Chapter 16
Blueblood’s study was almost cramped with ponies when Gosling arrived. There wasn’t much free space left to begin with and the number of ponies present almost made the room feel claustrophobic. Luna was here, drinking coffee from a humungous mug emblazoned with the words, “Blue and #2.” Held in her magic was a pair of knitting needles, some violet yarn, and an amorphous mass. Shining Armor was sitting in a high backed chair, reading the newspaper, Blueblood was standing near the table in the middle of the room, and Seville was beside him, quiet, and calm.
Right away, Blueblood took notice of the twins, and he recoiled in visible horror, his lip curling back from his teeth in a snarl of disgust. Gosling turned to look at his assistants, and found they were paying Blueblood no mind. Looking at Blueblood once more, he could see that his friend and mentor was shaking.
“Ugh, they’re just so… creepy—”
“Blueblood, give it a rest,” Shining Armor muttered from behind his newspaper.
“No! Never! Look at them! They finish each other’s sentences—”
“Blueblood, if you please,” Luna interjected, sounding annoyed.
“If you hurt one, they both feel it—”
“Is that true?” Gosling asked as he turned to look at Beans and Toast.
“Honestly, Blueblood, you need to give it a rest,” Shining Armor said again.
“What if one of them masturbates?” Blueblood asked without shame.
“Blueblood!” Luna, Shining Armor, and Seville all said at once.
“Creepy!” Blueblood bellowed and his eyes rolled back into his head as he shuddered with revulsion.
“No creepier than some middle-aged has-been asking if my sister and I can feel each other have a wank.” Beans leveled a cool stare on Blueblood, who was now squirming about.
“Touché.” Blueblood’s eyes narrowed.
It was Luna who began chortling first, which caused Blueblood’s face to turn purple-red, and then Shining Armor joined in. Somehow, Gosling kept a straight face, but it was difficult and he had to fight to keep his lips from betraying him. Neither Beans nor Toast were laughing, and they hovered near Gosling, glaring at Blueblood in the sort of way that only outraged twelve-year-old professionals could.
“Are we done?” Shining Armor asked. “Can we get to work? Can we behave like responsible adults who run an empire?”
“We can,” Toast replied, “but I has me doubts about this malodorous pervert, so I do.”
After taking a sip of coffee, Luna cleared her throat and then began speaking. “We need to discuss the E.U.P. I.E.A.—”
“Alphabet soup for lunch, Moonshine?” Gosling asked, and he was relieved when he saw Luna smile, rather than respond with anger. “I haven’t read anything about this yet, so I’m lost. I know what the first part means though, because I paid attention on orientation day when I joined the guard.”
“Nothing has been written about it yet.” Shining Armor folded up his newspaper and put it down on top of a tall stack of books beside the chair. There was a teacup also on the stack of books, with dried out rings inside of it.
Clearing her throat once more, and perhaps sounding a bit impatient, Luna proceeded to keep going. “The I.E.A. is the Individuals with Exceptional Abilities act—”
Gosling said nothing about calling it the ‘I.W.E.A.A.’
“—and it is a proposal that would allow the swearing in of exceptional individuals as regional constables, granting them powers of detainment and arrest—”
“Waitaminute,” Gosling yammered out, “you’re talking about… a… a… registration of supers act, like in the comic books!” He turned to look at Shining Armor and continued, “You had something to do with this, didn’t you?”
“Guilty as charged,” Shining Armor replied.
“You expect the public to take this comic book stuff seriously?” Gosling demanded, and he saw Seville glance over at Shining Armor.
“Yes.” Shining Armor sounded confident and collected. “We have ponies getting cutie marks now for being superheroes. Individuals with exceptional abilities are becoming more and more commonplace, and we already have established heroes who should be recognised as heroes, and not vigilantes.”
“Like, uh, whatshisface, Mister Teapot, when he called himself ‘Captain Equestria’ and he put that bag over his head and proceeded to open up a can of whoopass on the streets of Manehattan, beating ponies with that shield of his.” Gosling’s head bobbed up and down in excitement. “It ain’t right that he was sued for that.”
“Actually, the specific incident that is being cited happened in the city of Fillydelphia,” Seville said as he gestured at some thick folders on the table. “An eyewitness gave specific, explicit testimony about a chocolate brown pony who stepped out of the elevator wearing a hockey mask while a robbery was taking place in a department store. He announced himself by saying, “Ding, first floor, housewares and homemaking,” then began beating said robbers bloody with a collection of cast iron cookware, spatulas, spoons, forks, and knives. The witness also said that it rained toasters. One victim was beaten with a soup can in a sock.”
Beans grinned. “I’m keen on that idea.”
Seville continued, “After the savage beating took place, one of the robbers had to be hospitalised, and a spoon had to be removed from a rather… unfortunate location—”
“How does a spoon become lodged up one’s nose, anyhow?” Luna asked, interjecting her question into Seville’s dialogue. “We are confounded by such savagery, confounded… but intrigued.”
“Right now, there is a legal inquiry and the judge is seeking the help of the Wardens to determine the identity of the chocolate brown pony wearing a hockey mask. Look, everypony in this room knows who it is.” Seville looked around the room, meeting the eyes of each pony present in turn.
“No doubt, Mister Teapot gave a thorough warning to the robbers that by the end of the encounter, somepony was getting something shoved up some orifice. He’s very polite about that, and ponies know exactly what they’re in for when they pick a fight with him.” Blueblood closed his eyes and shuddered. “Savage!” Opening his eyes, he gave himself a shake. “Who in their right mind picks a fight with a pony wearing a hockey mask? Really… we need better IQ testing in public schools.”
“Indeed,” Luna agreed in a dry voice.
“Are we really going to do this?” Gosling asked, having some trouble believing this was real. The mere fact that ponies were getting cutie marks to be superheroes was troubling, because that meant that other ponies might be getting cutie marks to become supervillains. Not every pony fainted or fled from danger, certain deranged ponies ran right for danger, and Gosling knew quite a few of them. He was one of them, in fact, and he had led what many called a suicidal charge in the defense of Ponyville.
“I think that it might be wise to test the waters,” Shining Armor replied, and he began rubbing his chin. “Our big cities are unsafe. Dangerous. Crime is becoming a major problem, and our available police just can’t keep up with everything. Not every pony gets a cutie mark that is suitable for police work, and departments are hesitant to hire those with marks they feel aren’t job related.”
Nodding, Blueblood remarked, “And that’s a real problem, the perception that cutie marks make you capable. A lot of ponies cannot get past that notion.”
“Look, I know it seems far fetched,” Shining Armor began, “and I know that a lot of ponies will talk about how this is too much like comic books, but it is a valid idea. We have ponies with amazing abilities, ponies like Rainbow Dash, who I know for certain is dressing up like the Mare-Do-Well and taking trips to our major cities. The police departments are finding thugs trussed and tied up in front of the police stations, and eyewitnesses have seen a blindingly fast flying hero that matches the description of the Mare-Do-Well. The captured criminals don’t want to say who it was that beat the stuffing out of them. Nopony wants to admit that some little mare beat their ass.”
In Gosling’s ears, the only sound was that of a pen scratching over paper, and he realised that one of his assistants was, in fact, taking notes so that he could go over them later. He looked around the room, uncertain, trying to read the faces of those present. Manehattan was his home, and he knew how rough it was. The crime families were a fixture in the city and they kept the crime under control. They ran the city. Removing them caused anarchy and chaos, as evidenced by past events in the disturbing history of the city of Manehattan.
Eyes narrowed, he studied Luna’s face, trying to read it, trying to see past the stern blue mask. Shifting his weight from his left side to his right side, he became aware of the fact that the silence had grown long. His gaze shifted, going from Luna to Seville, and he hoped for some kind of guidance, but none seemed forthcoming.
“So,” Gosling began, breaking the silence that had consumed the room. “I take it that, as individuals of exceptional ability, as this comes from the various articles of militia, where it says that we can call upon individuals of exceptional ability during times of crisis and conscript them into the E.U.P. Only I take it we’re making this a voluntary conscription into active service?”
“That’s the idea,” Blueblood said, and then his cheeks puffed out as he huffed out the remaining air in his lungs through puckered lips. “After a brief training session, we enable them as regional constables, grant them the power to detain and arrest, making what they do legal.”
“Of course, some of them will have to change their methods,” Shining Armor said. “There is a masked mare in Baltimare called the Schoolmarm. She beats local thugs into submission, lectures them, and paddles their backsides raw with a yardstick. We’ll need to discourage this sort of behaviour, even if some ponies might deserve it.”
“Like Blueblood here,” Toast quipped in a dry deadpan.
This made Blueblood scowl, but nothing was said, though there were some snickers brought about by the witty barb.
“Look, we have criminals with cutie marks that aid them in their deviant lifestyle of crime.” While speaking, Gosling thought of Flam Apple, a most peculiar case presented by Twilight Sparkle. “If we’re getting ponies with cutie marks that compel them to be superheroes, it stands to reason that we’re going to get some real bad customers that are going to be supervillains. What do we do about those? How do we keep common ponies safe when we have individuals of exceptional abilities working on both sides? I’m not against this idea, but I want assurances that common ponies will somehow be protected with all of this going on.”
“How many of those common ponies will still be hurt when there are no heroes to protect them at all?” Shining Armor asked. “All it takes for evil to flourish is for ponies like Tarnished Teapot to sit back and do nothing, or worse, be prevented from doing what they do best.”
“Not everypony is as careful or mindful as Mister Teapot.” Luna glanced over at Shining Armor for a moment, then turned to look at Gosling. “After a battle, he begins patching up the injured, friend and foe alike, doing what he can to preserve life.”
“A redeeming character quality, to be sure.” Blueblood’s eyes darted to where the twins stood behind Gosling, he shuddered once, and then made himself look at Luna. “I’m with Gosling on this issue. I’ll support it, but only with a well laid plan and assurances that the common ponies will be protected somehow. Even if it means that the Crown assists them. If they become injured or otherwise crippled during a fracas, we owe it to them to have them looked after, visited by a healer, or otherwise compensated if they can’t take legal action to help them achieve fair compensation.”
“If the four of us can come to a consensus, all that will remain is taking it to Celestia to get her approval.” Luna’s face was one of near-maternal worry. “I agree, before we commit to anything, we need a means to make certain that common ponies are protected. If we protect our heroes from legal action, then we must give bystanders a means to achieve compensation for injuries or property damage.”
“Yeah, that too.” Gosling found himself nodding. “This will be an expensive Crown-funded program, no doubt. Can we sustain this with our current state of affairs?”
“I don’t know,” Blueblood replied, being honest. “Everything is still unsettled after the Mister Mariner incident. Even with the price freeze Celestia enacted on everything in the realm for the next year, funding is in short supply.”
“The price freeze is mighty unpopular,” Seville muttered. “Ponies are idiots.”
“Seville, they’re allowed to be idiots.” Shining Armor’s words were soft spoken, but also firm. “And we’re allowed to protect them from their idiocy, even while they bleat and protest about it. Some of the smarter ponies even make good points about the price freeze, but all of those have to do with short term gain versus long term stability.”
“We’re off topic.” Jaw muscles clenching, Luna raised her head high. “So, do we begin working towards the creation of the I.E.A. or not?”
“Yes,” Gosling said, without hesitation. “We should focus our attention and begin planning.”
Blueblood nodded. “I think so, yes.”
“This is my baby, so you know how I feel.” Shining Armor trembled in his seat, unable to contain his excitement. “A lot of good can be done with this, if we tread carefully.”
“Then we are in agreement.” Raising her coffee cup, Luna smiled. “Let wisdom and caution guide our way forward…”
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Wow, Justice League Equestria. XD
So we have earth, fire, heart and captain equestria.we just need wind and water for the full set. Kudzu, you got any in mind?
8112110
Captain Planet beat people with a shield? Huh?
This is not what I expected and a very reasonable way of approaching the issue. Intriguing.
Hmm here is an idea for a well rounded bystander compensation scheme. How about a small tax on stock trading something in the .01 cent area to create a national superhero bystander insurance pool. Now to gain access to that pool you also need to pay a small tax based on the value of all the properties that you own based on independent evaluations this could be a .5 or 1 percent tax lets say on the gross value. I don't know if this would add up in real life im not a statistician nor do I have access to the gdp and associated economic data. being this is fiction. I just came up with this by borrowing some ideas form Bernie Sanders when he was floating around ideas to pay for new infrastructure bill he is pushing. Oh and I almost forgot seized assists of super villains could be added to the pool as well.
8112118
Eh, i see it now as a captain America reference but when I first read it I thought of Tarnish in his heliophant role. It's late and I has the dumb
8112118 so will tarnished gain a group of samurai adolescent frogs to fight side by side with?
This combined with the Stiff Upper Lip society shall give birth to a new chapter in Equestrian justice. The L.O.E.B.
The League of Extraordinary Beings. And now time to find and reread some lineage of extraordinary gentlemen.
The twins just make me smile.
Reminds me of City of Heroes.
https://paragonwiki.com/wiki/Citizen_Crime_Fighting_Act
8112118
Aha, so here's the genesis of the Wipe-Outs, Bashers, et al. Just please tell me you're not planning an equivalent to the Stamford Incident.
PEople are idiots only cause education is lacked and concepts of individuality and developing personality are repressed..... LEast that is how i see it. Shrugs.
Also the fuck is they talking about? The ALREADY have supervillains in the world. A big part of the issue is the fact that there are a lot of beings from werepigs, bitchy cats, and a demon goat who wants to go literally plague and perish with the world, causing nonsense.
Sounds more like that the super hero shtuff is coming along because of those guys.
8112176
In this instance, more comic booky supervillains and less Nightmare Moony world ending villains. It's all about scale.
Also this super hero idea is a bit like an idea i have had XD. Ponies of considerable power exist in the normal populace. And they are part of the reason why ponies have survived. because you never know if a pony you are targeting is gonna be some poor sod that barely has the ability to fight a mouse, or is secretly a demigod level equine that will throw you through a wall with minimal effort XD.
Also i like the mare do well reference :P
So the central character of one universe openly identified himself as Captain Equestria.
The central character of the other is named Bucky and lost several body parts in the process of bein gcorrupted by the darkness.
...
You're sure we're not getting a crossover?
8112180 We already even have those fellows. Cat monkey with eyes near his nose (i am physically incapable of saying his name), is a strong example of a low level threat.
8112228
He's not a pony, is he?
"Ding, first floor, housewares and homemaking." Okay deadpool calm down.
Oh my sweet cheese and crackers, Agents of S.M.I.L.E. is coming!!!
8112230 RAcist!
;p
though far as we know he isn't even race. might have been some fallen godlike being who lost all his power or something.
If some ponies are superheroes, Maud is definitely one
derpicdn.net/img/2015/2/17/830763/large.jpg
sounds like the league of extraordinary gentlemen's
Watchponies?
8112312
You have an army.
We has a Maud.
You get a pony, a stallion, he's real good at punching things. His cutie mark is his own swingin' hoof. Thing is, it's real hard to see on account of being the same color as his fur, yeah? Then he starts brutally training himself, exercising so hard his fur falls out and suddenly you can see it, that one swinging hoof.
You recruit that guy, no matter how stupid he looks!
Ponies taking the Casey Jones method to things, eh?
8112443
Dibs on Dr. Manehattan. You all heard it here.
8112443
Who watches them?
8112249
They already exist in this verse, and have for a very long time.
In the previous story, The Perilous Romance of Swans, Bon Bon and Lyra were on the train.
8112749
Tarnish does have that peculiar blue glow and he ain't been right since coming back from Skyreach.
So this basically means that they can't be sued for shit like in the begining of skyreach. Neat.
Though i wonder who the one in Batimare was. Sounds like something either Cloudy or Twilight would do.
8112790
The chocolate brown pony with the hockey mask?
You mean you don't know?
8112759
Well, appearantly Shiny. That whole operation is his baby.
But in all actuality, probably Luna. I mean, come on. Super Powered Ponies . .
Even if you are THE specialist in shield spells and second strongest Unicorn right after your babysister (yeah, try and live that one down), an Alicorn is probably still better suited in terms of raw Power and Skill to make sure they behave.
8112749
Weak.
The Comaredian. < = Pinkie, obviously.
Ozzymaredias. < = Rainbow Crash . . if she were a bit smarter.
Nightmule. < = Cranky XD
Dr.Manehatten needs to be a Unicorn.
Silk Spectre i do not have a good Horseypun for the name, but needs to be a female Earth Pony.
Rohrschach needs to be a male Eart Pony and i do not have a punny name for him either.
Okay, I have to ask. Skyreach? Where is this story because apparently I can't find it?
Everyone is referring to it and I try to search 'skyreach' and get no love.
Edit: nevermind. Apparently when I log on to mobile it doesn't remember I have mature content as "yes please." Odd, but okay.
8112807
Do you have your settings set to view mature fics? If that is set to off it won't show up.
8112792
Dont think that Tarnish is female.
And yeah, sounds like something either Cloudy or Twi would do. Probobly not them but you get my point.
8112830
It is clear to me now that I am not awake.
It is neither Twilight nor Cloudy.
8112837 Well ya, but my candidate is somepony like Cheerilee, a teacher who got fed up with crime and does that as a sidejob.
Now, it's just a matter of time before we get a disfigured baker putting on a costume to fight crime — erm, kind of — taking the name from the old board allocating leftover goods at the end of the day.
Or at least, I hope it's just a matter of time before we see Breadpool.
8112417 Gentlefillies
4.bp.blogspot.com/-XFKuGJV3O9w/T3tUEyqsurI/AAAAAAAAk_k/xN5R6yQt2k8/s1600/the_league_of_extraordinary_gentlefillies_by_dragnmastralex-d4ultn7.png
8112792 Shoulda been a Kabuki mask
img10.deviantart.net/72fe/i/2015/109/2/9/mask_pony_by_aoifoxtrot-d6txwyd.png
8112091 Justice Steeds
8112478 Rockmare Hulk
derpicdn.net/img/2017/1/1/1329581/full.jpeg
or Raven Maud
orig04.deviantart.net/0e6c/f/2014/076/5/e/raven_maud_pie_by_loki_thecat-d7alki2.png
Possible source for Superponies!
I was hoping for a poop joke
8112812
I had Mature On on my desktop browser, but apparently not when logged in on my phone. I had assumed the Mature setting would be tied to the account, but it wasn't.
8112307
I dunno what the canon for him is, but Ahuizotl is based on the ahuizotl (lol) from Aztec myth.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ahuizotl_(creature)
Oh wow. This is... I have now words.
Will this be included in a different fic or is it already on the site? Either way, having these little tidbits scattered around the Weedverse adds character, depth, and uniqueness to many characters. Even then, not everything that a character does needs to be told to the audience.
I smell... a spinoff!
THE HEROS of S.T.A.B.L.E.
THE EQUESTRIAN LEAGUE
...I am no longer clear as to exactly what happened in the first Manehatten incident. I mean, the details were left vague, presumably on purpose. Well, at least I know Gosling’s opinion of that whole thing, and I will hopefully find out how Tarnish dealt with the bills in the future.
Also, this chapter strayed very close to being too silly. Just a bit.