Okay, that’s it! the escape was worth a try. I don't know if you can the royal guard a SWAT Unit in certain Situations ( the wonderbolts suit that role more) but now, i can't help but imagine that they would ram a SWAT van into the building like the SWAT teams in payday do. Or that someone pays the payday Gang to save them.

This was not what I imagined. As much as I hate to say it. This chapter was total bullshit.

I seriously thought no no, HOPED that they would've made it away and back home and I'm pretty sure a lot of others who follow this story will agree.

This chapter is terrible!

8003349 THANK YOU!!

Another fellow who agrees with me.

Personally maybe extremely painful torture for the kidnappers (and buyers if needed)

8003360
To be fair, the ending was in the title from the very beginning. I can't help what you hoped would happen, I can only follow through with the story I had planned.

8003369 well it could've been that they learned from the expirences and try to stop things like this in the future!

This chapter was terrible beyond a doubt. It gets a hate from me

8003368 (jacket recorder voice) do you know what time it is?

8003375 um.......time to write a story?

8003369 it's your story, you decide what to do. It's just, given that the cmc is related to the Mane 6 who have a high Reputation, I can't help but imagine that they will do anything to find them. And who messes with the cmc messes with the Mane 6

8003382
They would do anything to find the CMC, but there's a limit to how much that can do. Equestria's a big place. I have a sneaking suspicion that you will enjoy the alternate ending though.

8003377 that too. That was related to the torture you mentioned. Jacket is a playable character from payday 2 who killed a cloaker ( special enemy) With a Hammer in his trailer. The line "do you know what time it is?" Is said by him before he kills the cloaker.

Keep doing what you do M8, thanks for the mention great job on this chapter and looking forward to the good ending.

8003383 (the kidnappers see SWAT teams surrounding the building "OH BUCK!" They yell.)
(POLICE ASSAULT IN PROGRESS)

8003387
Thanks I'm looking forward to more of that comic.

8003384 oooohhhhhh.

Now it makes sense

Well... not the happy ending many of us had hoped for... that bit with Applebloom getting so close to Ponyville got my hopes up, made me think you'd have a twist near the end where she was seen, and she (and her captor) would be followed back to the hideout, and THEN they get busted/rescued.

Sorry girls, looks like no happy ending here.

But, then again, it's your story, it's your decision on how it ends. Still one of the best clop fics I've seen on this site, and, while not a happy ending like I would have preferred, it's still a good, bittersweet ending. Bravo, good sir, bravo.

On another note, however, I couldn't help but notice that the story is still marked as incomplete...

8003399 i can Show you the trailer later if you want.

8003402
Thank you! As for the fact that it's marked incomplete, I wan't sure what to do there. The main story is over, but I have an alternate ending that I've already started, a bonus chapter focusing on the next few fillies that Onyx and crew take in, and a few sequel chapters showing what happens to each of the CMC after the ending. Should it be marked complete anyway since the main plot is over?

8003406 maybe. But I have a idea.

Why not write a follow-up story to this where somepony actually finds the kidnappers, tortures them, and goes and rescues the CMC (I'm asking you cause I got two incomplete stories to do)

8003411
Alright, sorting through my personal opinions on what you said here...

Given the previous comments, some of your own comments here, and side blogs, I THINK I can safely assume that the alternate ending is a 'good ending' that many readers wanted. I imagine a good number of them will then proceed to forget the actual canon ending you used, because everyone wants a happy ending.

The bonus chapter you mentioned... I don't really see it as being necessary, or even relevant, to the story you presented to us here, that being the CMC being abducted, raped, and trained into sex slaves. It was always about the CMC and their trials, in my mind at least. That being said, I wouldn't be averse to it being put in, either.

Sequel chapters showing what happened to the CMC after? Yeah, good idea, interested.

And marking it as complete or not?... I have seen some stories where chapters and bonus stuff were added on after the story itself was marked as complete, but I'd say leave it as incomplete, seeing as you do have more content planned.

8003430
Thanks for the quick feedback. I think I'll leave it as incomplete for now. As for that bonus chapter, it actually relates to one of the CMC's sequel chapters down the road in a big way.

8003428 i write on 3 imcomplete stories, so I can't too

8003436 damn.

Just remember it then. Possible collab in the future

I don't know who upvoted my comment with the "POLICE ASSAULT IN PROGRESS" But to any who know payday, which of the (beautiful) assault tracks would fit and which risk Level? I would say death wish or one down

8003439 i will though mature stories aren't my like to write

8003369
Dude, your blog post about what we think of the ending was basically an equivalent of you dangling a carrot in front of us. You made us think they're weak at least somehow influenced how it ended. That's not really fair to those of us who were clinging to that spark of hope you gave us.

If you're gonna ask s it we'd want to see them get a happy ending, don't just shove all those answers to the side.

We don't WANT the happy ending to be an alternate one, we want to see the CMC EARN their freedom after everything they've been through. We WANT to the happy ending to be the REAL ONE, because otherwise you suddenly pulling the rug out from under our feet like that comes off as a smack to the face.

Please, just make the happy ending the real one.... Otherwise you're giving the CMC a shit ending just for the sake of giving them a shit ending.

8003487
I'm sorry if I gave that impression. The reason I wrote that blog post wasn't to dangle a carrot it was for 2 reasons.
1- To get ideas for the good ending. You know, to make it more satisfying.
2- To try and see how best to present the main ending to people who might not otherwise like it.
Also, there are reasons I chose this as the main ending beyond just a failed attempt to be edgy.

8003511
You could've made that more clear in the first place, you barely even MENTIONED how the main ending was going to go. You made it sound like our opinions would have some bearing in the final chapter. And then suddenly this chapter just kill s any hope we had for that.

And what WAS the reason for this being the main ending? Because at this point the only way you'd actually make it satisfying now is that you make the happy ending the real one, otherwise it just feels like you gave us false hope for the CMC.

8003524
Your opinions DID affect the ending though. I completely revised the tone of the ending from what it originally was supposed to be to try and make it a bit more palatable without sacrificing the intention of the story.
I didn't mention whatvthe ending was going to be like, because why would I ever deliberately spoil my own ending.
As for the reasons I chose to end it this way? I'm only going to post one reason now, because I have class here in a few minutes. Simply speaking this is a story about the CMC being sold into sexual slavery. Ending with a happy ending would be like ending Romeo and Juliet with Romeo mystically coming back to life and the two of them getting married. It would defeat the entire point of the story.
I fully understand why you are upset/disappointed, but please at least consider why I might have chosen to end it like this rather than just insinuating that I just being an emotionally manipulative jerk.

8003562

Ending with a happy ending would be like ending Romeo and Juliet with Romeo mystically coming back to life and the two of them getting married. It would defeat the entire point of the story.

Those are two entirely different things, that fact of the matter is that you made us think our opinions would help save the CMC, you made it sound like you were giving us a choice. You didn't have to spoil the ending to get across what you were trying to ask of us, you worded it poorly, so we assumed our opinions mattered in the grand scheme of things, and you can't really say that it did when both versions of your ending would have pretty much been the same: "CMC escape, get caught and raped, bad ending, game over."

The way you set it up you basically had us believe that it was about the CMC overcoming hardships and escaping that hellhole. I didn't expect them to live happily ever after what with the mental scarring at all, but I did expect to at least be rewarded in the end with being reunited with their loved ones. Simply labeling the good ending as an alternate ending just cheapens the hope and worry we invested in these characters.

Hell, you could have given us a small glimmer of hope by at least having one of them successfully escape! I'm sorry if being emotionally manipulative wasn't your intent, but as it currently stands unless you're planning a canonical sequel where they do successfully escape, that's all this ending is at the moment. And if you are at least be more clear on that and don't be so vague, all that succeeds in doing is pissing off readers when you pull the rug out from under them, not the best way to get more readers.

You want to earn back some upvotes and make up for that? Make the alternate ending the true one.

You know one very good thing about this story?

It helped me decided to never read foalcon/rape ever again.
Not because it was bad written, mind you.
On the contrary, I feel better now that I read it and I realized why I was feeling bad about it. And I was so horrified that I realized I couldn't take any more of this.
I don't know if your purpose was to arouse or sick the reader (probably both) but you succeeded.

Quickly scrolling your blogs, I wasn't able to understand if you have more stories planned in future. I hope so because I really want to see you writing something else.

Also, I've seen that there will be an alternate ending... I don't know how to feel about that. Probably, you just saw that everybrony here claimed the blood of those three asshorses and you didn't want to disappoint them completely. Now, I was hoping for that too but now... it just feels like a hollow promise.
On the other hand, if you want to write it you are free to do that. A lot of people do, especially over this site.

8003610
You are correct that the goal of this fic was to both arouse and sicken the reader. I do actually have some other fics planned, one of which I plan to start on very soon. As for the alternate ending? You hit the nail on the head. It is only going to exist because I saw how many readers really wanted to see it. It was not originally planned. However, I actually have an idea in mind for it that will prevent it from feeling like it defies the original work.

8003583
Quoted from the blog post in question, "The next chapter is the primary ending. I have it all planned out, and have started on it." I sincerely don't see how you interpreted that as me giving you the choice to save the CMC. It was an opinion poll, that's it.
As for the "...having the CMC overcoming hardships and escaping that hellhole." If I was writing a story about the CMC overcoming an obstacle, I'd have them start incapable of overcoming that obstacle, but becoming strong as the fic went on. That's basic narrative progression. I didn't do that. I had the CMC weaken and break with every chapter. Scootaloo starts by headbutting a rapist in the chin. By the second to last chapter she was meetly allowing Onyx to have his way with her, and couldn't even meet his eyes. That's not the character progression of a story with a happy ending.

8003663
It still feels like too much of a sudden step backwards into a bad ending... I have to know; will there be a more uplifting sequel? I got invested in this because I wanted to at least see the CMC somehow find a away out...

Helk, are we ever going to see how their sisters are taking it? Or at least them getting a lead on finding them? That scene in "A Message from Home" just comes off as false hope now...

8003673
This first statement, about the shift in tone being too sudden, I can't really argue against. I have had problems with pacing in my stories before, and it's too early for me to be able to objectively look at this chapter and see if that's the case here.
There will be sequel chapters, yes. The tone for them I would describe as bittersweet. Since these are side chapters, I'm not as against spoiling them. So, I'll say that they are about each of the CMC finding some form of comfort, or even slight revenge, despite everything that's happened/is happening to them.
The message from "A Messenge From Home" was meant as an emotional reminder of the caring families the CMC have. We won't be seeing the sisters directly, but we will learn how they have emotionally dealt with their loss, and at least one moment of sweet delicious karma.

8003562
Ok I see your point of view and it makes me sick that you like writing/thinking about this kinda story. Never ever gonna watch another story like this and hope that maybe it'll end at least better (they're already seriously emotinally hurt anyway)
No offense.

Will you have both a bad ending / good ending chapter. I'd like to see what pinkie does to these guys after rainbow applejack and rarity throw them in her basement. You wrote it very well thought and I give credit were it's due. But truthfully I usually don't read dark fics like hypnosis mind control rape etc so it leaves me regretting reading not because your writing was bad ..which it wasn't.. I just think me being uncomfortable with the subject matter left me feeling to judgemental. But I will thumbs up because the piece itself was good.

8003726
Rainbow, Applejack, and Rarity would never pawn of the work to Pinkie Pie. They'd get their own revenge.

8003720
No offense taken.

8003697

Here's hoping they eventually do get free, if not soon then in the far future.

8003773
I'd like to thank you for keeping your disagreement with me civil.

8003841
I sent you a PM about that I thought

The read was a guilty pleasure of mine but in the end I guess I just hoped it'd magically go back to the status quo. You know - with the three fillies back in the loving arms of their family. It hits harder this way for sure, but it leaves me feeling... I guess empty and unsatisfied.

That's just how it goes with bad endings though. The story delivered what it promised.

Dude I loved this ending and I'm sure I'm the only one that wanted this story to end that way. I will probably ignore the "good" ending because it's non canon but if you have sequels to this I'm all for it.

8004812
Thanks! I'm really glad that you enjoyed it.

8004828 No problem, I might get called a sick fuck for liking this but whatever I don't care. This was a great story and hope we see more of the CMC adjusting to their new lives.

Holy shit, that ending was depressing. I was enjoying this story, but that ending hit hard.

8004840
You will get to see more of the CMC's new lives (hey I worked in a title drop.) I promise.

8004845
Depressing in a good way?

8004880 If you mean heart crushingly painful, then yes, a good way.

8004874 YAY!