styx
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Alright
Good so far
Interesting approach. Can't wait to see how this continues. Good beginning although the pacing was a bit quick. Keep it up.
Nice continuation of the story presented. It is good so far although Chrysalis transition from being depressed and crushed to "just" confused and playing along with anything Celestia does was kind of abrupt. But the interactions between Celestia and Chrysalis were well written and felt real. Also I love your idea of Chrysalis being able to feed from ambient feelings. Can't wait to see this story continue. Keep the good work up.
PS: Just a little sidenote: This is just a personal oppinion but it always takes me out when I read a character from MLP say "fuck/fucking" in a story that is supposed to go for an approach that mirrors the actual show (unless it wasn't your intention and you took these liberties knowingly; then I apologize) especially coming from a regal character in a situation that is not that out of the ordinary. Just a personal tidbit feel free to ignore it :).
7848377 Thanks for the feedback dude. And the thing with the swearing was intentional. My goal was to give the characters more personality and in my minds eye Luna is the more 'vulgar' princess. To me if I just followed the template the actual show laid down it would be really PG. I have always felt that to make something real or believable there needs to be real interactions there. Like if someone did that to me or most people I know they would be absolutely pissed. Just kind of went off that idea. Anyway thanks again for the feedback.
Another neat chapter. Keep the good work up.
Why is this story rated M?
7889423 mainly to cover any language, sexual reference, or otherwise lewd thing I decide to put in cuz what is romance without some good ol' fucking
Nice new chapter. Showing the progression of Chrysalis quite well keep the good work up.
Didn't mind the chapter length btw.
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well that explains so much it's scary.
There's an easier way to pick up a stallion, just use levitation magic or grip them tightly with your hooves/'other biological grasping devices' and lift them upwards off of the ground.
Huh, changelings excrete MDMA. Who knew?
You didn't. Both times, you lost because of your own cockiness.
7891104 In that case, there should be a sex tag.
7934880
I could think of a metric ton of villains that would have won if they didn't gloat about their victory a minute before deciding to kill their opponents.
This is a very nice story, but please, please, try and get somebody to read over it?
The jumping between tenses, the sometimes broken grammar and spelling errors really make it harder for me to enjoy this.
7950138 Hey dude thanks for the feedback about the tenses and grammar. In the new chapter I tried my best to fix that (cuz I noticed I went between tenses way more than I thought I did). If I keep seeing feedback similar to yours about the tenses and grammar I'll look into getting an editor. Seriously thanks for being honest.
7934880 actully by a dues ex machina that no one saw coming
7963833 Both of which could have been avoided if she wasn't so damn arrogant. When Cadance said she combine their love to activate Shining's shield. she laughed forgetting Shining's love allowed her to beat Celestia's flank. Chrysalis thought that Starlight Glimmer wasn't worth replacing and lock what happened.
7963906 to be fair, name one story where they used a deus ex machina and the villain actually stopped it?
Rule of English to fix a few paragraphs: New speaker, new paragraph. If Chrysalis is talking at the beginning of the paragraph, when Celestia speaks, start a new one. It's ease and convenience and it causes me confusion for a few seconds when people don't follow this rule as I have to now figure out who is speaking at any given moment in a paragraph. This obviously also takes me out of the work and detracts from my overall enjoyment of this interesting piece.
7963989
Watchmen.
Finally found the time to continue reading your story. Again have to say enjoyed the story although I personally felt the events of the last two chapters a bit rushed. I did however like that you set up the Reptiles a chapter beforehand, so it didn't feel completly out of the blue when they attacked. The passage when Celestia sees Baphomet was a bit confusing, considering that the perspectiv switches between Chrysalis to Celestia without really easing you in, but after reading that part again I got it. I personally am not the biggest fan of letting a story getting so dark so quickly but you handled it well for the most part and still put the characters at the center. So overall good chapters. Keep the good work up.
Bingo! Give the princess a prize!! Now, let's see what happens to my favorite monarch.
True but I don't want her gone
That is a damn lie. Shit goes on you just don't see it. Also since twilight has been a thing you have no choice but to see it.
You were foolish and greedy. Even now, with no magic, I could take the throne.