn't a particularly interesting character. He's a brother pony, he seems to be a good guy... but the question that remains is why should I root for him above a canon pony shipping with Spitfire? I don't necessarily need a gimmick, but the beginning is very... tame and doesn't take the risk to try to establish Silver as a character the audience should root for. There's nothing wrong with the technical aspects of this story, and I can't speak for the rest, but you might want to rethink what kind of story you want to tell if you want to get more readers, or at least how you want to introduce Silver Storm.

It doesn't help that there's no evident conflict going on provided by the setting. Eg. If Silver Storm was in a war zone crushing on Spitfire, then that would be incredibly interesting b/c of the environment itself.

Also, note on the dialogue:

“Some supportive big brother I turn out to be,” Silver Storm dissed himself

You don't need to tell us he dissed himself. Just go with "Silver Storm said." It's quicker and dissed is a very... odd word that interrupts the flow of the readers' reading.

So, good start, better than my own to be honest, but to make this popular and just more interesting, you're going to have to tweak it.

[DeshLune]

Hello. Based on what is currently out; I hope you continue to update this though eventually. Anyway so far this will get to have a rating of 1/5, so far of course. Once you start to get more out I'll continue to read it, and the rating might change. You can find the story in the appropriate folder in The Shipshelf. You may want to work a little on sentence structure and characterization; as it stands now the characters aren't all that interesting, and the structure of sentences is... off.

For example this:

Silver Storm asked Rainbow as he saw she had somehow become stuck with clean up duty.

There are only two characters on scene, that we know of, and with one asking a question it is obvious that it is Silver asking Rainbow. As it currently is you make it seem as if we shouldn't have known it was Rainbow being asked a question, but really a character called Odis(Random name...) or something like that.