Vasto Lorde
Joined 23rd Jan, 2017 ·
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The story's premise sounds amazing. Looking forward to it.
A Jason story that's only rated T for Teen?
media.giphy.com/media/glmRyiSI3v5E4/giphy.gif
What would you like me to put the rating as
Could be... Worse. Here is a tip, get an editor. Also, stick to more relevant details, for example, what exactly spike was cooking was not that relevant, and how you gave a more detailed description of how Twilight searched for a book. Now getting in detail with relevant and important parts, like what the statue looked like (if the statue was unimportant then why did you have it as part of the story?) or what Twilight thought, both of the strange voice and the place she was lead to, I mean, she is the main character, right? The next thing is all of the spelling errors, do you not originally speak English or did you just not pay attention in English class at school? If it is the first one then I have seen non-native English speakers with much worse writing english skills than you, and I am sure you will get better as you go, but if it's the other... Well, you're the dumb one for not paying attention.
Anyways, as a final suggestion, rewrite this chapter with all that I said in mind, I mean, even if it gets better, if somepony reads a badly written first chapter they will assume that the rest is just as bad, and will just dislike you and leave without looking any further into it.
Thank you for the information and what is wrong with the story. The spelling mistakes are because i'm writing this story on the phone. My laptop charger has stopped working so I have to use my phone.
7957414 Ah, sorry I didn't get to you earlier. You didn't reply correctly, so I didn't get any notifications. Do you see the little button on the right side inside my, or any other comment? It should look like the fast forward button when you watch a movie on your DVD player, like two "greater than" signs like this
>>
Push that button and on the comment box there should be a
>>
and a number. Like
12345
See the top of my comment, probably why nopony has replied to you. It was sheer luck that I checked in here, to see your reply to me. Speaking of replies, let me help a bit...
7957339 Hey, over here, the author replied to you but foolishly didn't push the reply button. This is me getting your attention for it.
7957414 as far as writing on your phone goes, just look over it and attempt to fix any spelling or grammar mistakes as you normally would. It may be a bit difficult, but it isn't impossible to do, especially if you are determined to write a good story for your audience. Speaking of which, I myself am using a phone. Tell me, do you see any spelling, or grammar mistakes on my comments? Sure they are not exactly the same thing, but it's not like I don't try to catch myself if I make any errors, and check it over just to be sure: phone or no phone.
7979566 He foolishly did not press the reply button giving me the notification that he replied to me. So no, I didn't know he replied to me but I don't need to hear it from you, I need to hear it from the author. He should press the reply button next time.
7957399 Any story that has Jason should be rated M considering there will always be full of blood and gore. If not, then that's automatically out of Jason's character. If the story is just full of Jason attempting to harm someone but fails every time, then the author is basically just fucking Jason.
7979643 After your first comment I did change it to M thanks for suggesting that I should change the rating. Hope to see more of your comments
7979581 Again thank you for the information and how to get replies faster. I sorta new with the sites commenting system.
7980427 ah, you got it correct. Just remember to do what you did before you comment, and good luck with this crazy 'ol site. My bio isn't like it is for no reason at all...
7981811 Thank you
7982095 oh, are you going to try rewriting this? Trust me, it ought to be rewritten.
7982206 Sure I'll think about rewriting it
7987254 Just keep my tips in mind when doing so, good luck.
7987343 Thank you once again. Also intresting bio.
Wow, I actually thought this story was dead! Thank God.
7991459 Sorry my week has been kinda busy.
cool
7987389 not as bad as it was before. It could use improvement, but as they say "practice makes perfect" the more you work on this story, or stories in general, the better you will be at writing them. Some time in the future you should come back and tailor it to perfection, but for now, it is good as it is. I wish you luck on your writing.
I can tell that you are improving in your work. The charecter's actions and reactions were more understandable, and believable. Plus you didn't veer off topic too much. It is by no means a Van Gogh, but it isn't the child's crayon drawing that it originally was.
7991459 oh hush, I have seen stories that update once a month or worse. This is nowhere near dead. Well, yet at least.
7992161
Well mine kinda is, too.
Aw, I thought this was Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers as Power Ponies.
8005320 What
The title is much, much, better, though this is going down in quality from the last chapter. For starters, there seemed to be so much dialog, with so little narration, descriptions, etc. that it seemed more like they were in a chat room, rather than in a place, with things, and, stuff, and stuff. Second, you might want to run through it again for grammar and spelling. Third, there were quite a few places where stuff was just thrown out there, luckily a fair portion of the things were mentioned in the previous chapter, but some of the things seemed to just come out of the blue. Forth, this chapter seemed less like a chapter, and more like a Q and A forum to answer some questions that the readers may have. It just doesn't flow well like this. Now it isn't anywhere near the worst I have ever seen, but it is fairly bad. Oh, I am sorry for being a little late with this comment, I get caught up in things so easily.
8036330 Well thank you again for your wisdom
8036576 Oh hush, I'm not wise. I just know how to talk to make it sound like I am wise. Anyways, hope you have a good day, I guess. I really just don't have anything to say. Even though I just said something, so that is a contradictory statement, so I guess I really do have something to say even if it is saying that I have nothing to say. I should stop before I start rambling again...
Brah...the Necronomicon..really, isn't that from ash vs evil dead?
Hmm it seem that this story just been published, from weeks till now...yeah I've been observing this story timelines
8085480 Yes it is the name of the book.
Welp, they are D.E.A.D
Brah be honest...is this a ash vs evil/jason story
If it is then YES!!
8085538 Sorry but no. But know I have an idea for what my next story could be.
8085574 glad to be assistance...now where did put my pick axe?
Keep going the good work! Its getting very good!!
8088883 Thank You
oh shit
Shit, what the Hell! But how...
8122771 What you have a problem with
8122957 she somehow manage to predict the crime scene in a matter of seconds...
HOW THE HELL DID SHE DO IT!!
8122993 Well Twilight has been reading her book and learning new and more powerful spells than she thought existed. That was why Luna was so shocked. The spell Twilight used to she what happened at the crime scene was beyond what Luna, Celestia, and their parents could ever do. Also she learned the information about the ponies and minotaurs from her time studying under Celestia. So that how she did it.
You are having huge problems with your punctuation. I have seen more than one instance where you forgot to put a space like (begging of example --> ) this,for example.There should be a space after the periods,commas,and other punctuation. (<-- End of example) Next off, I have seen you forget to put end quotes where they should be. Practice your punctuation and the like. You will get better over time, like they say, "practice makes perfect".
One last thing. Please refrain from making anymore clop/porn. Please. That kind of stuff, you have to be a very good author in general, and no offense but, you aren't exactly the most skilled author there is.
8123620 That was the only time I was planning on doing that. I just thought it needed to be there you know since the story has Jason in it. Any Friday the 13 movie has atleast one sex scene.
8123617 I will work in that.
Who made the picture?
8135943 In the story or IRL. If it was in the story then Twilight(aka Galix) made the image appear in Luna's head.
8123853 If this were anything else I would probably say that I am disgusted. Though here, considering that I have seen several of the movies... Good point. Just get some practice. You are steadily improving in leaps and bounds, but to make any form of "sex scene" that isn't grating on the... Eyes? Brain? You get the point, make sure you are more skillful. Honestly, you are nowhere near the best writer here. Now keep in mind, that isn't necessarily a bad thing. I mean, think. Do you think the first song say... Neighthooven ever played, nobles and royalty came from far away lands to listen? What about the first... The point is, you aren't the best, but who is at the start? You have to start at at the ground before climbing up!
8136980 Understood.