• Member Since 24th Aug, 2016
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Thunderman1984


T

A friend and I go on a camping trip and find ourselves lost in time and space. Chaos ensues.
Written by me and a friend who wanted to do a similar thing to Whatmustido's Diaries of a mad man.
Sorry about long update times, we are both new to this and want to get it right.

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 3 )

Bad pacing, dialogue, plot, and "OC"s.
I'll just leave my red thumb and go.

8585114
I realized the dialogue problem right after we posted it. They are not oc's they are actually self insterts, mostly. The pacing was wonky cause of the fact my co-author wanted to try for 15,000 word count on our first chapter and I didnt talk him down till it was closer to the end of the chapter. The plot is so not done. I honestly thank you for your criticism and I am sorry you dont like the story so far, it will hopefully be better a little as time goes on, but me and my co author are not writing this for the readers, but for ourselves. Again thank you for you honesty and I hope you at least keep an eye on the story because me and him have big plans for the story.

... Eeeeehhhh.

Not really my cup of tea... the constant switching between perspectives is one of the most major problems with this story from what I can see.

In a nutshell, it's an alright story idea, with a fun goal of cooperation, that's overshadowed by the grammatical problems. It needs work.

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