• Member Since 22nd Nov, 2015
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Titan Commander Sebaste

Guardians, roll out!



Cover pic by Manual Control (Thx so much man!)

Never forgive, Never forget - Motto of the Dark Angels

Spartans never die... They're just missing...

After buying weapons from an unknown vendor at Comicon, Viktor, Sebastian and Alexandra are sent into a world where a war is tearing the country apart. And this is not the only threat they face.... for other threats lurk in the shadows... and along the way, they will discover that they're not the only ones out there....

I do not own Halo, Warhammer 40,000, SoulCalibur or MLP, all rights belong to their respective owners

Nyx belongs to Pen Stroke (I highly recommend checking out his story!)

Rated teen for mild swearing and mild gore

Chapters (18)
Comments ( 193 )

For future reference, please explain why you downvoted my story, instead of just downvoting it and not saying anything, I'm just... really getting tired of people not explaining why they didn't like my stories...

Italics may be too long in some spots.

i actually didn't read the first version since didn't have time and it eventually got buried under other stories in my read-It later folder....:twilightsheepish:

So... When will crossovers happen? Much later?

7459674 I'll try and pm you the next chapter doc tomorrow when I get the chance

7459711 Have you chosen who you want to crossover with?

The Comicon start could be a reason of peoples turning away from your story or downvoting it

7459754 Marsara offered to do a crossover so that my guys can learn how to make their tokens, after that, I'll be able to officially Crossover with your characters in the Doom story

Indeed, I still await the call to help edit and fact check for Halo by the way.

Imperial Guard flak jacket over a and a pair of Khaki pants and boot

is there something missing here?

Or is there a typo...

You do realize Space Marines and SPARTANS can go days without sleep, right?

7474598 Yes, but remember they're still getting used to their new bodies

7474599 This isn't a matter of getting used to a new body; their genetics have been changed to allow them to fight for days without any harm to their body. They literally shouldn't feel tired this early in.

7474660 I'll make sure to add that later in the story, right now, they still need to get used to getting changed into three futuristic super soldiers

I'm loving this, I hope you get through this rewrite quicker than I have for mine buddy

How big are the ponies? Because if they are smaller than a human than the Bolt round would have completely removed its upper body due to the internal explosion.

Also: Don't make the Humans Bow or Salute the princesses. The Princesses aren't their princess so bowing them to is the same as pledging your allegiance to them, and unless they are going to do that than bowing would be a great insult.

If they end up in the dungeon, I'm gonna be pissed.

After adding this to AD, I tried to reread and see if my opinion might've changed but...no.
One of the basic rules of writing is Show, Don't Tell. Going off the first chapter alone, obviously disregarded. Not a very good idea. So there's that.
The dialogue. Oh, the dialogue. Forgetting the clumsy exposition dump, the OCs alone sound really forced and, well, bad. "Hurtville"...
Now, the premise. I understand that you're a fan of these franchises. None of us here aren't. But was it really necessary to write yourself into the story, arbitrarily gaining awesome/supercool abilities and going to Equestria? Come on man, that's one of the worst ways to kill any reader immersion that MAY have survived the first chapter. That, and more than a few people still remember SHINRA High, so this plot (which just happens for no reason) really isn't the ideal framework for a story. Better people have torn apart the Displaced fad in a much more concise and detailed manner, so this is all I'll say on the subject.

P.S. This comment has been screen capped in case of deletion, blocking, or moderator intervention.

7486053 But let me guess, you didn't like it? Then maybe try a different story mate, because I'm not gonna tolerate any negative criticism on my story.

7486103 Criticism is neither negative nor positive. It's there to point out what a reader/editor noticed on a creative work. Considering that it's impossible to grow in writing without people pointing out where you dropped the ball, I just hope you grow out of this mindset. It's thinking like this that doomed Jussonic, Chatoyance, Stephanie Meyer, and Amy's Baking Company.
But to answer your question, no. I did leave a thumbs down and admit to adding to the group Absolutely D********g.

7486129 Look... I know you don't like the genre, but quit trying to have me quit writing Displaced! I don't go telling you to give up writing something just because I don't like it, now do I? Just... leave my story out of it alright? I've already had a hard time last night because some idiot put both this and the old version in the "Absolutely Disgusting" group, and I'm still annoyed with that bit. So unless you have something actually constructive to tell me, then I bid you good bye

7486151 When have I ever said "quit writing"? Please point out where in my comments anything like that was said. What's wrong with Absolutely Disgusting? You hid it from the groups list, so it's not like a new reader's going to know.

7486160 Okay, If I can make a suggestion to you? LEAVE MY STORIES ALONE!
Seriously, I do try my best okay?! But nooooo, you go and add my story that practically mocks any Displaced story! WTF man?

Ugh.... I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to ask that you don't read any of my stories from now on, I still think you're a great guy, but I don't want your involvement in any of my stories.

7486193 If feedback offends you this much, why are you posting on a public forum? If I was being vulgar, abusive, or obscene I'd agree, but what do you have against a comment that isn't empty praise?

7486200 It's not that, I do appreciate the feedback, but it's just that I'm just really ticked off that my story was put in that particular group. I may make some mistakes, but I've gotten better since I first started writing. It just... really gets my goat when people do this to a story I've been working really hard on improving. Just...leave my stories alone okay? Just don't comment or leave a like or dislike.

7486211 I don't think you understand how the groups on this site work. They're going to come, whether you give permission or not. Really, all reacting like this is going to do is start a low grade feeding frenzy. Hence, my recommendation made in a previous comment.

7486264 I know, and.... I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have really reacted like that, I was just really frustrated and as such, clouded my better thinking. So if I ended up upsetting you, I apologize.

Are they going to get a standard pattern Baneblade I so hopes because nothing would be able to withstand super heavy tank awesomeness or maybe some earth shakers

7486556 You'll find out... and the tanks in here are actually different than the 40K tanks

We need more the UNSC High command and the emperor demand more!!:flutterrage:
If that's ok:fluttercry:

7487249 Don't you worry, fourth chapter is in the works! Your demands shall be met!

Pinkie was armed with what looked like a grenade launcher.

I'm calling it right the fuck now; that's her present equivalent of/upgrade to the party cannon. Even if it turns out I'm wrong, which I probably am, it's still gonna be my headcanon.

7493923 Oh she still has her Party cannon, but it did get a bit of an upgrade....

As do I my friend! May the Force be with you till next we write!:raritywink:

Heh. Even if they know to be wary of Ahriman, they don't know what he's truly capable of!
But yeah, great chapter!

the equestrian black crusade dose that mean the black Templars or the gray knight will show up ?

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