- Member Since 3rd Feb, 2016
- offline last seen Yesterday
TheSinsOfOurPast
Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but the highest form of intelligence.
TheSinsOfOurPast
Joined 3rd Feb, 2016 ·
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So far so good. Also rip Morning Blaze.
I really enjoy what you've done with the story so far! It started out with a calm part, but now it gets way darker and more serious. Also, I got most of the references, huge fan of it myself!
Keep up the good work ^^
8367670
Thank you! Really appreciate it.
um.... what?.... what just happened?
8444474
What do you mean exactly?
8444480
i just got blindsided by this new faction joining in the war
hoooooooboy not a description you want to hear attributed to an oc.
4.bp.blogspot.com/-TQmqzIfdmOA/WZz6STxaKmI/AAAAAAAAKtc/Xv0C5UZnjKki0VxQ3XSCWAj96Jv2tHRHgCEwYBhgL/s1600/got_each_other.png
"It's the language of the philosophy the author wishes to write into the story."
You say Elementalists, I say The Avatar
37.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mczu0dlATZ1rjg0m8o1_500.gif
Hello plot point retroactively inserted into the narrative, been enjoying your nonexistent stay so far?
That explains the insanity that is the pie family. Also apparently in setting the planet is a being with agency and not a giant rock upon which plant and animal life inhabits.
Has it been a year? I can't tell.
You mean her expression?
"Of course not, aren't you paying attention? I'm a flawless snowflake who can do no wrong and Celestia is pure evil!"
Betray the mentor who practically serves as a secondary mother figure to you around whom you based most of your life and self worth? And also Celestia?
.........
.........seriously?
.......convenient.
Well...that was absolutely devoid of challenge or tension. Not even going to test their abilities or doubt them at all? Okay, the story'll just hand them their bat ponies.
This is how you can tell the author is a part of the new lunar republic. It was easy as easy gets to convert Twilight away. With Twilight not even giving her mentor a chance to explain herself.
How is this desperate? This is basic criminal response for crying out loud!
Not even going to question that one Twilight? Not even a little? Not the tiniest hint of curiosity that might lead to Luna being challenged on her super duper victim narrative at all? Itty bitty bit?
It's at this point she really should wake up and see the growing evil that's overtaking her.
Wait, Blaze operates out of Canterlot. How in the heck did she know Twilight was 'in danger' let alone get there in time?! Further flipping more what mercy?! She was about to be arrested, as in captured, not killed. Fucking deus ex machina. At least have her rescued by some of Capones goons, at least that would have made sense!
Equines don't really eat meat, so why are there fish markets?
Also don't think I haven't noticed that you're ripping off the admirals from One Piece.
That is...decidedly anti celestia. Not just out of character, but absolutely anti celestia.
Hah.
And that's all it takes to undermine Celestias authority. Blaze should fire these clowns on principle.
Actually you did, alongside Pinkie and Twilight, you three joined Luna, you literally started this.
Were this any closer to canon I'd half be expecting Fluttershy to stare them into submission or something. But I get the feeling more bloodshed is on the way with Fluttershy at the helm this time.
Ah yes, the japanese ruler of the middle eastern inspired nation.
Wait, if they're tracking her blood then why aren't they attacking her?
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The power balance was already lopsided as all get out, now this? Better have a good way to make this NOT super extra unbeatably OP
...why? Don't get me wrong, it is. But literally nothing has changed to cause this feeling. Things have to happen for a reason. That's narrative causality 101.
"If you were anypony else she could rot in the deepest depths of Tartarus for all I care!"
If she saw them coming with her eyes then it wasn't a prediction, but if it was a prediction then there's no way she should have been able to guess that.
Yeah, a million is a statistic but you just crossed the moral event horizon
Seriously, is loyalty like some premium ultra rare commodity in this Equestria?!
Well that was uncalled for.
Seriously, she killed her own brother, but kept this character alive? Author are you showing serious favoritism?
"I mean, she acts like I sneaked into the castle and assassinated dozens upon dozens of guards and an innocent pony or something! I mean, talk about unreasonable!"
Slowly becoming? Has there even been a single victory on Celestias side?
Rip stuff from One Piece or The Legend of Zelda, this videogamey stuff kinda clashes with the One Piece meets Game of Thrones stuff you got going in Equestria
Seriously, aside from Super OC can anypony call shenanigans on Lunas clearly one sided story? Are their brains chemically capable of doing so?
No, but you might as well have. Seriously, you've been as effective as a wet blanket during a volcanic eruption. Semi immortal sun goddess my ass, freakin' do something with all that power! Luna's doing so just fine! And where's Cadence in all of this? Come to think of it, where's Spike? He kind of just dropped out of existence. I'm surprised Twilight hasn't leapt at the opportunity to corrupt Spike and turn him into a giant killer dragon, and Cadence should be a screaming maniac out for Twilights head over the death of Shining Armor.
Three guesses what Fluttershy is going to find at the end of the temple.
8541199
Saddle Arabia was the closest completely canon thing that was available xD
Also, thanks for all the feedback. Once I'm done with this fanfic I want to go over the earlier chapter and potentially change a few minor things. Starting out as a writer is definitely not easy, and I need all the critique I can get ^^
8541939
That's fine. I'm sorry if it comes off as overly negative. I'm genuinely enjoying the fic as a whole, but my way of commenting is to stop and give my thoughts and feelings at the time. No real future knowledge like with Celestias plan with Pinkamena being a ruse and not an actual execution..
8542016
I definitely understand that ^^ I'm grateful for genuine critique, and it might sound bad, but if you enjoy the story I would also be really grateful about for a rating or follow. I know it's generally unacceptable to ask for that, but new stories from not extremely talented writers usually get not that much attention.
8542027
I'd give it a 7/10. It's extraordinarily derivitive. See my Legend of Zelda vs One Piece Game of Thrones comment, and the war has been fairly lopsided in Twilights favor, but all in all I'm enjoying it and curious to see what happens next, so good job! And don't worry, I'll be sure to follow to see how your writing career on here goes! You'll probably be hearing from me a lot.
8542036
Thank you ^^ I'll definitely try to improve over time. Also curious to write more, maybe something less dark or even comical, it entirely depends on my motivation and time schedule. I'm not willing to start writing and not give it the time it deserves.
Typical linear thinking. Just because the second floor is the second doesn't mean it's the second destination.
Well if they DID stop time then they'd have bigger issues than two ponies coming for them. Such as their own freezing, which is demonstrably not what happens, or being unable to move due to oxygen particles being frozen in time and thus unmoving. Probably some form of hypnosis to make them think time stopped.
cue a paranoid Twilight thinking she's lost Raritys loyalty and using mind control to enforce her will. Or something like that, just calling it now.
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