Luna is trying to sleep but is pranked by Philimena which enlightens her to the idea that if she had a pet then maybe night duties would not be so lonely for her. Having read the friendship reports she decided to go to Fluttershy for help. At first this is unsuccessful but after a few meetings there is sightings of a strange creature in Ponyville that's causing some mild havoc. Fluttershy and Luna decide to go and investigate, leading to some interesting truths and more than one new friend for Luna.
Chapters (2)
So far, it's a good story.
I would recommend a few things
-Improve formatting, such as indents for new paragraphs and speech
-Double check your use of punctuation, particularly commas. Sometimes you have them where not needed, some are missing.
Other than that, I've enjoyed this very much and I'm looking forward to see where you go with it.
A good start.
839163
Okay. Thanks. I'll try and improve on the issues you find. Would you mind giving me an example of where I used a comma needlessly and when I forgot one please? If it's not too much trouble.
839319
I've reread the chapter, and I like the changes you've made so far. I will apologize for the comment about using extra commas. I couldn't find an example. All the commas in here are used properly. I'll chalk it up to being tired when I first read this.
That said, here are a few examples of missing commas:
1. Whenever a character directly addresses another, a comma is used to show who is being spoken to.
--What can I do for you Princess?” Needs a comma after you (This is shortly after Luna arrives at Fluttershy's)
2. Separate descriptive adjectives of the same object with commas
--Luna moved like a zombie over to the large plump silk encased black cushion There should be commas after large, plump and encased
---This seems to be your weakest point in comma usage, as I saw a few descriptions lacking the commas. Your descriptions are great, though.
3. Whenever you start a sentence with words like However, Yes, and Well, place a comma after the word
--However now she was giving the owl a stern talking to, A comma should be placed after the word However.
A website I've found that should help you with these (and pretty much all the rules) isPurdue OWL: Commas
I also found a few other minor errors
“Someone’ cranky.” You're missing an S at the end of someone's and the period should be a comma
rose high into the sky, it’s burning light The apostrophe should be removed from it's since it is possessive (this is a mistake everyone makes)
Her sister, Celestia. This is an incomplete sentence. Celestia should be doing something, like standing at the door, sitting in the middle of the room or facing Luna.
Like I said before, this is looking to be a very good story, and after reading it again like I did, your writing is stronger than I first thought. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
841884 Thank you kindly. I'll remember all this for the next chapter which should be soon.
Hey guys. Just so you know. Next chapter is underway. It's just taking me a long time to get through. Sorry. I don't know why. But I'll get it up as fast as I possibly can. Sorry again for the inconvenience.
Nice. New chapter!
Good read. Only two things to point out.
First is there are many places where you have 2+ spaces between words. I'd guess a formatting issue between here and what you wrote this is.
Second, the word that Pinkie used to describe the situation in Read it and Weep was FRACAS, not prackus (I can see where you would get that)
Keep it up. I'm looking forward to the next chapter
1119883 Fracas? Does that mean anything that I missed? I thought it was just Pinkie making up words so I took it by ear and didn't read much into it.
Because really, Luna has one THOUSAND "IOU"'s to Celestia.
Good chapter, actually. You did pretty well.
Listen to Southraven and you'll get better.
more please
More chapters please
Yes, more chapters please. I can't wait to see what happens next
i really enjoyed it, cant wait for what i hope is impeding cuteness
it needs to be about 20% cuter.
I hope it the pet that we think it is.