7875863 And here we have the great plot hole of every mlp themed slave rape fic. Although, who are we kidding? Our great voyeur princess is watching Scootaloo get raped in her dream and she thinks, "This is my fetish."
7876170 A tricky plot hole to do, considering some folks consider Luna's dream-walking and then her taking matters into her own hooves as close to a Deus ex Machina as the MLP universe basically allows.
7876283 7876170 Moreover, Luna's dreamwalking is not something I would put much trust in anyhow. She did nothing to help the ponies under Starlight's rule, she did nothing while Cadance was trapped below Canterlot... Luna the Dreamwalking Saviour is, at best, totally schattershot. That's like hoping for Celestia to have a vision. Possible... in theory.
i don't see how Luna's Dreamwalking would be a Dues Ex Machina, she can visit dreams but she can't tell where the dreamer is so it won't help he with tracking down lost foals, a tracking spell would of course tell you where they are, but you would need something of what your tracking to find it, a feather, clump of fur/mane/tail, and it wouldn't tell you "they are here" but it would tell you "there in this direction", a unicorn with a cutie mark in tracking (or an alicorn with a lot os skill in magic) might be able to "feel" how strong the "pull" is and give you an estimate of the distance but it wouldn't be "cast spell and an X appears on the map", in addition to that, the father away you are the larger the range for the distance estimate, before long its "somewhere in this small city sized area" after you do the triangulation to figure out where the area is. im all for magic being used to solve problems but i like my magic to have rules and limitations and not just be the "wave something and your problems vanish" kind
I don't like rape stories but at the same time, I like mystery, so I'm kinda interested on how they escape and if Scootaloo kills them, with that attitude she has it makes me think she will murder them herself.
7883297 I can certainly agree with the first two points. I wish I had spent more time on Scootaloo's first rape scene, and the mention of Sweetie Belle's horn ring reads really awkwardly to me now. Would you mind explaining the final point though? I'm not saying you're wrong, I would just like a more detailed explanation of what you feel I could have done better.
7883318 Too much just happens too fast, and it's a little jarring. The blowjob scene that takes up most of it also seems a bit awkward because neither of them really hesitate and Apple Bloom seems to casually tell Sweetie what to do. I think this probably shouldn't've been one chapter.
Welp. Couldn't say she didn't try...
7875863
And here we have the great plot hole of every mlp themed slave rape fic.
Although, who are we kidding? Our great voyeur princess is watching Scootaloo get raped in her dream and she thinks, "This is my fetish."
7876170 A tricky plot hole to do, considering some folks consider Luna's dream-walking and then her taking matters into her own hooves as close to a Deus ex Machina as the MLP universe basically allows.
7876848
pls moar
7876283
7876170
Moreover, Luna's dreamwalking is not something I would put much trust in anyhow. She did nothing to help the ponies under Starlight's rule, she did nothing while Cadance was trapped below Canterlot... Luna the Dreamwalking Saviour is, at best, totally schattershot. That's like hoping for Celestia to have a vision. Possible... in theory.
7876903
Hm, good point
7876900
With pleasure
7876903 Point taken.
i don't see how Luna's Dreamwalking would be a Dues Ex Machina, she can visit dreams but she can't tell where the dreamer is so it won't help he with tracking down lost foals, a tracking spell would of course tell you where they are, but you would need something of what your tracking to find it, a feather, clump of fur/mane/tail, and it wouldn't tell you "they are here" but it would tell you "there in this direction", a unicorn with a cutie mark in tracking (or an alicorn with a lot os skill in magic) might be able to "feel" how strong the "pull" is and give you an estimate of the distance but it wouldn't be "cast spell and an X appears on the map", in addition to that, the father away you are the larger the range for the distance estimate, before long its "somewhere in this small city sized area" after you do the triangulation to figure out where the area is. im all for magic being used to solve problems but i like my magic to have rules and limitations and not just be the "wave something and your problems vanish" kind
just my 2 bits
I don't see a tragedy tag, so if this doesn't end with the fuckers killed in horrifying and creative ways, I'm gonna be beyond pissed.
I don't like rape stories but at the same time, I like mystery, so I'm kinda interested on how they escape and if Scootaloo kills them, with that attitude she has it makes me think she will murder them herself.
7881419
She would certainly love to
Felt a bit rushed or awkward at points, like Scootaloo's first rape and the mention of the horn ring (and Sweetie/AB being let out in general).
7883297
I can certainly agree with the first two points. I wish I had spent more time on Scootaloo's first rape scene, and the mention of Sweetie Belle's horn ring reads really awkwardly to me now. Would you mind explaining the final point though? I'm not saying you're wrong, I would just like a more detailed explanation of what you feel I could have done better.
7883318
Too much just happens too fast, and it's a little jarring. The blowjob scene that takes up most of it also seems a bit awkward because neither of them really hesitate and Apple Bloom seems to casually tell Sweetie what to do. I think this probably shouldn't've been one chapter.
7883349
Ah! I get where you're coming from now. Thanks again for the continued feedback, it really is helpful.
I really liked how the chapter went and I can't wait for the next chapter to be really.
7901766
Glad you enjoyed it. I am hoping to have the chapter finished up in the next couple of days.