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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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8260934
True
Needs some spicy cover art.
8260949
I'll keep that in mind.
Interesting.... ill have to keep my eye on this story. You sir just earned a like and a track
8261007
Why thank you
For a human in an alien world, he sure recognized pony females easily... it's almost like he's already been there! Wait...
A xenophilic pony huh? I'm surprised she isn't at the very least disgusted by the hairless, bipedal ape alien that's standing in front of her.
How does he know this? They didn't even have that conversation in this story.
Maybe I missed it, but where did Monterey learn his name?
I've only read Chapter 1, but there are spelling and grammatical errors abound. It didn't seem like you really edited this thing before publishing it. The protagonist is too silent for my own liking, and over the course of this chapter, we never really got a glimpse into the character's mind or motivations. We don't know much about him or his motivations, other than the fact that his name's Casey (which wasn't even introduced at the beginning of the story, but in a random snippet of conversation instead), and that he's some kind of nerd who plays video games. Also, his sudden awakening to the wasteland is a lot less shocking to him than what I'd think for someone suddenly waking up in an alien wasteland. He isn't shocked or afraid. It's almost comical how normal he seems in a totally alien world.
Another thing that irks me is how Casey is being treated by the other characters. They don't really seem frightened or surprised to see him either, given that he's (probably) the first and only human they've ever seen. They're basically treating him like any other pony in the wasteland, instead of the alien creature he's supposed to be. This leads me to question whether or not him being human is even necessary in the first place. If you're going to treat him like a regular Equestrian wastelander, why make him an alien from the human world to begin with?
All in all, after what I've read, this story could use some work. You need to re-read your story and fix the spelling and grammatical errors. Some of the errors are pretty basic stuff, like using 'me' and 'I' incorrectly in sentences like, 'Me and Littlepip' (it should be 'Littlepip and I'). There are also conversation that happen off scene which is strange because it seem like we're missing half of what's actually going on. It isn't appropriate to assume that Casey talked to Littlepip and Monterey, and then refer to them personally in a conversation that never happened. Hell, we didn't even learn the narrator's name until Monterey mentioned it! When did Monterey learn his name? When Casey introduce himself to him? These plot holes are just really confusing and distracting.
When you're writing a story, whether it's based upon another story or an original story by itself, you can't assume that readers know what's going on before they read it. Luckily, I read the original Fallout: Equestria so I kinda know where this story picks up from and who the characters are, but if I was new to the fandom and found this story, I'd have little to no idea what's going on.
8335455
Ok, I see what I've left out.
Will this story have any sex scenes, implied or otherwise, where the woman does most or all of the work?
8492583
Uh... maybe.
The only time you should be using the exact words of the origional fic is lines of dialogue for the ponies who said them. You wouldn't describe things in exactly the same way Littlepip does in your head. You wouldn't say the exact same thing Littlepip does... And I'm pretty sure you're not wearing saddlebags to carry things in. -_-
8493883
You're right, I'll see what I can do.
Thanks! I like the idea of this fic, seeing the reaction of a human to the world with no prior knowledge of it, so it's dissapointing when you end up copy-pasting pip's reactions to everything.
You know what a train is. You didn't think to ask why the train ponies didn't decouple the engine and just take the whisstle from it if it doesn't work? Maybe it's a complicated and arcane device fully intigrated into the engine making the removal impossible. Maybe it's held on by a couple loose bolts but nopony ever thought of it... That sort of thing.
Even if you don't want to deviate all that much from the origional, there's a new party member who needs bottlecaps, food, ammo, equipment etc. You'll need to do more if you don't want to be a drain on the rest of Pip's crew. You could be having a lot more fun with this fic if you wanted. ;)
8494002
Yeah, I'll work on it.
Hmm. So was that intentionally AU or an accident?
Back when FOE was written, twilight was a unicorn and the goddess was created as a result of Twilights attempt to empower unicorns to make super soldiers. I think. its been a while.
I dont even think cadance existed back then either.
8603632
That was intentionally AU. Like my other Fallout Equestria story I wanted include characters new and old that weren't in the original.
I hope Casey can keep Pip away from the bloody Mint-als this time. I really do...
A good fic needs to sleep every once and awhile
Are you going back to this soon or are you looking for inspiration?
Dead?